Topic : Is This Normal?

My husband and I rarely have sex. He appears to have ED, along with a very small penis. His ability to keep an errection and  please me has been a problem since the beginning of our marriage 16 years ago. For years I have tried various things to keep us sexually acitive -- clothes, toys, music, candles, etc., but he has never taken an effort to do anything. Finally this past year he went to the doctor to find out about his ED, only to get medication he will not take. Also, in the course of our marriage he has always looked at porn, I have caught him on computer, and he has masturbated 3 or more times a week in bed before he gets up in morning. I don't believe he realizes I know about him masturbating. I have never said anything because I don't feel a desire to have sex with him and feel it may be the only sexual satisfaction he receives. As for me, I have learned to live with sexual needs that are not met.  I deeply recent him for not being a sexual partner, emotionally and physically disconnected from me, and would strongly like to divorce him but we have 2 children and financial considerations that keep me married to him. Is our lack of sex, my husband's masturbation, and my desire for a divorce all in the realm of "normal behavior"?

There really was no perfect place to post this, so I'm placing it here.  If anyone has ever experienced this or knows anyone who has ever experienced this, please help us.  My husband is a 34 year old man who is experiencing extremely low testosterone levels.  The doctor can't explain why his levels are so low, but has prescribed him both the topical gel and the patches to use at the same time.  This has only been a little over a week ago.  Obviously since his levels are so low, when he does get an erection - it usually only lasts for a few minutes.  Also, since he has a problem keeping his erection, he clearly cannot perform until he reaches orgasm (more times than not).  I feel so bad for him because I know it is embarassing even though we have been married for many years and we are very close, not to mention frustrating.  I know this is an important thing for a man.  Does anyone have any idea how long testosterone replacement therapy takes and any other information that may be useful to us?  I should mention that his levels were at an even 200 if that is helpful to anyone.  Thanks in advance! 

Things do change as we get older but I would go back to the doctor (or another doctor) and look for other causes such as prostate cancer. Forgive me if I'm totally off but I have found the main cause for sudden changes in our body's ability to function is due to cancer. It would be good to rule it out anyway.

It is normal for a couple who has given up on their marriage. There are so many things that can be done to overcome the difficulties we encounter in a marriage. Start with honest communication. Tell him what is important to you and for him to do nothing is going against your marriage. Most men think doing nothing keeps them neutral and therefore safe from blame.

 

My husband was not able to hold an errection due to medication he had to take, we found other ways to satisfy us both, together. See about getting counseling. We as women hold in our feelings and let them build while our spouses are clueless as to the erruption that is building. Let your husband know how important these issues are to you.

i have been going out with this guy for 10 months. he is 31 and am 27. i noticed that he had a low sex drive but that did not prepare me for what was to come. we even went 3 months with no sex once time and yet we shared a bed, he would get an erection and still not want to have sex. he acts a bit selfish at times and will want me to give oral sex then just sleep without caring about me. he also cannot and has never had sex without a condom which drives me nuts coz i cant stand them and i have even gone for a full sexual health check to make sure am okey. he runs off to the bathroom immediately after sex to clean up and i just get the feeling that he sees sex as dirty(wont give oral sex either) i have talked to him a lot about it and even told him that it would affect his future relationships/marriage but he just wont change. and as much as he wants the condoms, he is also not comfortable buying them and expects me to do it!! am so puzzled as i have never seen anything like this. please help!!!!

Loveless Marriage

 

