Message Boards

Topic : 03/06 To Be a Child Star

Number of Replies: 113
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, March 02, 2007, 12:02:03 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Thousands of kids hope to make it big in Hollywood every year – from dancing, to modeling, to singing, to acting. Many parents sacrifice a lot of money and time to see them realize their dreams, sometimes to the detriment of the rest of the family. But are the sacrifices worth it? Dr. Phil’s first guest, Lisa, says they are. She is dying to get her 13-year-old daughter, Brittany, in the limelight, and is willing to help her daughter reach her goals “at any cost.” Lisa’s twin sister, Katina, and her mother, Veronica, think Lisa is pushing Brittany too hard, and is trying to live her own dreams through her daughter since Lisa never made it as a child star. Then, meet a couple who says they are raising the next headliner: their 11-year-old daughter, Mary Sarah. But are they leaving their other children behind? One of their kids moved out of the house just to make a point! How can they find balance in their family and still help their star-in-the-making? Next, why one mother’s victory over breast cancer inspired her to do anything to make her 13-year-old daughter, Briana, a country music sensation. But is it putting Briana’s health at risk? And does she have a chance? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

More March 2007 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

March 5, 2007, 3:41 am CST

Parental selfishness

 No parent has the right to make a child do what the parent want them to become. Everyone is born with gifts and talents and not everyone desires to be a child actor, model, dancer, artist. Some people's children are good building things with their hands, and some want to go to college and get a degree. Some want to become doctors,nurses, engineers, astronauts, join the armed forces, and some become scientists, lab.technicians etc. All ethical decent work is worthy and to be esteemed. One has to direct their blessed children in the ways of their talents and gifts. If the parent or parents force their child into what they see as having missed out on, the child or children will eventually disrespect the parent or parents. maria3255      
 
March 5, 2007, 7:50 am CST

I am the mother of 2 grown children.

When my kids were little, I honestly don't think they would have gone along with it if I'd had my own agenda set up for them. They would tell me what they were interested in and then I'd get them signed up,etc... The only thing we insisted was that they finished what they started. They were both interested in different things when they were younger. I was there to assist them. How do parents get their kids to cooperate when the kids really don't want to do something that their parents have decided that they should be doing? I'm basing this on my experience of having to make my kids do things like homework,taking baths, getting to bed on time,etc... For example if I had decided that my son should be in the band(something that my daughter was very excited about) he would been a very unhappy camper. If I had insisted that my daughter take auto-body repair(something that my son excelled in) she would have wept. How in the world do parents succeed in having their children do activities that the kids are not interested in doing?
 
March 5, 2007, 10:02 am CST

To Rosie 52

Quote From: rosie52

When my kids were little, I honestly don't think they would have gone along with it if I'd had my own agenda set up for them. They would tell me what they were interested in and then I'd get them signed up,etc... The only thing we insisted was that they finished what they started. They were both interested in different things when they were younger. I was there to assist them. How do parents get their kids to cooperate when the kids really don't want to do something that their parents have decided that they should be doing? I'm basing this on my experience of having to make my kids do things like homework,taking baths, getting to bed on time,etc... For example if I had decided that my son should be in the band(something that my daughter was very excited about) he would been a very unhappy camper. If I had insisted that my daughter take auto-body repair(something that my son excelled in) she would have wept. How in the world do parents succeed in having their children do activities that the kids are not interested in doing?

You bring up one smart question. (How do you make a child do something they don't want to do?) The answer is you can't. Well you can drive them to acting classes or dance or vocal training, but ya can't make them do a good job. Casting directors can smell a "stage" parent and/or a child that doesn't want to be there a mile away. A child that doesn't want to act will not get work. A child that doesn't want to be there will just go in and do a bad job. The parents are NOT in the casting room with the child, so you never really know how they do. 

  Let me ask this question to those of you that say kids might want to be a doctor, lawyer, dentist, pro ball player, or what ever. Well what about the ones that want to sing and dance? One has to direct their blessed children in the ways of their talents and gifts. (To quote another poster).

Another misconception is that we all just flock to LA without being prepared. Let me tell you this most of the kids are the big fish in their local pond. Most come here (LA or NY) with agents, managers or both. They have their SAG union card and have already been working in the local market. They are just moving up the ladder so to speak. Just like if you are going to the next level in a spelling bee, or Little League World Series, or science championship.

