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Topic : 08/28 "Who Am I?"

Number of Replies: 403
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Created on : Friday, May 18, 2007, 12:42:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/24/07) What if everything you thought you knew about yourself was a lie? Today’s guests are real-life unsolved mysteries. First, Savannah, 27, has never known her biological mother and has always felt incomplete. She says her mother, Peggy, vanished when she and her sister were very young, and she’s always wondered why her mom never tried to find them. Dr. Phil reunites Savannah with her mystery mother for the first time in over 20 years. Dr. Phil attempts to get to the bottom of why Peggy left her children and moved on to form another family, but Peggy says it wasn’t all her fault. Can this mother and daughter forgive, forget and start over? Next, George, 38, recently found out his family’s secret: the man he knew as his father is not his biological father. His mother was the only one with the answer to who his father was, but she died two years ago and took the truth to her grave. Now George is left wondering if there is a man out there who doesn’t even know he has a son and grandchildren. Then, when her mother passed away eight years ago, Rena, 18, learned that her birth certificate was fake, her social security number belonged to someone else, and she didn’t exist anywhere on paper. Without an identity, Rena says her life is on hold. She can’t get financial aid for college, she can’t get a driver’s license, and she can’t travel out of the country. Share your thoughts about the show here.

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May 24, 2007, 7:17 am CDT

Just Reunited with my son!

This topic hit home today! I just got in contact via MySpace with my 18 yr old son a week ago! We have been talking through e-mails daily and are planning a meeting soon. I gave him up at 2 months old to his Paternal Grandparents because I couldn't take care of him.

 

I want so much to make everything go smoothly. I have been waiting 18 years for this and I am so scared I am going to make a mistake! Does anyone have any advice that has been through this before??

 
May 24, 2007, 7:20 am CDT

who am I?

Quote From: familymatters

I am 45 yrs old and I still ask the question of : WHO AM I....

I met my bilogical mother some years ago, but I have yet to get information on WHO IS MY FATHER.

Thsi is a very touchy topic for many as such my self fore being complete as a being a human being.  Nature has its ways of playing with the emotions of oneself and I am still allowing the game to go on in my heart and mind wich by the way is effecting my mind.

My emotions towards my "mother" is an if I talk to you I do and if I don't its no great loss.

 

I deeply know she knows what I should know and she won't say.

Oh!, by the way "mother"  is doing the same thing to my brother who she as well gave away for adoption many years ago as well.  What a lovely pattern this woman has and what a way for us her children to have too live. There is more to this story but the more I write the bitter I get about this woman who is "mother."  Now if only  I knew who Dad was than just maybe I'll see and feel who I AM... The true fact of WHO AM I starts with what I AM.

I have green eyes and Im light skin who can pass for a spanish woman or as "mother" says I am half black.  Ok does that explain why I have curly that needs a perm here and there? NO IT DOESN'T!!!!!! What it tell me is that there is an answear to my question and "mother" is in control of it. Shame on you "mother."

I watched the show today about the young woman who's mother left and started a whole new family.....forgetting all about her first family....I was surprised that Dr. Phil never once asked about the mothers emotional health???My mother left behind 4 little girls..from the age of 7 down to 3 months old.....She had a history of manic depression...and I was so lost as a little girl....My dad had help with raising us with his parents taking us all in.....I was 2 years old at the time of the seperation......my dad never dated while raising us......my mom remarried two years after divorcing my dad.....I was named after my mother...so I felt like all my dads family thought less of me because I had the same name as the woman who hurt my dad so much.......My mother over the years had visited us......and we had some contact with her......but she ended up marrying a sexual perpitrator.....he molested their daughters...and me as a teen ager......I could go on and on.....(but I won't) There are reasons women leave their children.......when they cannot cope with reality.....it is hard enough to take care of themselves let alone 4 small children.....I forgave her as I grew up and realized she was mentally incompatent to raise children...Her 2nd family that she did raise is proof to that......

