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Topic : 02/01 A Difficult Reunion – Part 1

Number of Replies: 193
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Created on : Friday, January 26, 2007, 01:59:13 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil follows the continuing story of Erica, who as a little girl survived the unthinkable. At just 2 years old, she witnessed her father, Mark, murder her mother. Her father spent nearly two decades behind bars for this heinous crime. Now that he has been released from prison, Erica will be reunited with him -- the father who murdered her own mother -- for the first time in over 20 years. In the first of two parts, Dr. Phil arranges a powerful reunion that Erica hopes will bring answers, but instead raises many more questions. When Erica's curiosity turns to anger, her emotions are too much for Mark to bear, and he walks right off the Dr. Phil stage! Tell us what you think!

Find out what happened on the show.

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February 1, 2007, 2:25 pm CST

You're right, it's really not fair.

Quote From: airca23

thats really not fair for all of you to say i should want to met him and i get over it. why dont you try living your wole life with neither parents. One was dead and never coming back, and one was in prison because he killed her. I cant explain why i was feeling that way. i guess still after all he has done he my father. I;m not going to let anyone make ne fell bad for what I want and how i feel. SO untill you have been though what ive been though you should'nt say those things like; get over it, move on you, i dont understand whay she wants to met him. Since hte show i now know i dont want anything to do with because of what he did i just wanted to meet who my father was and maybe something.  My life is better off without him.

Erica, I haven't read any posts from anyone who has been through what you've lived through. I can't tell you how much I respect your bravery and conviction to see this through. I can only imagine how nervous you were,because I was nervous watching. I'm glad you did it the way you did because I felt that you were safer by being in a controlled environment. At least you can control what kind of relationship you may or may not have with your dad. It's not out of your control like it was 20 years ago. And who knows, maybe he will clean up his act. Whatever you decide to do in your heart of hearts will be your own decision. I wish you the very best.
 
February 1, 2007, 2:41 pm CST

what's right for you

Quote From: airca23

thats really not fair for all of you to say i should want to met him and i get over it. why dont you try living your wole life with neither parents. One was dead and never coming back, and one was in prison because he killed her. I cant explain why i was feeling that way. i guess still after all he has done he my father. I;m not going to let anyone make ne fell bad for what I want and how i feel. SO untill you have been though what ive been though you should'nt say those things like; get over it, move on you, i dont understand whay she wants to met him. Since hte show i now know i dont want anything to do with because of what he did i just wanted to meet who my father was and maybe something.  My life is better off without him.

You have to do what is right for YOU.  Your decision may not be what someone else would do, but that doesn't mean it's not the right thing for you to do for yourself.  I can't imagine living the life you have lived, the things you have gone through, etc.  I hope you have found whatever it is you were looking for by doing this.  I think you are a very strong person to have done this.  Ignore all the negative that people have to say.  A lot of people love to tear other people down.  You did what you needed to do for yourself...to heal yourself, find closure, etc.  I wish you every happiness life has to offer!! 

 
February 1, 2007, 2:42 pm CST

Upset with doctor Phil

What about forgiveness. Without it there will never be peace, or inner Peace within a person. What happened 20 years was aweful, and the fact that he his behind his disease was horrible, but doctor Phil antaganized the situation in my opinion by not allowing the man to appologize. He said it, and had Dr Phill let it go, so would the girl. To allow the other girl to not talk to her dad is fine, but to not also try to coach them into the spiritual fact of forgiveness, and allow them to bath in the victim mentality is sad to me. It is okay in this society for almost everybody to hide behind there diseases of addiction, obesity, yet, when the man does the same thing pretty much any fat person does out there, and hides behind his, wow onto him. I was raped too, never became fat or addicted, but forgave the rapist, even took some of the responsibility. The girl deserves a father in her life, it is what she said she was hoping for, and I feel dr Phil did pretty much what he could to make sure that would not happen. I believe he preys more on the ratings these days then to come to good solutions that we can learn and grow from. I think it was awesome the girl wanted to see her father, and feel sorry for the older sister,. for the hate she still has in her soul. What the dad did was aweful, no excuse, but forgiveness is the key to life, love and inner peace. When have we become the judge.

I am not religious, nor have I lived an easy life, especcially with my parents.

 
February 1, 2007, 2:42 pm CST

ooops

Quote From: purejuice

I speak as someone with nearly 20 years of clean and sober time.

