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Topic : 08/07 Torn Between Two Husbands

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Created on : Friday, May 04, 2007, 12:03:45 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/08/07) Is it possible to be in love with two men at the same time? Orlena is desperate for help. She says she still has feelings for her ex-husband, Chad, and she adores her current husband, Brent. Chad is a soldier and when duty called, he fought in Iraq. He returned home a changed man and their love shattered forever. What changed Chad, and what caused Orlena to leave him? Devastated and heartbroken, Orlena moved on and into the arms of Brent. Two months after marrying Brent, Chad called and begged Orlena to come back. Find out Brent's strong message for Chad. Since Chad made initial contact with Orlena, they have talked numerous times, and he even spent three days visiting her. What has she been saying to Chad, and are the chats appropriate for a married woman to have? And, will Orlena honor her commitment to Brent or return to the man who broke her heart? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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August 9, 2007, 12:48 am CDT

Some peoples kids

Oh how I wish Dr. Phil could have come to my house and talked to my ex wife last year before she filed for divorce.

 

I laughed out loud when Dr. Phil asked the audience if they thought it was right for her to date her ex husband and they resonated "NO!!", then he turns to her and says "I am not saying that my judgement or anybody here today is right or that you are wrong"

 

It's so unfortunate that so many of us have to go through this same type of situation.

 

Personally I think this young lady, is selfish, inconsiderate, oppurtunistic, inmature, and unhappy.

 

Would these people be better off if each one of them did the right thing?

 

Which the right thing would have been what?

 

That She told her ex to get lost when he contacted her.

 

I also love that alot of people posted "She wants her cake and eat it too"

 

WHERE'S THE CAKE? I know it's an old saying yet where is the sweetness in making everyone else in your life confused and miserable? Sounds more like she doesn't have sweet tooth what she really likes is junk food a.k.a. garbage.

 

On a positive note, with global warming fast approaching,we can now throw all caution to the wind.

 

 

 

 
August 9, 2007, 5:57 am CDT

Been There

I applaud Brent for his tolerance and willingness to give his wife and marriage a chance. There is always a limit to tolerance, but you must be sure you are willing to move on before you give up. I think Chad and Orlena should stop contacting each other. Especially Orlena! I can relate to the confusion she is going through but she needs to respect her husband and not accept or innitiate contact with Chad. I feel for Orlena and Brent. I don't however, feel for Chad with the exception of his obvious unavoidable baggadge he has brought back with him from war. Chad needs to be a man and leave Orlena and Brent alone to work through thier problems.

I have been in a very similiar situation and I must say I could not see my husband very clearly when I was thinking about or entertaining another relationship. My husband eventually gave me a choice and I knew I loved him and had always. My husband was always there for me when I was confused. He was, of course, very angry and hurt, but I have respected him 100 times more for loving me in spite of the hurt I had caused him. I hope Orlena can remember all those wonderful things she said on the show about Brent and realize that is the kind of man to spend the rest of your life with. She obviously loved him in the beginning. She just needs to remove the source of confusion and turmoil.

 
August 9, 2007, 7:15 am CDT

08/07 Torn Between Two Husbands

I need some advice myself!! I got divorced 4 months ago, I met this other man at my work about a year ago. we were best friends and thats all! well when me and my husband split me and this other man got togather and now we have been togather for 3 months he is a wonderful guy and now he wants to marry me. i do but , my ex is begging me back and i mean i am 20 me and him we togather for 6 years and i am sure i will always miss him in a sense, but then i tell myself you left him for a reason!!! I need some advice anyone be honest i need some woman help!!!
 
August 9, 2007, 8:13 am CDT

CHAD DESERVES BETTER ANYWAY!

Am I the only one who thinks that it was totally stupid of Orlena to be shocked to find that Chad was "a changed man" after he returned home from Iraq?  Uh, HELLO, HE JUST CAME BACK FROM WAR!  OF COURSE HE WOULD BE DIFFERENT.  What makes it more amazing is that she was also in the Marine Corps with him!  Like how dumb can you be?  She was selfish, impatient and uncaring to just brush him off like that.  Then she had the nerve to be outraged when he tried talking to her again.  I understand that he shouldn't have kept bothering her and her new lover, but she seemed to act shocked that he did so.  I think if she really loved him as she claimed, then she would have stuck with him and supported him the whole way.  I don't think that a LOYAL spouse would just up and leave their partner behind.  They would do the best they could to be by their side and help them in any way they can.

