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Topic : 02/01 A Difficult Reunion – Part 1

Number of Replies: 193
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Created on : Friday, January 26, 2007, 01:59:13 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil follows the continuing story of Erica, who as a little girl survived the unthinkable. At just 2 years old, she witnessed her father, Mark, murder her mother. Her father spent nearly two decades behind bars for this heinous crime. Now that he has been released from prison, Erica will be reunited with him -- the father who murdered her own mother -- for the first time in over 20 years. In the first of two parts, Dr. Phil arranges a powerful reunion that Erica hopes will bring answers, but instead raises many more questions. When Erica's curiosity turns to anger, her emotions are too much for Mark to bear, and he walks right off the Dr. Phil stage! Tell us what you think!

Find out what happened on the show.

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February 1, 2007, 9:57 am CST

Glad She Is Facing Him

My first question would be, "What the heck are you doing out of jail?"

 

But that is me!

 

I understand why this young woman wants to face her father down!

 

But in all honesty about all it will actually do for her is help her decide she needn't waste her time anymore with him. 

 

That people who commit this kind of thing think only of themselves and that is all the man is probably capable of! 

 

Drugs didn't cause his violence his own nature did!

 

Jail taught him nothing!  Reformation has to be something the persons wants to do from the inside out, not is forced to do!

 

And that she was far better off with him out of her life than in it!

 

My advice to her would be to look for the good that has come into her life and not focus on the bad!  It is something to learn from, take the lesson and use it positively in her life so that it adds beauty to her character and spirit!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
February 1, 2007, 10:07 am CST

02/01 A Difficult Reunion – Part 1

Quote From: angelaouzts

Sweetheart, What you are going through is terrible, none of us can imagine your pain, my heart goes out to you, but you are doing the right thing, you do need closure, and your own feelings are all that matters, you were only two when all of this happened, you were too young to have formed your own opinion of your father, you are being told what you should feel, but only you know what is in your heart! what your father did was horrific, but as both of you mentioned your faith in God, all I can say is God is a merciful and forgiving God, that's why we are all so blessed, as he forgave the ones that murdered him and hung him on the cross, are we to do any less? I am not saying he desreves a relationship with you or your sister, but for your own peace I think you need to forgive, you'll never forget, but forgivenness can offer you your own peace.  You can not continue to live with bitterness and haterd in your heart, those are destructive emotions, after all you've been through the best medicine is to find a purpose in this tragedy, whether as an advocate for other child victims, or just in living well in spite of your own victimization,  cling to your faith, know in your heart you are a better person and let God's love continue to shine through from you and let it be a witness to those who lack your faith and sweet spirit. You take care honey and if you ever need a frd. to talk to my e-mail is angelaouzts@yahoo.com. Love in Christ, Angela

Hi Erica,  I just wanted to say that I think you are doing the right thing.  It took a lot of courage to go through all you have done to find your Father and get some answers to the questions you;ve held on to for many years.  I hope your Father gives you all the closure you deserve.  There is no excuse for what he has done and I am not excusing him by no means but he could have taken an easier way out by taking his own life.  He came to the show and showed his face on National Television to tell the world what a unforgivable act he committed and to try and give you answers to questions you deserve.  I have to give him that much credit in making his life better.  I truly believe nobody in the whole world would want to live with this kind of guilt and I think that was probablly why he went back to drugs to kill some of the pain he has to be living with everyday.  NOT AN EXCUSE, BUT REALITY!  I hope and pray you and your sister and your Father find peace.  The only judge for your Father should be God the Father and one day, he will be judged like  each and every one of us.  Lots of prayers,

 

sbrown

 
February 1, 2007, 10:26 am CST

After twenty years -----

After twenty years this coward, bully, killer will NOT admit what he did, and why he did it.

 

So what's new?  A typical abuser, batterer, battering murderer.

 

It was NOT the drugs.

 

It was his VIOLENCE AND HIS DELIBERATE CHOICE TO OVERPOWER, ABUSE AND CONTROL HIS WIFE.  THE ULTIMATE CONTROL.

 

It is a DEADLY END TO YEARS OF ABUSE, POWER AND CONTROL OVER THIS beautiful mother and woman.  Torturing the children further by killing their mother there in the yard of their home.  What should have been their safe haven.

 

Why is this man free and out of prison?

 

This is  a man who was violent and abusive.....I venture a guess that his core belief system and violence is still there inside him.  The eruptions are waiting just below the surface.

 

This is also a man who used and abused drugs...he is still an addict.

 

In my opinion, there is absolutely NO reason for either daughter to ever have anything to do with this guy, well, with the exception of the few questions being asked and wanting some answers, however.......the answers will never fall from this guy's lips.

 

The denial, not taking responsibility for what he did and served some time in prison for.......... the lies will continue.

 

On top of the VIOLENCE,  TORTURE, ABUSE.

 

The DRUGS.....

 

He is a KILLER.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
February 1, 2007, 10:39 am CST

I truly wish you would stop speaking for .......

Quote From: flthomcat

WHATEVER it takes for the victim (in this case the daughter) to move forward in her life and achieve both emotional health and happiness is what NEEDS to be done. If confronting her father is what is needed, than good for her (and for him).

.
If she is waiting for answers that make sense (there are none for murder), than she will forever be stuck in a very sad place.

.

May she forgive (for her sake and for God's) and move forward in her life. I cannot watch tonight's episode due to travel, but I pray that this young woman is going to move forward in her life and not hand over control to her father (being angry 24/ 7 is giving away ones power). Forgiving and moving forward is the best way for her to honor her mother. Any decent mother would want this for her child.

I truly wish you would stop speaking for God.

