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Topic : 02/01 A Difficult Reunion – Part 1

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Created on : Friday, January 26, 2007, 01:59:13 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil follows the continuing story of Erica, who as a little girl survived the unthinkable. At just 2 years old, she witnessed her father, Mark, murder her mother. Her father spent nearly two decades behind bars for this heinous crime. Now that he has been released from prison, Erica will be reunited with him -- the father who murdered her own mother -- for the first time in over 20 years. In the first of two parts, Dr. Phil arranges a powerful reunion that Erica hopes will bring answers, but instead raises many more questions. When Erica's curiosity turns to anger, her emotions are too much for Mark to bear, and he walks right off the Dr. Phil stage! Tell us what you think!

Find out what happened on the show.

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February 6, 2007, 11:36 am CST

02/01 A Difficult Reunion – Part 1

Quote From: cda_gal

For your insight. Yes, I acknowledge that there must be a lot of struggle that goes on for ex-cons trying to reintegrate into society. Unless we as a society are willing to look to the potential in someone in favour of dwelling so much on the negative morbidity of the crime they committed, then we might as well tell the convicted to go and do themselves in sooner rather than later, as they will slowly die with out positive reinforcement and support or return to a life of crime to support themselves.

 

I have a brother who lives at the other end of the country and is currently struggling with drug addiction. Sometimes I get really frustrated with him as to why he can't break out of his doomed existence and realize the good and valuable person that he is, that he is loved and valued by his family and has a lot of potential. He still deals with a lot of pain from his childhood and this, along with the addiction, keeps him where he is I believe. He prefers to be apart from his family -- Very independant. Which in a way is probably for the best in order to have clarity. He's tried many times to get help and get out of the drugs. He's had some success and is better than he once was. We've all tried to reach him but I think it will only happen for him when he realizes it for himself as he's always been a pretty stubborn individual, much to his detriment. I am grateful that he at least does work lawfully and has the good sense from his upbringing to keep himself in some kind of good shape.

 

I believe it's never too late to change your life around and I am hopeful that my brother will find his way. We all have to be our greatest advocates in order to truly embrace change. I think you are definitely on the right track. All the best to you.

There's always hope and prayer.  It says in the promises - sometimes "slowly sometimes quickly" the promises do come true.  I wish I could say the good sense of my upbringing had been a help - it wasn't it eventually helped but only after I was willing to peel away years of hurt, anger, frustration, and stuffed emotions that I was able to get to the core of who I am as a person.  Then I could hear the loving voices of my family from so many years past.  Just keep loving unconditionally - without pusing - hopefully he'll get there.  My prayers are with you.
 