 

Dr. Phil, as the son of an alcoholic, perhaps you should be aware of the fact that detox is a medical emergency, and with 58 days' alleged clean time, this man is in no condition to deal with any kind of trauma or stress whatsoever.  Detox often entails a psychotic break with reality,  along with severe physical stress, as I'm sure you are aware.

 

Seeing that he has committed a murder,  I think it is irresponsible to have such a man, still detoxing, be confronted by angry and reproachful daughters.

 

It's not one of the 12 steps, or even the 13th, but one cornerstone of the 12 step programs is, No Big Changes in the First Year.

 

You're asking way too much of a murderer with 58 days' clean time. One can tell that he doesn't even begin to get what you're talking about -- he's blaming the murder on "the disease" -- as most people who are hijacked into rehab tend to do.

 

The other cornerstone of recovery, as per the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, is that anybody can get sober, except those "who are constitutionally unable to be honest with themselves."

 

And you can't know if you're one of those unfortunates unless you've been drug or alcohol free for at least a year. Some people say it takes three years until your spinal fluid is clean of biochemical changes due to addiction.

 

My experience, and that of many others who didn't drink and didn't die, is that you're really not clean and sober until you've had about 10 years of abstinence. At about 15 years of abstinence, you can begin your life as an adult.

 

We don't tell this to the amateurs because we don't want to discourage them.

 

But when you drag a murderer out of rehab and expose his innocent daughters to him, it is time to let some of the anonymous out of the alcoholics.

 

Let the pros handle this one, Dr. Phil. And tell those girls to get their tails into Al Anon and ACOA. Along with AA, ACOA has saved my life. It will save theirs, and their children's too.

 

 

 

Misquoted the Big Book: it says the only people who can't get sober are those who are "constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves."

Sorry.

XXX

PJ

 
February 1, 2007, 2:43 pm CST

Confused???

I think this woman was very brave to go through this.  I do not think that there is a right or wrong thing to do.  She wanted to meet him and  I can understand that.  I do think that maybe she also should've learned more about addiction.  If she wanted to jump into this, she should do it completely.  I think that Dr. Phil should've helped her with that.  I am in NO WAY excusing drug addiction or behavior that occers while someone is under the influence but, addiction isa real disease.  I used to think the same way lots of you do; if you loved us you wouldn't do drugs, you've gotten in so much trouble doing drugs why don't you quit, you have lost everything...  I had to learn all about addiction to understand why even though my 18 year old brother lived in slum with no food, heat, etc still continued to use.  This man went to rehab and was 58 days sober.  He did tell his daughter that he did what he did.  I feel sorry for her because I think Dr Phil dropped the ball on this one.  I respect him and agree with him a lot.  I just don't know if she was properly prepared.  Did they say anything on the show about Aerica getting therapy or being prepared before this meeting?  This is a huge horrible thing this woman has gone through.  I think it's very courageous of her to work through her pain.  It's not about him or him saying whatever she wants because it's obvious there is nothing he can say,  now it's about her healing herself.  Nothing will bring her mom back or give her the father she wishes she had but, working through the pain, surrounding herself with people who love her and letting go of the hate is where she will get her true peace.  It's in letting go of the anger and the hate, that will only hurt the person feeling it, that frees the heart and soul.    God Bless You Aerica 
 
February 1, 2007, 2:43 pm CST

02/01 A Difficult Reunion – Part 1

Quote From: rosie52

Erica, I haven't read any posts from anyone who has been through what you've lived through. I can't tell you how much I respect your bravery and conviction to see this through. I can only imagine how nervous you were,because I was nervous watching. I'm glad you did it the way you did because I felt that you were safer by being in a controlled environment. At least you can control what kind of relationship you may or may not have with your dad. It's not out of your control like it was 20 years ago. And who knows, maybe he will clean up his act. Whatever you decide to do in your heart of hearts will be your own decision. I wish you the very best.
I've been through it. 
 
February 1, 2007, 2:46 pm CST

Yes

Quote From: purejuice

I speak as someone with nearly 20 years of clean and sober time.

 

Dr. Phil, as the son of an alcoholic, perhaps you should be aware of the fact that detox is a medical emergency, and with 58 days' alleged clean time, this man is in no condition to deal with any kind of trauma or stress whatsoever.  Detox often entails a psychotic break with reality,  along with severe physical stress, as I'm sure you are aware.

