Message Boards

Topic : Tired of Being Single

Number of Replies: 3875
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:12:41 pm
Author : dataimport

Have you had enough of the single life? What are you doing to find happiness? Share your story. For your safety and privacy, please do not post personal information such as phone numbers, addresses, social security numbers or any other private information. Please use common sense when using this message board and never give out your personal information online.

 

You participate on the Message Boards at your own risk. Responsibility for postings under your identification and disclosing personal information about yourself is done at your own risk. DrPhil.com takes no responsibility for such postings.



As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

July 22, 2005, 9:01 pm CDT

What is wrong with me?

I am 23 years-old, and recently found a job through a summer youth program. I work at a food bank. This is where I met a guy I will call "Joe." Joe and I have been flirting, but the last few days it kind of wound down. I could see it in his eyes that he was thinking about not starting a relationship with me. He told me to give it time several weeks ago, and so I figured that I was being paranoid about the look in his eyes, because I am self-conscious. I am upset because I have been very distrustful of relationships, and then I meet "Joe," who is good looking, intelligent, and nice. I have lost a lot of respect for him, as he had none for me. Instead of talking with me privately, he had a conversation with other co-workers behind my back, then had another guy "Ben" tell me that he wasn't interested in a relationship. Am I disappointed, yes; do I respect his wishes? Definately. My problem, is that either a guy flirts, but doesn't ask me out; other guys only make comments about my body, so I avoid relationships with them (most times). I haven't dated in 2 years; my last date broke up with me the day after Valentine's Day, and I have never had an actual boyfriend, though my younger sisters and brother have had long term relationships. I am wonder, what am I doing wrong? What am I supposed to do to attract a good looking, intelligent, and nice man. What is wrong with me?

 
July 22, 2005, 9:55 pm CDT

Tired of Being Single

I am 23 years-old, and recently found a job through a summer youth program. I work at a food bank. This is where I met a guy I will call "Joe." Joe and I have been flirting, but the last few days it kind of wound down. I could see it in his eyes that he was thinking about not starting a relationship with me. He told me to give it time several weeks ago, and so I figured that I was being paranoid about the look in his eyes, because I am self-conscious. I am upset because I have been very distrustful of relationships, and then I meet "Joe," who is good looking, intelligent, and nice. I have lost a lot of respect for him, as he had none for me. Instead of talking with me privately, he had a conversation with other co-workers behind my back, then had another guy "Ben" tell me that he wasn't interested in a relationship. Am I disappointed, yes; do I respect his wishes? Definately. My problem, is that either a guy flirts, but doesn't ask me out; other guys only make comments about my body, so I avoid relationships with them (most times). I haven't dated in 2 years; my last date broke up with me the day after Valentine's Day, and I have never had an actual boyfriend, though my younger sisters and brother have had long term relationships. I am wonder, what am I doing wrong? What am I supposed to do to attract a good looking, intelligent, and nice man. What is wrong with me?

when you least expect it, someone will walk into your life.  you won't even be looking for them.
 
July 23, 2005, 5:43 am CDT

Single over 50...never been married...never had an constant long term relation...and, tired of it!

Well...motivation is a key ingrediant, but I am not sure what will motivate me and why.   Partly because, although I am very social, civically and professionally active, I don't seem to meet (let alone even see) appropriate, available (in every way) men.  I've met some nice men on the internet, one of whom has become a good friend, but nothing else has developed with anyone else.  Whats a girl to do???  It makes me literally cry and feel sad, although I don't feel lonely.  I just would like to have more personal and intimate dimension to my life.....and my father's advice doesn't seem to make any difference, you know....don't cry over spilt milk, do something about it!  Wise words, I just don't know what else to do. embg
 
July 23, 2005, 9:29 am CDT

Tired of Being Single

when you least expect it, someone will walk into your life. you won't even be looking for them.
Maybe, but I feel like guys will never like me, because I'm not good enough...and I don't know what to do or how to change, so that I can be who they want in a girlfriend.
 
July 24, 2005, 7:24 am CDT

Nothing is Wrong!

when you least expect it, someone will walk into your life. you won't even be looking for them.