She gave up my half brother at birth when her husband and she had broken up....she had been involved with someone else and got pregnant.....We found my brother at the age of 31 years old......My mother had two major nervous break-downs during her 2nd marriage.....and was on lithium to help her with her emotional well being......I too ....am clinically depressed, and I realize the struggles she had as a young woman because I struggled too......Maybe the next time Dr. Phil will ask the parents what their mental health was like......Women don't give up their children unless something mentally is really wrong......Please don't be so hard on the mother...she was trying to survive......it may not have been the right way in her daughters eyes......but her dad did a great job as both mother and father......and so did mine.......maybe her mom knew he would be the better parent......and did her a favor....I know mine did....I wouldn't have wanted to be raised by her....she was really messed up at times.....and her children suffered the conciquences.....My mom is deceased now.....and I am 54 yrs old......but as we got older we became mother and daughter...and I was blessed to live with her her final years of life......taking care of her and being the daughter I always wanted to be....

 
May 24, 2007, 7:22 am CDT

in just the first half hour of the show

IT IS JUST SO APPARENT THAT THE MOTHER PEGGY IS LYING HOW DARE SHE YEAH SHE HAD A PRIVATE DETECTIVE ALRIGHT THEN WHY COULDNT HE FIND THOSE KIDS AND ALL THE HATEFUL THINGS PEGGY SAID ABOUT THE EX HUSBAND? WELL AT LEAST HE STAYED TO RAISE THEM PEGGY GET A LIFE
 
May 24, 2007, 7:44 am CDT

BE HAPPY

I found from experience you are who you become.

I like so many others tried to search for answers about my mother and my father.

At the age of 15, I met up with her, what a mistake.

Searched for my father, when I found out where he was, he had already passed away. He had another family, which I met, a real mistake.

I was raised in the system, I did know many of my relatives, but had to find out why.

I really wished now I would have left well enough alone.

My goal growing up was to be a good parent if God allowed me children, which he did.

Children are a gift from God, so cherish them.

Life was hard, but you have to make the best of it just don't make the same mistakes that happened to you. Break the mold.

I still have issues once in a while, of why did this happen to me, but it goes away.

Sometimes you may have to think, well if I lived with that person who would I be today?????????

Some people are lucky to have been adopted and loved, I wasn't, but be thankful for that and never look at what could or would have been.

Sometimes it is better to leave well enough alone and learn to love who you are or have become.

Medical issues are not always something from the past, things are different today.

There are tests to help with whatever medical issues that arise, so don't use maybe my parents had that.

Everyone who has been left behind wonders and hopes, but sometimes you are better off letting go.

Just be the best you can be and be you.

From someone who has been there.

ally

 

 
May 24, 2007, 7:53 am CDT

who am i

i can relate to this.  when i was 7 my mom left with a married man  and never came back.  she left not only her husband but my brother and me.  she never came back, called us, or wrote us.  about 4 years ago i found her 1 county away and went to her work and gave her boss a letter telling her that we found her and if she wanted to meet us then her can and this time and place.  she did show up.  we both were so suprise that she showed up.  i mean a woman who left her two kids and never came back showed up so they could confront her.  we confronted her and her gave us excuse after excuse.  she never said "i was stupid and selfish and i didn't want to be tied down".    we never got our excuse i pray that she will get her's. 
 
May 24, 2007, 8:30 am CDT

05/24 "Who Am I?"

Hello Everyone!

 

I am the Savannah that will be on the show today, and I just wanted to say thank you so much for everyone supporting me, and understanding where I am coming from.  It is very nice to know tht people you dont know are on your side.  The sad thing is, is that Peggy has not contacted me since the show.  Which goes to show you that is who she is and will always be that way.  Thanks again everyone!

 

Savannah

 
May 24, 2007, 8:37 am CDT

I'd be careful with that judgement

it's sharp. And generally two-edged.
 