 YES there are a lot of scams out there. But there are also a great many of people/parents that help each other out. The PARF board is a great example of that. NOVEL idea why not do a show on how we help each other and how we stay clear of scams? Why not do shows on the scams? Ummmm?      http://forums.delphiforums.com/proactors 

 -KHillof4 

 

 

 
March 5, 2007, 10:34 am CST

03/06 To Be a Child Star

Quote From: broadway_bound

 Well sometimes people forget that a child has aspirations to and needs a parent to back them up. I wanted to be an actor forever but at thirteen I started working hard. However without my mom I wouldn't make it. There are too many crushing auditions when you work hard and don't make it. You need your parents there to support you and keep you going, most times to push you as well. Acting is just like a sport you need a coach that is sometimes willing to go past the limit to make you the best there is. Those are the only people who win CIF and those are the actors that make it on Broadway. And a lot of the time when they start without help it's to late to make it. It would suprise you how long it takes to make it, there are two ways for it to be done a lot of auditioning and time, or the more promoted way luck.
Yes, children can have aspirations and backing our kids up is very imporant, but I persoanlly do not beleive that putting them in the public eye is neccessarily the way to go, maybe for some,(older kids) but we as parents need to remember that they are children and they should be aloud to be kids. look at the many child stars today, what have they become as adults? are they really as happy as they seem to be in the public? If a parent is going to put their children in the public eye, then they better teach their kids to accept the fact that they are not always going to be number one, and they will get turn downs and that not every one is gonna think they have the talent, I think there are many parents who give their kids false hope and make them believe that they are number one and then when they get turned down or whatever,t he kid gets bent out of shape but of course those are usually the parents who get so bent out of shape as well therefore the kids pick up the attitude, Not good.

Also, seriously, I wonder if people like Britney Spears, the Olssen twins, Paris Hilton and many like them know what it;s like to really "work" for their mney, have they really earned their way to success. The Olsen twins were babies whent hey were put into show biz, it's all they really knew, Paris, well she was born into money,a nd never really had to work for a living, and look at Britney, now there's a good role model for my kids! NOT! I want my kids to be kids, to learn to work and earn their money and not to take life for granted. I want them to grow up and know what they want in life and to work hard to achieve their goals and to be be able to look back on their life and know that they did everything in their own power to get to there they are. Yes, encouragement and guidance is good and as parents we need to be doing these things but yet at the same time, let the kids decide what they want to dow ith life and guide them to the right path, help them to reach their potential and also to teach them that life isn't always fair, not to give them false hopes and expectations.

I do beleive there are good parents out there who want the best for their kids, but for those parents who are dieing to get their kids noticed better be careful cause the outcome "could" lead the wrong direction. I am a loving and caring parent who believes in my children, I believe my children are better off being a kid, developing their interests and dreams and as I will be here to encourage them along, I am in no rush to make them grow up, that will come soon enough. It's their dreams I want for them. Life is too precious and I believe in childhood and my kids are going to have childhood memories being a kid and I am not overly anxious to get them into their careers, Whne they decide what they want to dow ith their lives, I will be their number one supportor. You were thirteen when you started working towards your dream and that's wonderful and it;s great that your mom was theref or you as she should be, my children are 6 and 4, and thought hey have talked about what tey want to be when they grow up, theya re not ready to be grown up but I do encourage them to follow their dreams. My oldest loves music and there are things she is interested in, but I am not going to put her in front of an audience, she is going to take  piano , guitar  and singing lessons and we will go from there, but no public eye for her cause as far as I am concerned, she is too young for that, she loves being a 6 year old at this point and I personally would rather have it that way.

I will encourage my kids to be what they want to be but yet, don't grow up too quickly, childhood only lasts for a short time, enjoy life and parents enjoy your kids.......
 
March 5, 2007, 12:11 pm CST

To: jettav

One of the biggest misconceptions is that we want our kids to be famous and that is the most important thing. That is not why I do this, it is not why children act. They act, sing or dance because they love the arts. They love to perform.  Being famous is what other people put on them. Yes being famous has it’s good side. Yes there are the red carpet events, travel, meeting talented people…

But you know what our children learn that life can be hard as well. They learn rejection. They know life is not all a bowl of cherries. You do not book every audition.

Sometimes being the actor means you miss a dance or football game. But on the other hand you might be able to play the star football quarterback, and the prom king, and the smartest guy in school.

Do your children watch The Suite Life of Zack and Cody,That’s so Raven, The Slumber Party Girls, or Hannah Montana? Without child actors these shows could not exist. 

