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Topic : 02/09 Sign on the Line!

Number of Replies: 399
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Created on : Friday, February 02, 2007, 03:14:59 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Marriage contracts are not only for the rich and famous. More and more couples ask each other to sign on the line -- sometimes when they've already been married for years! Leah says her husband of four years, Gary, wants her to sign a postnuptial agreement that says everything they have is his. Gary says his greatest fear is Leah taking half his assets, and she deserves nothing but her clothes, her ring and her car. Does Gary love his money more than he loves his wife? Then, Darlene says her estranged husband, Bobby, is the cheapest, most selfish man she has ever met. Bobby says Darlene has already left him twice, and he can't trust her. He refuses to get back together unless Darlene signs a "quit claim" and agrees to relinquish what he says are his assets. Darlene is outraged by Bobby's actions and says she can't trust him. Is she right to think this could be a set-up? Can Bobby and Darlene come to terms and reconcile their relationship? In a marriage, is it ever right to draw a line and say, "What's mine is mine"? Find out what Dr. Phil thinks and share your thoughts here.

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February 4, 2007, 8:27 am CST

Sign On The Line

Just as I was reading this topic tears began to flow down my cheeks uncontrollably.  My husband wanted me to sign a prenup before our marriage and I agreed if it was to protect both of us.  Of course that was wishful thinking, the prenup protected him only and I refused to sign it.  We had handmade wedding invitations purchased and ready to go to a printer but the wedding was off.  I really was alright with that , I had taken that walk a few times before and was happy in my life at the time.  I am a flight attendant and I had a 30 hour layover in Austin Texas over a weekend and thought it would be fun to bring, Mike on one of my buddy passes.  We had a great time in Austin.  On the way back in the aircraft Mike decides we should go to Las Vegas when we land and just get married, screw the prenup he said.  I should have listened to that small voice in my head telling me NO, this is not the right time.  Next thing I know were boarding a plane for Las Vegas and within 6 hours were married.  I had only dated my husband for about 5 months (another stupid thing I did) before saying, I do.  I did love him and so wanted to believe this was the real one.  Within that first year of marriage I learn that Mike had ran up his credit cards and needed to refinance him home.  He asked me to sign a quit claim deed which I declined.  In the state of California your personal equity in your home before your marriage remains yours and any equity after the marriage is divided 50/50.  It was an argument and he tried to bully me into signing the quit claim deed but I refused.  While I was in the garage unpacking my things and putting them into (his) home a car drives up.  She parks, gets out, asks me if I'm Sharon B*** and I reply yes.  She serves me divorce papers.  I am floored, I began crying uncontrollably.  Within an hour my husband drives up and I am still crying out in the garage.  He takes one look at me and says, Do you want to go have Mexican Food for dinner??????  I said, are you crazy, you just served me papers for a divorce.  Mike says, well you won't sign the quit claim deed so you forced me into doing so.  I received advise from my attorney who told me to not sign the paper and get out of this mans life.  However, if I wanted the marriage signing the paper would not hold up in court because you cannot make someone sign a legal document under duress.  I took those papers to a notary and crying I signed it so we could give this marriage a chance.  Shortly after escrow closed he finally called his attorney and had the divorce papers ended.  My husband even told my brother, he never planned to divorce me but to make me sign the papers.  This was the start of a destructive path which I am still on to this day.  My husband has become obsessed with the power to control me.  He has me itemize my credit card bills before he will pay them.  Yet his bills go to his office and when I ask to see them he tells me, never will happen.  I make the money, I spend the money and you have no say.  I could write a book about his controlling behavior.  If we are at a party and I'm having fun or in his mind to much fun.  He will take me home and he will go back to the party without me.  He has emotionally degraded me to the point that I rarely go out.  I feel comfortable in my room watching TV.  At least if I am  consumed with a TV show I am not thinking of how pathetic I really am.  He knew when we married I was a poor, flight attendant who was happy renting a room from my sweet girl friend Tamra who was also a flight attendant and I was content.   Now he degrades me almost daily about my renting a room and being a poor flight attendant.  My husband makes over $200,000.00 a year, has an expense account with the company he is employed and at this time gives me $250.00 a twice a month to live on.   I injured my neck on taxi out at JFK, when the pilot had to slam on the brakes while I was up locking down my galley in the back on a 767 aircraft.  Right now I am on a small amount of temporary disability which I have not shared with my husband in fear he will take my $500.00 a month away from me.  THIS IS A CONTROL ISSUE, PLEASE RUN THE OTHER DIRECTION.  I'M AFRAID IF YOU DO NOT YOU WILL END UP A 51 YEAR OLD FLIGHT ATTENDANT UNDER COMPLETE CONTROL MENTALLY, FINANCIALLY, AS I DID.  HE IS OBSESSED WITH BEING RIGHT AND BEING IN CONTROL HE DEGRADES ME THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN FINANCIALLY ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AND YET HE LOVES HAVING ME UNDER HIS CONTROL.  I have thoughts of suicide just to go to sleep and never feel the pain again..  Please forgive my grammar and spelling as I can barely write this through my tears.
 
