Message Boards

Topic : 02/01 A Difficult Reunion – Part 1

Number of Replies: 193
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, January 26, 2007, 01:59:13 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil follows the continuing story of Erica, who as a little girl survived the unthinkable. At just 2 years old, she witnessed her father, Mark, murder her mother. Her father spent nearly two decades behind bars for this heinous crime. Now that he has been released from prison, Erica will be reunited with him -- the father who murdered her own mother -- for the first time in over 20 years. In the first of two parts, Dr. Phil arranges a powerful reunion that Erica hopes will bring answers, but instead raises many more questions. When Erica's curiosity turns to anger, her emotions are too much for Mark to bear, and he walks right off the Dr. Phil stage! Tell us what you think!

Find out what happened on the show.

More February 2007 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

February 1, 2007, 1:55 pm CST

02/01 A Difficult Reunion – Part 1

Quote From: airca23

I'M NOT SURE WHY EVERYONE IS WRITING NEGITIVE THINGS ABOUT WHAT I SHOULD AND SHOULDNT DO. WHY DONT YOU ALL TRY LIVING WITH OUT EITHER PARETNS . GROWING UP KNOWING YOUR MOM IS NEVER COMMING BACK AND YOU DAD IS THE REASSON FOR THAT. I CANT EXPLAIN WHY I WAS FEELING THIS WAY BUT I WAS AND I SHOULD'NT HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO ANYONE. NO MATTER WHAT HE STILL IS MY FATHER I CANT CHANGE THAT. I JUST WANTED TO MEET HIM TO KNOW WHERE I CAME FORM. I NOW KNOW I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM AND I CAN MOVE ON. IF I DIDNT DO THIS IT WOULD OF HAUNTED ME FJOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. SO UNTILL YOU HAVE BEEN THOUGH WHAT I'VE BEEN THOUGH ITS NOT FAIR FOR ALL OF YOU TO SAY; MOVE ON, GET OVER IT, IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA.

My heart goes out to you and your sister.  I applaud your courage and hope that this has given you the answers you need.  If you needed to meet him then so be it.  My biological father abused my mother.  He gave up rights to me about a year after she left so that he wouldn't have to support me.  The man who raised me, my dad, adopted me.  I still had the need to confront my biological father.  My situation is nowhere to the degree that yours is but I can understand your need to see him.  I was about the same age you were and don't remember anything except being afraid of him.  You were just a baby and couldn't address your feelings.  Now you can and I'm glad you were given the opportunity to do so.  I'm gathering from your post that you got the answers you needed and I hope that is makes your heart feel better.
 
February 1, 2007, 1:57 pm CST

"Choices are the hinges of destiny."(poet Edwin Markham)

I nervously watched the show today. I was trying to get an idea of how sincere the dad is. I don't think I believe everything he said. I don't think he should try to blame the murder on drugs. Not only that, if he was so messed up when he killed his wife, how come his recall is so good? I think he was just plain mean 20 years ago.I have to question whether he went into rehab to save his own butt, or because Erica wanted him to,((which is what he claims) I totally understand that Erica wanted to try and get some kind of closure in her life. I think he got angry today because he thought that Dr Phil was ruining his "happy" reunion by asking questions that needed to be asked. Who knows how this will turn out.? It depends on how sincere he is about staying off drugs. Erica, for your sake, I hope it turns out well. If I were in your shoes I'd be very careful. I think you're a very brave girl. I wonder if your dad knows how truly blessed he is?
 
February 1, 2007, 1:58 pm CST

Hi Erica

My show taped the same day as this one and when I heard about your topic I couldnt stop thinking about you. I watched both shows so far and I just cant stop crying. My mother is a drug addict and my father drank. He wasnt around when I was growing up, I feel I can relate but then again I cant because both my "parents" are alive.

Please dont listen to the negative. You did what you had to do. You had to face him and sometimes that doesnt even bring answers. Iam glad you were able to stand up for yourself, and as far as your sister, she did what was right for herself, but Iam glad she was there for you. I wish you the best in life and I hope one day you will have peace in your life. Take care Hun.. and respond back to me if you want to talk.

 

 

 

 
February 1, 2007, 1:58 pm CST

Erica is so strong!

Erica-

I was so impressed with your strength and your values.  Alot of people don't understand you, but don't take that criticism to heart.  They lack empathy, something you obviously have more of than almost anyone.   You reopened the hugest wound someone can suffer, and you did it bravely, and for all the right reasons.  You were eloquent in a moment most people couldn't even speak.  You asked all your questions, you didn't give him an inch, you spoke intelligently.  Most reporters would not have been able to handle themselves as well as you did.  Possibly that is why others don't understand; because you're an amazing woman.  You are prepared to forgive the most heinous thing that could have happened to you.  I am very proud of you as I'm sure your wonderful sister, husband and family are, and that is all that matters.  I wish I could hug you and hope you will find the healing you deserve.  You set a wonderful example for others.

