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Topic : Sex
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June 17, 2008, 9:42 am PDT
 Quote From: oet_gaol two possible explenations:
either way the truly perfect body doesn't exist most people see little things they don't like about there own body that most other people don't see. i totally agree, alex. you need to make a lifelong change. something that has helped me is the Harmonic Wealth series from James Ray. You can check out a little here, on youtube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjSGT_GBZDA a JR fan |
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June 20, 2008, 12:01 pm PDT
I'm 21 years old. When I was 18 I was raped by the man I was talking engagement with (now I know that it was way to early for me to think those things) I have been having some severe trust issues (and I know why) I get flinchy in odd situations. For the most part I have been dealing well. I know I did nothing to warrant his behaviour. There is no excuse (drunk or not) No one is responsible for what he did to me. Its just weird. i feel that people need to know it about me up front before relationships get serious. I tend to end up in manipulative relationships and have recently gotten very afraid to let anyone in. I have this paranoia that i am getting used or will end up severely hurt. When I really like someone I lose all my confidence. I have a very poor self image (yet I model) and my sex life has been eventful since it happened (October 31st 2005) The closer it gets to the date of teh attack I have nightmares and anxiety but I really dont know why. I recently saw him agian and he tried to be pleasant. He knows what he did to me but acts liek nothing happened. I didnt press charges because of a number of reasons. I just need someone to talk to I guess. I dont know how to gauge people to let them in. I used to be instantly trusting, not so much anymore. Thats part of growing up. What questions can you ask someone to get to know them on a first date? And a million other questions.... |
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June 21, 2008, 9:30 am PDT
Quote From: wrenmarie05 I'm 21 years old. When I was 18 I was raped by the man I was talking engagement with (now I know that it was way to early for me to think those things) I have been having some severe trust issues (and I know why) I get flinchy in odd situations. For the most part I have been dealing well. I know I did nothing to warrant his behaviour. There is no excuse (drunk or not) No one is responsible for what he did to me. Its just weird. i feel that people need to know it about me up front before relationships get serious. I tend to end up in manipulative relationships and have recently gotten very afraid to let anyone in. I have this paranoia that i am getting used or will end up severely hurt. When I really like someone I lose all my confidence. I have a very poor self image (yet I model) and my sex life has been eventful since it happened (October 31st 2005) The closer it gets to the date of teh attack I have nightmares and anxiety but I really dont know why. I recently saw him agian and he tried to be pleasant. He knows what he did to me but acts liek nothing happened. I didnt press charges because of a number of reasons. I just need someone to talk to I guess. I dont know how to gauge people to let them in. I used to be instantly trusting, not so much anymore. Thats part of growing up. What questions can you ask someone to get to know them on a first date? And a million other questions.... Well I think that the way you react now is normal for the situation you've been in (no really I mean it!) And you should not be angry, disappointed, sad etc about yourself over that. However it is getting in your way now as you have said (more or less) yourself. You say you want some guidlines to help you get to know a potential date but I feel your question goes deeper. To something that lies underneath. I suggest you might go and talk with a psychologist to help you get over the experience, the nightmares and everything you have described above. He can not make them go away but he can be as a guide and help you as you battle them yourself.
I hope that I have helped, xx Oet Gäöl
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July 10, 2008, 7:04 pm PDT
I have been separated six months after a 25 year marriage. While emotionallly I am OK, I became very sexually frustrated, so I eventually hooked up with a friend. He and I both agreed to keep it "casual" but now, whenever I am busy when he calls me, he seems to get angry and doesn't call for several days.
He likes me, and I like him, and he has been completely honest (so far) about what he wants, which is pretty much just sex. I'm fine with that; the last thing I want is to get into another relationship right now.
However, when he acts like this, it makes me think he is feeling more than just "casual." Here's my problem - I do like this guy. He is clean, and safe, and honestly, GREAT in bed. But I don't want him to think I condone his behavior when he gets "emotional" when I am not available. To be honest, when I want to be with him, he has always been available, but I just want to have a life with my (girl) friends and can't always be there when he wants me.