February 4, 2007, 8:49 am CST

Postnupital Agreements Are Wrong

Postnupital agreements deal with property & nothing to do with commitment or feelings of marriage.  Depending on the state, these agreements wouldn't hold up in court if contested.  When contested the legal system will urge the two parties to negotiate what would be settled for rather than dictate a property/assets settlement.  What does property or assets & liability have to do with a marriage?

 

Unless both parties can agree on an understanding without one being subjected to coercion you would face a distruction to the institution of marriage and a very long, expensive legal battle.

 

Anthony S******

Knoxville, TN

 
February 4, 2007, 9:07 am CST

Marriage contracts

I now agree that there should be a marriage contract to every marriage.  The people in this world are getting way to greedy and materialistic.  My ex husband to be, left me about 12 times or more during our short 1 year marriage and it always happened on or right before a pay day.  I handled all the bills because he has such bad credit and owes around $40,000 or so in debt and runs from it.  We had an agreement that he would give me $500 per pay day.  He decided to only give me $400. at times because he bought dinner out a couple of night in a row or he wanted play money.  It was ok for me to buy things for the house, dinner out, parts for all his vehicles but I still had to put in the same amount of money toward bills and up keep.  It was ok for him to have cash in his wallet and me have nothing and he would spend it on crap and not care if I had money to pay bills or take care of my son.  (not his son)  Terry would leave right before pay day and stay at his son's house or a friend a couple of days, come back and tell me he doesn't have to give me any money towards bills or rent because he has to foot for himself two or 3 days.   I look back at my bank statements and noticed how he was living off of me.  He claimed I was his soul mate and that he has never loved anyone like me.  Now I realize it was all a big lie.   He bought car after car and made sure all the cars would go with him every time he left for the two to 3 days. He would transport all of them to a friend yard.  How selfish and greedy could a person be?   He even went as far as taking my car, forged the title over into his and the cops won't do a thing about it to help me get it back .   Is this right?????   Where is justice.  

 

Terry bashed his own head, called 911 and told them I did it, put me in jail and I had to pay his medical bills?   Where is the justice?   There is none.   Cover your back.

 

Yes, I agree in contracts before marriage and I think everyone should have one.

 
February 4, 2007, 9:42 am CST

not signing here..

There is no way I would sign anything. If a guy is asking you to sing such a thing it is because he has something in the works. He is getting things in line so he can leave you and take it all and leave you high and dry. No husband that is in a stable relationship would think of asking his wife to do such a thing. Dont sign a thing, girl. Take this as a warning. Get a lawyer..you will need one soon!

Bonnie K.

Niles, mi. 

 
February 4, 2007, 10:48 am CST

Marriage is a Partnership

Marriage is a partnership.  You would not go into a partnership unless you "trusted" that potential partner.  WHY ENTER INTO A MARRIAGE IF YOU DON'T TRUST YOUR POTENTIAL MARRIAGE PARTNER???  A contract is drawn in a legal partnership - but the partnership contract typically does not state "what is mine is mine" and "what is yours is yours."  Neither does the contract typically state "you leave with only what you come into the partnership with" nor "you leave with only what you have INDIVIDUALLY earned in the partnership."  You can decide what percentage of profits each individual receives, dependant upon each partners' "monetary or skill-set contribution."  Still, partnership constitutes working and earning TOGETHER and growing TOGETHER.  Whatever is earned after the partnership is formed belongs to the partnership.  If the partnership is severed, first debts are paid, then remaining profits are split between the former partners.  Typically, you risk loosing your invested capital if the debts that must be liquidated are higher than assets available.  In a nutshell, partnership is a risk.  That risk should not be entered into lightly, but with potential partners whom have already earned one another's trust.  To force or pressue someone into signing a prenuptial or postnuptial indicates that trust is not there.  If trust is not there before the marriage, why go into it all?  If trust is not there after the marriage has taken place, it is too late to renegotiate.  Just cut your loses and either obtain help through counseling, etc... to make the partnership stronger or get out of the partnership altogether and split the assets in a manner that is as equitable as possible.  Then, don't make the same mistake twice.
 
