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Topic : 08/02 Explosive Anger and Its Aftermath

Number of Replies: 269
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Created on : Thursday, March 29, 2007, 12:45:35 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/06/07) Do you know a happy person who, if crossed, will explode in an instant with uncontrollable rage? Intermittent Explosive Disorder may explain why Dr. Phil's guests suddenly lose their temper, break things and even hurt other people. Carrie lives with constant uncertainty. She says her husband, Bob, can be totally calm one minute and be fist-fighting the next. He yells and curses at her, flips off other drivers and hit another man so hard it knocked his eye out; an act of violence that landed him in prison. Where does Bob's anger come from? After Dr. Phil shows Carrie and Bob a video of a previous guest, will Carrie decide to leave the anger prison she's been living in? Then, Traci says her 17-year-old daughter, Melinda, is tearing their family apart. In a matter of seconds, she can go from being a loving daughter and sibling, to throwing blenders and threatening her sister's life, for no apparent reason. Melinda says she's so full of anger that when she gets upset, she feels like she's going to explode. Do her mother and sister deserve the treatment they're getting, or is there something much deeper underlying Melinda's rage? Tell us what you think!

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August 2, 2007, 1:12 pm CDT

Don't give permission

My father and my brother were both violently angry people. They could "snap" at any moment and were vicious when they did so. My mom, my sister and I lived with this abusive behavior and internalized it. I married a man who- although I wouldn't admit it at the time - had the same issue. And the curling up in the corner that I did as a child continued into my marriage. One night, my marriage was on the line when my husband threw the phrase "I'm going to leave you" at me. I told to him to pack a bag. I was tired and sick and needed help myself to get back to living my life. Luckily my standing up to my husband had the right responce. He looked at me and made a decision to change. My husband no longer loses his temper at the littlest things. He has moments when he's angry - and he's learned to take himself away until he's quiet enough to handle things reasonably. He says that is was realizing that he was making me ill that changed his life. We've now been married 10 years, and it's been at least 5 since his anger has caused us any problems. I'm on medication for depression and I'm better too. Today's show hit home with me because both my father and my brother still have problems and in both cases it has damaged their lives and the lives of the people they care about. I'm so proud of my husband for taking control and no longer givinging himself permission to explode.
 
August 2, 2007, 1:44 pm CDT

I hope you feel better eventually.

        I have a younger sister that has always been the prettier, thinner, baby of the family.  I have always been more rough and never thin, and more like the middle child.  There was always more expected of me.  I understand the resentment.  I finally went to a counselor at the age of 24.  I discovered that there were things that really bothered me inside from my past and present.  I finally figured out ways to process and deal with all my anger.  I never went into rages, but I was always angry and I didn't know why.  I feel better now and I realized that one thing that really upset me was that I was overweight and I was only getting worse.  My counselor gave me CD's that were subliminal weight-loss CD's.  They seemed to really help me get my head straight.  

         My sister insisted that I be in her wedding last year and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so now there are pictures of me that will be here for eternity.  I weighed 207 lbs. 5'6".  When I saw those pictures for the first time I went into the bathroom and just cried and cried.  I felt so sick inside that I just about threw up.  I decided then and there that I would lose weight .  I joined Weight Watchers and a year later I had lost 60 lbs.  I wanted to lose the weight before I had another child.  So I did it.  I am telling you, losing that weight was the best thing I had ever done for myself and my family.  I am so much happier, now.  Because I know I did it.  I hope you figure out what is bothering you inside.  I also had PMS issues.  I wish you the best.  If you want a friend to email, jimmie48johmas@sbcglobal.net.  Do whatever you can for yourself and your family.  

 
August 2, 2007, 1:53 pm CDT

HELP!!!! PLEASE!!!!

