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Topic : 02/02 A Difficult Reunion – Part 2

Number of Replies: 337
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Created on : Friday, January 26, 2007, 02:00:37 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
After 20 years, Erica finally gets the chance to ask her father, Mark, all of the questions that have tormented her for years. Then Dr. Phil comes at the recovering drug-addict with some tough questions of his own. Refusing to let Mark walk away from his daughter after all she's been through, Dr. Phil goes backstage to confront him and convince this belligerent ex-convict to quell his anger and continue the conversation with his adult daughter. Sparks fly among Dr. Phil, Mark, and Erica, but when Erica's older sister, Rachel, and Aunt Denise decide they are also ready to confront Mark, this explosive emotional reunion is something you have to see to believe. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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January 27, 2007, 2:40 am CST

love hate relationship

 Having watched Erica and too see how fragile she is I don't think she is ready yet to confront her father.  Maybe with family and Dr. Phil with her when she does she will have the confidence to ask the questions that need to be asked, be satisfied with the answers and find peace in her life.  There seems to be a view that  a relationship with a parent is never "broken" no matter what happens.  I believe religion has strengthened that belief by instilling in children "thou shall honor thy father and thy mother.  I believe that honor "respect" needs to be earned.  In Erica's case her father took a life (bad enough) but it was her mother.  He took her mother away from her.  The questions asked of him hopefully will be answered with a degree of taking responsibility for what he has done.  Good luck Erica.  I have confidence Dr. Phil will be with you every step of the way and long after your father has come and gone.
 
January 27, 2007, 8:15 am CST

fragility

some people are fragile more then others but no matter what with the right support system and watchful eyes no time is better then the now. as long as they say they are ready then they are. crying is gonna happen , hurt is gonna happen. my dad is behind bars and will never come out  unless it is in a box. he's been there for 18 years i have not seen him .  i also haven't confronted him yet either. i am ready, though life circumstances won't allow it yet.I have anxiety depression and adult adhd and my system(brain) can't handle much and i tell you everyone thinks i am gonna just lose it if i go see him  but.... i don't think so. yes it may be hard but hey it's gonna be.. but the more you hide the more you back off the harder it will get. if she is already fragile then with a good support team i think she should go for it. she needs to get that fragile state and grab it by the horns and turn it in to strength to forgive. forgive and forget no but forgive the actions to release the pain no one is asking for her to forget but for her self worth i think confronting him is the best thing she can do for herself ever.
 
January 27, 2007, 11:12 am CST

Mark is nothing but sperm donor

By confronting the sperm donor I hope Erica gets some closure and and close this chapter of her life forever.  I don't think this man should even be out of prison for the hell he put Erica and her family through.

 
January 27, 2007, 12:51 pm CST

good luck it must be hard to face

this is hard for both parties   yes she lost her  mother the rage this fellow felt  to do this heanis  crime     may everyone get  peace from it    get there anger out  and go on  to live  a  full and  great life   let  us pray  for the life he took   in a  rage 20 odd years ago  may  he  quell his rage 

 

 

 

 bob  from down under 

 
January 27, 2007, 3:39 pm CST

We need to know more facts about this situation

Quote From: kaykwilts

By confronting the sperm donor I hope Erica gets some closure and and close this chapter of her life forever.  I don't think this man should even be out of prison for the hell he put Erica and her family through.

 We do not yet have all the necessary knowledge of this case in order to make an intelligent decision.  Perhaps the man did murder his wife but what were the circumstances concerning that murder?  Did he serve his time?   If the daughter wishes to have a relationship with her father and if the father desires the same it would be good to receive the help needed to show forgiveness and try to recover what is left of two lives that have been deeply hurt.  If the daughter cannot forgive it will affect her the rest of her life in a negative way. 
 
