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Topic : Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?

Number of Replies: 722
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, July 01, 2005, 05:16:34 pm
Author : dataimport
Do you have sexual needs or desires that you're afraid to express? Share your story.

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September 7, 2005, 2:13 pm CDT

Live and learn

Quote From: mdearest

    

I didn't sleep with him, but I did let him get to my heart again. I swear, I am so stupid. My birthday was yesterday, well my stbx (soon to be ex) came home Monday evening really drunk and I helped him to bed. During the help that night and all morning yesterday he was so sweet. I want us to try to work it out, I will go to counseling if thats what you want, I believe that we can make it. So it is my birthday now, I call and set up the appointment with a counselor for next week. My husband calls me at work to see what it is exactly that I would like for dinner, so we decide that. The day goes on, I'm 40, I'm happy, it's my birthday. He comes home from work, still happy and begins to cook. Well our 10 year old is home and talking to him, then our 19 year old who lives with us comes home with her boyfriend and their new baby ... something happens, don't ask me what. I go into the kitchen when dinner is almost ready and my husband calls my 19 yr old in to see if she will finish the chicken as he has to go. I'm confused, I ask, "where are you going?" He has made a plate for his girlfriend, of my birthday dinner, and is going to take it to her at work, but will be back in about an hour or so. My heart sank to the floor and slithered off under the refrigerator never to be seen again. I felt so stupid and embarrassed for believing his lies all day. I know I don't deserve to be treated this way, but every part of my heart tells me that I should try to save my marriage. The vows do say for better or for worse.  

I wish I had the money because if I did, I would see a therapist weekly if not more and file for divorce tomorrow. I can't go on like this, he is slowly and painfully killing my heart and he doesn't even give a crap.     

Oh god, please let me win the lottery tonight ... I will gladly give him half the money just to get him out of my life once and for all and get on with living for myself and my kids.  

The game playing isn't over for him, and he knows that your heart is still there for the taking. Why did he come to you when he was"really drunk" and not to his GF? Maybe because he knows that she won't put up with that kind of behaviour and you will? 

  

I know that you believe in "for better...or worse" but it takes two to make a marriage. Its work, hard work sometimes, it doesn't seem that his is willing to put the work into it, but he likes to keep you dangling...that is abusive for you to endure. 

  

Its hard to walk away from history, the history you have together..but making a plate up and delivering it to his "girlfriend" makes it plain that his heart is with her not you. I've been divorced three times, I believe in marriage,,I just make terrible choices about who to share my life with. I know the pain your feeling, sometimes you need life to hit you up the side of the head before it sinks in that he is moving on and your stuck in "wishing it would work". 

  

Wishing won't make it so... 

  

Please try to move on, disassociate from the emotional side with him as much as you can, until you get thru the stages of seperation and divorce and all the emotions that go with it, you will forever be stuck in the past and wasting time that you could be sharing with someone who will love you the way that you deserve! Good luck ~Red 

 
September 7, 2005, 4:27 pm CDT

Sexual Frustration

I have been divorced since March.  

I have slept with a few guys since my divorce. 

  

My problem is that I could have sex several times a day and I am constantly thinking about sex. 

When I was married I had absolutely no sex drive(he had cheated several times and after the 1st time I couldn't sleep with him anymore)  

Now that I am divorced my sex drive has totally turned around and it's like that is all I want.  

  

So my ? is has anyone else had the same problem, no sex drive to total sex drive... 

  

  

Thanks~ 

Carrie 

 
September 7, 2005, 5:56 pm CDT

I hear ya

Quote From: snglma2

I have been divorced since March.  

I have slept with a few guys since my divorce. 

  

My problem is that I could have sex several times a day and I am constantly thinking about sex. 

When I was married I had absolutely no sex drive(he had cheated several times and after the 1st time I couldn't sleep with him anymore)  

Now that I am divorced my sex drive has totally turned around and it's like that is all I want.  

  

So my ? is has anyone else had the same problem, no sex drive to total sex drive... 

  

  

Thanks 

Carrie 

I've always run on the high side. Then when I was 35 I had a hysterectomy. That was total liberation from pain, excessive bleeding, tumors, birthcontrol etc... that put me over the edge and I couldn't stop for years. It settled down after a while to being what I call "running hotter" than average. 

  

I think you too will hit your "normal range" once you get use to being out from under a relationship with no trust,, single and able to do it with who ever you want and where, its liberating.  

  

Just be careful, its a dangerous world out there with STD's, Aids, and weird men... 

 
September 8, 2005, 5:32 am CDT

I know you are right!

Quote From: redneon

The game playing isn't over for him, and he knows that your heart is still there for the taking. Why did he come to you when he was"really drunk" and not to his GF? Maybe because he knows that she won't put up with that kind of behaviour and you will? 