Help! I don't want to lose him as a friend, or as a friend "with benefits." I don't know how to handle his emotional displays, and wish he could just be cool about everything. We have talked about our feelings, but only in a flippant kind of way.
Any advice is appreciated. THANK YOU!!!
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July 10, 2008, 8:00 pm PDT
I have been living with a fellow who shares ALL my interests. We are campers, baseball fans, flower growers, collectors, adventurers. We laugh together. We plan together. About 4 years ago I suspected that he was hiding something from me. The suspicions grew. To make a long one shorter----he was having phone and cyber sex with a woman who was exposing herself on the web cam, gasping over the phone and using many of those internet helps. They would call each other and gasp their orgasms to each other. He left the pass word where i would find it---Now why would he do that? I copied several of their "Chats" and sent one to her. Then he said it was over and he's never do it again. This all went on while I was trying to endure the loss of my son in a plane crash. It went on from his work. It went on while i was at the local school teaching a class. It went on from his son's basement when he ostensibly was visiting his granddaughter. Needless to say, I feel total inadequate at sex. None of my equipment is good enough---my idea. He says I'm just fine. I just can't have sex with him and listen to him gasp for someone else. I have no idea what to do next. We love each other. We even "tour" the flower garden each morning with our coffee---which he makes for me. Help, Help. |
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July 11, 2008, 3:56 am PDT
Quote From: jeanne0613 I have been separated six months after a 25 year marriage. While emotionallly I am OK, I became very sexually frustrated, so I eventually hooked up with a friend. He and I both agreed to keep it "casual" but now, whenever I am busy when he calls me, he seems to get angry and doesn't call for several days.
He likes me, and I like him, and he has been completely honest (so far) about what he wants, which is pretty much just sex. I'm fine with that; the last thing I want is to get into another relationship right now.
However, when he acts like this, it makes me think he is feeling more than just "casual." Here's my problem - I do like this guy. He is clean, and safe, and honestly, GREAT in bed. But I don't want him to think I condone his behavior when he gets "emotional" when I am not available. To be honest, when I want to be with him, he has always been available, but I just want to have a life with my (girl) friends and can't always be there when he wants me.
Help! I don't want to lose him as a friend, or as a friend "with benefits." I don't know how to handle his emotional displays, and wish he could just be cool about everything. We have talked about our feelings, but only in a flippant kind of way.
Any advice is appreciated. THANK YOU!!!
i don't really thin that there's nothing behind the "friends with benefits". Maybe you don't think about it but his behaviors show that he started being interested, he keeps asking you why and get angry when you're not there. but you should think about it carefully, because sex makes a relationship very deep and when he started asking you, it's not for nothing, because if he's not interested, he won't ask so take your time, and even if he says he wants just sex, you will know the real truth i'm sorry for my bad english : - ) |
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July 16, 2008, 8:57 am PDT
I think it's funny that American women have gotten what they've asked for. No. Really. You want men to treat you as equals, to compete with men, to stand toe-to-toe with them (albeit with all sorts of handicapping). You don't want any of the traditional female-male interactions. You want to be selfish. Have things your own way. You want to lead. You refuse to follow. Well, fine. That's not a big deal. Except you shouldn't expect men to feel sentimental when you've never given any reason for it. I've read a lot of messages on this board (so don't think I'm just picking on one person here) and the overall gist of it is women are upset that they aren't controlling everything. That's right ladies. You're not upset over what's happening. You're upset because you've lost control. Internet porn? BFD. You don't want men controlling you, but you want to control men? Wise up, ladies. In America, women set the moral tenor. Back when women were women (instead of wannabe-men) there was a different set of rules. But today, the only thing that differentiates a man from a woman in societal terms is... well, not much. No reason to treat you "special". No reason to care about your feelings. No reason to cede to any of your expectations. If you're putting out, that's good. If you're not, well, to hell with you, we'll go find some other bimbo who is. The bottom line is that sex is the only thing a woman can do for a man that he can't do as well, or better, for himself. Sex has become the coin of the realm. You supply it, you get some consideration in return - but don't expect guys to line up to love, honor and cherish you - because you're just using sex as bait. If the guy can steal the bait and run, most will. And if they get trapped, then that's all they are. Trapped. And men don't like to be trapped. Get used to it. You're all prostitutes, selling sex for whatever you're trying to get from a man: Money, power, family, security, protection. 