You know in life there are people that grown up and make bad choices no matter what they do as a job. The percentages of child actors that grown up and do drugs or what ever are not as many as you would think. MANY go on to do jobs not in the public eye.  Many grow up to be happy well adjusted members of  Society.

 What about the kids in low income areas. Sadly they in general end up having the short end of the stick. There lives have a higher % of drug abuse, drop outs, teen pregnancyn than child actors. That is where we need to stress help! These are the children that need us.  Why not put our energy there.  
 
March 5, 2007, 2:05 pm CST

03/06 To Be a Child Star

Quote From: khillof4

One of the biggest misconceptions is that we want our kids to be famous and that is the most important thing. That is not why I do this, it is not why children act. They act, sing or dance because they love the arts. They love to perform.  Being famous is what other people put on them. Yes being famous has its good side. Yes there are the red carpet events, travel, meeting talented people

But you know what our children learn that life can be hard as well. They learn rejection. They know life is not all a bowl of cherries. You do not book every audition.

Sometimes being the actor means you miss a dance or football game. But on the other hand you might be able to play the star football quarterback, and the prom king, and the smartest guy in school.

Do your children watch The Suite Life of Zack and Cody,Thats so Raven, The Slumber Party Girls, or Hannah Montana? Without child actors these shows could not exist. 

You know in life there are people that grown up and make bad choices no matter what they do as a job. The percentages of child actors that grown up and do drugs or what ever are not as many as you would think. MANY go on to do jobs not in the public eye.  Many grow up to be happy well adjusted members of  Society.

 What about the kids in low income areas. Sadly they in general end up having the short end of the stick. There lives have a higher % of drug abuse, drop outs, teen pregnancyn than child actors. That is where we need to stress help! These are the children that need us.  Why not put our energy there.  
I think the bottom line is we as parents owe it to our kids to allow them to be children and to develop their own interests and goals in life, to encouagre them to be the best that they can possibly be and that is my goal for my children. There are parents who do a good job  and they know how to balance their priorities  and then there are those who do not, some either do not care enough and do nothing and then there are those who push their kids in to doing things because the parents think it is best. I am not against kid actors, whatever, I am against kids being pushed into adult life or things they don't really care about, there are parents who have an agenda and expect their kids to follow through with it and I wonder if this is why alot of kids fail. As far as tv shows go, we are not big tv watchers around here and though my kids do watch a show every now and then, I am thankful that they are not glued to the tv and they do not model after  child celebrities. They have a childhood and there are more imporant things then tv. I encourage my kids to do the things they enjoy and when they do develop an interest, we do what we can to get them involved in it. Again, it comes down to balance, allowing our kids to be kids, to enjoy their childhoods and to develop their own personalities and goals and as their parent I am here to help them to achieve those things, There are those parents who over do it with their kids and there are those parents who do not do enough, BALANCE is what Ia mtalking about as well as putting the kids dreams and goals first, not their own as parents.
 
March 5, 2007, 6:49 pm CST

Open your eyes

Im not a parent but a child and i think living through your kids is wrong!  We will learn what we enjoy and not only like what is set in front of us. If the kid wants to be famous let them see both negative and postive sides when they are old enough. If they are young, all kids dream to be famous its not a big deal. Also the high class life isnt all its cracked up to be. All these celbs have as many as ten cars. When some people dont even have a place to live. open your eyes. If you have a good life but not famous be happy and start helping others.
 
March 6, 2007, 6:50 am CST

Come on...

Quote From: khillof4

One of the biggest misconceptions is that we want our kids to be famous and that is the most important thing. That is not why I do this, it is not why children act. They act, sing or dance because they love the arts. They love to perform.  Being famous is what other people put on them. Yes being famous has its good side. Yes there are the red carpet events, travel, meeting talented people

But you know what our children learn that life can be hard as well. They learn rejection. They know life is not all a bowl of cherries. You do not book every audition.

Sometimes being the actor means you miss a dance or football game. But on the other hand you might be able to play the star football quarterback, and the prom king, and the smartest guy in school.

Do your children watch The Suite Life of Zack and Cody,Thats so Raven, The Slumber Party Girls, or Hannah Montana? Without child actors these shows could not exist. 

You know in life there are people that grown up and make bad choices no matter what they do as a job. The percentages of child actors that grown up and do drugs or what ever are not as many as you would think. MANY go on to do jobs not in the public eye.  Many grow up to be happy well adjusted members of  Society.

 What about the kids in low income areas. Sadly they in general end up having the short end of the stick. There lives have a higher % of drug abuse, drop outs, teen pregnancyn than child actors. That is where we need to stress help! These are the children that need us.  Why not put our energy there.  