 

My boyfriend was also in the Marine Corps and was stationed in Iraq, not long after his eighteenth birthday.  He came back a changed person also from his terrible experiences back there in the desert.  Now he can't hear a gun go off in the distance, watch an action movie or play some video games without having painful memories of witnessing countless people, including one of his best friends from primary school, getting shot, blown up and dismembered to death.  He also thinks about the people he killed in battle and the incidents where he was almost killed, and it just tears him apart.  He also didn't make the best choices while he was over there and resulted in being discharged.  What makes matters worse, he came home with no support or care from most of his immediate family (they treated him like garbage).  He's twenty years old, out of the military and, with help and support from me, is pulling his life back together.  He wants to leave the past behind him, live with me and enroll in college to become a school teacher since he loves children.  It's obvious that the war has changed him and how he thinks forever, but he's declared that he thinks it made him a stronger person.

 

Anyway, I am aware that I went off subject for a bit but I just felt like sharing that story.  Back on the show topic, yes I think Chad should leave Orlena and her whiny new husband alone and let them live their lives.  They're married now anyway.  If Orlena feels guilty that she left Chad so soon, then that's her problem and it's not anyone's fault but her own.  She made her bed and now she has to sleep in it.  She should stop crying and move on. 

 

Chad, honey, you deserve better.  Find a woman that would understand where you're coming from and not judge you and stab you in the back.  Make sure she'll be much more respectful, caring and compassionate.  You are one of the brave soldiers who stand up and protect and fight for us, and after all the hell you've been through in doing so, you deserve much respect, honor and happiness.  You need another lady to come home to on American lands and start a life with, not a freak who will play with your head and mess with your heart.  

 
August 9, 2007, 9:23 am CDT

08/07 Torn Between Two Husbands

I have a good friend who, no matter what, alway thinks of or goes back to her first love.  He is forever in her mind and she constantly compares other men to him.  I really think Brent deserves better.  Someone who will not resent him or always think of another man.  I think she should resume with Chad since that is where her heart is and will someone please sponsor Brent as the next Bachelor!!  I think he deserves some women falling over him for a change.  He is a great guy and deserves a fulfilling life!

 
August 9, 2007, 9:27 am CDT

08/07 Torn Between Two Husbands

Quote From: palanaki

Am I the only one who thinks that it was totally stupid of Orlena to be shocked to find that Chad was "a changed man" after he returned home from Iraq?  Uh, HELLO, HE JUST CAME BACK FROM WAR!  OF COURSE HE WOULD BE DIFFERENT.  What makes it more amazing is that she was also in the Marine Corps with him!  Like how dumb can you be?  She was selfish, impatient and uncaring to just brush him off like that.  Then she had the nerve to be outraged when he tried talking to her again.  I understand that he shouldn't have kept bothering her and her new lover, but she seemed to act shocked that he did so.  I think if she really loved him as she claimed, then she would have stuck with him and supported him the whole way.  I don't think that a LOYAL spouse would just up and leave their partner behind.  They would do the best they could to be by their side and help them in any way they can.

 

My boyfriend was also in the Marine Corps and was stationed in Iraq, not long after his eighteenth birthday.  He came back a changed person also from his terrible experiences back there in the desert.  Now he can't hear a gun go off in the distance, watch an action movie or play some video games without having painful memories of witnessing countless people, including one of his best friends from primary school, getting shot, blown up and dismembered to death.  He also thinks about the people he killed in battle and the incidents where he was almost killed, and it just tears him apart.  He also didn't make the best choices while he was over there and resulted in being discharged.  What makes matters worse, he came home with no support or care from most of his immediate family (they treated him like garbage).  He's twenty years old, out of the military and, with help and support from me, is pulling his life back together.  He wants to leave the past behind him, live with me and enroll in college to become a school teacher since he loves children.  It's obvious that the war has changed him and how he thinks forever, but he's declared that he thinks it made him a stronger person.

 

Anyway, I am aware that I went off subject for a bit but I just felt like sharing that story.  Back on the show topic, yes I think Chad should leave Orlena and her whiny new husband alone and let them live their lives.  They're married now anyway.  If Orlena feels guilty that she left Chad so soon, then that's her problem and it's not anyone's fault but her own.  She made her bed and now she has to sleep in it.  She should stop crying and move on. 

 

Chad, honey, you deserve better.  Find a woman that would understand where you're coming from and not judge you and stab you in the back.  Make sure she'll be much more respectful, caring and compassionate.  You are one of the brave soldiers who stand up and protect and fight for us, and after all the hell you've been through in doing so, you deserve much respect, honor and happiness.  You need another lady to come home to on American lands and start a life with, not a freak who will play with your head and mess with your heart.  

I think it is wonderful you are sticking by your boyfriend; everyone makes mistakes and hopefully he won't keep kicking himself for it.  I do not know how any caring sensitive kind person could not go somewhere like Iraq and kill people and NOT be changed.  Is it possible for him to go to therapy or talk to others about what happened.? You sound 100 times more mature thatn Orlena and I trulely hope that he con become a teacher and you two willl have a long,happy life together.

 
August 9, 2007, 9:32 am CDT

Curious to know what has happened since May

This show aired in May of this year.  I wonder what has happened with Brent, Orlena and Chad since then?  I wonder if Dr. Phil will have an update any time soon? 

