Topic : 02/01 A Difficult Reunion – Part 1

I think she needs closure.  Yes, she knows her father killed her mother, but she needed to see for herself who he was.  There he is, her genetic father ~ he looks like her and she must have inherited dozens of haphazard things from him, not all of them bad. 

 

She had to look at that waste of a man and reconcile the person in front of her with the 'father' that every girl longs in her heart to have ~ that's a hard thing to do! However, it might get done better and more quickly, if she has him in front of her for a moment of time for hello and goodbye.

 

Dr. Phil is doing an awesome job with this tough case, and here's one of the reasons I think it's so compelling.  I get the impression that Dr. Phil was willing to move mountains to help this deserving and courageous young woman (cause he moved some mountains).  And, if he had to choose between either helping this woman or airing this show in front of millions, he'd choose to help this woman ~ it's all over him how much he wants to help her ~ and he does.

It took a great deal of courage for Mark to appear and I applaud that.  He's still doing time and will never be a free man despite what you judgemental people think.

I think people are being a little too hard on Erica for wanting to see her father. Most of us, thank God, have not had to go through what she has. She is not wanting to "reunite" in the sense of becoming friends.  I think she wants to look her father in the eye while he answers questions she has always longed to ask him. If I were in her shoes, I would want Dr Phil helping me to sort out the feelings that are natural to be having. This will hopefully allow her to move forward with a renewed determination to be the best legacy to her mother she can be. I applad her for having the COURAGE AND STRENGTH that she obviously inhearited from her mother to do what she needs to do and seek  the help she needs to do it.

-Sara

 

I know most of you disagree with this young girl meeting her father. I think he deserves to meet his daughters...obviously he's done a horrible horrible thing 20 years ago.  He's still human, and drugs can cause psychosis and coming off the drugs probably make it very hard for him to accept all these horrible things he's done on the drugs. I think he needs some support, maybe counselling. I do empathize with him, I can tell he has empathy....and I can tell that he has emotions...I just think he is very bad at communicating them. When Dr. Phil and everyone thowing questions at him, he's not answering them from the heart...he's answering from what he thinks is the correct answer. That doesn't make him a psycho, or a horrible person. He's probably never had much reassurance in his life. I'm not ignoring the fact that their mother is dead or that the daughters have been through all this trauma. I am just realizing that people can make horrible mistakes that doesn't make then horrible people, I think he's been to hell and back...jail, the guilty conscience, drug addiction, the loss of his family....and who knows what his childhood was like. He's making the effort, when he could have turned his back. I see when his daughter cried, he cried...and had emotion...but when he speaks about what happened with the mother...his face is emotionless...doesn't look like their is any sadness....but I know from experience being a victim, sometimes when your body is in shock or simply cannot digest the severity, it goes numb. And if you've been forced to tell the story over and over...that is what it feels like....a story...not real life anymore.

Arica, I really admire what you did. I don't agree with anyone who suggests that you should have just moved on with your life without acknowledging him. Anyone can do that. It's easy, it's comfortable. What you did was admirable and definately something that your children will look up to. It's great to see that in spite of never growing up with your original parents that you turned out to be the complete opposite of what your father was.

One thing I need to suggest, you came on the show looking for closure. I can't tell you how to react because you're in the right to react in any way possible, both negative and positive. I do however think that if you expect your father to be in your life (assuming that's what you feel you need), that there has to be some level of understanding for him. God forgives anyone for any crime made against him, including crucifying His only son. What your father did was wrong, but it was 20 years ago.

Any man would have not even shown up. He has an admiring quality to want to change and to show up just for you. I feel that there should have been an equal understanding to him as there was to you. He made a terrible mistake, but it was 20 years ago.

Life needs to move on, he needs to be given the chance to make admends. I don't think that because he didn't burst out crying that he had no remorse for what he did to your mother. You don't know what goes on in the hearts of others. You should've seen how broken he looked when he first came in and looked at you. His face showed how he felt - broken. He immediately apologized. He pleaded to touch your hand and kiss it. Any other man who had no remorse, no guilt, no desire for change would not have done any of what he did. I believe he wants a change. I'm sure you both sorted this out behind stage and we'll see it all unfold tommorrow. I just wanted to impart this on you.

Luke 6:36-38 - "Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

To the daughters.....
My mother was murdered by her husband (my step-father) 24 years ago.  I was 18 at the time.  Please make your father answer any and all questions you have.  I struggle daily with questions that will never be answered.  My step-father died a few years ago removing any chance of closure. 
Don't let your life revolve around your mother's death.  Find the joy and happiness your mother wanted for you since the moment you were born.  My life is filled with the love of a 22 year marriage, 4 amazing children, and memories.

I think Dr. Phil ( who I respect 99% of the time) should have done this in a different way. I understand there is deep deep pain for the 2 sisters whos Mom was killed but I also understand the father not having any acceptable answers for his daughter. There is no way to make sense of a drug induced action that was nonsense. I felt for Mark. He was in a lose, lose, situation from the beginning. Never should have been done on national T.V. Shame on Dr. Phil. Sincerely, Wallawallamom

I suppose he could have refused to appear, confirming what everyone already assumed about him. He may never be a "free man" because of his own, adult decision to take another persons life. That is not something you can just pretend never happened. Ericka is not a "free woman" because of a circumstance that she was thrust into without her agreement. She was a baby when her mother and father were taken away and that was her fathers choice. I think appearing is the very least he can do. I would not applaud him for that.

You go girl!  I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I know how you feel.  My mother was murdered in 1982 by my step-father.  He is now dead and I will never know the whole story.  Its a closure I'll never feel.  I am proud of you and awe-struck at your courage.  Hold your head high and know there are some of us who really do understand.
BabsMc