Message Boards

Topic : 03/29 Cougars and Sugar Daddies

Number of Replies: 1371
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, November 03, 2006, 01:01:10 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 11/08/06) When it comes to dating, they say age is just a number. But what happens when the man is more than two decades older than his girlfriend, or the woman is 15 years older than her young lover? Forty-year-old Sanjay is a wealthy cosmetic surgeon who met 18-year-old Jacqueline on the Web site SugarDaddie.com. They’ve only been together four months but are already talking marriage. Sanjay’s friend, Mike, is convinced that Jacqueline will put him right in the poorhouse! Is there a chance that Sanjay has found true love, or is Jacqueline just in it for the money? Then, 24-year-old Ryan is engaged to Angela, a woman 15 years his senior. Ryan’s friend, Donovan, fears that Angela is alienating Ryan from his buddies. Will Ryan have to choose between his college friends and his soon-to-be wife? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

More March 2007 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

November 6, 2006, 8:23 am CST

the woman is a baddie every time

for Sanjay and Jacqueline, she is the "baddie" because poor little Sanjay is going to be taken to the cleaners by a woman half his age (now, just which one is the one who has been around the block more times in this relationship, anyway?).
as for Ryan and Angela, well, once again, the big "baddie" woman is the culprit....poor little Ryan will be "alienated from his buddies"!  Well, FINALLY, somebody has set me straight, all these years, here I thought growing up and becoming a MAN meant, amongst other things, possibly finding your true love and "cleaving" to her, and leaving those "buddies" behind in the beer hall or the barbecue pit or whatever.

 
November 6, 2006, 8:35 am CST

Amen

Quote From: skbruning

....the 40 y.o. is AS IMMATURE as the 15 y.o.....or whatever age the little sugarplum is.

 

Good grief.

 

And yes, it is our business because society is affected by everything and everyone....we ARE our brother's keeper but dat do not mean "YOU is da boss of ME" sort of stuff.

 

If a predominant amount of 40 y.o. start dating a ton of 15 yr olds....how long does society turn a blind eye and say...."Nope, none of my business"?  We give our younger ones the idea that it is OK to trader their bodies for booty...or wouldn't that be booty for booty?  Something like that.

 

Creeps me out.

All I can say is Amen, Amen, Amen

Kinda looking like the 40  yr old has very low self esteem

 
November 6, 2006, 9:08 am CST

You are amazing

Quote From: des423

I can speak from personal experience, it doesn't really work.

I am 52 have been living with a younger man, 25. This relationship came on the heels of the death of my beloved husband. I think when the relationship started it was an ego-boost for me as it made me feel I still had something to offer, was still attractive and desirable. I was welcomed into his family as he was welcomed into mine. We held family outings, celebrations at our home, we frequented nightclubs we led a normal lifestyle. There were always the uncomfortable moments when I was told what a handsome son I had, we dealt with them. I was always concerned about my appearance as I felt younger than I was but I was older and it was apparent to everyone but us and it did cause me to be embarrassed on many occasions.

I was in love with this man, he was very convincing that he was in love with me and we had many future plans. However,after 4 years  he did leave me and he left me in debt, alone to deal with it. I do assume the responsibility of making poor decisions, of trying to keep him happy, trying to make up for the age difference by giving him everything, an education, clothing, vehicle, and unconditional love. I felt he was what I needed to keep me alive after my husbands death, he was my freedom from the grief and pain, he was my life line. He is now my doom as i am once again mourning the loss of love, of dignity, and I am consummed with profound shame for my actions. I live in a small town, I was warned about this family but I ignored the advice, scam artists are everywhere. I learned that a younger man loves an older woman for what she has to offer, not for who she is and or the life they might share together.

My shame is monumental, my heart is dead and my future is bleak. This relationship has not been worth the cost and I am filled with remorse. If I survive this I will emerge stronger and hopefully smarter, however I don't want to survive it, I am weakened by all the emotional and financial worries and I cannot see a future.

This younger man loved me while I could provide, when he could see the money was running out, he did the same.

I am and was that "old fool" you hear so much about.

