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Topic : 08/21 Anatomy of Abuse

Number of Replies: 618
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, May 11, 2007, 02:29:26 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/16/07) What would you do if your spouse belittled you and threatened your life? For women who have ever endured verbal, physical or emotional abuse in a relationship, Dr. Phil helps break the silence. Amy says her husband, Lee, is volatile and dangerous. She says he has choked and kicked her, and even held a knife to her throat! Lee’s mother, Sandy, says Amy and Lee argue constantly, but they’ve never been physical. How does she react when Dr. Phil plays a tape of Lee confessing his abusive ways? Then, Amy’s parents, Cynthia and Stan, fear for their daughter’s life and don’t think she’s providing a safe environment for her kids. Amy says she loves her husband and wants her folks to butt out. What does Dr. Phil think? And, Lee joins the show via satellite because he’s on probation for a domestic violence charge, and cannot leave the state. He admits to having anger issues but says he’s working to control them. Can Lee change his violent ways? Is it possible to rebound from being with an abuser? Tell us what you think.

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May 12, 2007, 7:28 am CDT

This guy is just like Jeffrey from Obsessive Love Shows!

No he will not change.  She and the kids may very well end up dead.

 

Abusers don't/won't change their ways the MAJORITY of the time.

 
May 12, 2007, 9:25 am CDT

05/16 Anatomy of Abuse

Okay, I usually pretty compassionate to the plight of abused people, NO ONE, I don't give a damn if you signed some piece of paper with them or gave birth to them, NO ONE has the right to abuse or terrorize another person.

Should her parents "Butt Out", hell no they should be there for their grandchildren, who should be removed from Mom's custody until SHE gets her head straightened out and until Dad's anger is under control, she KNOWS what he's doing, and isn't this the guy that has been doing it to the kids as well ? They both ned a time out from one another, LOVE DOES NOT HURT either party involved.  By her parents butting out, she will be further isolated, and he gets a free pass to do what he will.

For the sake of her children, she should be forcing him to get help, now saying that I know she can't really "Force him to do anything he chooses not to do, that's a fact, but her children didn't sign up for this, she has a choice, they don't so yes I feel they should be removed unless and until BOTH parents get the help they need to either A) Stay together in a healthy way, or B) are able to split up and co parent effectivly.

He can change, but it will take a lot of growing up on his part, and a lot of painful and intensive therapy and soul searching to do it.  She too can change, but it will take the same on her part, but the children are the ones who are truly suffering for it, and for their sake I hope these two can get it together.

 
May 12, 2007, 11:27 am CDT

Hoo Boy!!

Based on the teaser, this promises to be verrry interesting, especially when you consider that this is on top of "Bully Dads" and the "Obsessive Love" series. Is any situation such as this as "simple" as it seems to outsiders? Hopefullly, viewers will begin to realize that this is not necessarily so.

 

If the teaser is accurate, Amy is being abused physically, but has no intention of getting out...what logic/thought processes contribute to this? We will all find out, I suppose.

 
May 12, 2007, 3:10 pm CDT

OPPOSITIONALISM - RUTHLESS AGGRESSION - SEVERE RESISTANCE

The normal or neurotic couple incorporates communicative-interactive tips and interventions directed towards effective communication, conflict resolution, problem solving and enhanced intimacy. The personality-disordered marriage, even when managed with strategic skill and therapeutic acumen, too often seems impervious to change. Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are: 

 

 

Treating Borderline States in Marriage:  Dealing with Oppositionalism, Ruthless Aggression, and Severe Resistance by Charles McCormack 

 

The Narcissistic / Borderline Couple:  A Psychoanalytic Perspective on Marital Treatment by Joan Lachkar

 

High Conflict People in Legal Disputes by Bill Eddy

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

 

 

There are relationships, marriages, and families that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  As painful as it may be, make a promise to yourself to leave. Leave so that you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can eventually learn to live a joyful, peaceful and fulfulling life.

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 
May 12, 2007, 4:08 pm CDT

SHAKEN BABY SYNDROME - SBS

Shaken Baby Syndrome (SBS) is the collection of signs and symptoms resulting from the violent shaking of an infant or small child. It is a form of child abuse. In America every year an estimated 1,200 - 1,400 children are shaken for whom treatment is sought. Of these tiny victims, 25 -30% die as a result of their injuries. The rest will have lifelong complications. It is likely that many more babies suffer from the effects of SBS yet no one knows because SBS victims rarely have any external evidence of trauma.

 

SBS is a form of inflicted head trauma. Head injury, as a form of child abuse, can be caused by direct blows to the head, dropping or throwing the child, or shaking the child. Head trauma is the leading cause of death in child abuse cases in the United States. 

 

The damage is even greater when the shaking ends with an impact (hitting a wall or a crib mattress, for example), because the forces of acceleration and deceleration associated with an impact are so strong. After the shaking, swelling in the brain can cause enormous pressure within the skull, compressing blood vessels and increasing overall injury to its delicate structure.

 

Unlike other forms of inflicted head trauma, SBS results from injuries caused by someone vigorously shaking an infant. Because of the anatomy of infants, they're at particular risk for injury from this kind of action. Therefore, the vast majority of incidents occur in infants who are younger than 1 year old. The average age of victims is between 3 and 8 months, although SBS is occasionally seen in children up to 4 years old.

 

Sadly, the shaking has the desired effect: although at first the baby cries more out of fear, it eventually stops crying as the brain is damaged.  Approximately 60% of shaken babies are male.