January 27, 2007, 4:43 pm CST

Forgiving, forgetting and overcoming

Quote From: jaddedstar

some people are fragile more then others but no matter what with the right support system and watchful eyes no time is better then the now. as long as they say they are ready then they are. crying is gonna happen , hurt is gonna happen. my dad is behind bars and will never come out  unless it is in a box. he's been there for 18 years i have not seen him .  i also haven't confronted him yet either. i am ready, though life circumstances won't allow it yet.I have anxiety depression and adult adhd and my system(brain) can't handle much and i tell you everyone thinks i am gonna just lose it if i go see him  but.... i don't think so. yes it may be hard but hey it's gonna be.. but the more you hide the more you back off the harder it will get. if she is already fragile then with a good support team i think she should go for it. she needs to get that fragile state and grab it by the horns and turn it in to strength to forgive. forgive and forget no but forgive the actions to release the pain no one is asking for her to forget but for her self worth i think confronting him is the best thing she can do for herself ever.

Fragility,

         Forgetting wrongs when a person forgives wrong is essential to free a person from destructive emotions of anger, anxiety, helplessness and bitterness. To overcome a traumatic experience and be free from it's lingering effects a person has to let go and forget when they forgive, if you don't forget something you have dealt with and forgiven then you will still be bound by negative emotions and lay the ground work for a relapse on forgiveness and overcoming the negative effects of a trauma. Do it for yourself, for you own emotional and physical wellbeing, anxiety will continue while a person continues to remember or dwell on traumatic events, let go deal with it, overcome the negative effects, forgive and forget and you will be free.

TheChosenOne

 

 

 

 
January 27, 2007, 5:39 pm CST

A feeling of understanding!!

I am a niece of an aunt that was brutally murdered by her husband. I have delt with the grief for twelve years and still to this day I think of the pain every day. I go through knowing that she will never be able to spend time with her grandkids.  Her not being able to meet my kids and feel that connection that we had together. No child or person should ever have to put up with a man smacking them around. My uncle was sentenced to 15 years to life and has not been paroled yet but when the time comes I will be there looking him in the eyes and asking him why does he have the right to take a woman away from my family? He is not god and when he goes to meet his maker you can bet he wont be going above us!!!
 
January 27, 2007, 6:54 pm CST

Forgiveness

 I believe that Erica should ask her questions and get her anwsers. Let her father explain what was going on with him. I do believe that he owes her that much and he has had a lot of time to think about what he did to her mother and how he lost everything. Including his family!! Erica life is hard and people sometimes go through hard times. You have to take things as they come and learn to grow past them. You should try to forgive your father and try to get to know who he is now. Your heart is big, but still has room to grow to know and love your father as you always have!!
 
January 28, 2007, 2:42 pm CST

murder

Quote From: cjlas7625

I am a niece of an aunt that was brutally murdered by her husband. I have delt with the grief for twelve years and still to this day I think of the pain every day. I go through knowing that she will never be able to spend time with her grandkids.  Her not being able to meet my kids and feel that connection that we had together. No child or person should ever have to put up with a man smacking them around. My uncle was sentenced to 15 years to life and has not been paroled yet but when the time comes I will be there looking him in the eyes and asking him why does he have the right to take a woman away from my family? He is not god and when he goes to meet his maker you can bet he wont be going above us!!!
this young lady needs to be happy. the father don,t care how she feels.
 
January 28, 2007, 3:13 pm CST

VERY BAD IDEA

I don't beleive it is always a good idea to confront our past history. Some things and some people are definately better left where they belong. This girl will never truly get what she wants from her Father, no matter how well prepared. She may think this will help her but sometimes I wish we would all put a little more effort into today and planning for tommorrow. I beleive in forgiveness for your own peace of mind but this man does not deserve a daughter let alone the opportunity to make some kind of amends. There is no amount of punishment that can help bring a Mother back, and I think she should focus on honouring her Mother by making the most out of her life, rather than trying to reason with a murderer. He doesn't desrve her time, he has done nothing to earn the right to be a Dad or heaven forbid a Grandfather. I'm biased I lost my Mother when I was 13 and I have not spoken with my Father in 20 years. No he did not kill my Mother but he is an angry, bitter and unkind man whom I learn't to forgive and leave behind a long time ago. I hope this young lady can do the same! I wish her every joy that I hope this show will help her find, but I don't beleive she will find hapiness here.
 
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