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Topic : 08/21 Anatomy of Abuse

Number of Replies: 618
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Created on : Friday, May 11, 2007, 02:29:26 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/16/07) What would you do if your spouse belittled you and threatened your life? For women who have ever endured verbal, physical or emotional abuse in a relationship, Dr. Phil helps break the silence. Amy says her husband, Lee, is volatile and dangerous. She says he has choked and kicked her, and even held a knife to her throat! Lee’s mother, Sandy, says Amy and Lee argue constantly, but they’ve never been physical. How does she react when Dr. Phil plays a tape of Lee confessing his abusive ways? Then, Amy’s parents, Cynthia and Stan, fear for their daughter’s life and don’t think she’s providing a safe environment for her kids. Amy says she loves her husband and wants her folks to butt out. What does Dr. Phil think? And, Lee joins the show via satellite because he’s on probation for a domestic violence charge, and cannot leave the state. He admits to having anger issues but says he’s working to control them. Can Lee change his violent ways? Is it possible to rebound from being with an abuser? Tell us what you think.

Find out what happened on the show.

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September 8, 2007, 4:24 pm CDT

Move the children!!!

I seriously believe that the mother and father are not mature enough to understand what they are putting their children through. Amy is definitely putting her love for lee before the safety of her children. Just by her reactions on the show and lying to Dr. Phil about seeing Lee and bringing the children to him against the child service ruling proves my point. I think the children should be placed with the grandparents until both parents have gone through the proper counseling and are in the right state of mind to have the privilege of raising children.
 
October 12, 2007, 4:30 am CDT

It was wrong for anyone to take your children...

Quote From: eviecrane

What I am reading is, that in essence you agree that the kids are priority number one, and that was my point.  I didn't mean for the mother to lose her children, just for her to be told that she, in fact, is also in violation and needs to do her share.  One of the purposes of the restraining order is for the parents to no longer be able to victimize their kids by making them witness the abuse.  I have been in that situation and I know the scenario from my own experience, but when I was in the abusive marriage, I was unable to understand the magnitude of the impact it had on the children.  I was told that if I allow the abuser back it could mean that I lose my children. That was the wake-up call I needed to comply. 

I would imagine the kids know about the restraining order,  and what is it teaching them, when parents blatantly disregard the order. 

I have great empathy for the mom and her situation, but understanding that she might not be able or willing to do the right thing for the kids. 

I would like to see the mom find her self-worth so she will be able to live in peace and not put herself or the children into the path of an abusive person.  I pray for the entire family to get the help they need to have a safe haven for the kids and parents to come home to.

 

 

This is what the cycle of system abuse does. They hold the mother accountable for the abusers

actions. The abuser should be put in jail if he's caught at the home. Not take the kids away from

the mother. Remember she's the one caught in the middle of placing a restraining order on him.

It's the system that must hold him accountable. The system goes after the mother because its

easier. Sad part is when its all over then the judge give's the kids to the abuser. Now where is

that justice. Abuser get zero help in Mental Health issues addressing the Post-separation violence

or control issues, and now he's raising the kids. What a system we have. It's time for change.

Dr. Phil please stop the cycle of abuse in the system towards families. We are not a dollar bill.

 
November 2, 2007, 12:10 pm CDT

Say WHAT?? (and why??)

I know I'm late because this episode just aired tonight here in sweden, but I still wanted to have my say. In the opening of this show the speaker announced that the show would/had shock/ed "thousends of women" and that's what I reacted to. "Thousends of women" are you serious? What is to say that such a thing as domestic abuse wouldn't be equally offensive to men?? My fiancé who was watching with me reacted to it the same way I did - "shouldn't I also be shocked by a man beating his wife?"

I'm not going to comment of Amy, Lee or their parents or children, I just wanted to see if anyone but me took notice of that frase in the opening and, if so, what you thought when you heard it. Oh, and if you didn't notice, you know now and so what are your thoughts?

 
December 4, 2007, 12:00 am CST

He really did a number on me and I didn't know it

I watched old family home videos on Thanksgiving. 

 

I was a teenager in the old video. 

 

I was quite the character. I hammed it up everytime the camera was on me. 

 

But,  not no more.  I run from the camera. 

 

My spirit  got broke. 

 

I know what did it.   I picked abusive people who were out to break every piece of my spirit.  I stopped smiling for the camera and then I started to run from it. 

 

I want that free spirit back.   The person who instantly smiled in front of the camera. 

 

Tonight I applauded myself.

 

I drove away without catering to his endless needs. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
May 22, 2008, 1:55 pm CDT

MODERATOR .....

Quote From: Pleasance

This situation of yours calls for help.

 

You've got to get some help in sorting thru whats going on, you are being abused in many ways just from your couple of posts here.

 

Sexual abuse is a violation of you.

 

If you don't understand the danger he is about to put you in.