February 4, 2007, 11:19 am CST

Trust is the REAL issue

There are many reasons for a man (or woman) to have a legal agreement concerning assets.  My sister divorced her husband of 21 years,took 1/2 of his retirement and anything else she could take.  After having her "freedom" for several years and after 1 marriage and a lesbian affair, she decided to return to him and remarry him.  Now, I can see where maybe an agreement of some kind would be in order in that case.

I really think you cannot paint this situation with one brush...

 
February 4, 2007, 12:07 pm CST

You need help!

Quote From: sharann11

Just as I was reading this topic tears began to flow down my cheeks uncontrollably.  My husband wanted me to sign a prenup before our marriage and I agreed if it was to protect both of us.  Of course that was wishful thinking, the prenup protected him only and I refused to sign it.  We had handmade wedding invitations purchased and ready to go to a printer but the wedding was off.  I really was alright with that , I had taken that walk a few times before and was happy in my life at the time.  I am a flight attendant and I had a 30 hour layover in Austin Texas over a weekend and thought it would be fun to bring, Mike on one of my buddy passes.  We had a great time in Austin.  On the way back in the aircraft Mike decides we should go to Las Vegas when we land and just get married, screw the prenup he said.  I should have listened to that small voice in my head telling me NO, this is not the right time.  Next thing I know were boarding a plane for Las Vegas and within 6 hours were married.  I had only dated my husband for about 5 months (another stupid thing I did) before saying, I do.  I did love him and so wanted to believe this was the real one.  Within that first year of marriage I learn that Mike had ran up his credit cards and needed to refinance him home.  He asked me to sign a quit claim deed which I declined.  In the state of California your personal equity in your home before your marriage remains yours and any equity after the marriage is divided 50/50.  It was an argument and he tried to bully me into signing the quit claim deed but I refused.  While I was in the garage unpacking my things and putting them into (his) home a car drives up.  She parks, gets out, asks me if I'm Sharon B*** and I reply yes.  She serves me divorce papers.  I am floored, I began crying uncontrollably.  Within an hour my husband drives up and I am still crying out in the garage.  He takes one look at me and says, Do you want to go have Mexican Food for dinner??????  I said, are you crazy, you just served me papers for a divorce.  Mike says, well you won't sign the quit claim deed so you forced me into doing so.  I received advise from my attorney who told me to not sign the paper and get out of this mans life.  However, if I wanted the marriage signing the paper would not hold up in court because you cannot make someone sign a legal document under duress.  I took those papers to a notary and crying I signed it so we could give this marriage a chance.  Shortly after escrow closed he finally called his attorney and had the divorce papers ended.  My husband even told my brother, he never planned to divorce me but to make me sign the papers.  This was the start of a destructive path which I am still on to this day.  My husband has become obsessed with the power to control me.  He has me itemize my credit card bills before he will pay them.  Yet his bills go to his office and when I ask to see them he tells me, never will happen.  I make the money, I spend the money and you have no say.  I could write a book about his controlling behavior.  If we are at a party and I'm having fun or in his mind to much fun.  He will take me home and he will go back to the party without me.  He has emotionally degraded me to the point that I rarely go out.  I feel comfortable in my room watching TV.  At least if I am  consumed with a TV show I am not thinking of how pathetic I really am.  He knew when we married I was a poor, flight attendant who was happy renting a room from my sweet girl friend Tamra who was also a flight attendant and I was content.   Now he degrades me almost daily about my renting a room and being a poor flight attendant.  My husband makes over $200,000.00 a year, has an expense account with the company he is employed and at this time gives me $250.00 a twice a month to live on.   I injured my neck on taxi out at JFK, when the pilot had to slam on the brakes while I was up locking down my galley in the back on a 767 aircraft.  Right now I am on a small amount of temporary disability which I have not shared with my husband in fear he will take my $500.00 a month away from me.  THIS IS A CONTROL ISSUE, PLEASE RUN THE OTHER DIRECTION.  I'M AFRAID IF YOU DO NOT YOU WILL END UP A 51 YEAR OLD FLIGHT ATTENDANT UNDER COMPLETE CONTROL MENTALLY, FINANCIALLY, AS I DID.  HE IS OBSESSED WITH BEING RIGHT AND BEING IN CONTROL HE DEGRADES ME THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN FINANCIALLY ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AND YET HE LOVES HAVING ME UNDER HIS CONTROL.  I have thoughts of suicide just to go to sleep and never feel the pain again..  Please forgive my grammar and spelling as I can barely write this through my tears.

