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Topic : 08/28 "Who Am I?"

Number of Replies: 403
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Created on : Friday, May 18, 2007, 12:42:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/24/07) What if everything you thought you knew about yourself was a lie? Today’s guests are real-life unsolved mysteries. First, Savannah, 27, has never known her biological mother and has always felt incomplete. She says her mother, Peggy, vanished when she and her sister were very young, and she’s always wondered why her mom never tried to find them. Dr. Phil reunites Savannah with her mystery mother for the first time in over 20 years. Dr. Phil attempts to get to the bottom of why Peggy left her children and moved on to form another family, but Peggy says it wasn’t all her fault. Can this mother and daughter forgive, forget and start over? Next, George, 38, recently found out his family’s secret: the man he knew as his father is not his biological father. His mother was the only one with the answer to who his father was, but she died two years ago and took the truth to her grave. Now George is left wondering if there is a man out there who doesn’t even know he has a son and grandchildren. Then, when her mother passed away eight years ago, Rena, 18, learned that her birth certificate was fake, her social security number belonged to someone else, and she didn’t exist anywhere on paper. Without an identity, Rena says her life is on hold. She can’t get financial aid for college, she can’t get a driver’s license, and she can’t travel out of the country. Share your thoughts about the show here.

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May 22, 2007, 6:55 pm CDT

05/24 "Who Am I?"

Quote From: closetpoet624

I know there's so many laws and rules that protect the privacy rights of people that have given their children up...heaven forbid we should interrupt their ordered lives by asking questions about where we come from!  Why don't we have the right to know our parents?  Why is the cut-off line for finding crucial information about adoptions 1980?  Maybe we don't all want the starry-eyed reunion, with tears of joy and exuberant regrets about missed life-events.  Maybe we just want information...information is power, especially when it comes to health history, and for heaven's sake, maybe we want to know which part of the world our people came from.  Sometimes even when you belong to a loving, supportive adoptive family, there are parts of you that literally ache to feel like you belong to your past. 

 

This might sound silly, but maybe you should think about getting help from genealogists? I think I can grasp a little bit the feeling of not knowing where you come from, in comparison to the curiousity I feel when I research someone's ascendants. Who knows, some rights could be gained for adopted children through the laws of public information or those who regulate access to public records.

 

Besides, I know a genealogist from around here who can find anyone, anywhere.  I'm sure there's one near you. I wish everyone the best of luck.

 

 

 
May 22, 2007, 7:53 pm CDT

i don't have any names to go on

Quote From: zetpaul

 

This might sound silly, but maybe you should think about getting help from genealogists? I think I can grasp a little bit the feeling of not knowing where you come from, in comparison to the curiousity I feel when I research someone's ascendants. Who knows, some rights could be gained for adopted children through the laws of public information or those who regulate access to public records.

 

Besides, I know a genealogist from around here who can find anyone, anywhere.  I'm sure there's one near you. I wish everyone the best of luck.

 

 

Hello there, and thank you so much for your response.  It's a good feeling to know that these messages are being read!

I don't have any names to go on, just my first and middle.  I've done message board postings in the areas I was living while in foster care, hoping that something might catch someone's attention, but so far, nothing.  I don't really know what else to do.  Thank you for your suggestion.

 
May 22, 2007, 8:09 pm CDT

05/24 "Who Am I?"

Quote From: rrslj1

I hate you are so bitter about this.  I'm not sure if I understand - but it sounds like you're saying your mother gave you up for adoption and later gave birth to your brother but gave him up for adoption also.

 

I can't relate to your feelings about being adopted but I can relate to adopted children.  I have adopted two children which are full brother & sister (same biological mom & dad).  Several people have made comments to me about the birth mother being horrible because she gave two children up for adoption but I have to say - I admire her.  She knew she could not care for these children and she cared enough to give them up.  My children are still young (4 y/o & 1 y/o) but I have already found the birth parents.  I am saving all the contact information for them because I'm sure the day is coming that they will want to meet their birth parents.  I have told my oldest child about being adopted although she doesn't fully understand now, she will in time.  I think honesty is the best thing in this situation.  I don't think there should be family secrets because it never stays a secret.  It always comes out in the end & the consequences are always worse than if everyone would have been honest from the beginning.

