Message Boards

Topic : 06/11 Mega Moochers

Number of Replies: 270
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, January 05, 2007, 10:50:16 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 1/10/07) Dr. Phil takes on a different kind of moocher … the Mega Moocher! Not only do these extreme freeloaders refuse to work -- decades at a time -- but they expect you to support them and their entire family forever! Connie says her 33-year-old son, Richard, is so lazy and selfish that he actually found a way to put her out of her own home, so he could move his family of five in. Connie and her husband, Rick, say they have paid over $30,000 in the last 18 months to support Richard, and they have had enough. Is an eviction the only way to get him out? And can Connie live with the guilt, knowing it could leave her three grandchildren homeless as well? Then, Janelle wants her brother, Jeff, to stop mooching off their 91-year-old grandfather, who has been supporting him for 18 years. Jeff says he has no need to work because he doesn’t have kids. Will this be the day these guests put an end to their family members’ freeloading ways? Tell us what you think!

Find out what happened on the show.

More June 2007 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

January 7, 2007, 9:41 pm CST

thank u, i am not alone in this

Quote From: ktractor

you are not alone. i also have family members like yours. my sister -in-law and her two daughters mooch off my in-laws who are elderly and neither are in good health. my in-laws have paid for cars, down payments on a house and paid the payments and taxes on the house, paid monthly bills for them and buys school clothes for one daughters kids. my husband works everday monday thru saturday at least 10 to 12 hours a day. i am disabled, but have worked all my life. we work very hard to get what we have and watch every penny just to get by. we have never ask my in-laws for any kind of help. these people will work for a few months then quit. they do this so they can file earned income on their tax returns and get the max back. they receive all kinds of assistance. they eat better than we do, go on vacations, are buying something all the time.they are such moochers that they want even mow their own lawn. my father-in-law and mother-in law mower their lawn for them. the daughter that has children even talked my father-in-law into buying a four wheeler for her 7 year old son and into buying her a new car. i get so mad about this, because we have three daughter who all work and have never ask their grandparents for help. the all have good jobs that they have been on for years. very seldom do they ask us for help. i have told my husband that if his sister and neices keep it up that there will not be anything left to help take care of his parents if he doesn't talk to his parents about this and have them put a stop to all the mooching. they all need to get jobs and keep them and stop mooching. thank you for letting me vent. ktractor
i want to thank u for letting me know i am not the only one paying all the others bills or should i say between my husband, & mom  & i we cant do it anymore, without it dragging us down even lower.. my son & sister do this to us all the time, put guilt trips on us. we have gone without so much it isnt even funny. my husband bought me a beautiful ring i want him to take back but he refuses.we eat the cheapest meat we can find which is sausage & isn't good for me cause i'm diabetic, mom wont get medical ins, even though she can.so we worry bout that. we lost a precious grandson & helped our youngest son & his fiance there a bit. i wish we could of helped more but he thank goodness he does pay his bills. but lets some things go. i love my family very much but cant take much more. we had to replace our furnace on our house this past week & we are struggling now. we dont have money to back us up if something more major goes wrong. our credit is used up to the max trying to help. i was in a car accident & have to start paying the chiropractor, i'm still trying to figure out where we're gonna dig that money out. the ins will help later on i hope, but it's in the court pre stages. so much too much to deal with.plus my sister i try to help with the kids expenses, my oldest niece is graduating this year & i just paid for some pics form wal mart so she could be in the yearbook. she wants so much out of life, they all do, but we cant afford to support 3 families, or 4. my husbands income only goes so far, i will say my sister does try to help some with groceries & when she does have some moeny she tries to pay some of it back, & my son helped with a few groceries.  thanks for the support. i do appreciate it. mary
 
January 7, 2007, 9:45 pm CST

01/10 Mega Moochers

Quote From: gijane

I have to agree that many of these people are enablers.  As a teacher, I see many parents creating these moochers.   I had a student who was VERY intelligent, however,  he did no work.    His parents bought him what he wanted and let him do what he wanted.  There were no consequences at home for his poor performance.  I tried to get through to him with guest speakers.  He said he was going to do nothing until he graduated and then just "join the marines" when he graduated.  (This kid was physically and mentally lazy.)  I had a marine come in and talk to my class about what it takes to be a marine.  He realized that the marines want people who not only perform physically but can also think.  So he said well I guess I live off my parents then.  This is a case of the parents creating their own problem.  
i would like to say we have tired to help, we also put our foot down & then are called names, my sister tells me to get a backbone & then when i do she calls me names. sometimes u dont enable but they try to find a way. put your foot in our shoes for 1 month & have the heart we do , maybe u do, but it is hard. i wold rather pay my sons rent than have him have to move back in, which would cost more in the long run. also help my sister if i can a bit. my mom is the one who enables my sister & othersa re now. they just need a good break on bills if jobs would open up that would help too, with all the plants & area business shutting down how do they make it. plus gas skyrocketing has killed us financially. have a good one-mary
 