Hi ya,

I'm 23 too and am in the same position as you, single.   I have yet to even have been asked out not to mention go on a date. I'm fine with that now, but you know for a while I struggled with that.  I tried to tear myself apart then tear the guys that showed intersted apart to see what I was lacking.  Then I discovered that it was me being me.  I, myself, wasn't lacking anything.   The guys in my life loved me for me but not in the way I wanted them to.  So I tried changing things to make myself the girl they wanted.  And they did flirt more but that was all.  So I stepped back and began looking at who I wanted to be.  And it's really helped.  I know before I ever get in a relationship I want to be secure in my money management skills.  I also wanted to travel and I knew I might not find a person who wanted to do the same thing so I'm doing it alone or with friends.  The great part is I haven't had time to worry about them.  And if I find him in my single life goals then that will be great.  I know I haven't really answered the question about they guy with whom you're having troubles, but basically all I can say is just back off.  I wouldn't even be his friend friend for a while.  If you do that.. it will build mystery and you will become something he can't have.  And trust me the only man that deserves you is the man willing for fight for you.  He will be so much better than any flirtious fling.

Keepin single and happy,

Rach-e

 
July 24, 2005, 1:54 pm CDT

Don't change who you are

Maybe, but I feel like guys will never like me, because I'm not good enough...and I don't know what to do or how to change, so that I can be who they want in a girlfriend.

It is so important to be who you are and love yourself as you are.  That doesn't mean that you can't change things about yourself that YOU want to change.  You should never change things about yourself in order to make someone else happy or to make them desire you.  You should want someone to love you as you are and not something that they want you to be.

Are there things about yourself that you would like to change or improve because it will make you feel better?  I recently joined a gym because I wanted to drop some weight and tone up.  I am doing this to make myself happy and feel better about my appearance.  There is nothing wrong about looking your best and feeling good about yourself.  Get a new hairstyle, get a new outfit or get your nails done.  Do something for you.

You will find that people are attracted to confidence.  If you are feeling good about who you are and are confident about who you are and what you believe in, it will be noticed.  If you have never seen the movie "Runaway Bride" with Julia Roberts, I would suggest it.  She was always trying to mold who she was to each person she was with and realizes that she can't truly love anyone until she knew who she was and could love herself.

Let us know how you are doing.

 
July 26, 2005, 9:59 am CDT

Reconnections

So, last April I sat at an internet site to search out a man that I have known for 30 years.  I needed his advice on something important.  We met in 1975.  He made attempts to stay in touch with me in the 1980s.  We reconnected in 1987.  I had issues to sort out, so I gave him  closure in 1989.  He did not give me closure in return.  So he had returned to the city that we originally met.  We now live in the same town.  During the year he seemed very glad to reconnect.  I did not give him high expectations, except that I value his feedback and opinions.  He likes to give me crash landings with his style of romance.  I put on a parachute just in case he did it, again.  He did.  I pulled the cord and dragged out an explanation from him.  I think that a 30 year friendship is a gift.  I supported him when his father died in 1976.  He supported me when my marriage turned hostile and he gave me refuge to sort things out.  He has had trying relationships with women in the past.  I have tried a different approach to being with men, simply getting to know them intellectually.  I get more out of them this way.  Anyway this past year was full of discovery that he and I have a similar, parallel like pathway.  We have so much in common.  We are both reckless.  Yet I have learned to control my impulses.  He takes more risks than I do.  If he was a woman then he would be my number one girlfriend.  He is sexy.  I must stop looking him like he is cake!  I always want to take a bite from him.  We do share traditional rituals.  I am confused because now he has given me a cold shoulder.  He told me not to communicate with him any longer.  But we talk about everything, politics, music, religion, housework, antiqueing, shopping, sports, porn, sex, food, you name it we talk about it.  My emotions are hurt but I have reached out to other friends to talk about this.  I don't get it.  He says that I should look elsewhere for a new boyfriend.  He told me to stop talking to him July 10, 2005.  On July 23, he sent an inquiry to see if I want to stay connected with him by e mail.  He likes to tease me.  Our friendship is being tested, again.  He brought home a woman who needed help, she moved in on him.  She wanted me out of the picture.  He chose to listen to her demands.

 

I would like a community imput on this because this did hurt me.  And from the sound of his voice, he didn't seem to happy about it either.  He is stubborn.  But I think he has extended an olive branch to me.  let me know what you all think please.