100,000 years of evolution say if you want those things, you better find a man. What women of today have forgotten is that if you don't give a man a reason to stick around - he won't. And if all you offer is sex, then that's how you'll be seen - as the provider of sex, and nothing more. The trend over the past few decades in America has been towards ever-more-shallow women. You don't focus on things that matter. You focus on the things that men create and throw away every day. Baubles. Transient events. Irrelevancies. In all your effort to be "more like men" did you ever consider that the only men who want women who are like men are... queers? It's been said that if women preferred upside-down sex, men would learn to walk on their hands. It's a primary motivator for guys. Women, you set the rules. We just play by them. The current rules say the only way a woman is a woman is in bed. Outside of that, we're supposed to regard you as men with tits. Except you don't really think like men. You're just faking it, and all the men know that. So why should they want to be around you? Now if you want to change the game, you might start with honesty and reasonable expectations. Take internet porn, for example. Men are biologically wired to want to have sex with everything that moves. Porn is a way to dampen that drive. So if you're not willing to take up 100% of the slack, don't expect your man to give it up. What does 100% mean? It means any time, anywhere, any way all the time. With gusto. Because what internet porn is that you are not, is 100% available all the time without recriminations or tears. You think it's because you have tiny tits and the porn babes have silicone mammaries that would sink a battleship? You think it's the stretch mark or hairy lip that turns your guy away? Think again. It's more likely that it's your plastic personality that's confusing him. He's not getting any more warmth from you than he does from the porn babes, and guess what? THEY don't judge him! They don't tell him what a louse he is for (pick whatever you're upset about at the moment)! With porn babes, it's fake and it's cold, but at least it's not a persecution. If you're not in there pitching 100%, well, guess what? The porn babes are, even if they're just as fake as you are. And that's why you lose. Mind you, I don't expect any of you to change. You're so sure it's the guy's fault, you won't even look at yourself - except in the most superficial ways. But as someone who has traveled the world and dated lots of women, I have to say that I think American women are more full of themselves and have less to offer a man than any other nationality on the planet. Have sex with a plastic American? Sure. But more than that, I'm looking outside the USA. Okay, okay. There are some gals down on the farm, who will slop the hogs and put in a day's work, who will cook and mend and clean and do all those things women of today pretty much refuse to do. And it's not those things that make them worthwhile women, but you can tell from their mindset, they're about doing things - not climbing up some guy's ass because he didn't do whatever they wanted him to do. But they're rare. Increasingly rare. Remember gals, you made it all happen with your "I am woman hear me roar" bit. Remember when you quoted Gloria Steinam saying, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle"? Yeah, that was you saying that. Well, guess what? Steinam got married. The head Femi-Nazi blinked. You reap what you sow. |
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July 30, 2008, 10:48 am PDT
Quote From: kurt__ I think it's funny that American women have gotten what they've asked for. No. Really. You want men to treat you as equals, to compete with men, to stand toe-to-toe with them (albeit with all sorts of handicapping). You don't want any of the traditional female-male interactions. You want to be selfish. Have things your own way. You want to lead. You refuse to follow. Well, fine. That's not a big deal. Except you shouldn't expect men to feel sentimental when you've never given any reason for it. I've read a lot of messages on this board (so don't think I'm just picking on one person here) and the overall gist of it is women are upset that they aren't controlling everything. That's right ladies. You're not upset over what's happening. You're upset because you've lost control. Internet porn? BFD. You don't want men controlling you, but you want to control men? Wise up, ladies. In America, women set the moral tenor. Back when women were women (instead of wannabe-men) there was a different set of rules. But today, the only thing that differentiates a man from a woman in societal terms is... well, not much. No reason to treat you "special". No reason to care about your feelings. No reason to cede to any of your expectations. If you're putting out, that's good. If you're not, well, to hell with you, we'll go find some other bimbo who is. The bottom line is that sex is the only thing a woman can do for a man that he can't do as well, or better, for himself. Sex has become the coin of the realm. You supply it, you get some consideration in return - but don't expect guys to line up to love, honor and cherish you - because you're just using sex as bait. If the guy can steal the bait and run, most will. And if they get trapped, then that's all they are. Trapped. And men don't like to be trapped. Get used to it. You're all prostitutes, selling sex for whatever you're trying to get from a man: Money, power, family, security, protection. 