  

I know that you believe in "for better...or worse" but it takes two to make a marriage. Its work, hard work sometimes, it doesn't seem that his is willing to put the work into it, but he likes to keep you dangling...that is abusive for you to endure. 

  

Its hard to walk away from history, the history you have together..but making a plate up and delivering it to his "girlfriend" makes it plain that his heart is with her not you. I've been divorced three times, I believe in marriage,,I just make terrible choices about who to share my life with. I know the pain your feeling, sometimes you need life to hit you up the side of the head before it sinks in that he is moving on and your stuck in "wishing it would work". 

  

Wishing won't make it so... 

  

Please try to move on, disassociate from the emotional side with him as much as you can, until you get thru the stages of seperation and divorce and all the emotions that go with it, you will forever be stuck in the past and wasting time that you could be sharing with someone who will love you the way that you deserve! Good luck Red 

  

I hear you and you are right! I need to get him out of the house, I can't stand to watch him come and go as he pleases in our lives. I am beginning to believe that he stays just to torture me and make me feel even lower than I already do. Maybe his plan is to drive me crazy and take our daughter, well it won't work. I am going to get through this and I am going to continue to believe in love and fairy tales, but know in my heart that he isn't meant to be my prince charming. I guess the counseling will be a good thing and I intend to use it to it's fullest extent to better mine and my daughters lives.   

I am like you, can't find the right person, but have only been married twice. I must say that I am in no hurry to do it again. Thanks for replying, a friendly note goes a long way in a lonesome life.  

   

xxoo  

Mdearest  

 
September 9, 2005, 8:45 pm CDT

What!!

Quote From: mdearest

  

I hear you and you are right! I need to get him out of the house, I can't stand to watch him come and go as he pleases in our lives. I am beginning to believe that he stays just to torture me and make me feel even lower than I already do. Maybe his plan is to drive me crazy and take our daughter, well it won't work. I am going to get through this and I am going to continue to believe in love and fairy tales, but know in my heart that he isn't meant to be my prince charming. I guess the counseling will be a good thing and I intend to use it to it's fullest extent to better mine and my daughters lives.   

I am like you, can't find the right person, but have only been married twice. I must say that I am in no hurry to do it again. Thanks for replying, a friendly note goes a long way in a lonesome life.  

   

xxoo  

Mdearest  

Oh good gosh, he is still living with you? Can I ask why?

   

 

 

  

 

   

 

 

  

Last time I got a divorce, the first thing I did was kick his sorry butt to the curb…LOL

   

 

 

  

 

   

 

 

  

Under the same roof seems a bit masochistic. Man oh Man does he ever have it made!  

  

Hey girlfriend,,, I have some spare backbone, want to borrow some?~Red

   

 

 

  

 
September 12, 2005, 9:28 am CDT

mdearest

I just read your post of your 40th birthday.  I was reading along about the kids, dinner, etc. thinking oh how nice - it sounds so encouraging (you might save your marriage) when WHAM the whole plate of dinner thing.  I want you to know that I actually felt my heart hurt for you.  I can't imagine having to experience that and how much it must have hurt.  Your husband was an insensitive dumb ass (Men are from Mars)  If you are truly wanting to try to save your marriage (and there is always hope) I would watch "The Story of Us" with Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer - maybe watch it alone to see what you think first but this movie has made a big difference for a few couples I know. 

  

I have been through a lot in the last few years and I want to encourage you that no matter what you face, you do have the strength and courage inside of you to make it.  I am woman, hear me roar!!! 

  

Nancy 

  

 
September 14, 2005, 5:23 am CDT

Whats a wife to do?

Quote From: redneon

Oh good gosh, he is still living with you? Can I ask why?

   

 

 

  

 

   

 

 

  

Last time I got a divorce, the first thing I did was kick his sorry butt to the curb…LOL

   

 

 

  

 

   

 

 

  

Under the same roof seems a bit masochistic. Man oh Man does he ever have it made!  

  

Hey girlfriend,,, I have some spare backbone, want to borrow some?Red

   

 

 

  

   

I wish I could kick his ass out, but I can't. He owns half the house and I can't make him leave. I have asked a couple different lawyers and they say as long as he owns half the house he has every right to be in it.  

Last week I set up the marriage counseling appointment that is today, but I don't think he will show up and I really at this point don't care if he does. I figure if I can't save my marriage then I can at least save my sanity. I am working on trying to save money up for the divorce, but it is hard when I must pay for more than I did before due to not receiving any money from him for groceries and such.   

He is a very odd man, he goes in and out with his gal pal and I even got the word that people I work with are now seeing him with her in public places (walmart) and then calls me this morning to see if I have seen the sunrise and thanks me for taking the time to talk to him on the phone! I won't let him get to me again, my backbone is starting to straighten and I will hold my head high and walk proud again and he won't be by my side when I do.  