February 6, 2007, 12:26 pm CST

02/01 A Difficult Reunion – Part 1

Quote From: lreheard

It's really sad that Rachel continues to say she supports her sister's decision, but at every turn she appears to try to make Erica feel sorry for her.  "I was four years old and I remember everything."  Does she have to keep saying that in front of Erika to get her to turn completely against her father. Also, how much does a four year old remember?  I'm sure that somethings would be remembered because of the terrible impact left on one's life, but a four year old would have no concept of what four hours is. I truly believe that Rachel has had her head filled with things from other family members.   I really think at this time, if Rachel has anything to do with it, Erica wil not have a relationship with her father because her sister will sabotage it.  Rachel needs to back out of the picture if she doesn't want anything to do with her father and let Erica move ahead with counseling with her father.  Drugs do terrible things to a person and make a person do things they wouldn't normally do.  I believe Erica needs to understand why her father turned to drugs in the first place and what it was really like for him at that time.  I am not excusing his actions, but drugs could explain them somewhat.  Yesterday Dr. Phil didn't seem to impress upon anyone what horrible things drugs can do to a person and those around them.  In fact, I felt he was extremely hard on Mark and I was disappointed in the way he handled the situation.  I can't blame Mark  for walking off the stage.  At least today Dr. Phil did give him credit for entering rehab and coming to the show for his daughter.  I'm sure he would have prefered to have done this privately, but this is what she wanted.  Erica, he has apologized over and over again.  It's time to accept his apology and move on with your life.  Pllease do not let your sister or anyone else make you feel you are wrong for wanting a relationship with your father.  Go to counseling, take the baby steps you both talked about and give him another chance.  He is your father and he does love you.  I feel he proved this by airing this on national TV.  I truly believe the man is sincere and you can have such a positive impact on his life as you already have by getting him to go to rehab.  God Bless you all.  You are a very strong woman.  Stay strong.
first of all dont tell me that i dont remember anything because i do. and yes the only reason i went on that show was to support my sister. i went off on my dad because it was an emotional time and i really wasnt prepared for it. i have NEVER tried to stop my sister from seeing this man. in fact she still sees him. and she talks to me about it and i do not try to sabotoage anything. i had my say...i dont want anything to do with him and im through. but im sick and tired of all of these people judging me because i cant forgive a man who killed my mother. i had no intention of even speaking to that man but the way he was trying to make excuses and come off as the victim pissed me off and if any of you dont agree with that well this isnt your life. you dont know me or my sister. all you know is what you saw on a tv show. i didnt even watch the show. i watched the preview for it online and all it did was bring back memories of one of the hardest most stressfull days of my life and i was not going to relive it all again by watching it all unfold on national television. so like i said earlier...im through with all of this. this is the only msg im posting. my sister and i will go on with our lives and if she continues to see mark then it doesnt bother me...after all he is her father. but for me its done
 
February 8, 2007, 12:42 pm CST

02/01 A Difficult Reunion – Part 1

Quote From: raychell26

first of all dont tell me that i dont remember anything because i do. and yes the only reason i went on that show was to support my sister. i went off on my dad because it was an emotional time and i really wasnt prepared for it. i have NEVER tried to stop my sister from seeing this man. in fact she still sees him. and she talks to me about it and i do not try to sabotoage anything. i had my say...i dont want anything to do with him and im through. but im sick and tired of all of these people judging me because i cant forgive a man who killed my mother. i had no intention of even speaking to that man but the way he was trying to make excuses and come off as the victim pissed me off and if any of you dont agree with that well this isnt your life. you dont know me or my sister. all you know is what you saw on a tv show. i didnt even watch the show. i watched the preview for it online and all it did was bring back memories of one of the hardest most stressfull days of my life and i was not going to relive it all again by watching it all unfold on national television. so like i said earlier...im through with all of this. this is the only msg im posting. my sister and i will go on with our lives and if she continues to see mark then it doesnt bother me...after all he is her father. but for me its done

I haven't watched the whole show yet because it airs a week later in my area so today I am seeing the part 1.

I understand your not wanting anything to do with your father and I understand your sister wanting to meet him. I could never judge either of you because I have not lived with what you have had and continue to live with. All I can say is do not take everything to heart that people say because they have no clue. We see a glimpse into the whole picture.

 

You both are strong and need to do what is right for you.

 

My regards, Tammy

 
February 8, 2007, 3:38 pm CST

WOW

This was one of the most powerful shows I have ever seen this took alot of courage for her to confront him.  I hope that he does not let her down. 
 
February 8, 2007, 3:46 pm CST

02/01 A Difficult Reunion – Part 1

I flet bad for Erica, but was glad that she was able to forgive her father somewhat, and do what she needed to do. I think she is a lot braver then me. I don't thinK i would want a relationship with this man even if he was my father, but hey if she does then good for her. I hope that she is able to stay strong and have the relationship she has dreamed about!
 
February 8, 2007, 5:11 pm CST

My 2 cents worth

I have been clean and sober for 12 years.  I could not grasp the destruction I inflicted upon my family for several years AFTER getting sober.  I would say to them that I understood the harm I caused, but I didn't really "get it."  Finally, after about three years of clean and sober living, I was able to comprehend what I had done to them (especially to my 10 year old son).  It  was devasting and absolutely necessary that I grasped the full measure of the hurt and pain I caused. 

