Quote From: steel2wolf I just watched Dr. Phil in Australia (I'm in Australia NOT Dr. Phil) the show about the mother beating and kicking and swearing at her children, and I couldn't find the right topic to post to But this topic is pretty close (I know, stu-pid with a capital PID).
I wanted to say to the kids (forgot your names I'm sorry :( ), that you are not alone, I went through the same thing with my mother, she told me she hated me often, whipped me with an old cord she cut off an iron, holding one arm so I couldn't get away, until the blood ran down my legs, she attacked me with anything in reach. When I was 13 I got too big to hit, so she told the police I was an uncontrollable child and made them send me to reform school.
All of my life I kept going back home to show my mother I "was good enough to love" (She said often that I woukld never be good enough.), and I never was.
A few years ago she died, and for the first time in my life I feel I can now hate her. All of those years spent hanging on to the thought that she "really" loved me somewhere, deep down, and she never did.
There was no Dr. Phil then, in fact the one psychiatrist I told about my mother said "It's all your 'mother's' fault now is it?" with the UTMOST SARCASM on the word 'mother's'.
I was never allowed to have friends, and any I made at school, my mother scared away by telling stories about me and how bad and untrustworthy, etc I was. Over the years I became a total recluse, I can't trust the world and do not know how to reach out (even to a publisher to try and get my books published).
What I'd like to say to the kids is, no matter how strong you are, how many times you keep standing up after being knocked down, that you need professional help to recover inside from such damage, and hope you do not find a psychiatrist like mine :) Don't start hiding in your room with the door locked to escape the hate and abuse, don't pull deep inside yourself, because one day you might find that you are lost and cannot come back out again.
I wrote to Dr. Phil once about getting help to get my books published, but he never replied. I guess I asked him all wrong, that happens when I try to reach out. :)
Keep well kids, Dr. Phil will find you good people to help and one day you will have kids of your own, and can love the hell out of them :)
Steel
I recognized myself in some of the things you were saying. My father had a "temper," as it would have been called back then. Most of my childhood, I only felt comfortable at home when he wasn't there. When he was, we all walked on eggshells, to some extent. He was never abusive to my mother in any way, but all of his frustrations were taken out on us kids. There was no consistency. He could be playful and fun one minute, and then suddenly lash out (literally). My older brother doesn't seem to have been badly affected by it. I've come to realize his was a different experience because he had more positive interactions with my dad. He was athletic and made my dad proud in that way. My younger brother had a disability, so he didn't get the physical punishment, but he suffered emotionally. I was the only girl, and it seemed to me that he loved me when I was very small, but the older I grew, the more despised I felt. Steel, I could feel some of your pain in your letter, and even though you have the right idea about not hiding from the world, I think that, like me, you still struggle with a deep sense of rejection. Personally, I'm 55 years old, and I have worked very hard my whole adult life trying to overcome extreme shyness, social anxiety, abyssmal self-esteem, etc. I think children never get over wanting their parents' approval. If we don't get it, it's hard for us to believe we are worthy of being loved by anyone. I have managed to live a relatively content life (with the help of medication and therapy) , but not a really happy and fulfilled one. It's difficult for me to maintain friendships. I tend to withdraw - afraid of being used or just feeling that no one really wants to be with me and that I'm just a bother. I have always loved animals, and my three dogs and two cats give me great joy. They are all rescues, so of course, I feel good about myself for giving them good lives. I am also fortunate to have a wonderful husband. I married for the first and only time at the age of 33, and even though I was never able to have the children I badly wanted and it hasn't always been easy, I work hard on appreciating the blessings I have and moving forward. We never know what good things might ge around the corner. I guess I just want to tell you how sorry I am for the hurt you suffered, and I understand you continue to suffer. Please try to forgive or at least let go of hatred - for yourself, not for your mother. And don't stop reaching out. Believe me, I know it's hard, and I know that it's natural to feel that any lack of response or one that is not as positive as you had hoped for means something really negative, But now and then, something good will come back to you. You reached out today in your e-mail, whether you knew it or not. You touched my heart and made a difference in my day, and I am grateful to you for sharing. I wish you peace and happiness in the future. God bless you. BJ
(Original Air Date: 04/06/07) Do you know a happy person who, if crossed, will explode in an instant with uncontrollable rage? Intermittent Explosive Disorder may explain why Dr. Phil's guests suddenly lose their temper, break things and even hurt other people. Carrie lives with constant uncertainty. She says her husband, Bob, can be totally calm one minute and be fist-fighting the next. He yells and curses at her, flips off other drivers and hit another man so hard it knocked his eye out; an act of violence that landed him in prison. Where does Bob's anger come from? After Dr. Phil shows Carrie and Bob a video of a previous guest, will Carrie decide to leave the anger prison she's been living in? Then, Traci says her 17-year-old daughter, Melinda, is tearing their family apart. In a matter of seconds, she can go from being a loving daughter and sibling, to throwing blenders and threatening her sister's life, for no apparent reason. Melinda says she's so full of anger that when she gets upset, she feels like she's going to explode. Do her mother and sister deserve the treatment they're getting, or is there something much deeper underlying Melinda's rage? Tell us what you think!
