Topic : Differing Sex Drives

There could be a biological reason you are not having the desires you once had. I do know there is some sort of cream that is rubbed on the vagina, that is supposed to help in this area. Your doctor would know more than I could even explain. Another thing is stress or exhaustion. If you are under more stress than normal, or are just plain tired, this could affect your sex drive. Don't give up, get help. Go to your doctor, and talk about your situation, and maybe there is an answer to your problem.  

Good luck, and great sex! 

Some of the reasons for women's drop in sexual desire many times deals with some emotional trauma, stress, or exhaustion. 

Sometimes men expect their wives to work a job in the workplace, and then come home and be the housewife of the 1950's. I know several men, as well as read many post on Dr Phil's boards where the man thinks it's the wife's place to cook, clean the house, and take care of the children, after they get off from work. This can cause exhaustion and with that the lack of sexual desire. 

Stress can be a major factor for either sex to drop in sexual desire. The expression, "If Mama ain't happy, no one's happy," has its roots in truth, and if she is stressed out, sex may very well be the last thing on her mind. Stress can come from things not being good at home, work, or with outside family members. Stress can kill people much less sexual desires. 

If some emotional trauma has occurred, such as infidelity, women will find just as difficult to become intimate again, as do men, when they have been offended. 

True love travels on a graveled road, and when one truly loves their mate, they should be willing to take the bad with the good. Communications is the cornerstone of any relationship, and what ever the problem is that is causing the drop in sexual desires, should be addressed as soon as possible. If the above things mentioned are not factors, then maybe a doctor should be consulted, and hormone levels checked, medications that are being taken should be looked at to see if this could be a factor even if it is a small possibility. There is a certain acid reducing medication on the market that is by prescription as well as OTC, and one of the rare side effects of this medication is anxiety. I talked with my doctor about a bout of anxiety I was going through a few years ago, and he didn't think any of the medications I was on could cause this. One night about three o'clock in the morning, I was up and having a major anxiety attack, and was trying to think what was different in my life. I just happened to look on top of the fridge, and noticed my "new" heartburn medicine sitting on top. I got out a PDR, (this being before the Internet was available to the public) and there listed as one of the rare side effects of the medicine, was anxiety. I was anxiously relieved. I quit taking the medication, and within a few days the anxiety subsided. So my point being, you may want to check any medications that are being taken on the Internet as well as talking to your doctor, as sometimes they may forget about the rare side effects, and you may just very well be one of the unlucky ones, that some medication is causing this effect. 

I hope this helps. Good luck, and I hope you soon are having great sex. 

One thing that helps for me is negotiating.  I like it as often as I can get it, but my husband has a heart condition and the meds, so I am lucky to get it once a week.  So I always ask in advance so he can prepare physically/mentally, I left him pick the time, etc.  And I try to reward him with things  

he wants and needs, since I am now the one asking.................  

I have been typing and retyping trying to find the words to explain my problem.  I'm just going to come out and say it.  I am not attracted to my husband and I don't know how to tell him what I want.  I have tried to tell him that I want more romance.  I have told him that I don't like to be talked to the way he talks to me.  Example, "why don't you come over here and sit on my face" or "want to give your mouth a work out" or when I bend over to do something, "you must be looking for it".  I feel like an object not a sexy woman and I feel like I have lost a lot of my self worth because of it.  I would have sex with him just to make him happy.  There is no romance.  It never just happens.  I don't even feel that attraction anymore.  I don't know what to do.  We have so many other issues as well.  To him all he needs is more sex to be happy.  I need affection, respect, sympathy and most of all just someone I can feel comfortable being in the same room with, without feeling like I have to take my clothes off.  I thought men where the ones with the over sex problem but I have read a lot of things about men and their problems with over sexual wives.  I am ready to give up.  I love him and don't want to hurt him but I am feeling farther and farther away form him every day that passes.  I would love to speak to a counselor but he tells me if we can't figure it out then how can I expect someone else to.  He also says that we don't have the money and that a counselor isn't going to make me love him.  Love is not the issue.  I love him but is it the right love. 

Tell him that a counselor is a lot less expensive than a divorce.  That might wake him up a bit. If you don't feel attracted to your husband, your marriage is teetering on disaster. A counselor will help you communicate with your husband and be heard. 

Another possibility, but this will sound stupid: since we had our kids, our private time has been pretty precious so we use it for physical reconnection. So, when I have things I want to just tell my husband, I write him an email.  At first it felt silly (and I am a bit silly in them) but i have gotten to quite like communicating with him this way.  It feels safe because i can read it over and make sure that I have said everything I wanted and all without being sidetracked or questioned. 

But you do have to tell men what you want in operational terms, not in emotions.  You don't want "affection, respect and sympathy" you want him to use different words when he talks to you about sex.  So, for example,  if he is asking for a bj, give him examples of how he could phrase that request in a way that is pleasing to you.  If he knows it pleases you and increases his chances of getting what he wants, he will do it.