Topic : Is This Normal?

I have been in different relationships. Some abusive, sexually, some physically, some emotionally, some, ALL. Do I bring this out in them? Or is it the pattern I choose? What is it? I have just had an "episode" with my "partner". I have a dent in my truck and a broken window. Along with my clothes in the dirt. All because I decieded to speak up and say " Stop touching me there" "We just had sex last night." He got mad and it escalated.  We have sex every night or day.  Sometimes I just want to say no....But I know it will create a fight. I just can't keep up anymore. I have had enough. Does every man want nothing but SEX?

You have received some wonderful advice and support.  I don't have much to add - and I hope sincerely what you have been told will help you and also your marriage.  I just want to add one cautionary thing about something in this post.  Porn may not be a good thing to bring into your marriage.  It may be - there are certainly couples (my best friends are one such) who look at it together and enjoy it.  There are also many women who allow it into their marriage and then come to very much regret it.  For some info, if you are considering porn as an option, I would advise you to go onto the "Sex" board - there is a subtopic called "How Porn has Affected our Relationship" and you can read over the posts and get some perspective on how porn has both negatively and sometimes positively affected others' relationships.  I just wanted to point this out, so you can be sure you understand the possible ramifications of using porn.  All the best wishes to you Jane - you sound like a sweetheart and I hope you and your husband can resolve this and have a lifetime of happiness together. 

To the person who wrote this post and mentioned porn as a possible help to Jane.  I mean absolutely no disrespect to you, or your post, in saying what I have to her.  You were caring and supportive and offered good advice.  Having some experience with the fact that porn can damage a relationship, I just wanted to caution her to do some research before she considers it for hers.  I hope you understand.  :)  Roxy

I can't say for sure if you are subconsciously picking men who will abuse you.  I don't know very much about the issue of abuse and would strongly recommend you visit the abuse board and tell your story.  I am sure there are people there who can steer you in the right direction to figure out why you continue to end up with men like this and what concrete steps you can take to change your self esteem and self outlook so that you won't choose one again.  They can also advise you in the best way to separate yourself from this man, if you feel you should. 

You ask if every man wants nothing but sex.  My answer would be no.  I have been married for almost 13 years.  My husband and I have a very active sex life, but it is certainly not all he wants from me and he appreciates all the other things I bring to the marriage.  The main thing is - he NEVER pressures me for sex if he knows I am not feeling like it - he never tries to make me feel guilty or starts an argument if I am not up for some loving.  LIke I said above, I really don't know much about abuse, but to me it sounds like what your partner is doing is abusive.  Again - you can get confirmation of that on the Abuse board.  I hope you will visit there and get the advice you need.  Please please take care of yourself, Roxy

First - congrats on the long-term marriage!!  :)  Okay - the first thing that occurs to me is who brought up the possibility of a 3-some?  Was it just general conversation or was it presented to you as something your husband wants to try? 

Personally, this is one thing I will never do with my husband.  In fact it is just about the only thing on my "NO WAY JOSE" list, I'm pretty open to everything else.  I'm just not interested in having someone else involved in our sex life, not even once.  I know that, for us, it would create problems we would find very hard to resolve.  I think that is generally the rule about threesomes.  Some couples  'swing' or use 3-somes and manage to separate that totally from their marriage bond.  For most people though, I think that is hard to do.  I guess I would just advise you to really really look inside yourself and be sure you wouldn't be doing something that could destroy 24 years of happiness.  Good luck, Roxy