   

Wish me luck!  

Mdearest  

 
September 14, 2005, 5:43 am CDT

The story of us

Quote From: mauilover2

I just read your post of your 40th birthday.  I was reading along about the kids, dinner, etc. thinking oh how nice - it sounds so encouraging (you might save your marriage) when WHAM the whole plate of dinner thing.  I want you to know that I actually felt my heart hurt for you.  I can't imagine having to experience that and how much it must have hurt.  Your husband was an insensitive dumb ass (Men are from Mars)  If you are truly wanting to try to save your marriage (and there is always hope) I would watch "The Story of Us" with Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer - maybe watch it alone to see what you think first but this movie has made a big difference for a few couples I know. 

  

I have been through a lot in the last few years and I want to encourage you that no matter what you face, you do have the strength and courage inside of you to make it.  I am woman, hear me roar!!! 

  

Nancy 

  

   

I have seen the movie and it was a good one, but I think that this marriage is long dead and if he won't go to counseling for help fix it then there is no way that I am going to put forth the effort as when I do I only get stepped on as you can well see by the example of my birthday. He still sees her and if he wanted to be with me he wouldn't continue to see her, so I will go today and see the marriage counselor and if he doesn't show up to try to save our marriage then I will work with the counselor myself on saving my sanity and moving on.   

I have sat back and asked myself ... if you got back together with him, what would change? And I find myself answering ... nothing unless we go together to counseling and learn how to communicate, so unless he is willing to do that I will not put forth another ounce of effort for not.  

Thanks for writing, it means a lot. I was really devistated when he did that to me on my birthday, but realized it wasn't my heart that hurt so much as my pride for believing in him when I knew better.  

   

Mdearest  

 
September 19, 2005, 5:13 pm CDT

Afraid to Ask for What You Want?

Quote From: mdearest

   

I have seen the movie and it was a good one, but I think that this marriage is long dead and if he won't go to counseling for help fix it then there is no way that I am going to put forth the effort as when I do I only get stepped on as you can well see by the example of my birthday. He still sees her and if he wanted to be with me he wouldn't continue to see her, so I will go today and see the marriage counselor and if he doesn't show up to try to save our marriage then I will work with the counselor myself on saving my sanity and moving on.   

I have sat back and asked myself ... if you got back together with him, what would change? And I find myself answering ... nothing unless we go together to counseling and learn how to communicate, so unless he is willing to do that I will not put forth another ounce of effort for not.  

Thanks for writing, it means a lot. I was really devistated when he did that to me on my birthday, but realized it wasn't my heart that hurt so much as my pride for believing in him when I knew better.  

   

Mdearest  

Do not put up with this a-hole one minute longer.  He wants to have his "cupcake" and you too.  Send his azz packing! 

 
September 21, 2005, 7:32 am CDT

mdearest

Quote From: mdearest

   

I wish I could kick his ass out, but I can't. He owns half the house and I can't make him leave. I have asked a couple different lawyers and they say as long as he owns half the house he has every right to be in it.  

Last week I set up the marriage counseling appointment that is today, but I don't think he will show up and I really at this point don't care if he does. I figure if I can't save my marriage then I can at least save my sanity. I am working on trying to save money up for the divorce, but it is hard when I must pay for more than I did before due to not receiving any money from him for groceries and such.   

He is a very odd man, he goes in and out with his gal pal and I even got the word that people I work with are now seeing him with her in public places (walmart) and then calls me this morning to see if I have seen the sunrise and thanks me for taking the time to talk to him on the phone! I won't let him get to me again, my backbone is starting to straighten and I will hold my head high and walk proud again and he won't be by my side when I do.  

   

Wish me luck!  

Mdearest  

Sorry but just because he "owns'half the house doesn't mean you can't get him out... that must mean that you own the "other half" of it right??? 

  

He would have to buy your half of the house or you, his half... you can use the equity built up in the house to go to the bank and secure a loan to do this. Your getting really bad advice from the lawyers, this is first year family law stuff. 

  

All you have to do my friend is find a "good" lawyer, the cost of which can be added into the divorce proceedings(which if he makes more than you,,he will have to pay for) get a seperation agreement drawn up, if you want and can afford the payments on the house, then fight for it. If you can't, then it will HAVE to be sold and the profits devided equally. Take that money and find something that will be YOURS without the memories of this life your leading with him. 

  

Once the agreement is done up, then pack his bags and serve him with the papers... it really is that simple. No one has to stay under the same roof when he is obviously leading his own life... 

  

I'm glad that your backbone is getting stronger, I do hope that your not keeping him under the same roof though just so you can convince him that he would be better off with you than with her? Personally I think that your the bigger person here and you don't deserve HIM!  ~Red 

 
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