100,000 years of evolution say if you want those things, you better find a man. What women of today have forgotten is that if you don't give a man a reason to stick around - he won't. And if all you offer is sex, then that's how you'll be seen - as the provider of sex, and nothing more. The trend over the past few decades in America has been towards ever-more-shallow women. You don't focus on things that matter. You focus on the things that men create and throw away every day. Baubles. Transient events. Irrelevancies. In all your effort to be "more like men" did you ever consider that the only men who want women who are like men are... queers? It's been said that if women preferred upside-down sex, men would learn to walk on their hands. It's a primary motivator for guys. Women, you set the rules. We just play by them. The current rules say the only way a woman is a woman is in bed. Outside of that, we're supposed to regard you as men with tits. Except you don't really think like men. You're just faking it, and all the men know that. So why should they want to be around you? Now if you want to change the game, you might start with honesty and reasonable expectations. Take internet porn, for example. Men are biologically wired to want to have sex with everything that moves. Porn is a way to dampen that drive. So if you're not willing to take up 100% of the slack, don't expect your man to give it up. What does 100% mean? It means any time, anywhere, any way all the time. With gusto. Because what internet porn is that you are not, is 100% available all the time without recriminations or tears. You think it's because you have tiny tits and the porn babes have silicone mammaries that would sink a battleship? You think it's the stretch mark or hairy lip that turns your guy away? Think again. It's more likely that it's your plastic personality that's confusing him. He's not getting any more warmth from you than he does from the porn babes, and guess what? THEY don't judge him! They don't tell him what a louse he is for (pick whatever you're upset about at the moment)! With porn babes, it's fake and it's cold, but at least it's not a persecution. If you're not in there pitching 100%, well, guess what? The porn babes are, even if they're just as fake as you are. And that's why you lose. Mind you, I don't expect any of you to change. You're so sure it's the guy's fault, you won't even look at yourself - except in the most superficial ways. But as someone who has traveled the world and dated lots of women, I have to say that I think American women are more full of themselves and have less to offer a man than any other nationality on the planet. Have sex with a plastic American? Sure. But more than that, I'm looking outside the USA. Okay, okay. There are some gals down on the farm, who will slop the hogs and put in a day's work, who will cook and mend and clean and do all those things women of today pretty much refuse to do. And it's not those things that make them worthwhile women, but you can tell from their mindset, they're about doing things - not climbing up some guy's ass because he didn't do whatever they wanted him to do. But they're rare. Increasingly rare. Remember gals, you made it all happen with your "I am woman hear me roar" bit. Remember when you quoted Gloria Steinam saying, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle"? Yeah, that was you saying that. Well, guess what? Steinam got married. The head Femi-Nazi blinked. You reap what you sow. wow! I don't think i ever read anything like this on a blog before!!! I think that you captured reality of many people, but not all! But before judging half of the women in america, reflect a minute on every word that you just wrote here! Yep, I'm a women who is equal to men... but when I say equal, i don't mean that I boss them around and I've become manly. I work outside the home, I take care of my kid and of myself. I cook, clean and do repairs around the house. AND I do not live on a farm.loll I'm no longer with my kids dad and guess what??? I didn't want any financial help from him!!! I am not a victim, our relationship did not work out thats all... it takes two to tango right ;-) I do not sell sex to get men. I show who I am and the only thing that I ask in return is respect. But you do have a point! go online and visit any site where you can meet people. 