Topic : Differing Sex Drives

I don't know where to go with this. I suspect I'm heading for divorce court if I want to improve my situation. here it goes: My wife and I married ten years ago. A few years before we married, she was in her early thirties at the time, she had a bilateral oophorectomy (both ovaries removed) The first 2 years of our marriage were awsome. She was on hormone replacement therapy at the time. A few years later, she developed heart disease and was taken off the hormones. She no longer has any desire for sex. I am at my wit's end. It's not just the sex that I miss, it's everything intimate is gone. No hugging, cuddling, kissing, touching whatsoever. She refuses to touch me. If I lay down in the bed next to her and so much as touch her anywhere, she gets out of bed and leaves the room, off too the computer to play solitaire, leaving me feeling rejected, or like I'm a rapist or something. I'm only home every other weekend or so, because of my job as a truck driver. This routine goes on every time I come home, and after six years of it, I find myself wanting to come home less and less. I know she is faithful to me, she insists it's a medical problem and the doctors have said there is nothing that can be done about it. I've been told it's my problem, not hers. i'm at my wits end, any advice?

I think I'm married to the greatest man on earth.  He's an awesome husband and father.  I just turned 30 and have 2 children, both under the age of 2.  The problem is that I am NEVER in the mood to have sex.  He's always in the mood.  I don't deny him, but I am WAY less enthusiastic during sex that I was as a newlywed.  He thinks that I'm not attracted to him and that that's why I don't want to have sex.  How do I let him know that I'm deeply attracted to him, even though my sex drive is non-existant right now?

I am new to the whole discussion board thing, but I haven't spoken about this to anyone. My husband and I met around 4 years ago, right after the break up of my first marriage. I was thin, too thin, depressed thin when he met me. Our relationship was great...great sex all of the time. As we courted I gained some of my weight back...eventually becoming overweight, but not grossly obese. The sex started to dwindle...from 2-3 times a day to 2 times a week. Then around 2 years later he asked me to marry him, I agreed-even though I knew something wasn't right.  Sex started to dwindle even further- once a week and I basically had to beg to get it. I am very sexual at nature. I love to feel sexy and act sexy- he is more of the conservative type- at least now he is. He told me to come after it whenever I wanted it...why does he always have to come after it- discussions concerning sex always lead to an argument. He tells me that if I was a litlte bit nicer, I would get it more. I almost feel like I am being punished. Believe it or not, I got pregnant from having sex twice in November. Now sex is obselete even though doctors actually recommend it for me since I am having a great pregnancy. We haven't been intimate since January and I am really upset about it. If at anytime in our relationship I need to feel sexy due to my weight gain, but he is very distant. We haven't even intimately kissed each in other in I don't know how long. I don't feel he is being unfaithful....who knows. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I can remain with a man who may or may not be in love with me and who can't discuss this with me. Any suggestions?

I dont know if it is me, or not. But he has gotten distant almost 100% and will only kiss me when I try to initiate it or when I initiate anything. He is barely intimate with me once a month and even turns down 4 play (even if its me who just wants to please him which nothing for return). I am dedicated to him and drive him everywhere as he does not have a license or car. He takes me to dinner a few times a month, doesnt buy me anything anymore (not that I ever wanted anything) but he always talked of the nice things that he found that he wanted to buy for me but he didnt have money at the time. I only ever wanted affection and some intimacy.  

  

We dont have a very good communication system either. He doesnt like to talk and the last time I tried to talk to him about something, he avoided being alone with me. That was 5 months ago of course as we have been together for 6 months. I want to talk to him but my biggest challenge is finding a way of starting the conversation and asking if he even wants to be with me anymore. When we started dating, I had NO Idea that he has so much baggage. His x was his fiance and they had dated for about 5 years, so he has had a very hard time. Hey were over in Feb 2005 for good and we started dating October 2005, still together April 2006. I am attached and no matter how unhappy I seem to be, I just want to keep thinking that it will get better cause I know he can be affectionate, but I am also cheating myself out of being happy. I know it is my fault, but its hard to let go of someone that you have tried to do everything for and specially since he is friends with my friends, I would not be able to go and have fun with anyone anymore as he woudl always be there and if he decided to date someone else sooner than expected or whatever, I would be so unhappy. So I would have to spend my evenings at home by myself or at the gym or out for a walk. I would dedicate my life to spening more time on my skin and teeth and feet and health - which I know in turn is a good thing, but I also want the companionship.  

  

You could say this is more of a vent, and open for advice besides telling me its my fault, cause I know it is and only I can determine my happiness - believe me I know.  

  

  

Oh yeah, I'm reading these posts and my situation is similar to some of these. I pretty much never want sex, once a month would do me fine. My husband is borderline addict. He looks at porn, quite frequently, wants sex several times a day although he does not get it. He 'releives' himself probably every day wether he is getting sex or not. We share intimate time probably on average once a week, but my heart is not in it. I basically put out because I don't want there to be an argument. We have been together 9 years, married four and have a 4year old and a 3year old. I think half of my problem with sex right now is I do not even feel intimately attracted to him. God knows I love him,. he's my best friend, and I'm not sure I can picture my life without him and he is a good man and a good looking man, but I'm not feeling that intimate attraction at all. Nothing. Am I not in love with him anymore? Is there something wrong with me? I've been wracking my brain. During our nine years I have pushed him to make a commitment to me which it took him a while to do, when he was ready he did. I pushed him to have children and get married. A couple of years of me nagging him we've done it all and now we are a family. I'm afraid that I wasn't thinking about my feelings to wards him during all of that. I was so focused on being married and having a normal family that nothing else mattered. Or maybe I'm just in a slump. I don't know how I feel about him or us. Am I making any sense?

Hello sex has been great for me for years but lately im not satisfied with my performance and avoid sex now because i can`t perform no more im lucky to last 2min. is there anything i could do. i have even quit smoking hoping hoping this would help so there must be more to it any comments

When I was pregnant with both my children I was horny pretty well 24/7.  My husband pretty well ran the other way when I suggested it - I thought my husband found me being pregnant a turn-off, it turned out to be a fear of having sex with me cause it might harm the baby.   

When I fell pregnant after two years of trying (very hard to conceive when we were at that stage having sex once every 2 weeks) he also went a bit weird, going out and getting drunk and not taking his phone, staying at a mates house because he couldn't get home etc  Drove me and my pregnant hormones wild.  It was almost like his last attempt at freedom before conforming to societies expectations. 

I think men sometimes feel a bit left out and jealous when everything is focused on the baby - just my thoughts anyway. 

My husband has what I would call an anal fetish.  He is to the best of my knowledge heterosexual (apparently many gay men do not do anal, only oral sex).  We have done it twice and I can't say I really enjoyed it, but was willing to give it a go.   

I think if he had actually looked into how to do it properly (there are web pages which give info on how to do it safely) I would have been happier and more receptive of the idea -  work your way up to it by using fingers first, lots of lube and of course a condom. 

Is it normal? I don't know - I certainly have not been game enough to ask any of my friends whether they have tried it.  Far to embarrassing to talk about.. 

I thought that too, but he says he understands that it won't hurt the baby....another issue with my husband is he has some bad habits that might be inhabiting his sex drive- marijuana. Another issue I was not aware of prior to marriage. Everything seems to be spinning out of control and I don't  know what to do. With a baby on the way I need to think of someone other than myself.