January 8, 2007, 4:42 am CST

mega moochers

Quote From: mm1956

i want to thank u for letting me know i am not the only one paying all the others bills or should i say between my husband, & mom  & i we cant do it anymore, without it dragging us down even lower.. my son & sister do this to us all the time, put guilt trips on us. we have gone without so much it isnt even funny. my husband bought me a beautiful ring i want him to take back but he refuses.we eat the cheapest meat we can find which is sausage & isn't good for me cause i'm diabetic, mom wont get medical ins, even though she can.so we worry bout that. we lost a precious grandson & helped our youngest son & his fiance there a bit. i wish we could of helped more but he thank goodness he does pay his bills. but lets some things go. i love my family very much but cant take much more. we had to replace our furnace on our house this past week & we are struggling now. we dont have money to back us up if something more major goes wrong. our credit is used up to the max trying to help. i was in a car accident & have to start paying the chiropractor, i'm still trying to figure out where we're gonna dig that money out. the ins will help later on i hope, but it's in the court pre stages. so much too much to deal with.plus my sister i try to help with the kids expenses, my oldest niece is graduating this year & i just paid for some pics form wal mart so she could be in the yearbook. she wants so much out of life, they all do, but we cant afford to support 3 families, or 4. my husbands income only goes so far, i will say my sister does try to help some with groceries & when she does have some moeny she tries to pay some of it back, & my son helped with a few groceries.  thanks for the support. i do appreciate it. mary
It makes me very very angry when I hear that there are people who deliberately live off people who have a soft and kind heart.  I can also understand why people allow others to live off them.Because the family is an emotional arena it is very easy for mothers say, giving in to their older children, by providing them with everything and not expecting their child to ever look after itself. I am very soft hearted myself and i would find it very hard to kick one of my children into the street. That happened with one of my daughters.  Her father and his new wife kicked her out of the house where she grew up in, because she was 17 and didnt want to go to school. She ended up on the street and I didnt know about it.  She later met a guy her age who was a heroine junkie and he got her on heroine and she caught Hep C .  She rang me and I said to her to come and live with me.  The trouble had been that with my and her fathers divorce she was suffering from depression, thats why she didnt go to school. Her father, listening to his new girlfriend at the time, just gave her an ultimatum, to either get out or go back to school.  My poor daughter was suffering deeply inside.  His partner, now his wife, just wanted our girls out of their fathers life.  Bruce divorced himself from his children then, even when i nearly lost my daughter Sarah to heroin.  He didnt want to basically know about it.  I put up with a lot of crap and heartache because I wanted my daughter back, both of them.  Eventually she fell pregnant and that made her life turn around.  My granddaughter Adalia was born normal in every way and shes beautiful.  If not for her my daughter would have been buried by now.  So it took a lot of love, patience and giving to see her on her feet.  Now she has a partner, she has a boy as well. He too is beautiful and normal in every way.  And she is nearly off her methadone.  I just thank God for giving me the strength and also giving me a new husband who has cared and helped her all the way.  Sometimes my husband use to moan and say "We can't provide for them, we can't pay their bills" as we had times when we couldnt pay bills on time etc.  But now she and partner are in their rented home and are now paying their own way.  So they are learning. And when  we lend them money now and then when they get stuck she always pays it back, even when I say dont worry about it.  Sometimes I learnt there are reasons why people, young, middleage,old  sponge or mooch on their relatives.  Sometimes some people I believe are just born "takers" even if they have had a proper upbringing. Love Maria3255  (from Australia) 
 
January 8, 2007, 5:59 am CST

I never quite understand these situations...

These situations are so hard for me to understand. It's because I'm on the outside looking in. I say "JUST SAY NO". What else can a person do? It seems like sometimes the more someone tries to help a person, the more that person takes advantage of the situation. I have never walked in these people's shoes so it's harder for me to relate. I know when I'm trying to watch what I eat, the chocolate goes down a lot easier than the carrot. Maybe it's just hard to do what ought to be done in these cases.
 
January 8, 2007, 9:20 am CST

01/10 Mega Moochers

Quote From: lumpylou

It always amazes me that when Phil deals with moochers he never ever goes after the "victims"  I had a therapist many years ago who said many times during my work with her that it always takes two to tangle.  Why is Phil so easy on the Mooch-ees?  Are they not their own worst victims?.