80% of girls or women show off their body. Why??? probably because they lack self esteem and think that this is the only way they can meet someone. Guys are gonna look, they're human. I'm on a site, but to meet friends, I have a picture of my face (not my boobs), and the guys that i talk to are respectful, they do not ask me to show off my skin or boobs. they treat me like a person and not an object. This is a real problem in our society. we have sex on tv all the time! I'm not saying that they should take it off of tv. some women tend to be extreme in what they do and don't realize it... for some reason. But just remember, its not only the girls fault... nope, the guys too have a part in it to. remember when women wanted to be equal? what they wanted was to be able to vote, the chance to go to school and live. women can be stay at home moms or be out in the work field and its no longer seen has a bad thing. I think that the essential message that you are sending, is that if you want respect, you should respect yourself and respect others!!! Am I right? just remember that we are not all prostitutes... I wouldn't have spent so much money in school , if i was gonna be called a prostitute ;-) I am probably like tons of gals, a regular women making a living and proud that I don't have to depend on any one. That don't mean that I don't want a good man at my side!!! and that don't mean, that i'll be so full of myself, that i would treat him like a dog and give him sex if he's good and none if he don't listen to me!!! (but i know your right, some people do that and thats a shame) its cool to read a male point of view and I hope that my response will show you that we all not all whiny, dependant or seek for financial stability by finding man to take care of them. AND remember, you will never find what you see in porn movies... real life is way better (without silicone) lol bye |
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August 6, 2008, 10:32 am PDT
Quote From: kurt__ I think it's funny that American women have gotten what they've asked for. No. Really. You want men to treat you as equals, to compete with men, to stand toe-to-toe with them (albeit with all sorts of handicapping). You don't want any of the traditional female-male interactions. You want to be selfish. Have things your own way. You want to lead. You refuse to follow. Well, fine. That's not a big deal. Except you shouldn't expect men to feel sentimental when you've never given any reason for it. I've read a lot of messages on this board (so don't think I'm just picking on one person here) and the overall gist of it is women are upset that they aren't controlling everything. That's right ladies. You're not upset over what's happening. You're upset because you've lost control. Internet porn? BFD. You don't want men controlling you, but you want to control men? Wise up, ladies. In America, women set the moral tenor. Back when women were women (instead of wannabe-men) there was a different set of rules. But today, the only thing that differentiates a man from a woman in societal terms is... well, not much. No reason to treat you "special". No reason to care about your feelings. No reason to cede to any of your expectations. If you're putting out, that's good. If you're not, well, to hell with you, we'll go find some other bimbo who is. The bottom line is that sex is the only thing a woman can do for a man that he can't do as well, or better, for himself. Sex has become the coin of the realm. You supply it, you get some consideration in return - but don't expect guys to line up to love, honor and cherish you - because you're just using sex as bait. If the guy can steal the bait and run, most will. And if they get trapped, then that's all they are. Trapped. And men don't like to be trapped. Get used to it. You're all prostitutes, selling sex for whatever you're trying to get from a man: Money, power, family, security, protection. 100,000 years of evolution say if you want those things, you better find a man. What women of today have forgotten is that if you don't give a man a reason to stick around - he won't. And if all you offer is sex, then that's how you'll be seen - as the provider of sex, and nothing more. The trend over the past few decades in America has been towards ever-more-shallow women. You don't focus on things that matter. You focus on the things that men create and throw away every day. Baubles. Transient events. Irrelevancies. In all your effort to be "more like men" did you ever consider that the only men who want women who are like men are... queers? It's been said that if women preferred upside-down sex, men would learn to walk on their hands. It's a primary motivator for guys. Women, you set the rules. We just play by them. The current rules say the only way a woman is a woman is in bed. Outside of that, we're supposed to regard you as men with tits. Except you don't really think like men. You're just faking it, and all the men know that. So why should they want to be around you? Now if you want to change the game, you might start with honesty and reasonable expectations. Take internet porn, for example. Men are biologically wired to want to have sex with everything that moves. Porn is a way to dampen that drive. So if you're not willing to take up 100% of the slack, don't expect your man to give it up. What does 100% mean? It means any time, anywhere, any way all the time. With gusto. Because what internet porn is that you are not, is 100% available all the time without recriminations