 

I hope you can get past your feelings about your mother & things will get better for you.  Good luck!

I was 31 when I found out that my father wasn't my biological father. I found out by applying for a birth certificate. I was told the information I gave was incorrect. So I went to my mother and she refused to give any information. She even refused to confirm or deny. So I had to find out on my own. It was a very difficult time because for 31 years I believed something that was a lie. Medical information was incorrect and I have no way of finding out correct information. But it took about 5 years and now I am okay with not knowing. I think. The health issue is a difficult one.
 
May 24, 2007, 3:01 am CDT

05/24 "Who Am I?"

I was adopted by my dad at the age of 18. I have been searching for my bio-father since before then. My Mom refuses to give me any information about him. She went so far as to lie about his real name for over 30 years. I have medical and personal reasons I want ot find this man. I have children who I can't give a complete medical history for, because my  Mom wants to protect HER privacy. She says that I DON'T HAVE A RIGHT to know who he is.  I think I do have a right to know this. I think she gave up any rights to privacy on the matter when she gave birth to me. I have had 5 kids one of which has died and I can't be sure if the reason wasn't a genetic problem, because I don't have a complete medical history! I have been SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tempted just to go on some national tv show and ask the public if they knew my mom in 1973 to please get intouch with me.  When does her privacy end and my right to know start? Why didn't she think of all of this before she laid in someone's bed and get pregnant with me??? Everyone tells me to let it go, but i don't seem to beable to. Sorry, I didn't mean to get bitter. I just want to know who he is. I don't want to interupt his life. I don't want to cause him problems. I don't really want to hurt my Mom, but I need this and she doesn't seem to get it or care about it. I have no information. I do know who my brother's bio-dad was, I'm wondering if I find him if he can tell me who my bio-dad was. Anyway thanks for letting me vent.

Misty

 
May 24, 2007, 5:35 am CDT

"Mothers" don't abandon their children!

There can NEVER be true and lasting reconciliation until everyone speaks the TRUTH. As long as any person (in this case a parent) continues to hide things and lie about things, the chance of a healthy relationship lasting is ZERO!

 

I'm sorry, but ANY mother (especially the mother since it is the mothers who carry the babies for 9 months)...who abandons her child (other than using legal adoption for the best reasons) is NOT a "Mother." That woman was an incubator, nothing more. Most mothers would lay down their lives for their children w/o thinking twice! To dump a child w/o the process of legal adoption is deplorable! These women need to ask for forgiveness from their children and from God. They have committed one of the gravest sins, im my opinion.

 

My heart goes out to Rena; I hope Dr. Phil can help her. I cannot imagine how I would feel if I awoke one day to learn that many aspects of my life and who I am is a lie. God bless her!

 
May 24, 2007, 5:39 am CDT

We choose to follow God's plan

Quote From: chefnatascha

i am %100 in favor of adoption. our planet is hugely overpopulated and it is criminal the way some people reproduce these days. we could save this beautiful planet if we would just have/not have children in a responsible manner. my husband and i are not going to have any biological children, we decided that before we got married because we are both aware of the grave damage overpopulation has done. if we ever decide we would like/can afford children we will adopt. we should not keep adding so many polluting, consuming humans to our planet, she can't take much more of this. smaller human populations mean fewer cruelties to the planet and all her animals.

Americans have far fewer babies than many other societies. You are thinking with your head, which is right for you.

 

Some of us think with BOTH our heads and our hearts. God had a plan for us (and to anyone who believes and doesn't pick and choose which of His teachings to follow). That plan involves procreation.

 

The greatest gift my husband and I gave to eachother is our precious children! And our children are giving back to this world by being great citizens and volunteering their time to feed the poor, etc.

 

So there are OTHER ways to save this planet and one of them is to procreate and send our children out to help save others and this planet!