It seems so simple, just kick them out blah blah blah. Yes you are right, the ones that get mooched off of allow themselves to be mooched off of. However there are circumstances that sometimes keeps you from getting out of that spot. I have a boy friend that does work, however the only bills he thinks are his responsibility are the ones that has his name on them. It doesn't matter to him that he uses the electricity, or eats the food that I buy, or that he should pay half the rent, or even pay for daycare for his child. In my case my boyfriend is verbally abusive on top of everything else. I have gone to the extreme of filing a restraining order. The tricky part is that we have a child together and therefore I don't want to be enemies, I just want him to move out and move on. I have seen the devestation caused to children by mean and spiteful parents and am trying to avoid that. The funny thing is, when I moved into my own apartment away from him, I made if very clear that this was my apartment and that he wasn't moving in. I even made sure that the landlords new that there were issues with him. I went to work one day, the next thing I knew, he had moved in some of his furniture. Another time I came home to more of his clothes and belongings. I forgot to mention that he has two kids of his own that I adore and would hate to not have in my life. He does pay his ex almost $800 a month in child support and barely has enough to live on. He also has a theory that if he tries to get another job that where he makes more money that I will try to take it from him. Never mind that he has never paid his fair share of the bills in the last 5 years. I think he finally got the point when the landlords said if they see him here they will call the police. He is making plans now to move out, he wants me and the kids to move with him, but why jump out of the frying pan and into the fire. It is hard to make someone change their ways when they don't think they are doing any thing wrong, and that is how my boyfriend feels. I will have rent and utilities to pay whether he is here or not, he doesn't feel any remorse for all of the laundry, or cranking up the heat etc...
 
January 8, 2007, 10:16 am CST

01/10 Mega Moochers

Quote From: sofield1

It seems so simple, just kick them out blah blah blah. Yes you are right, the ones that get mooched off of allow themselves to be mooched off of. However there are circumstances that sometimes keeps you from getting out of that spot. I have a boy friend that does work, however the only bills he thinks are his responsibility are the ones that has his name on them. It doesn't matter to him that he uses the electricity, or eats the food that I buy, or that he should pay half the rent, or even pay for daycare for his child. In my case my boyfriend is verbally abusive on top of everything else. I have gone to the extreme of filing a restraining order. The tricky part is that we have a child together and therefore I don't want to be enemies, I just want him to move out and move on. I have seen the devestation caused to children by mean and spiteful parents and am trying to avoid that. The funny thing is, when I moved into my own apartment away from him, I made if very clear that this was my apartment and that he wasn't moving in. I even made sure that the landlords new that there were issues with him. I went to work one day, the next thing I knew, he had moved in some of his furniture. Another time I came home to more of his clothes and belongings. I forgot to mention that he has two kids of his own that I adore and would hate to not have in my life. He does pay his ex almost $800 a month in child support and barely has enough to live on. He also has a theory that if he tries to get another job that where he makes more money that I will try to take it from him. Never mind that he has never paid his fair share of the bills in the last 5 years. I think he finally got the point when the landlords said if they see him here they will call the police. He is making plans now to move out, he wants me and the kids to move with him, but why jump out of the frying pan and into the fire. It is hard to make someone change their ways when they don't think they are doing any thing wrong, and that is how my boyfriend feels. I will have rent and utilities to pay whether he is here or not, he doesn't feel any remorse for all of the laundry, or cranking up the heat etc...
Those being "mooched" have misguided good intentions...they don't deserve to be chewed out. Now those mooching are simply taking advantage of someone's good nature and they need their asses kicked.
 
January 8, 2007, 12:23 pm CST

'Double Standards' no more!

Quote From: dcmc68

The same thing happened in my family.  I was the much younger of four.  After my dad died the older three tried to take everything from my mom so I had to step in and defend her property.  I took none of it myself but the intervention caused such hard feelings that they ignored me and my mom for the next 20+ years.  There was nothing I could do to breach the split.  When my mother became infirm and in a nursing home, all her care was left to me which was fine, I did the best I could.  I lived 3 hrs. away but spent weekends going back and forth.  All of them lived relatively close but would only go by to see Mom for brief visits and did nothing financially to help.  I paid her bills and supplied all her needs.  I will say one thing, the only thing that made this tolerable was the fact that my mom had the foresight to supply me with her Power of Attorney.  If this had not been in my possession, they would have run right over me and her both.  Mother spent 14 years in that nursing home and although I took very good care of her and tried to make her as happy and content as possible, their absence and ugliness made her last years very hurtful and undeservably so.  My mother was a very wonderful woman and I will always miss her.  I have one brother still alive and he still will not have any contact with me because his wife hates me and he won't cross her but they have to live with their decisions.  I know in my heart that I did the best that I could by my mother and by them as well and they just have to live with their choices and actions not only in this world but in the next.  Maybe it comforts you in some way to know that you are not the only one who has tried very hard and been taken advantage of by small minded and hard hearted siblings.