 
August 9, 2007, 9:40 am CDT

Well said!

Quote From: lunabar

...that Orlena is just driving Brent away so that he'll eventually leave her of his own accord and she doesn't have to be the bad guy. One very interesting thing she said stuck with me, when she was describing how wonderful Brent was before he "stopped supporting" her: it was something like that he was perfect and SELF-SACRIFICING. Then, after he found out about Chad, all that selfless giving of himself to her stopped ...

That's very telling for what she wants in a guy: total and utter self-sacrifice, and support without questions. No rational person would ever concede to this. Sure, a certain amount of sacrifice is necessary, but BOTH partners should do it for the other, and not ALL the time. And certainly not so she can have an emotional affair. She had no sense of boundaries and seemed to be a master "rationalizer". She struck me as some hapless teenager with zero insight into what really makes her tick...very immature. The annulment game she played, also very telling of her lack of maturity. PLUS, as far as I know, she must've had to sign it too, for it to be binding. If she "didn't really mean it", why'd SHE sign it?

 

Bingo!  I think you got to the heart of the matter.
 
August 9, 2007, 9:53 am CDT

duh-----soldier?

Quote From: vseip9

I think the soldier did not get a chance to talk about his feeling. How would you like to be off doing the right thing and comming back to find you spouse is taken from you. Brent should be more understanding. Did they not think that maybe without a body to show he could have come back to his life and want his wife back. I can see she really never moved on. If Brent does not emotionally have her , he should give her a time frame to make a choice she can live with forever. Maybe Dr.Phil thinks she should stay with the new husband but then her old husband will always be in her mind forever. Then the what if will be there. It's time for the test. They should double date and I can bet that she will soon realize who she wants to go home with. I bet the soldier because that relationship is not over, there has been no real closure, no death.It's a hard spot, but either way these men are better off not making the decision they will have to own up for the rest of their lives. She should pick the one she could not live without.
Duh, soldier?
 
August 9, 2007, 10:17 am CDT

Priceless!

Quote From: wubba1108

Ok, so let's take a look at the full picture here.

 

Olena marries Chad.  Makes promises to him in her marriage vows.  Better OR WORSE.  Sicknesss and health.  All that jazz.  Then, when comes home from war and is alittle messed up in the head because of it, does she hold true to those promises?  Nope.  She only thinks about what SHE'S not getting.  So, she cuts and runs. 

 

Poor Brent comes along and its a fresh start for Olena!  A new guy without all the baggage of the former ('cause Gawd knows that Olena hates the baggage.  It distracts her men from giving her the attention SHE requires).  So, she takes another trip down the aisle, making marriage vows to Brent...same ones as before...better or worse.  Blah-blah-blah.  But then Chad comes back into the picture.  Oh, now he's ready to be a better husband.  And if that's the case, the heck with Olena's current marriage, right?  I mean, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.  And as long as that girl's getting what she needs, to hell with the other lives she's impacting.  Time to put on those running shoes, girl.  Its time to cut and run again. 

 

In conclusion you've got one person, Olena, who has demonstrated just how seriously she takes marriage vows, not to mention her ability to actually commit to those vows long term.  I personally found the fact that she'd act like this and then throw the big L word out there to be incredibly fascinating.  In a delusional kind of way.

 

Then we've got Chad.  He actually wants the gal that dumped him like damaged meat, went off, leaving him to fight his personal demons on his own, and married SOMEONE ELSE!  He actually wants the girl that played GAMES with their sacred marriage by sending him annulment papers to "scare him" into straightening out.  Dude, she used your marriage as an ultimatium.  Do you even get how messed up that is?  Seriously?

 

But that's not all that's wrong w/ Chad.  Nope.  He signed away his marriage but because he's now changed his mind, he has no problem strolling in to wreck another one?  Wow.  Just, wow. 

 

And in the middle, you have Brent.

 

Brent, its obvious that you love her.  Its obvious that you took your vows seriously.  But, one cannot a marriage make.  It takes two people, Brent.  Two mature, adult people.

 

You're not married to a mature adult, Brent.  Olena's living in fairy tale land.  The land where you throw around words like love even though you don't back them up with actions.  Olena is living in a land where she gets to played the tortured, broken hearted damsel in distress.  Poor her!  Nobody's living up to her expectations!  What is a girl to do?

 

Obviously NOT follow through with promises.  That's for sure.  And is that the kind of person you want to build a life with?  Nope.  Didn't think so.

 

Set her loose, Brent, and let her go off to married for the 3rd time land with Chad. 

 

As for Chad and Olena, my suggestion is get a good divorce attorney.  And put him on retainer.  And get your wedding gown steam cleaned, Olena.  You evidently enjoy wearing it often.

Your evaluation is so very TRUE, plus it makes for a good read.  Thanks for taking the time to write it.
 
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