 
February 1, 2007, 2:04 pm CST

Completely disturbing

I understand from the get go, after reading all of these messages, that I am going to be in the minority and receive a great deal of flak for what I have to say.

 

I have a great respect for Dr. Phil and what he does for people but I have never been so angry or enraged after watching an episode as I was today. I think the way this was handled was completely wrong and improper, especially for Mark. I am in no way trying to discount what he did and make it as though it never happened, but everyone makes mistakes. Obviously there is a broad spectrum of mistakes and his is at the far end but that is the destructive power of drugs. I have respect for him because he is willing to admit what he did, even though people keep saying, including his daughter, that he won't admit to it. I heard him say, "I killed her mother" I don't know how many times.

 

Maybe there is something wrong with me or my wiring but I feel bad for him and the onslaught he encountered on the show. He had to know it wasn't going to be easy and expected confrontation, but he has tried to make himself a better person and was willing to stand before his daughter and explain his actions and take responsibility for them.

 

When this story first was aired, I could associate myself with it a great deal. I am adopted and have found both of my birth parents. Growing up I knew my father had chosen drugs over my mother and myself and because he chose heroin over us, my mother couldn't raise me on her own, there by having no choice but to give me up. I grew up with same anger and confusion that Arica has. Obviously, my father didn't kill my mother, but because of his choice of drugs over us, I lost both my parents. So when I grew up and I found my mother in 2002, it was not a priority at that time for me to find him. It was a thought in the back of my head but I had the past 26 years of anger and resentment keeping me from him or even the want to find him. It just so happened that in 2004, my mother found him. I was then presented with the ability to meet him. I realized he made a mistake and that mistake affected everyone around him. I choose to give him a chance and to hear his side of the story. He is a great person, has admitted to his mistakes, just as Mark did, and wants nothing but the best for me. I am glad I gave that chance to him and myself.

 

Maybe I'm crazy here, or like I said, wired wrong, but last I knew, EVERYONE makes mistakes. Why is it okay for some to get a second chance when they haven't earned it, and those that are trying or have changed their ways and admitted their wrongs, don't get one. Again, don't get me wrong. I am not saying what Mark did is right in anyway, and that he shouldn't have done time, and even not have contact with his daughters, but at least he has realized and admitted what he did was wrong, has gone to rehab and is sober and people are treating him like he was sitting on that stage saying, "I did nothing wrong, I was wrongly convicted and I'm a great humanitarian."  I have great respect for him coming to show and facing his girls and the animosity that I am sure was eminating from the audience that day.

 
February 1, 2007, 2:05 pm CST

02/01 A Difficult Reunion – Part 1

Quote From: airca23

I'M NOT SURE WHY EVERYONE IS WRITING NEGITIVE THINGS ABOUT WHAT I SHOULD AND SHOULDNT DO. WHY DONT YOU ALL TRY LIVING WITH OUT EITHER PARETNS . GROWING UP KNOWING YOUR MOM IS NEVER COMMING BACK AND YOU DAD IS THE REASSON FOR THAT. I CANT EXPLAIN WHY I WAS FEELING THIS WAY BUT I WAS AND I SHOULD'NT HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO ANYONE. NO MATTER WHAT HE STILL IS MY FATHER I CANT CHANGE THAT. I JUST WANTED TO MEET HIM TO KNOW WHERE I CAME FORM. I NOW KNOW I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM AND I CAN MOVE ON. IF I DIDNT DO THIS IT WOULD OF HAUNTED ME FJOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. SO UNTILL YOU HAVE BEEN THOUGH WHAT I'VE BEEN THOUGH ITS NOT FAIR FOR ALL OF YOU TO SAY; MOVE ON, GET OVER IT, IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA.