 

Seeing that he has committed a murder,  I think it is irresponsible to have such a man, still detoxing, be confronted by angry and reproachful daughters.

 

It's not one of the 12 steps, or even the 13th, but one cornerstone of the 12 step programs is, No Big Changes in the First Year.

 

You're asking way too much of a murderer with 58 days' clean time. One can tell that he doesn't even begin to get what you're talking about -- he's blaming the murder on "the disease" -- as most people who are hijacked into rehab tend to do.

 

The other cornerstone of recovery, as per the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, is that anybody can get sober, except those "who are constitutionally unable to be honest with themselves."

 

And you can't know if you're one of those unfortunates unless you've been drug or alcohol free for at least a year. Some people say it takes three years until your spinal fluid is clean of biochemical changes due to addiction.

 

My experience, and that of many others who didn't drink and didn't die, is that you're really not clean and sober until you've had about 10 years of abstinence. At about 15 years of abstinence, you can begin your life as an adult.

 

We don't tell this to the amateurs because we don't want to discourage them.

 

But when you drag a murderer out of rehab and expose his innocent daughters to him, it is time to let some of the anonymous out of the alcoholics.

 

Let the pros handle this one, Dr. Phil. And tell those girls to get their tails into Al Anon and ACOA. Along with AA, ACOA has saved my life. It will save theirs, and their children's too.

 

 

 

This is something I agree with and what I meant .
 
February 1, 2007, 2:48 pm CST

hugs for you Erica

I send you my deepest regards to your mother Erica. Even though I havent lived through what you have been through, I do know what its like to grow up without a father. I know that your pain is deep and great and I hope that you will beable to work through this very emotional time in your life. It will take time as you know as you've been working through this your whole entire life. Please remember that God is watching over you and he will take very good care of you.
 
February 1, 2007, 2:52 pm CST

02/01 A Difficult Reunion – Part 1

Quote From: gregoryc

regardless of what some people may think this man only has 58 days of sobriety.  just because he was in prison for 20 years and didn't do drugs doesn't mean he dealt with his emotional being.   I am actually surprised that Dr Phil would allow this to happen during such early sobriety. 
My feeling precisely, thank you.
 
February 1, 2007, 2:53 pm CST

Letters from Mark

Dear Erica, I have to be careful what and how I say things I upset Raychel last time.  I used to write your dad while he was in prison and he asked me questions about being shot and how I forgave my husband for shooting me twice.  He wanted to know if I thought Angie would ever forgive him for what he did.  I told him I didn't know but that I did know Angie had loved him like no other and he loved her the same way, so I could only guess that if she had lived she would have forgiven him.  As you know you have to forgive to let go and go on.  I'm going to go through old boxes and see if I can find any of the letters.  Mark loved you thats for sure he loved you both but he also told me he had to forget you because Angies mom told him you girls were dead to him that he would never see you.  For him to go on he had to almost act like he didn't have girls, that's just what he did to survive in his mind.  He told me he would in no way try to see you girls once he got out because he had caused you both to much pain already.  I have no idea who Mark is today and I don't think anybody does not even his family.  Do you know what happened at Christmas?  Ever since the first episode all I can do is think about all this stuff.  You think you have things under control and have forgotten, put away, and just moved on when something like this comes up to show you you don't have it under control.  What I went through with Cori's step dad comes back to me now and I thought I had forgiven and forgotten well it's still there.  Being shot by someone who says they love you really can make you wonder what kind of person you are.  Like I said before if you want to know things about your mom and dad just give me a call.  They loved each other and they had 2 beautiful little girls where there life went after that  was a tragedy.  There drug use was a lot of there problems.  I think if they would have been clean then they would have been happy.  Drugs are his demons and he may never be rid of them, it's very hard to get off drugs and going back to them happens to most all addicts one or more times some never ever get rid of the desire to do them but some are strong enough to beat the desire.   Having God in your life doesn't make you be able to stop drugs just like that.  I think that's what Mark thought.  Well the last show is tomorrow and I hope after that one all our lifes can go forward for the better.  Mark is still tortured and always will be I don't know if he will ever be the father you need.  We love you and think about you all the time.  God bless you both!
 
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