 
May 24, 2007, 5:42 am CDT

Birth mothers deserve respect and to have their promises honored

Quote From: closetpoet624

I know there's so many laws and rules that protect the privacy rights of people that have given their children up...heaven forbid we should interrupt their ordered lives by asking questions about where we come from!  Why don't we have the right to know our parents?  Why is the cut-off line for finding crucial information about adoptions 1980?  Maybe we don't all want the starry-eyed reunion, with tears of joy and exuberant regrets about missed life-events.  Maybe we just want information...information is power, especially when it comes to health history, and for heaven's sake, maybe we want to know which part of the world our people came from.  Sometimes even when you belong to a loving, supportive adoptive family, there are parts of you that literally ache to feel like you belong to your past. 

The women who were kind and strong enough to put their babies up for adoption were PROMISED confidentiality. We should thank them for what they did (they chose not to kill) and we shoudl RESPECT the promises made to them. Some chose for open adoption....again, it was their CHOICE. Just because you don't like the choices some birth mothers made does not give you or anyone the right to break a promise.

 

I have two adopted cousins who have lived lives with two wonderful parents. They are successful, happy, contributing adults who now have their own families. They do NOT know who their birth parents are and they are not any less whole because of it. I wish people who stop being defined by who they were at birth. Who loved them and raised them far outweighs who carried them in their womb for 9 months.

 
May 24, 2007, 5:48 am CDT

Birth mothers need their promises honored and respected

Quote From: cur2cute

It's strange how people don't understand your feelings if you were adopted.  I never found out that I was adopted until I was 45 years old.  The family kept it a secret all those years.  Unfortantly both of my adoptive parents passed away, so I never was able to ask them about the adoption.  Their birth daughter (my sister) told me forget it.  You are who you are.   I petioned the court and was granted only some information.  My birth mother is alive and doing well, however, she doesn't want to have any contact with me.  But, she thinks about me everyday....OH PLEASE!!!!!!!!  I think it is wonderful if birth mothers who gave their child up for adoption would like the child toknow what happened.  That would put our minds at ease.  People do not understand what it is like to look in the mirror and wonder, Who am I.......who is my mother......what is she like........what are my brother and sisters like.......Who are they???  There are always so many unanswered questions.  I wish that the state (PA)that I live in would pass a law that if you were adopted that the records would be open.  It is so unfair to us adopties not to know about our biologial mother and father.

 

Mary

What would be unfair would be that your birth mother's promise of confidentiality would not be honored. Many women of past decades would have chosen abortion if they thought their confidentiality would be violated. They were PROMISED things and the state has a DUTY (both moral and legal) to uphold that promise.

 

Yes, it is sad and unfortunate. But it is fair. And what is more unfortunate is people feeling they need to know who carried them in their womb for them to be whole. Those who feel less of a person for not knowing should be asking themselves why they feel they are lacking.

 

What defines a person is NOT who carried them to term! What defines them is who raised them, loved them, supported them AND the knowledge that someone loved them enough to put them up for adoption instead of killing them.

 

God bless all those women who chosen adoption and were PROMISED a closed adoption. They have rights, too....actually more than an adoptees "right" to know. We/you may not like closed adoption, but they were what was PROMISED these women and we owe it to these selfless women to respect them enough to keep our promises.

 

 

 
May 24, 2007, 6:50 am CDT

Shame on the mother

Savanah's mother couldn't even look her daughter in the eyes. Also, she acted like she was on drugs. I think Savanah needs to move on and realize her mother doesn't want to need her.
 
May 24, 2007, 7:04 am CDT

How can they walk away

I have a 16 year old nephew that is a WONDERFUL young man.  His mom, my sister, and his Dad divorced when Ted was 2 and his piece of garbage Dad left and never looked back.  Ted has had a terrible time with feeling abandoned, he has always felt that he must be lacking in some way or his Dad would want to know him.  When he was 12 he had a particulary bad episode and had to be admitted to a physiatric hospital.  At this pint my sister tracked down the Dad and he had the NERVE to tell her that he was married and had adopted his wife's children and that the new family knew nothing about his former marriage or child nd he wanted to keep it that way.  So if Ed Sevin or anyone that know him reads this I think you re something that I scraped off the bottom of my shoe

 

Misty

 
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