Of course you want your kid to be famous, that's the point of the dog and pony act of parading your kid around.  They can love the arts without the fame.  What stage parents do is promote their children to be self absorbed and dysfunctional in the real world.  Of course child stars do drugs all the time...and those who make it as adults have maybe a high school education and act like indulgent 13 year olds- its like their emotional development arrested at that age and that's all they know.  It's really sad.

Of course there's something in it for the parents- the kids are a cash cow.  Don't tell people that youre doing this all for the child, because we know better.

 
March 6, 2007, 8:54 am CST

I couldn't agree more.

Most of you posters have stated facts about the child living the parents dream and being pushed into fame, I couldn't agree more. I feel... what's the big deal about fame? Hm? Why, if your child is talented, not focus on the fame aspect but the talent aspect. A great singer could sing for her church or school choir. An actor could audition for school plays or local theater. The jock quaterback could be the all star for his high school. I mean, we start small and can focus on our child's talent as opposed to thinking about all the fame and the cash. I mean, as all these parents didn't seem to hear Dr. Phil say "if it's meant to be, it'll be". Why not start your child small like that, and as the skills are honed and the passion is driven, they can, when they grow older or graduate, decide if fame is right for them. PLUS what about plan B? I used to want to be an actress as a child. No one encouraged me, but no one told me no either. So here  I was thinking I could travel to L.A. and become noticed. 10 years later I realize how dillusional that was, and I didn't have a plan 'B'... acting... FAME was all I saw. And in the industry of here today, gone tomorrow, one hit wonders, don't you think these parents should inlist a back up plan? I would have loved it if someone told me "Great, act if you want to act, but maybe go to college too... because you never know!" And I was seventeen when I wanted this. So that shows the maturity of some (not all) teenagers. It just bothers me that fame is the focus in all of this, not the child, not the talent, not the future, just the here and now and the cash and the fame. Irony of ironies, Dr. Phil spoke of Brittany Spears yesterday, a young 'mousketeer' child star who rose to stardom at 16 and now look at her. She was talented and beautiful.... but now look at her. She is a wreak! I would not dream that for my kids ever! I don't want them to be famous. Why do we need the validation from the whole world like that?? When you can't please them all, and then the tabloids would just look to destroy you, why wouldn't you want your little 'star' to be the star of the school play and have everyone pat her/him on the back for the small recognition, then have that same child in Hollywood where the tabloids would run your child's name through the mud???? Sorry, rant, I am just pointing out that along with looking to hone your talent in your own home town, who would want to put their child through the abuse of the industry and the critizism of society. I am ashamed to admit that I don't know people like Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan personally, but because of the tabloids and press, I don't like 'em. That is SO small minded, but we are fed so much negative press of these people that we often pre-judge  them, and again, I wouldn't want my child to go through that. Or drugs, or drinking or partying or eating disorders or children being taken away or.... what else is in the news now with the young stars???? LOL.

 

And for the poster who was talking about that new Dakota Fanning movie: that is just sick. I mean, just knowing that there is a young girl rape scene I wouldn't see it. It so "contraversial" but to me it is sick. What the (insert choice word here) is wrong with the society if we view a child rape scene as entertainment? And the parents going along with it? I believe in the 'good old days' where if they wanted to imply something like that (like a gore scene in a horror movie) it is done 'off scene' where we don't see it, but we know it happened and it leaves us an errie feeling. But to actually put a child through that? Even if it is fake? My god, sick. Sick sick sick. So, poster (I didn't catch your name) I WILL NOT be seeing that movie at all.... all because of that scene. So I hope the promoters are happy about that. This is one person who thinks glorifying child rape is wrong. So that's my view, it may not be right, but it's mine! LOL

 
March 6, 2007, 8:58 am CST

wow

Quote From: beautifulmusic

Im not a parent but a child and i think living through your kids is wrong!  We will learn what we enjoy and not only like what is set in front of us. If the kid wants to be famous let them see both negative and postive sides when they are old enough. If they are young, all kids dream to be famous its not a big deal. Also the high class life isnt all its cracked up to be. All these celbs have as many as ten cars. When some people dont even have a place to live. open your eyes. If you have a good life but not famous be happy and start helping others.
And you're a child? How perceptive of you. You seem very wise beyond your years and can teach many a stage parent a thing or two. When you DO have children, no doubt you'll be an awsome parent. Keep it up and you'll get far!
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Next | Last