I am 37 and still have my beloved husband of 16 years.  You lost yours.  I'm sorry you were so young when you lost him.  You must have been devastated.  I have suffered unexpected loss so I do understand somewhat.  Not my  husband though.   In your shoes, I could see myself doing the same as you.  Your 25 yr old filled a void for you and that was what you needed during these last four years.  Please don't rob yourself of the good memories.  I don't think it was all a scam on his part.  Four years is a long time to spend with someone - I KNOW he did care for you and loved you.  Something changed and he had to leave - it happens to people all the time - 50% divorce rate isn't it? Please don't feel shame.  Why should you? This is your life and your business.  I also live in a small town so I understand they dynamics of feeling like everyone knows and of course they warned you so..  Who really cares?  You are a beautiful woman and you must be something else if you were able to get a young man like that and then you actually had him for four years.  The warnings were probably rooted in jealousy, as usual in the female world.   I recently began working again part-time - something to do - my kids are teenagers, etc.  Well I am being hit on and flirted with very much so... by a 21 yr old and a 20 yr old.  That's a 17 year age difference - at first i was totally creeped out - my daughter is almost 16... Eek.. but now I have relaxed and I must say I am truly enjoying it.  These two have an energy and sex appeal (and all the young girls like them) and it is extremely flattering to this 5'6" 180 lb. curvaeous (always thought fat haha) woman.  I understand why it would be appealing to you and especially after losing your husband.  So.... you will survive, although it may not feel like it right now.  YOU WILL.  And women like me will be rooting for you because you have inspired me.  Truly.  I have shared in your lesson - if my husband should pass away, and I should meet someone, enjoy each moment as it happens but do not go into debt.  You made a big impact on his life - education, vehicle, love, etc. and that's a wonderful thing to do.  Its unfortunate that you acquired debt but I am sure that you will be able to recover - its only money.  Now take care of you... find out all about yourself and learn to love yourself again - there should never be shame in life - every decision is the right one at the time we make it - its only the benefit of hindsight that allows us to critique each one.  Don't do that to yourself - pick yourself up and try again - you have a lot to offer this world.  Please don't waste your time here on negative energy.  You are not an old fool.  xoxox Nancy

 

 
November 6, 2006, 9:12 am CST

11/08 Cougars and Sugar Daddies

pathetic he is a little boy still trying to figure out where he is going let little boys be little boys as well little girls be little slow down people and let yourself grow up naturally as the maker has chosen

jp

 
November 6, 2006, 10:13 am CST

The internet, what a truely amazing place...lol

I can't help but laugh at this topic. My first thought when i read what was ahead on Dr. Phils show is that...there is a website to actually meet a sugardaddy? I laughed and thought only on the internet. I still sit here with a smile... This guy actually went to this website named SUGARDADDY.com and his friend is  questioning what the girl is in  this relationship for? LOL... I know its just the name of the web page and it  just might imply that its younger women looking for older men for good relationship but come on! This guy can't be that clueless. Please tell me he's not! What else are sugardaddies for? Of course she is going to take whatever he has to offer and more and when he can't afford to give anymore she will be gone. I know this cuz i have seen it many times before. I work in a high class (or atleast these people think they are...lol) bar and it happens all the time. These guys know what these ladies are around for and so its  a simple case of you scratch my back and I will scratch yours! He's old with money burning a hole in his pocket and she is young and beautiful and is willing to spend it. It is what is. It takes a certain type of person to beable to be in these kinds of relationships.

 

I will however say if you go to these kinds of websites..Sugardaddie.com you should know whats coming. And you deserve to get whats coming to you. It's those poor fellows who don't see it coming I got to feel sorry for!!!

 
November 6, 2006, 10:33 am CST

I AGREE!!

Quote From: xray3x3

But Christopher, who wants to fall prey to statistics. I know I for one do not follow statistics, if we all did what a boring world this would be. As for women choosing younger men, I think it all depends on the maturity level of the individuals involved. I sure would not want a guy almost nineteen years younger then I am, I do not want to raise another child I want a MAN, maybe that is why I married a MAN almost 19 years my senior. I guess statistics can only go by those individuals taking the surveys, maybe there are more out there that choose older men then you are aware of.