I think you already realize that this is not a healthy relationship for you - emotionally, physically, financially - in all ways, I could go on and on.  Your husband is wrong - you sound like a wonderful person!  You are a 51 year old flight attendant - not many people can say that, and even though you're not high on the income scale (how many of us are really), you can still support yourself.  There are financial advisors out there that can help you set up a budget, or even a friend or relative that you've noticed over the years that seems to do well with their money. 

 

The part that stood out for me when you wrote was "He knew when we married I was a poor, flight attendant who was happy renting a room from my sweet girl friend, Tamara, who was also a flight attendant and I was content."  Two words you used there were "happy" and "content."  You husband certainly isn't making you that way, and sweetheart, he never will. 

 

When I hear of family or friends who are separating or divorcing, I do feel sympathy for them, but I also feel in a weird way happy for them too.  They've made a decision (and an extremely tough one), to move on and start a whole new life.  One that they knew before they were married, so it's not unfamiliar, which is somewhat comforting.   

 

Right now you're staying in the relationship for his benefit, not yours.  You're only 51 and have many years ahead of you (I'm 46 and still feel pretty young, I don't know why).  As women in this age group, we were programmed early on to stay in marriages (even if they are horrible), and it's hard to think outside of the box.  I have a 23 year old daughter getting married in April.  She's marrying a nice fellow she's known for over four years (well, he's nice right now), but she was raised in a different generation than us.  I know that if he were to abuse her, she'd leave in a heartbeat.  Her and her peers think more along that line, I suppose because of feminism and equal rights and such for women. 

 

My heart also goes out to you as you have thoughts of suicide.  You are very depressed, who wouldn't be in your situation?  Please go for counselling right away.  If you aren't able to leave the house for counselling appointments, call some help lines on the telephone when your husband isn't at home.  Or, if you can, talk to family and/or friends.  They love you and want what's best for you.   

 

Remember, above all, take care of yourself.  You are a beautiful, warm, wonderful human being and no one can take that from you!

 

 

 
February 4, 2007, 12:36 pm CST

no trust

Quote From: bjk100

There is no way I would sign anything. If a guy is asking you to sing such a thing it is because he has something in the works. He is getting things in line so he can leave you and take it all and leave you high and dry. No husband that is in a stable relationship would think of asking his wife to do such a thing. Dont sign a thing, girl. Take this as a warning. Get a lawyer..you will need one soon!

Bonnie K.

Niles, mi. 

yes get a lawyer...here's the other side .  I had a very successful business before I got married. My(EX) never worked the business, she did the household budget, and I had no problem with her nowing abut the finances, in fact I encoraged it in case of my early death.  Well as the years turned to 25, she decides that she wants to cheat and get half of a 8 million.  Due to the law i had to trun over half but pay sousal support, so she can maintain lifestyle of whats she is used to....Bull Crap.  There should be laws to protect  the spouse who made the money, and if you are guilty of  cheatng then the 1/2 and 1/2 half is out.  He boyfriend and her get tolive high ohog due to ME...next time around there will be many things signed and kept too.
 
February 4, 2007, 2:21 pm CST

Marriage

Marriage is about sharing of lives.I have been married over 40 years.Marriage can not be handled like a business venture.

Anything accumulated before a marriage should be the individuals assets.Grouth and assets after the marriage should be shared  no matter who is contributing in dollar amount.Sometimes during the marriage one spouse can be in a stronger position to contribute towards assests then tables turn and the other spouse could then be in the stonger financial position towards growth and earning.Its time to look at marriage as long term-the way its suppose to be-In marriage its about loving each other-taking care of one another and family.Things  and assests are protection for your future together not as an individual.I would never advise anyone to sign a quit claim or????? Its not a marriage and never would be.

 

 
February 4, 2007, 2:27 pm CST

Dr Phil this is a no brainer!

Postnuptual is a pre-nup and not a big deal to sign to protect both parties but I cannot believe this couple are even looking at a postnup.  Dr Phil they do not trust each other in the first place so they should not even be looking at the possibility of re marriage let alone worry about postnup

 

It is hard enough for couples who are already in married to recover trust when it has been breached but it is possible but to enter into a marriage without trust is simple stupidity.  Intimacy means "In to me see" so how can you have intimacy if you cannot trust someone!

 

"Darlene has already left him twice, and he can't trust her"

 

"Darlene is outraged by Bobby's actions and says she can't trust him."

 

 

 

 
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