Topic : 08/20 The Dr. Phil House: Saving Grace, Part 2

I feel so very badly for poor Grace. The nice thing for her is she has supportive parents that are on the same page. They seem to realize that their daughter does not need to be around her Grandfather. Counseling focusing on her is the only thing they need to do. Believe me, I have lived this nightmare. My brother-in-law molested me starting at age 11 and my sister stuck with him. She found out after I became 18 but she still stayed with him. It was a double betrayal. She justified it by saying I was not that long and that I encouraged the actions. Hum, 11 years old and I encouraged it. Well that was what she needed to think to stay with him. The sad thing is my sister was molested and still to this day has not dealt with it. I was too but have had hours of counseling and still do "check in" visits as needed. The difference between getting counseling and not is day and night. They have to get counseling for poor Grace so she can deal with and heal what she has been through.

Give up on these Grandparents. They are not needed for this child's mental health.  

I thought the same, if this grandmother didn't speak out about this happening to her own granddaughter,  i hate to think of any other children this sick-o might have violated. Future victims?  God Help us!

I just finished watching the second part and I have huge concerns with what I'm hearing on all sides....  I’m doing a separate post for Cat and Todd because the way I ramble on will probably make it so that my post is too long to put all in one!

Cat:  What I think I'm hearing from you is that you would consider allowing a relationship between your daughter and her molester again, someday, if the molester would just acknowledge and take full responsibility for what he's done - if "Progress" were made.  WHAT ARE YOU THINKING??!!  Do you actually believe that if he did, that this would make it O.K. to allow him and your daughter a relationship??!!  Ever???!!   Who convinced you of the premise that by accepting responsibility for what he did and making “progress,”  that this would somehow qualify him to share in her life again???!!!  This is a faulty premise and a faulty conclusion.  YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO EVER ALLOW THAT PERVERT TO BE IN YOUR DAUGHTER’S PRESENCE AGAIN - NOT NOW AND NOT EVER, nor that sad excuse of a grandmother either.  She is just as dangerous to Grace's well-being. I don’t care what the so-called experts say!  Go with your gut.  You know what I’m saying is right.  So far you have been the only one of the four adults to see things as they clearly are and to protect Grace.  You’ve shown a great deal of courage, and a true mother’s instinct.  Someday Grace will see the hero in you for what you’ve had to do to protect her, and it will be a great inspiration in her own life.  Of this I have no doubt.  Don’t miss the boat on this one.  No matter how much Grace may want a relationship with them, she's only a child and does not understand that it would be emotionally unhealthy for her to participate in a relationship with her molester.  There are lots of people who will love her in her life - family and friends alike.  There will never be the "need" to have a molester (and his accomplice wife) in her life.  She will always wish that things could be different and that there were some way to all be together again.  This is only human.  But these are wishes born of an unwillingness to fully accept the horrible situation for what it is.  Grace will always wish for that relationship, but she won’t need it, and I think that is an important distinction that she will come to realize as she grows.  She will realize that the healthiest thing she can do for herself is to accept that, for all intents and purposes, she no longer has this set of grandparents.  Very sad indeed, but nevertheless a healthier alternative than maintaining a relationship!  Frankly, I just don’t understand why you are in pursuit of an eventual reconciliation with them EVER.  If Dr. Phil is implying that after he "gets help" it would then be o.k., then I whole-heartedly disagree with the Doc!!!  We have no crystal ball to know if he ever will or not molest again, but even if we knew that he wouldn't, you are placing your daughter in a position to have to deal with the sick feelings/memories of the molestation that will undoubtedly resurface while attempting a relationship with him!  What message would you be sending her (no matter what your words say) by some day choosing to allow them back into your lives and acting just fine and happy around them as if nothing ever happened – as if he never did anything so sick to her - and as if grandma never hid it?!?  I’ll tell you the message she’ll get loud and clear, THAT SHE’S NOT IMPORTANT - THAT SHE’S NOT WORTHY OF ANYTHING BETTER THAN TO BE SEXUALLY ABUSED BY HER OWN GRANDFATHER - THAT SHE’LL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH OR WORTHY ENOUGH - THAT IT WAS ALWAYS REALLY , AT LEAST PARTIALLY , HER FAULT - AND THAT SHE’S A MARKED AND DIRTY LITTLE GIRL – ALWAYS.  Unfortunately, I have some experience with this message.  This sicko has earned his way out of your lives very clearly, and so has his accomplice.  Please listen.  A relationship with these two grandparents now or ever is a sick idea.  No matter how sad the loss, it is the lesser of two evils.