My brother is going to be 30 yrs old in Jan. He can be the sweetest most loving/caring person...but he has a terrifying dark side. We went through a rough divorce at a young age and had some rough times growing up. My mother suffered from alcoholism, my father did drugs and was hardly around for sometime, we lost our house and everything in it. For years my family has been trying to pick up the pieces, and my parents did turn around quickly and considering all that has happened over the years we are all doing well, except my brother. His anger has been around since he was a child and shows no signs of ending. Most times he has good reason to be upset, however, the way in which he expresses it is unacceptable. He goes into a rage and becomes extremely aggressive. He usually breaks things and threatens. He physically threw my uncle out of his own house a few years ago, broke his hand twice within the same year from punching a door, broke my grandmother's arm when he was a teenager, and hurled a rock at my car (he wasn't even mad at me!...He was mad a someone else!) The list goes on and on. He does show signs of remorse...he knows he did something wrong but he will never try to remedy the problem, apologize, or discuss it. I am especially more concerned now than ever since he recently got a DUI (during which he called left a message on my phone saying that he was angry and running red lights and he would likely kill himself or someone else...b/c he got into an argument with he girlfriend about which bar they were going to). BTW...he miraculously got the DUI charges dropped by getting himself a good lawyer. He works for my uncle and has been calling out of work last minute, leaving him high and dry, frequently....it seems my family is still allowing him to get away with behaving in was that are disrespectful and unacceptable. My uncle is not the only one who allows him to get away with things like this. He also shows signs of drug/alcohol abuse. I know he smokes pot daily (since he was a teen, when he drinks its as much as he can, as fast as he can (a time bomb...he flips out even when he is sober!), and now we suspect cocaine. He currently lives rent free in my uncle's house...makes about $1,000/wk, only has a cell phone, no car and still has to borrow money from people. Something is horribly wrong here. I love my brother dearly and want him to get help. My fam acknowledges that he has a problem but will not take action to help. He and I used to be close but lately my fiance and I avoid him...we don't want to be around him and we don't trust him. I have been thinking about a family intervention...I don't know if they're up for it. I can't sit by and watch him self destruct, I refuse to enable him, but I feel helpless to do anything to help. He needs help, he WILL end up hurting himself or someone else. I don't know where to begin! Help me! I want my loving brother back!!!
 
August 2, 2007, 2:07 pm CDT

A Start in Life

    I think that Dr. Phil is so great that personally, I think that before anyone gets out of college or high school that there should be a required course in order to graduate based off of Dr. Phil's first two books, LIfe Strategies and Self Matters.

 

    I think with these life skills in play ,many people would have a much better start in life. 

 

Stephanie Salatich, R.N.

 
August 2, 2007, 2:22 pm CDT

My husband has anger issues!

My husband and I have been together for six years and in the begining he was the perfect man. I am now worried because his anger has gotten worse lately. He just flies off the handle for the littlest things. Our lab Maggie ate a pair of his crocs and he was furios, well shes a dog and not perfect shes intened to make mistakes like a normal dog, but every little thing she does wrong he just blows up like the worlds comming to an end. He just goes into htis rage like its the worst thing in the world that the dog made a mistake, then it reuins his whole day after the smallest thing goes wrong he's mad the rest of the day. His daughter from his first marriage, he doesn't even talk to her except to fuss at her for something. He has the worst road rage i've ever seen. He is just angry all the time. Sometimes it makes me feel like i'll never be able to help him be happy. In his first marriage hi ex wife cheated on him all the time, and he always carries that with him. I feel he will never be able to let that go no matter what. He just always carries that anger for her with him and evry little thing sets it off. December 29,2006 we were expecting a little boy and the day of my c-section we found out the baby had past three days prior. I would like for my husband to just be happy in our life. I know he loves me and he is a hard working great provider, but no matter what we have, and how much I love him, I just feel he will always be angry. What can I do? 
 
August 2, 2007, 2:25 pm CDT

I Have Acted That Way Before

I have problems expressing my emotions. When I was younger, everything came out more as anger (or I'd just hold everything in and cut myself) and I'd constantly fight with my parents and friends, sometimes even physically. The worst and last time I really exploded was only about a year ago, but I trashed my entire bedroom. I was only angry at myself, but I also fought with my parents and broke many gifts they had given me (snowglobes and that sort of thing) in anger. I was so embarassed the next day. I used up a lot of glue trying to fix things.
Now, I don't explode anymore, but I'm still not a happy person. I cry more and give up on things quicker. I tend to isolate myself a lot and I don't go out much. I always feel ugly (although that's not new) and like a failure. I'm only 22, but I seem to have lost my passion for life. I just don't feel worthy.
Not really sure why I typed all that, other than to get it out, but there ya go.

 
August 2, 2007, 2:27 pm CDT

i have the same issue

My name is Tonya, and ever since i was real young i have had this same issue. i have watched Dr.Phil forever waiting for a show to help me deal with my anger and this is the show that just brought me to tears.When Dr. Phil asked "what would you do if that anger would just go away and you could take in a deep breath and just breathe?" i just began to cry and i said to myself "anything in the world". I have had alot happen in my 18 years of life that has made me angry and I deal with it everyday.I have been on my own since i was 15 and its like a battle with myself...trying to maintain calm....the slightest things make me upset and i just can not control my anger once i am upset. This has caused me to lash out at my boyfriend(who i have lived with for over a year now)and even sometimes get abusive. This is an everyday thing for me..if not more than once a day. I don't understand exactly how to control this overwhelming anger. If i had to describe how i feel when i get upset, i would say its pure frustration that leads to a tempter tantrum...i feel trapped and i have to vent i have to get this anger out and make the other person understand that in some way they upset me and i cant calm down until i know they understand.I have been trying make amends with people in my past so that i don't get upset over the things that have angered me for years and take them out on my boyfriend. Things have been difficult for me my whole life but i try my hardest to accept responsibility for my actions and forgive but this anger just wont let up.

