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Topic : 08/02 Explosive Anger and Its Aftermath

Number of Replies: 269
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Created on : Thursday, March 29, 2007, 12:45:35 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/06/07) Do you know a happy person who, if crossed, will explode in an instant with uncontrollable rage? Intermittent Explosive Disorder may explain why Dr. Phil's guests suddenly lose their temper, break things and even hurt other people. Carrie lives with constant uncertainty. She says her husband, Bob, can be totally calm one minute and be fist-fighting the next. He yells and curses at her, flips off other drivers and hit another man so hard it knocked his eye out; an act of violence that landed him in prison. Where does Bob's anger come from? After Dr. Phil shows Carrie and Bob a video of a previous guest, will Carrie decide to leave the anger prison she's been living in? Then, Traci says her 17-year-old daughter, Melinda, is tearing their family apart. In a matter of seconds, she can go from being a loving daughter and sibling, to throwing blenders and threatening her sister's life, for no apparent reason. Melinda says she's so full of anger that when she gets upset, she feels like she's going to explode. Do her mother and sister deserve the treatment they're getting, or is there something much deeper underlying Melinda's rage? Tell us what you think!

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April 2, 2007, 5:36 am CDT

04/06 Explosive Anger and Its Aftermath

Quote From: boosia

I can relate, I have an anger problem.  My mother died 6 years ago, and it seems like only a year.  My dad just went through Cancer and I am raising my brothers child.  She is a problem child on top of that.  I have tried to have patience with her, but she knows how to push my buttons.  When things go wrong, its always my fault.  She could do the worst thing possible and somehow its my fault.  I get really tired of hearing well if I would just cut her some slack.  When you do that it gets worse.  It seem that I am being taken advantage of and all they care about is me cleaning their house and taking care of her.  I do almost everything, and I feel that I can't say no to them, cause I promised my mom, that I would take care of things.  That is such a big thing to promise to someone, and yet so unfair to the person you leave behind.  Somehow they always make me feel guilty and I bust my butt trying to take care of things.  The stress is starting to cause health problems now, and I also have a anger problem.  I guess because I feel trapped and I can't in a corner.  I know that is no excuse for being angry, but I am.  It doesn't take much to set me off either, and some times the anger is so overwhelming.  I can relate and you do feel sorry for the things you say or do.  I have tried reading books on anger and its not helped. I just thought I would share that with you.  Thanks for listening.

Wow, sorry about your Mom and Dad, seems you have more than your hands full here, and your niece on top of that.

How old is she ? Kids have a way of knowing which buttons to push, and exactly when to push them, they know when we are tired that we can be an easy mark for what they want, simply because we don't have the strength or energy to fight with them.  I would tell people who tell you to cut her some slack " well maybe you could take her for the weekend, and give me a break, " are her parents still around ?

Does your Dad appreciate the help you give him ? If so, that's all that matters, there are many people out there who know EXACTLY what to do, without having been in the situation, they are better taken with a grain of salt, and a smile or " Well then, maybe you could show me how you would do this ", it takes the wind right out of their sails everytime.

Its amazing what promises we'll make to make someone's passing peaceful for them, and being at our most vulnerable, we will make these promises only to find out later that we can't possibly keep them, the guilt can be overwhelming, try grief counselling maybe ? There are people that really care and want to help you, also maybe your father's Doctor could reccommend a group for cancer patients and their families.

Maybe some parenting classes might help with your niece, and help you learn to cope with the "Button Pushing ", if she's a teen, they are the MASTERS of that, but don't give up on her, especially if you're all she has, you are right cutting her slack WON'T work, maybe she needs someone to talk to as well, if you are a church goer, is there a youth group through your church or in your community she might like to get involved with ?

But here's maybe a bit of perspective, I don't know you or your situation at all, but here's what I get.

You sound overwhelmed and a bit lost, maybe , did you have kids of your own before, or was she thrust on you (that could cause resentment ), you might have to tell people, "If you won't help, than BACK OFF", they might honestly be trying to help, but you aren't seeing it through the haze.

Is your niece really a "Problem Child " or is she reacting to her situation ?  Maybe she's being normal, but in your state of mind, its been blown out of proportion, for example, if she's being defiant at say 13, what is she being defiant about ( still has to be nipped, but some things can be let go quicker than others ), mouth, defiance moodiness, well if the parental figure is feeling down and out, and angry, these things can take on a WHOLE new meaning.

You've taken on more than you could've or should've been expected to, and yes that can cause anger and make things seem worse than they are, your health is being affected, then get help if not for you for your niece, it's not easy, anything worthwhile rarely is, but sometimes you have to say "I've had enough, and I need help, " but go outside the family for advice.

 

 
April 2, 2007, 6:47 am CDT

Haven't tried those...

Quote From: ceildh1

Sticking my nose in with a suggestion here, but have you tried B vitamins ( our "Happy" vitamins as my daughter would call them ) and evening Primrose, totally natural and for me anyway they helped curb PMS enough that I no longer feel like strangling people in front of me (hehe, been there done that myself ) or feeling thankful I don't carry a gun in my car in the city ( honest to god the road rage was THAT bad with city driving especially ), and its helped me be better able to deal with the public.

Its just a suggestion, but with PMS, for some of us it can be 0- bitch in less than sixty seconds and can turn an otherwise nice normal woman into a raving lunatic, we take what relief we can, just a thought, good luck.