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

 
May 12, 2007, 9:42 pm CDT

My Opinion

I have read the posts and watched the small video clip for Wednesdays show and I SWEAR that they both look like someone I used to work with. I am going to have to watch the show because it is driving me crazy!!!! For one if it is the same couple that I used to work with they are both extremly sick puppies!!!!! AND He was an abuser.BUT--What do I think? HUM Don't ask. ANYONE that shakes their babies is SICK and needs to be psyhically shook themselves till they get brain damage.For God's sake why even have kids??? AND NO the parents of Amy should not back off in any way shape or form!!!! They probably ought to consider getting her in a psychiatric facility she is more than likely addicted psychically and mentally to him. I will be watching this show I do not think I can stomach the kid star show!!!!! I know Dr.Phil will be on their ass Wednesday . Someone needs to!!!! That is what I think.

Heather

 
May 13, 2007, 2:02 am CDT

05/16 Anatomy of Abuse

I know to most people the answer seems easy...GET OUT!  it's easier said than done if you are in that type of relationship. Her parents should not butt out, they should be calling CPS and getting their grandchildren out of that house asap. She is lucky to have someone to butt in. My ex husband was abusive and belittled me every time he opened his mouth and he had me isolated from everyone. He told me when i could go out and who i could talk to, I wish i would have been  brave enough to walk out the door but it's the fear that keeps you there.  When your life is being threatend (which i'm sure is happening) it's not that easy to "just leave". I used to think people were insane for staying with a person that was like that, until i was in that position. I was sure i would end up dead some day and when i finally got the backbone to leave it was because i told myself there is no way in hell that i would stay and let him kill me and somehow get away with it and be the person to raise my children, and i was not going to let someone else raise them if he didn't get away with it.  I know how the fear can overpower you and any common sense you do have but if she has her family, she needs to let them help her get out. I hope for her sake and the sake of her children that she takes that help & if she won't then i pray that someone will help the children even if it means calling child protective services to get them out.
 
May 13, 2007, 6:43 am CDT

anatomy of abuse

Amy is not doing her children any good by staying with this man.  So he hasn't gotten physically violent yet, who says he won't.  After having lived that life with an abusive father for 18 years, I can say from experience, that the children are in harms way.  Lee is verbally abusive and that is emotional abuse towards Amy and the children.  Men like this need to be taken away from everyone.  They need to be taught to treat everyone differently.
 
May 13, 2007, 11:01 am CDT

America Is A Big Country Where One Can Get Lost.

I don't understand and never will, all I know that this country is a big country, and anyone can get lost in it.  No woman should take any abuse from no man, I was being mentally abused by my oldest son's Father, and I said nothing to him, I just packed up my son with five jars of baby food and two can's of powder milk a round trip ticket from the Bahamas to Miami, and not one penny in my pocket and came to America.  I did the same with my first husband.  You see my Mother was my biggest teacher, I would see the way that my Step-Dad would treat her, and I made a vow to myself that when I become a woman I would never allow a man or anyone for that reason to abuse me,  I have had enough abuse from my Mother and her husband and his family and that the sun didn't shine just for them but also for me.  You have to take pride in yourself, and not allow anyone to treat you like you are garbage, or junk.  God didn't make any junk people are the one that create the junk, and when it stinks you have to move on because it will destroy anything that is good inside of you.  My Grand-Mother use to say "Where there is a will there is a way"  put not your trust in horses and men because they will fail you, also if your left hand offend you then cut it off.  If you are loved truly love you will not be mistreated, and if you love yourself enough  you will not allow anyone to treat you like you are not worth the ground that they walk on.  Hold up your head high and keep stepping and don't look back, and pray and ask the Lord to take that person who ever he or she may be out of your system, because they didn't give you breath to breathe.  Simply putting it Love yourself, and respect yourself, and others would do the same, and if they don't look through them like a clear glass of water.   

 
May 13, 2007, 11:59 am CDT

Verbal Abuse

Although I don't get to see the show often, when I see that there is a show on abuse, I perk up.  It is a sad state indeed.

 

I've been there and have been free from it for almost 10 years now.  I must say that I wish my abuse would have been physical on some level.  Then I would have seen the brutality.  In my case it was verbal and hard to recognize.

 

I understand the pain of physical abuse but verbal abuse can be harder in many ways.  I never saw it as abuse in the beginning.  I thought this person was trying to help me be a better person.  What a crock!!!

 

I spent three years in therapy before I felt strong enough in who I was to be single, alone and totally responsible for my own actions. However, I spent almost 30 years having someone tell me I was basically worthless.  It's a very long story.

 

In thinking about the situations presented on the show, I fully understand the sick but very real possession that one person can have on another.  My mom used to tell me that according to the Bible, you should be submissive and follow your husband's rules.  She didn't have it quite right in that it doesn't always stand true. She never talked about the husband's role to love the wife as God loves his church. 

 

It's hard to break a routine that has been established, the constant ridicule and mean spirited approach making it look like that person is doing this for your own good.  I now have a hard time believing I ever fell for that junk.  But... I did and I understand the process.

 

I guess what I want to get across here is that we are all worth the best of life has to offer.  I want to tell people that they have to love themselves enough to break away from the sickness of the other person.  I admit it isn't easy and sometimes it's so hard that you can fear for your life but there is this saying: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."  It is true.  I think now that even though I wish I hadn't stayed so long, I am a stronger person.  I am extremely worthwhile all on my own.  I am a good person, a great person. 

 

Please break away from the destructive behavior of someone who is sick and taking you down with them.

 
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