 

All the more reason for you to reach out and get help.

 

I've offered several resources and I do sincerely hope that you will use them to get yourself some guidance and help.

 

 

Your husband is NOT looking out for your best interest.   Nor your children's, or your family as a whole.

 

Why are you allowing him to abuse and exploit you with pictures, and posting them on line.

 

START TAKING CONTROL OVER YOUR SITUATION AND MOST OF ALL OVER YOUR OWN BODY .

 

None of this is a game, that he's up to !!!!    Not a game, he is abusing you BIG TIME.

 

I'll see you on the abuse message board if you want additional resources or help.   This message board here will die down after a while and no one will be posting here.

 

Your husband is also telling alot of lies that abusers tell their women.

 

Sounds like your minimizing the situation and justifying in your mind some of what you want to believe is going on.

 

You might not like questions from people, but unless they ask them of you.....YOU will not get the impact of the abuse that you are experiencing.

 

He is emotionally abusing you also.....verbal........sexual abuse, and its about to get worse. 

 

What comes next ?

 

Don't underestimate YOUR ABUSER, AND WHY HE WANTS YOU TO DO PERVERTED THINGS, THERE IS A CLEAR LINE OF ABUSE, SEX AND VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. 

 

 

Don't underestimate your abuser's sexual wants and perversions, you are not clearly seeing what he will do down the road.

 

Obviously you believe him, so that says to me that he's already abused you enough, emotionally and verbally that you've been groomed, programmed, and brainwashed into going along to get along.......that all needs to be undone.

 

Seek the resources that are there in your community.

 

Seek out resources on SEXUAL, EMOTIONAL, AND VERBAL ABUSE.

 

Seek out people who can give you a check and balance system to help undo some of his brainwashing.

 

oh, he is hitting you already, in more ways than you realize, not with his hands, body or feet, but he's HITTING YOU BIG TIME.

 

I am concerned for your safety and you should be too.

 

HOW IS IT THAT HE IS ABLE TO PRESSURE YOU INTO DOING THESE THINGS ANYWAY ?

 

Ignoring you is also a form of abuse.

 

Are you manipulated in that way ?

 

 

Take care of YOURSELF AND THOSE CHILDREN.

 

I'll see you on the ABUSE MESSAGE BOARD.

 

Weekends are usually quiet over there but some one will post to you, sooner or later.   

 

Call your local Domestic Abuse hot line and discuss this stuff.

 

You need to hear someone "outside his world."      The world he's dragging you into.

 

He's got you doubting your own feelings and thoughts.

 

This is abuse all the way around.

 

 

 

 

Moderator .....

 

Could you please lift this post of mine here on this board and carry it over to the ABUSE MESSAGE BOARD.

 

I don't know how to do it with these boards.

 

Please and Thank You!

 
May 22, 2008, 2:05 pm CDT

Pleasance

Quote From: Pleasance

Moderator .....

 

Could you please lift this post of mine here on this board and carry it over to the ABUSE MESSAGE BOARD.

 

I don't know how to do it with these boards.

 

Please and Thank You!

We are not able to move posts to other boards.  Please copy your original post and place it on the board in which you wish it to appear. If you wish to have this post removed, once you've reposted it to the Abuse board, please report it and we will do so.

 

Thank you,

 

drphilboard3

 

 

 
September 23, 2008, 4:51 pm CDT

Escaped but still victimized

I escaped, left my spouse of 15 yrs. due to increasing violence.  I did my best to make it work-nothing was ever good enough.  Now he continues to attack me-not yet divorced.  Threatens, vandalized my car, etc.  Family court will not issue an order of protection. He forced himself on me at gunpoint.  Spousal rape.  You can't prove it.  If you choose to live through the rape, you don't have bruises, cuts, etc.  Other physical evidence is written off because you are married to the monster.  Public law 106 is not enforced. There is no legal help available that you can afford, and none of the laws protect women the way this law says they are supposed to protect.   He found me because the apartment I live in requires a sticker on the car window stating the name of the apts. I live in and the number and building of the specific apt.  No help out there.  No hope.  He even used the local police to find me and call me.  He has many guns, endless amounts of ammunition, countless knives he ordered on-line over a period of years.  The police don't care.  The hand gun he used on me he has a permit for, so they won't do anything about that either.  Any help out there?   At the end of my rope. 
 
September 25, 2008, 12:31 pm CDT

Still need help desperately

Is there anybody out there?  I talked to the National Stalking Resource center, All they could tell me was "Write everything down, take pictures when possible."  I asked if there was any other help available through them, but the response was "I'm sorry but there are just no resources available."   I called the Battered Womens Justice Project, and a woman named Marika is making calls to see what she can come up with locally, but I've already taped into those and they aren't helping get this man dealt with as the danger to me and others that he is.  Somebody please respond.
 
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