 

anyways please feel free to comment if you have any advice or you feel you understand...its hard feeling like I'm the only one with an issue and i am making everyone life hell....

 
August 2, 2007, 2:33 pm CDT

i read the mom's face at the end of the show..it didn't look like she really cared...a cold look of no assurance.

 
August 2, 2007, 2:35 pm CDT

OMG, this show was totally for me!

I have regretfully missed the first half of this weeks shows, but today at 15 til 3 Dr. Phil popped in my mind. My fiance' was leaving for work and my son was watching Barney. I decided I would take a break from the daily chores and watch the show today. It felt as though Dr. Phil was talking to me, when he was talking to the two guest on the show. I could relate with both of them to a certain extent. I have not ever been physically violent, but I shoot off at the mouth, before I realize what I'm saying.

 

It is very embarrassing to know that I behave this way. I'm not a mean person either. As the female guest was saying, "this isn't me". It's hard to admit that I say some of the things that people have told me about. I knew once this show would be over, I would be receiving phone calls. I had to turn the ringer off so that I could watch Oprah also. As soon as the show was over, I turned my phone on and started going through the caller ID. Sure enough, my fiance' had called from work, my mother called and my best friend called me just a few minutes ago. She didn't say anything to me about the show until I brought it up to her. She then said that her and her husband watched it together saying, "that's Yvonne". Then she was quick to tell me that they said it out of love, I knew that she said that to keep me from being angry by what she said.

 

I have said hurtful things to my fiance' that when I'm not in an "episode" , I think to myself that I would never say something like that to anyone. Then when I'm mad this anger and the words and the attitude just flies out of me. It's true, it's like it's another person living inside of you, just waiting for someone to tick you off.

 

I have been on 4 different medications for depression and anger management. Some seem to help, then a few months after taking them, I'm back to my old self, like my body gets immune to it. I don't want to live on anti-depressants to be so called "normal". I hate taking medications, but I hate being so angry. I am miserable living this way, and I know I make my family miserable too. My son is 3 1/2 and he already knows what to do and not do around me, because he knows some things set me off. I would never hurt my child by any means, but I never thought when I was pregnant that I would ever raise my voice to him or yell at him. I have an awesome child. The best child I could ever ask for. He very rarely cried as a baby. Broke himself from the bottle, pretty much potty trained himself, never fights when he needs medicine and the list goes on. Why am I so impatient some times?

 

Some people think I am so good with kids. I come up with fun things for them to do. I love children, spending time with them, watching them learn and develop and grow. But then I have my days where I don't have the patient to even HEAR anyone talk.

 

I know I haven't always been this angry, but I can't figure out where it started. I have talked to numerous counselors, professionals, from elementary, to middle school, to high school and even after I had my son. No one seems to be much of a help. They all seem to be clueless. What should I do? Should I contact the show? I just don't want to seem needy or like I'm wanting a free ride. I don't like asking for help, but after watching todays' show, I think if not for me, I need to do this for my family. The last thing I want is to loose Michael (my fiance') or Ethan (our son) to turn out like me, because of the way he was raised.

 

HELP!!!

 

xoxo,

Yvonne

 
August 2, 2007, 2:38 pm CDT

08/02 Explosive Anger and Its Aftermath

Quote From: victim_of_fun0

How refreshing to see someone actually taking responsibility for their actions! In my above post I admit to having some anger issues- issues that I have NEVER blamed on some syndrome. I am a nurse- and have worked with mentally ill pts and I understand the difference between a mental illness and MJS ( that's great by the way ). When my anger gets away from me, it's because I have ALLOWED it to. I have to say aloud to myself to just stop being this way! That's the difference. With this being said, I have not seen the show, so I can only comment on MY experiences.

And that is the difference between typical emotions and true disorders.  I am Carrie from the show.  Having witnessed Bob's struggles for so long, I can attest to the fact that this was behavior over which he did not have control no matter how badly he wanted to.  The guilt and frustration further compounded the issue.  Thankfully, I can report that things are better now.  It has taken a lot of focus and help from the PNP center for Bob to confront and change his ways.  Life is not perfect, but we are grateful that there are people out there who recognized, related to, and assisted with his turnaround.
 
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