Thanks for the suggestion, I think I'll try those.  I'll do anything to keep my inner bitch from going on a killing spree-LOL!  Maybe my therapist can help me get in touch with my inner demon and channel it into productivity-I'll have a clean house once a month!   Seriously, thank you for the suggestion, my husband thanks you in advance! :)
 
April 2, 2007, 7:50 am CDT

Church helped us

My husband and I both had out of control tempers.  We would say horrible things to each other,and sometimes get physical.  We split up for about 8 months, and almost got divorced over all this.  Basically we decided to get back together and attend church and counseling regularly.  We have done this for about 3 months, and our relationship could not be better.  i have to say we have only been to counseling twice, and it hasn't helped at all.  What has changed our lives completely was putting God first in our marriage.  Both our tempers are gone, and we communicate better than we ever have.  We still get angry with each other sometimes, but instead of picking up a bible to throw at each other, we pick one up and read it, or pray.  This really works for anyone going through some anger issues.  We told our counselor we did not need him anymore, that church was taking care of everything!
 
April 2, 2007, 8:14 am CDT

Sarafem

also for anyone who hasn't heard of this wonder drug, let me tell you. It is basically a drug for bad PMS.  and it also helps with the physical symptoms as well.  This really works.  i do not like taking drugs all the time, so i put up with myself, and thankfully my husband does, but if anyone out there has uncontrollabe symptoms of PMS that interfere with daily living, you should ask your doctor about these ASAP.  They take about 2 weeks to start working, but they work, and let me remind you, they also help with the bloating, and headaches, cramps, backaches. EVERYTHING!!!

 
April 2, 2007, 9:50 am CDT

Emotional wreck

I have a daughter whom is forever anry when is suits her the most. She has 2 children ages 4 and 2 months. I went to my dad's just before he died. She expected me to drive 12 hours with her and 2 kids inthe back. I chose to fly and be with my mom and my other siblings. With that being said, I am now selfish, cruel and ignorant, and an outright B**** . I(we) my husband and myself felt I needed to be there as soon as possible, he was given 4 days left, he died 2 days after I got there. When things do not go her way, she uses her children against us. We are right now not allowed to see them and probably this time, she is going to stick to it.

I try to make dessions best for me. My children range from 17 to 25. My other children understand but when given the word NO to her, the fangs come out and the words of hate come out. She uses the past and throws in my face, yet the dessions she made as a teen were her choices and her's alone. Why must people use children to get things in life. I was a single mom and know how prescious mom's are. I thank my mom all the time.

 

 
April 2, 2007, 12:37 pm CDT

Explosive Anger

Hi,

I have a bad anger problem. All of a sudden I'll go into a rage over something stupid. It happened Friday night. I got really mad at another person and just about took their head off. We went back and forth with verbal barbs until I couldn't take it anymore and got up and went outside. I talked to another person about it and they said I did the right thing. I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It wasn't that that set me off. I was able to finally accept in my heart that a relationship was finally over after 20 yrs. I was finally on Friday able to cry and get it out of my system. Emotionally I was still raw and just the wrong thing at the wrong time, and I was ready for bear. If I hadn't have walked out there's no saying where my anger would've taken me. I'm deathly afraid of my anger because I know where it can take me and it's not a very nice place for me to be. When my anger gets the best of me and someone touches me they just made a very bad mistake. If you touch me in the middle of a rage I will hit to hurt and if God forbid I had anything that could harm someone in my hands, someone would definately get hurt. The relationship I talked about ended violently. I was accused of cheating and talking behind this person's back. They tore a necklace off of me and I went ballistic with my fists. I pounded on her and got her backed into her room and then I had a clear shot down the steps and out the door. Found out later she ahd to go to the hospital and had a $293 bill from the hospital. That's where my anger takes me. I never know when it's going to hit or how it's going to come out. It scares the hell out of me.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

Sincerely,

 

Lesley P. of Grinnell, Iowa

 
April 2, 2007, 1:00 pm CDT

natural Progesterone

Quote From: gwarrior6

Thanks for the suggestion, I think I'll try those.  I'll do anything to keep my inner bitch from going on a killing spree-LOL!  Maybe my therapist can help me get in touch with my inner demon and channel it into productivity-I'll have a clean house once a month!   Seriously, thank you for the suggestion, my husband thanks you in advance! :)

 works well for PMS. You can go online to find a source. One reliable one is Women's Intnl. Pharmacy Assoc. 1-800-558-7046. They have a list of Drs and can give you a name in your area for a prescription. They ship all over the country. The capsules work quickly and are available in different strengths. It's been used in the US over 20 years and Europe for 40 years.

 
April 2, 2007, 1:09 pm CDT

04/06 Explosive Anger and Its Aftermath

Quote From: gwarrior6

Thanks for the suggestion, I think I'll try those.  I'll do anything to keep my inner bitch from going on a killing spree-LOL!  Maybe my therapist can help me get in touch with my inner demon and channel it into productivity-I'll have a clean house once a month!   Seriously, thank you for the suggestion, my husband thanks you in advance! :)
In all seriousness, I started taking St. Johns Wort for my depression, which helped somewhat, but man, it really killed my anger. I used to just get in a "pick a fight" mood...but not since taking it.
 
April 2, 2007, 1:22 pm CDT

charm school??

Personally, maybe we can all enroll in charm school ,but they might need to put us in the intensive 30 day program.:>)  Oh,no, what if we don't pass?   All that niceness would just be too much for us to take!!! I'd last for 5 days maybe.:>) 
 
April 2, 2007, 2:53 pm CDT

Been there

I been there with a sister of mine and I dont want to deal with it again. We did find out that she is bipolar and since her treatments she has been nicer. I sometimes do it also, but not at the extreme as her - was told by other people.

First find out if there is something wrong health wise and that medicines can help, if not Leave them.

 

 
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