 

There are a couple of message boards set aside to discuss religion and your beliefs. 

 

 

Were I her mother, I'd be rolling in my grave knowing my daughter was anywhere near this ex-con. 

 

Forgiving in this instance is just not applicable.

 

Moving forward can be accomplished WITHOUT forgiving your Mother's MURDERER.

 

He gave up his right to be a father when he made the choice to abuse and violate the entire family.         This was long before he made the choice to commit murder against the children's mother.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
February 1, 2007, 10:56 am CST

And Then...

Quote From: airca23

thats really not fair for all of you to say i should want to met him and i get over it. why dont you try living your wole life with neither parents. One was dead and never coming back, and one was in prison because he killed her. I cant explain why i was feeling that way. i guess still after all he has done he my father. I;m not going to let anyone make ne fell bad for what I want and how i feel. SO untill you have been though what ive been though you should'nt say those things like; get over it, move on you, i dont understand whay she wants to met him. Since hte show i now know i dont want anything to do with because of what he did i just wanted to meet who my father was and maybe something.  My life is better off without him.

I can understand the frustration you feel with everyone telling you how you should feel and behave.  The problem is that, for better or worse, you did choose to have this on national television.  Your choice placed you in the public eye.  It may not seem fair, but you have to expect public reaction.  I am sure that, even with the varied comments, people do really wish you well.  I know I do.
 
February 1, 2007, 10:58 am CST

I would not want to see him.

  I do not agree with her one bit if my father murdered my mother I would not want anything to do with him much less try to find him.

 
February 1, 2007, 11:07 am CST

Don't let anyone decide for you

This story is shocking for many people and no one should tell Erica how to feel or how to handle herself in this situation. My younger brother killed my mother 12 years ago. It has divided my family. Some people have decided to treat him as though he no longer exists while others write and visit him. It helped me to put it into this perspective: what would my mother have wanted? She was a kind, loving person who dedicated her life to family, regardless of right or wrong. I came to the conclusion that she would want me to be there for him and I have tried to be a support system for him since this all occurred.  Anyway, there are a lot of details in Erica's case that would support her decision either way. It is a personal choice and she shouldn't do anything that she isn't comfortable with. The hardest part is never knowing what really happened, but once you understand that you cannot control other people's actions it will give you some sort of closure because it had nothing to do with you. Erica...it was NOT your choice so make decision about your father without feeling guilty.
 
February 1, 2007, 11:31 am CST

02/01 A Difficult Reunion – Part 1

Quote From: airca23

I'M NOT SURE WHY EVERYONE IS WRITING NEGITIVE THINGS ABOUT WHAT I SHOULD AND SHOULDNT DO. WHY DONT YOU ALL TRY LIVING WITH OUT EITHER PARETNS . GROWING UP KNOWING YOUR MOM IS NEVER COMMING BACK AND YOU DAD IS THE REASSON FOR THAT. I CANT EXPLAIN WHY I WAS FEELING THIS WAY BUT I WAS AND I SHOULD'NT HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO ANYONE. NO MATTER WHAT HE STILL IS MY FATHER I CANT CHANGE THAT. I JUST WANTED TO MEET HIM TO KNOW WHERE I CAME FORM. I NOW KNOW I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM AND I CAN MOVE ON. IF I DIDNT DO THIS IT WOULD OF HAUNTED ME FJOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. SO UNTILL YOU HAVE BEEN THOUGH WHAT I'VE BEEN THOUGH ITS NOT FAIR FOR ALL OF YOU TO SAY; MOVE ON, GET OVER IT, IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA.

I understand, you had to know...for yourself.
 
February 1, 2007, 11:43 am CST

many angry people out there

Dear Airca, 

 

Seems to be a lot of angry people talking to you.  I hope you take only the positive things people are saying and do what you think is best for you.  I really think you have the strength to go forward with or without your Father, and I know you have the heart to forgive him for taking your Mothers life.  It was a horrible thing he did.  When I saw you on tv today, I think you really deep down inside want to love your Father and have a realationship with him.  If you ever do, don't let anyone make you feel guilty for wanting that.  As crazy as it sounds to want that, I can see why you would.  Keep your chin up, you have a big heart!!

 

sbrown 

 

 
February 1, 2007, 11:52 am CST

I admire your courage

Quote From: airca23

I'M NOT SURE WHY EVERYONE IS WRITING NEGITIVE THINGS ABOUT WHAT I SHOULD AND SHOULDNT DO. WHY DONT YOU ALL TRY LIVING WITH OUT EITHER PARETNS . GROWING UP KNOWING YOUR MOM IS NEVER COMMING BACK AND YOU DAD IS THE REASSON FOR THAT. I CANT EXPLAIN WHY I WAS FEELING THIS WAY BUT I WAS AND I SHOULD'NT HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO ANYONE. NO MATTER WHAT HE STILL IS MY FATHER I CANT CHANGE THAT. I JUST WANTED TO MEET HIM TO KNOW WHERE I CAME FORM. I NOW KNOW I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM AND I CAN MOVE ON. IF I DIDNT DO THIS IT WOULD OF HAUNTED ME FJOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. SO UNTILL YOU HAVE BEEN THOUGH WHAT I'VE BEEN THOUGH ITS NOT FAIR FOR ALL OF YOU TO SAY; MOVE ON, GET OVER IT, IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA.

I think that this is a situation that only you can really understand. I didn't experience what you did. Dr. Phil talks about getting closure with the minimal effective response. For you, I think this is what it took. Personally, I think you are amazingly strong, have a very good grasp of the reality of the situation yet you haven't let it define you. I am not sure I would ever have the courage you do.

I've never met you, but I admire you very much.

 
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