 

I am so very sad for Erica and Rachel and what they went through ... I cannot imagine ... as to their father, my first reaction was he's a loser ... write him out of your lives ... then I remembered what happened to me and my family ... I don't know if he will EVER be honest with you, but until he can be absolutely honest with himself and accept what he has done, it will mean nothing to him or to you.  All I know is that he was in prison for 20 years and had 58 days of sobriety (which is essentially only a bare beginning).  If he continues to do what he needs to do and can reach a point where he grasps what he has done, there may be hope ... he cannot do it alone, though.  He can only do it with  help from others in recovery and who will tell him the truth about himself.

 

I am sorry if I sound like I'm giving advice ... I'm not ... I'm simply saying what was true for me.  My son will always suffer for what I did and I will never be able to erase that ... but I have been a trustworthy, honest mom to him since he was 10 years old, and that is the very best I can do.

 

I wish you both healing and love and forgiveness ... God knows you both deserve those things in your lives.

 
February 8, 2007, 11:27 pm CST

My heart goes out to you

Quote From: airca23

I'M NOT SURE WHY EVERYONE IS WRITING NEGITIVE THINGS ABOUT WHAT I SHOULD AND SHOULDNT DO. WHY DONT YOU ALL TRY LIVING WITH OUT EITHER PARETNS . GROWING UP KNOWING YOUR MOM IS NEVER COMMING BACK AND YOU DAD IS THE REASSON FOR THAT. I CANT EXPLAIN WHY I WAS FEELING THIS WAY BUT I WAS AND I SHOULD'NT HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO ANYONE. NO MATTER WHAT HE STILL IS MY FATHER I CANT CHANGE THAT. I JUST WANTED TO MEET HIM TO KNOW WHERE I CAME FORM. I NOW KNOW I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM AND I CAN MOVE ON. IF I DIDNT DO THIS IT WOULD OF HAUNTED ME FJOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. SO UNTILL YOU HAVE BEEN THOUGH WHAT I'VE BEEN THOUGH ITS NOT FAIR FOR ALL OF YOU TO SAY; MOVE ON, GET OVER IT, IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA.

I have a similar situation on my end with my 12 year-old-daughter's best friend.  3 months ago, her father murdered her mother.  My heart just goes out to you. I can empathize with both you and your sister.  In talking with my daughter's friend, she feels the way your sister feels right now.  I told her she needed to watch the show and it may help her to know that there are other people out there who unfortunately can empathize with you.  I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and doing what you believe is right. 

Again, I just wanted to give you my support and god bless.

 
February 10, 2007, 7:15 pm CST

Confused

Your message was posted on Jan. 30th.  Yet, the show only aired on Feb. 2nd.  I am a fairly intelligent woman, but this has stumped me.  Who are you?
 
February 14, 2007, 7:22 am CST

MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU....

Erica and Rachael,

 

My heart goes out to both of you.  I was really moved by both of your viewpoints and can understand both of your viewpoints on how you want to live the rest of your lives, dealing with this.  It's your choice.  A more tragic life event, I cannot imagine.  My hope is that this doesn't tare you both apart.  Please try to respect each other's decision because you only have each other.  At the same time, I respect your father for appearing on the show.  Must have been terribly difficult for him too.  It seems like he's damned if he does, and damned if he doesn't. 

 

Anyway...kudos for you girls in the highest regard.

 
February 18, 2007, 6:55 pm CST

02/01 A Difficult Reunion – Part 1

Quote From: csdv123

Your message was posted on Jan. 30th.  Yet, the show only aired on Feb. 2nd.  I am a fairly intelligent woman, but this has stumped me.  Who are you?

the air dates are different in different areas. In my area the actual air date is a week later than the dr. phil board dates.

 
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