 
July 26, 2005, 5:13 pm CDT

Dont sell yourself short

Quote From: slayereve

I am 23 years-old, and recently found a job through a summer youth program. I work at a food bank. This is where I met a guy I will call "Joe." Joe and I have been flirting, but the last few days it kind of wound down. I could see it in his eyes that he was thinking about not starting a relationship with me. He told me to give it time several weeks ago, and so I figured that I was being paranoid about the look in his eyes, because I am self-conscious. I am upset because I have been very distrustful of relationships, and then I meet "Joe," who is good looking, intelligent, and nice. I have lost a lot of respect for him, as he had none for me. Instead of talking with me privately, he had a conversation with other co-workers behind my back, then had another guy "Ben" tell me that he wasn't interested in a relationship. Am I disappointed, yes; do I respect his wishes? Definately. My problem, is that either a guy flirts, but doesn't ask me out; other guys only make comments about my body, so I avoid relationships with them (most times). I haven't dated in 2 years; my last date broke up with me the day after Valentine's Day, and I have never had an actual boyfriend, though my younger sisters and brother have had long term relationships. I am wonder, what am I doing wrong? What am I supposed to do to attract a good looking, intelligent, and nice man. What is wrong with me?

Women give so much away of themselves by what men think of them. think of yourself as a goddess....that men should be worthy of YOU, not the other way around. If you want to give men the upper advanatge, you will come off as desperate and needy. That turns men,,,,especially YOUNG men, off even more. Maybe you should also seek someone a  little older...dating in your 20's is almost as tough as dating in your teens!

 

Rememeber, women on average mature 7 YEARS than their male counterparts. I found out my own problem was that I wanted maturity, appreciation, emotional stability, and loyalty-and I wasnt finding it- so I finally found it with a man 19 years my senior.

 

I found the book "He's Just Not that Into You" featured on Oprah as very inspirational on this subject. They have a few articles and exceprts from it online if you use a search engine....hope this helps...

 

B

 
July 27, 2005, 8:21 am CDT

Discovering yourself

Quote From: annaballa

So, last April I sat at an internet site to search out a man that I have known for 30 years. I needed his advice on something important. We met in 1975. He made attempts to stay in touch with me in the 1980s. We reconnected in 1987. I had issues to sort out, so I gave him closure in 1989. He did not give me closure in return. So he had returned to the city that we originally met. We now live in the same town. During the year he seemed very glad to reconnect. I did not give him high expectations, except that I value his feedback and opinions. He likes to give me crash landings with his style of romance. I put on a parachute just in case he did it, again. He did. I pulled the cord and dragged out an explanation from him. I think that a 30 year friendship is a gift. I supported him when his father died in 1976. He supported me when my marriage turned hostile and he gave me refuge to sort things out. He has had trying relationships with women in the past. I have tried a different approach to being with men, simply getting to know them intellectually. I get more out of them this way. Anyway this past year was full of discovery that he and I have a similar, parallel like pathway. We have so much in common. We are both reckless. Yet I have learned to control my impulses. He takes more risks than I do. If he was a woman then he would be my number one girlfriend. He is sexy. I must stop looking him like he is cake! I always want to take a bite from him. We do share traditional rituals. I am confused because now he has given me a cold shoulder. He told me not to communicate with him any longer. But we talk about everything, politics, music, religion, housework, antiqueing, shopping, sports, porn, sex, food, you name it we talk about it. My emotions are hurt but I have reached out to other friends to talk about this. I don't get it. He says that I should look elsewhere for a new boyfriend. He told me to stop talking to him July 10, 2005. On July 23, he sent an inquiry to see if I want to stay connected with him by e mail. He likes to tease me. Our friendship is being tested, again. He brought home a woman who needed help, she moved in on him. She wanted me out of the picture. He chose to listen to her demands.

I would like a community imput on this because this did hurt me. And from the sound of his voice, he didn't seem to happy about it either. He is stubborn. But I think he has extended an olive branch to me. let me know what you all think please.

You must have scared him.  This is a good time to discover more of yourself.  Sounds like a faint heartbeat to stay connected is there.  Relationships are challenging.  Parades are cool and come to an end, don't they?  Your party is over.  Back to reality, let him enjoy his life and you must enjoy yours, too.
 
July 27, 2005, 8:21 am CDT

This age difference thing..

bsmith77 wrote: "Rememeber, women on average mature 7 YEARS than their male counterparts."

 

I'm not too convinced by this! The boyfriends I've got on best with in the past have been a year younger than me, and recently a male friend who is only 5 years older than me said that I was "much younger than him"!

 

I have never had a boyfriend my own age, only younger or much older guys seem to be interested in dating me. Something about my youthful apptroach to life seems to put them off, as they're all busy trying to make it in their careers in their mid-thirties, and I just want to enjoy life without being a slave to the wage :-) Not that I'm flaky, I'm responsible enough to have always had a job and payed my own way, it's just not the top priority of my existence to make it big in business..

 

Maybe this is off-putting to guys but I don't really understand why.

 

cat172

 

 

 
First Page | Previous Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Next | Last