My husband and I have been married for more than 26 years.  We have raised five children together.  I honestly loved him when we first met and married.  As I look back now, I'm not sure if he really loved me or just wanted someone to raise his three children.  He mentioned several times that he found it difficult to find a second date after he mentioned that he had been married previously and he was raising his three children.  Me, on the other hand, loved children and was impressed that he not only wanted to be a part of his children's lives, but also decided to raise them on his own.  I know I loved him the very first time that I met him.  He was so kind and gentle.  I also had a child from a previous marriage.  My son adored him right from the beginning.  We dated for two years, lived together for another two years and then we married.  We have always had children since the day we met and that never created any problems.  Now, however, after all of our children are grown and gone, we have absolutely no love life at all.  We haven't had sex in nearly fifteen years.  He won't even sleep in the same bed as I do.  I honestly don't believe that he is going without, even at his age.  Me, however, I will not go against my wedding vows, so I will not cheat on him.  I just do not believe in adultry.  Even though I am in my forties, I still want and need to be loved.  Sometimes that's all I can think about, I just want someone to love me.  There is one man who insists on asking me out but I continuously decline his offers.  Deep down I want to say yes to his offers but I can't get past the vows I took when I married my husband.  Has any of you ever had a problem like this?  Does anyone have any helpful suggestions for me?  Do you think that I should consider dating the man who keeps asking me out?  I sure could use some advise and some help.  Sometimes I'm so lonely that I actually ache.  I need to be loved.  I know that may sound strange to some of you, but it's the truth, I yearn to be loved and I haven't even had so much as a kiss in fifteen years.  I am so lonely.  Can someone please help me.  I'd send this to Dr. Phil if I knew how.  I really could use some professional advise but when I suggested counselling to my husband, he absolutely refuses to consider it.  He says he refuses to talk to a stranger about his personal problems.  Please, can someone help me!

My husband and I have been married 21 years. For quite sometime he has been after me to have sex with his friends. It started with x-rated movies, moved into toys, and now this. I did do this once about 3 years ago and i didn't like it. I told him I didn't like the way it made me feel and I just felt like it was wrong. I don't want to be with someone who wants me to be with someone else, even though he is there. He was upset for a while because he wanted me to return the favor. But I can not watch him have sex with someone else or have sex with a girl with him. When I did it I didn't think he would actually go through with it. How can a man watch his wife have sex with another man and still love her? I feel like I am not enough for him anymore. I don't know if he will ever feel satisfied. If I give in again, I feel like it won't be enough. ?????? Now that I won't do it, while we are having sex, he wants me to tell him who I want to have sex with and what I'd like to do with them. What should I do???

before i met my bf he was having an affair with a friend of his. Well since he met me he has stopped which i believe cus we are always together but we still hang with this girl he was sleeping with, well when we are at her house and we are getting ready to leave he always hugs her and gives her a kiss. He knows that makes me feel uncomfortable and it buggs me yet he keeps doing it.

 You ask how a man can ask his wife to have sex with another guy if he loves her. Good question. I'm a 46-year-old man. Call me old fashioned, but I think any guy who would ask his wife to do this neither loves nor respects her. Don't do it. If you ever end up dumping this guy, your next husband or boyfriend may have a real hard time with this if you ever told him you agreed to threesomes. I know I would. Tell him you are not comfortable with any of this, and that you question his love for you. If he loves you, he will stop pushing you to do something you don't feel comfortable with.
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I just wanted to applaud your strength in drawing the line and not going along with your husband's desire to share you out like a box of chocolates if that doesn't appeal to you.   You have just as much right as the man does to set the tone and absolutes of your sexual relationship.  No means no, it's as simple as that. 

 

If you'll hate yourself and feel dirty if you do something you don't want to do, then don't do it.   If it's wrong for you, it shouldn't be done.  Sexuality is very much an individual and personal thing.  If you don't like the movies, toys etc. don't engage in these kinds of sexual practices. It's your body, and you're not a thing to be used for his sexual practices.  You get a say in the matter too you know.

 

If you love your husband and only want to have sex with him as an expression of your love why should you have to pretend that you're hot for someone else? It's a compliment to your husband that after 21 years of marriage you're still happy with him.  

 

Finally, if you should do or say things that are not in keeping with who you are you'll feel like a fake, build up anger inside, and all the negative things that interferes with a good sex life.  Sounds like the road to no sex at all.

 

Finally, you know what you want to do, and what you don't want to do.  Be firm and draw the line.  You have every right to do so.  Your husband doesn't get a vote.  You'll be happier and respect yourself [in the morning] .  Good luck.