or tears. You think it's because you have tiny tits and the porn babes have silicone mammaries that would sink a battleship? You think it's the stretch mark or hairy lip that turns your guy away? Think again. It's more likely that it's your plastic personality that's confusing him. He's not getting any more warmth from you than he does from the porn babes, and guess what? THEY don't judge him! They don't tell him what a louse he is for (pick whatever you're upset about at the moment)! With porn babes, it's fake and it's cold, but at least it's not a persecution. If you're not in there pitching 100%, well, guess what? The porn babes are, even if they're just as fake as you are. And that's why you lose. Mind you, I don't expect any of you to change. You're so sure it's the guy's fault, you won't even look at yourself - except in the most superficial ways. But as someone who has traveled the world and dated lots of women, I have to say that I think American women are more full of themselves and have less to offer a man than any other nationality on the planet. Have sex with a plastic American? Sure. But more than that, I'm looking outside the USA. Okay, okay. There are some gals down on the farm, who will slop the hogs and put in a day's work, who will cook and mend and clean and do all those things women of today pretty much refuse to do. And it's not those things that make them worthwhile women, but you can tell from their mindset, they're about doing things - not climbing up some guy's ass because he didn't do whatever they wanted him to do. But they're rare. Increasingly rare. Remember gals, you made it all happen with your "I am woman hear me roar" bit. Remember when you quoted Gloria Steinam saying, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle"? Yeah, that was you saying that. Well, guess what? Steinam got married. The head Femi-Nazi blinked. You reap what you sow. That was brillaint, and very true. I think I'll move to Italy, because smart men aren't dating American women. Darn:]
Chivalry is undead. It's making a comeback, I promise. I'm young, but I can show you that I can appreciate the past making a comeback...for the most part:
Open my car door/home door/restaurant door...I'll say "thank you very much, sir". Buy me gifts...I'll be genuinely surprised, pleased, and grateful. Try to move too fast...I'm not quite there yet, give me some time. Looking for a "wife"...well, I'm looking for "husband".
I don't necessarily agree with the whole idea of women "in the kitchen, barefoot, pregnant". No thank you, that's not okay. If women want to work, we should be allowed the opportunity. No more "double standards": if men can get some and be a "player", it should not be that women are labeled "easy". If women are meant to be cooks, why is being a "chef" a man's domain? Things like this really grate me, and it's not fair.
Yes, fair. This is America, we have to be fair here...or so it's been said. "Freedom and Equality", that whole bit.
Reflect on yourself a bit before stating all women are man-hating butch b*tches or the like, because if you look past the stereotype for American Women, there are quite a few gems to be found: Intelligent, compassionate, hard-working women are not dead. We're just hiding from the media hype men have made for us to be thin, beautiful, sex objects.
that's all:] |
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August 13, 2008, 5:52 am PDT
Let me begin by saying I don't expect any sympathy from anyone. I know what I have done is wrong. I have been dating this guy for 6 years. The last two years have been pretty rocky. Recently we have made friends with our neighbor. From the start I thought he was pretty nice guy. One night we got drunk and ended up passing out in the same bed. The next morning I woke up and he was well aware who I was and was cuddling with me. I felt a little awkward and we both agreed to not say anything. From there on out he kept flirting with me. Honestly I enjoyed the attention. (I have previously never cheated on my bf) One other night we got drunk and messed around. We joked about being friends with benefits. At first he liked the idea then something made him change his mind. At first he began to avoid coming around me and my bf for a couple of days.He also told me that it can’t happen again that it was not right to do to my bf, since he is friends with him.That was fine by me....Well it happened again.I know it is so wrong…Since then we have actually had sex. So far we have only had sex once, but he is around us at least three days a week.As insane as it sounds it is kind of hot when he is around. We don't do anything ,but just knowing there is this little bit of steam in between us is hot to me. He is single himself not saying it makes it right ,because I know it is not right. I honestly think if we are alone it will just keep happening. What should I do? I do love my bf.We have been together since we were teenagers. On the other hand I am begging to really like this other guy. He calls me everyday. And comes over and hangs out with my bf and me like nothing is going on.I really enjoy the lust if it all. My bf does not treat me the way he does.
Thanks for reading!!! |
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