Topic : 08/16 Family Drama

WOW...all I can say about THIS family is that they sure put the "FUN" in dysfunction.  Everyone wants to be the victim....it was exhausting and frustrating to watch.  Muzzles would have been a good thing.

As far as I can tell, there are no victims in that family.  But there's a lot of victimizers.  For goodness sake, the children (and I use the term loosely) are adults now.  Grow up.  Of course they have no role models to learn from....mom acts like an adolescent too and dad is an enabler. 

Here's my advice....own your actions.  Get on with life.  Grow up.  Enjoy adult relationships with your family.  Wow...how simple is that?  Hmmm.....I should have my own talk show.  :))

Firstly to Carrie, I empathize with how hard it is when your family members decide "you" are the problem, & set out to make fixing you the answer to any and all perceived Family problems.  It is true that the scapegoat role is well understood by many who watched today's show.  I too add my  understanding & awareness of this personally. 

However, I do not see myself as a victim.  My family & I had many issues that were not able to be resolved safely for me at the time, & I now live in America.  I miss them, or maybe the "perfect or idealistic view of families that Mormons have at times"  (That's right, I am a Mormon too!  ; ) 

I was pressured into living my life by my Mother & sisters into a way that they chose for me.  There were constant labels, accusations, and betrayals that I was given to deal with.  I was left with a choice to protect myself, which meant leaving my country & moving to the US.  I had not intended to do this.  Like Carrie's family, mine were divided by excessive opinions, accusations & judgments that caused a lot of harm to my character, reputation & profession.

Several years have passed since I moved here, & the same "Family Dramas" are still there, but I refuse to get pulled back into it.  I have made many efforts to help establish dialogs of communication that would help us as a family to start authentically communicating together and not against each other. Sadly, my Mother & sisters declined, & did choose this as an option. 

I saw similarities in myself, & my family; &  in the family on the show today where everyone had their own agenda, & Carrie has been the virtual "target" of a lot of anger, judgment & animosity, that does not seem to be helpful or encouraging in an loving or healthy relationship.  I can see there are valid points to each family member's position & feelings, but their approaches are not conducive to peaceful reconciliation.

To Carrie I say this:  "Honey, I have been where you are right now.  I hope & pray that through your bravery in using your voice to speak out, & ask for the help that "YOU" need, (not what your family chooses for you) that you will indeed be afforded the privilege and great power that can help you be more in control of your life, & clear about who you are, & build your identity on healthy principles, that you choose for yourself. 

I also wish your family every success in the road ahead for each of you, and when the time is right for you all to come together in supervised therapy, I hope you will all be in a space where your agendas are focused more on "Seeking first to understand, & then to be understood"  Empathy & finely tuned listening skills along with Dr Phil's awesome advice of learning to communicate together without fighting, yet be able to have the skills necessary to resolve conflicts & hurt peacefully & amicably is crucial.

I am not an expert.  I am still healing & will be for the rest of my life.  My choices to keep me safe & help me be free to live my life as authentically as I can, was to be physically separated from my Mother & sisters, so they would no longer be able to interfere & sabotage the wonderful things in my life.  It is a rich life in comparison to what it was before I came to the US, & I am SO not done..... I love my Mother & sisters for the good people they are.  I applaud their achievements in life & feel sincere happiness for their contentments in life.  I just know in my heart of hearts that it is not meant to be that we live in close proximity, & I have given that burden up to the Lord.  It is incredibly lighter & I am free to pursue anything I want.

May we all seek to be our best, keep striving to be better people without the perfection & family drama "pitfalls", & to do so with gratitude for the abundant blessings that surround us daily, if only we are willing to look around, look up & give thanks every day... thanks for allowing me to share this...

I don't think it's really about her brother's choice of a wife. I think it's much deeper than that. I think she needs him to love her a lot so she won't feel like the odd ball of the family that nobody wants around. This NOT going to the wedding is just an attention getting thing - I think she wants her brother to go to her and say sorry and love her and beg her to come to the wedding etc... see, a deeper thing... She's not being a bad person, she's being a hurt person who doesn't know how to handle that hurt she feels correctly. 

This family would cry if someone broke the yoke when frying an egg.  I would go insane if I had to spend 10 min with them let alone my entire life.  Wheres the fun, wheres the laughter wheres the good times whats the point in hanging out with people who are this misrable over nothing.  I honestly don't know how any of them survive. The only one who can finish a sentence without being reduced to tears is Carrie, so ya she has issues. But she still had her tissues right up until the end.  And I don't think they can help her, they're not capable of handling daily life let alone an actual problem.  I think if I cried this easily I would start pinching myself to make it stop. It looks HORRIBLE...