Arica, i did not louse my mother as you did but i do know where your coming from,you see my father killed my younger brother when he was 17 years old, my father went to prison for 15 years, i had to know what happened just as you had to know, i went to the sherrifs dept and asked if i could see my father, you see i wasnt home the day all this took place,the investagators let me see my father, i was filled with pure hate till i laied my eyes on him, seeing him sit there all brused and battered from the attack my brother launched on him, i never thought my brother would ever raise a hand to our parents,but i was wrong,still that didnt warrant death by no means,i miss my brother every day of my life, my father pulled his 15 years in prison, that hurt me even more, but even the prison sentence he pulled for 15 years didnt come close to the punnishment he passed on him self, he was never the same, he too is dead now and has been for 17 years, him too i miss very much even if he did take my brothers life, but the point im really trying to let you know is , i wasnt able to begin to heal my self till i looked my father in the eyes and told him i forgive him, and i still loved him, that no matter what he was and would always be my father,if i could turn time back to the day my brother died i would follow my heart and go home when my heart was telling me to instead of helping a friend rebuild a damn engine for his friend, i could have stoped all this from happening if i had only went home when everything in me was trying to tell me to go home.but the biggest message here is dont let hate take away the love in your heart, keep it alive it can and will grow, read this 2 times and just think about how much pain ur father is feeling today about his past life, i know that will never bring your mother back, but you do not have to louse your father as well, only god can punish him worse than hes already punnished himself.

 
February 1, 2007, 2:07 pm CST

to early in sobriety

regardless of what some people may think this man only has 58 days of sobriety.  just because he was in prison for 20 years and didn't do drugs doesn't mean he dealt with his emotional being.   I am actually surprised that Dr Phil would allow this to happen during such early sobriety. 
 
February 1, 2007, 2:14 pm CST

02/01 A Difficult Reunion – Part 1

Quote From: ermacoff

I think Dr. Phil ( who I respect 99% of the time) should have done this in a different way. I understand there is deep deep pain for the 2 sisters whos Mom was killed but I also understand the father not having any acceptable answers for his daughter. There is no way to make sense of a drug induced action that was nonsense. I felt for Mark. He was in a lose, lose, situation from the beginning. Never should have been done on national T.V. Shame on Dr. Phil. Sincerely, Wallawallamom
I feel exactly the same. I am a Christian and believe in God with my whole heart. I felt sorry for this man as well as his 2 daughters. I felt you could see the sorrow in his eyes. Being a drug addict is real. If you have never been in this situation, you cant understand. I also feel like Dr Phil was kind of harsh with this man. I understand he is there for Erica and her sister. but I think a little kindness was due. After all, Mark is living this too. He not only has to live with the fact that he killed his wife and mother of his children for the rest of his life but he has to prove himself every day to these girls. He will live out his sentence for the rest of his life. Who are any of us to judge this man? We are not God and do not know his heart. I do know if he has asked God for forgiveness he has received it. Does he deserve it? Probably not, but none of us deserve Gods forgiveness. He took a life, yes, but the Bible says to break one commandment is to break them all. None of us are any better than him. If God loves this man and forgives him, so do I. I am so sorry for the loss these girls have had to endure, but forgiveness heals. Give this guy a chance.
 
February 1, 2007, 2:17 pm CST

02/01 A Difficult Reunion – Part 1

I speak as someone with nearly 20 years of clean and sober time.

 

Dr. Phil, as the son of an alcoholic, perhaps you should be aware of the fact that detox is a medical emergency, and with 58 days' alleged clean time, this man is in no condition to deal with any kind of trauma or stress whatsoever.  Detox often entails a psychotic break with reality,  along with severe physical stress, as I'm sure you are aware.

 

Seeing that he has committed a murder,  I think it is irresponsible to have such a man, still detoxing, be confronted by angry and reproachful daughters.

 

It's not one of the 12 steps, or even the 13th, but one cornerstone of the 12 step programs is, No Big Changes in the First Year.

 

You're asking way too much of a murderer with 58 days' clean time. One can tell that he doesn't even begin to get what you're talking about -- he's blaming the murder on "the disease" -- as most people who are hijacked into rehab tend to do.

 

The other cornerstone of recovery, as per the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, is that anybody can get sober, except those "who are constitutionally unable to be honest with themselves."

 

And you can't know if you're one of those unfortunates unless you've been drug or alcohol free for at least a year. Some people say it takes three years until your spinal fluid is clean of biochemical changes due to addiction.

 

My experience, and that of many others who didn't drink and didn't die, is that you're really not clean and sober until you've had about 10 years of abstinence. At about 15 years of abstinence, you can begin your life as an adult.

 

We don't tell this to the amateurs because we don't want to discourage them.

 

But when you drag a murderer out of rehab and expose his innocent daughters to him, it is time to let some of the anonymous out of the alcoholics.

 

Let the pros handle this one, Dr. Phil. And tell those girls to get their tails into Al Anon and ACOA. Along with AA, ACOA has saved my life. It will save theirs, and their children's too.

 

 

 

 
February 1, 2007, 2:21 pm CST

A friend of Erica.

I am a friend of Ericas. No one will ever understand the pain she has endured. Erica I am so sorry that after all these years you are having to endure this again. Please call me.
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Next | Last