Im still trying to accept that my two siblings also seemed to always show up for 'special occassions' at my folks' home, as long as Mom and Dads money financed school, housing, auto needs,,,etc,,,through the years.  I joined the Marines and prided myself of giving back to them and sharing my family life with them as much as possible. Unfortunatly during the last five years of my folks' lives, the other two siblings were no where to be found ESPECIALLY when our folks needed diaper changes, dialysis visits, doctor visits, etc...I miss my Mom and Dad so much I can never express the pain of their absence...They died sad knowing the truth of being used for their money by my siblings, It was so obvious. They eventually gave up waiting for the visits and phone calls. That just cuts my soul so deeply.  They both died three months apart after over 50 years together. They are at last in peace. That was two years ago...

Nonetheless, I found myself "buying" my sons'  lifesyle the same way my folks catered to my siblings.  And by the way, they accecpted the moneys from the estate and have already gone on vacations and bought new cars...As for me, Im still trying to rebuild my life.  I lost my folks and my sibblings.  All at once. And my children believe my ex-husbands complaints that I 'abandoned' my children to take care of my folks...unbelievable. I don't think they'll realize the truth for a while.

So the truth is I realize I raised lazy boys that expect the woman to do everything. Seems like the majority of college age kids are living at home.  So they think it's the "norm".  (At least they aren't drug addicts and/or young parents like some other people, right?)... But guess what?...I am not going to end up used and abused!  I refuse to be manipulated. I will not finance their life just to be forgotten until the Will is read (which is never statisfactory to everybody anyway.) Im 45 years old and I figure it's time for me to grow up too. No more 'help with the rent - just this time' (again and again)...Find another sucker. This bank is CLOSED! My parents would want it this way too.  Maybe in time, my boys will thank my for not holding them back from their own successes. I also have to say that I pray they have the strength to get up when they fall. I am scared, don't get me wrong...I love them with all my heart. (Even though they didn't remember me at XMas or on my Bday)...Thats okay...Hurts but it's the way it is. The lesser of the two evils. 

 
January 8, 2007, 12:32 pm CST

Not totally...

Quote From: lumpylou

It always amazes me that when Phil deals with moochers he never ever goes after the "victims"  I had a therapist many years ago who said many times during my work with her that it always takes two to tangle.  Why is Phil so easy on the Mooch-ees?  Are they not their own worst victims?.

...what about a government that doesn't allow our youth to work and help support the family (child abuse?)...yet expects them to behave and be responsible adults...What are we teaching our children and parents?...beats me but it's not a good work ethic at a young age.  And young parents only have this society to teach how to be a good parent...Give into the kids 'creativity'!, yeah, right,,,how creative is a 'mooch',,,very crafty too.

 
January 8, 2007, 2:12 pm CST

01/10 Mega Moochers

Quote From: cali1962

...what about a government that doesn't allow our youth to work and help support the family (child abuse?)...yet expects them to behave and be responsible adults...What are we teaching our children and parents?...beats me but it's not a good work ethic at a young age.  And young parents only have this society to teach how to be a good parent...Give into the kids 'creativity'!, yeah, right,,,how creative is a 'mooch',,,very crafty too.

That's why you start young w/ chores and volunteering and maybe lawn mowing, paper routes, snow shoveling. You have to teach your children responsibility. My 13 had a paper route this summer and she put half her earnings away for "the extras". When she's 15 she'll get a pt. job and start saving towards her car (which we'll match dollar for dollar). however, her "primary" job is school. I can support my children... while they are children, I wouldn't want them trying to help "support the family". Those days are thankfully over. My father quit school in the 8th grade to help support the family. That doesn't work these days.. sorry!
 
January 8, 2007, 6:17 pm CST

01/10 Mega Moochers

Quote From: cali1962

...what about a government that doesn't allow our youth to work and help support the family (child abuse?)...yet expects them to behave and be responsible adults...What are we teaching our children and parents?...beats me but it's not a good work ethic at a young age.  And young parents only have this society to teach how to be a good parent...Give into the kids 'creativity'!, yeah, right,,,how creative is a 'mooch',,,very crafty too.

"what about a government that doesn't allow our youth to work and help support the family"

If you have to have your kids work to support the family then MAYBE you don't have enough money to be poppin' kids out!

Kids can get jobs at 14,15 and 16 years old...before that they can do things like mow lawns and shovel snow and babysit. This is enough work for kids to learn about work ethic. What beyond this are you suggesting?

I grew up very poor, but not once did my parents ever take the money I earned to pay for anything, that money was mine!
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Next | Last