This is on the issue of finding a MAN..  I never dated guys my age except for one brief period of time in college.  They are too immature, and I do not need a child other than my own.  However, the older men that I dated were just those being talked about, wanting a trophy or young girl to parade around.  I found this out after the first date with some, you can just tell by the way they talk and treat you.  There is definitely a gap in life experience, and common ground, but overall I am still attracted to older men as they are more mature.  Am looking for a MAN they seem hard to find these days at any age.  What is going on out there? 

 

As far as everyone else, and the topic at hand.....  Maybe it boils down to top and bottom.... If you want to be on top all the time, get an older man, but if you want to be on bottom, then go for the younger ones.   hahaha

 
November 6, 2006, 10:50 am CST

more than surface

I am recently divorced after 18 years of marriage.  I was asked out by a 28 year old man.  I was flattered but didn't think about going until my coworkers encouraged me to go and just have fun.  We went on one date and suddenly he thinks he is in love with me.  Goodness!!  Now I am trying to explain to him how I am not ready for a commitment.  I am scared to death of screwing up.  I know that I have to think about my children.  He also has a 17 month old, my youngest is 11, and I don't feel up to raising another little one.  I am coping with this divorce, my husband had an affair, the recent loss of my Mom, a cross country move, a new job, and being a single Mom.  I certainly didn't expect a 28 year old to take an interest in a 40 year old woman.  Maybe I will just stick to outings with my Sunday School class.  We are just too different, and I think as time goes on those differences will become more of an issue.  Not to mention, we have only been out once!!!!  I hope there are some gentlemen out there my age who can love me and my kids, but I am afraid to even think about it at this point. 
 
November 6, 2006, 12:07 pm CST

How much of an age difference?

I am 5 years older then my husband, and he jokes that he is with a cougar.  The implication really irritates me.  I don't think 5 years is significant (especially now in our 30's).  When does it get to be too much of a difference?  7 years?  10 years?
 
November 6, 2006, 12:14 pm CST

11/08 Cougars and Sugar Daddies

Quote From: skbruning

....the 40 y.o. is AS IMMATURE as the 15 y.o.....or whatever age the little sugarplum is.

 

Good grief.

 

And yes, it is our business because society is affected by everything and everyone....we ARE our brother's keeper but dat do not mean "YOU is da boss of ME" sort of stuff.

 

If a predominant amount of 40 y.o. start dating a ton of 15 yr olds....how long does society turn a blind eye and say...."Nope, none of my business"?  We give our younger ones the idea that it is OK to trader their bodies for booty...or wouldn't that be booty for booty?  Something like that.

 

Creeps me out.

Again, the show is not talking about a 40 year old dating a 15 year old.  Yes that needs a voice of concern, I agree.  But this show is not talking about dating kids. 
 
November 6, 2006, 12:17 pm CST

11/08 Cougars and Sugar Daddies

Quote From: jkmcc5

I am recently divorced after 18 years of marriage.  I was asked out by a 28 year old man.  I was flattered but didn't think about going until my coworkers encouraged me to go and just have fun.  We went on one date and suddenly he thinks he is in love with me.  Goodness!!  Now I am trying to explain to him how I am not ready for a commitment.  I am scared to death of screwing up.  I know that I have to think about my children.  He also has a 17 month old, my youngest is 11, and I don't feel up to raising another little one.  I am coping with this divorce, my husband had an affair, the recent loss of my Mom, a cross country move, a new job, and being a single Mom.  I certainly didn't expect a 28 year old to take an interest in a 40 year old woman.  Maybe I will just stick to outings with my Sunday School class.  We are just too different, and I think as time goes on those differences will become more of an issue.  Not to mention, we have only been out once!!!!  I hope there are some gentlemen out there my age who can love me and my kids, but I am afraid to even think about it at this point. 

Go with your first instincts and stay firm on this.  If you keep going out with him you are likely to start liking him and since you are not ready it will be easier for him to convince you to give him a chance. 

 

Your life has too many stresses in it right now, what you need is a good friend, not a boyfriend to complicate your life.

 

 

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Next | Last