May 24, 2007, 8:42 am CDT

I've walked in your shoes

I come from an incredibly out of control family. I had five different women who took the role of mother in my life and I can tell you that each was crazy in her own way. Paradoxically each offered both gifts and baggage for me to sort through as an adult. The one thing I can say for sure is this: ONE GOOD PARENT IS MORE THAN MANY PEOPLE EVER GET AND THAT CAN BE ENOUGH. At age 49 I discovered that I had two fathers as well. The family secret was that my biological father was probably not the man I called Dad. It explained my father's prefencial treatment of my brother and my stepmother's unabashed hatred of me. All my parents biological, or otherwise, are now dead so if I want to know for sure I would have to do expensive DNA testing with cousins and family "friends" decendants to find out. But after all the emotional swings, all the resentment and agnst, I have finally come to understand that it really doesn't matter. When I was in my twenties, I was full of resentment and hurt and anger at the many ways I had been abused and not protected. I cherished my resentment for decades, used it to gain sympathy from others, and to excuse my own inability to to grab ahold of my life and make it manaegable. Decades later I woke up with a sudden onslaught of heath problems "A GIIFT" from years of stress and feeling cheated and bitter resentment. Prior to that I struggled with the same biological issues (pyroluria) that my mother tried to drink away. But the label "mentally ill" was something I ran from so I went undiagnosed and untreated. Now having explored those issues along with other health isssues, I have come to understand that my grandmother's post partum depression, and my mothers unrelenting depression were not so different that the emotional lows I struggled with. Now with greater knowledge and medication to deal with those biological issues, the shame started to diminish along with the blaming of others. It is easy to be quick to judge, to look at behavior and righteously decide that choices are always voluntary and not driven by serious imbalances in a persons biology. But I have lived it and can tell you that is too simplistic in many, possibly most cases. To Samantha: Blame gives you nothing but a temporary feeling of self-righteousness. After a short while you may notice it is not so satisfying as you had hoped. Mercy will give your heart freedom, your adrenals will calm down and your body will be spared the hard lessons that I have learned believing I was especially victimized by life, and living with high stress until my body broke down. George: you are a fine man and nothing can change that. I understand your confusion but in the end you are a child of God and whoever' s sperm helped bring you into this world is incredibly small in contrast your most profound self. I suggest that you dwell on your divine nature to discover your true identity because in the end that is all you take with you or has any real eternal meaning. Rena, DR. Phil will get through the red tape for you and will have the papers you need in this country. You aleady have so much to be grateful for: health, beauty, brains, a kind and humble spirit. To anyone cherishing a resentment like it is a shield that will protect you from future pain: "resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." It will cost you everything, health, happiness, peace of mind, a feeling of safety in the world. Please just give it up. Valerie
 
May 24, 2007, 8:43 am CDT

In the same boat

I am in the same boat as these other people.  It turns out that I was adopted but, I didn't find this information out until I was 52 yrs old!  It was after my mother, or the person who I thought was my mother, died.  I was cleaning out her apartment when I came accross this information.  I had found a large manilla envelope among her things and almost threw it out without looking inside.  (Sometimes I wish that I hadn't checked it out!)  To my surprise I found a letter from the man who was married to my biological mother stating that she had passed away.  Also in the letter was stated that this man had met me, (I had no idea) and that he was sorry that Jessie (my adopted mother) was not happy with the way I turned out!  He also said that he had kept his promise not to tell me of my adoption or birth mother!  You can imagine the shock at this late stage of my life!  Like many others, I felt that my entire life was a lie!    I'm still in touch with the man who would have been my step-father had my birth mother kept me but, he has told me all that he can.  Since the people who were involved are all dead now, I guess that I'll never find the truth!

 
May 24, 2007, 8:58 am CDT

who am I?

It's amazing when I read other messages that I am not alone, but that's how I felt when I found out the wonderful man I've been calling dad isn't really my dad. Everyone knew but me, even my ex knew and when he was out for revenge on me after our breakup that was his weapon. Then I found out who he was I had learned that he had died. I've always been curious about everything since then. One day while I was visiting my parents I searched the attic and found diaries and read entries under my birthdate in 1972 and there was no mention that I was born. After watching Dr. Phil today I basically cried throughout the whole show and I feel for Savannah from the bottom of my heart and God bless her father for staying and doing a wonderful job on raising her. I don't kow how to feel about Peggy. All I know is that you don't abandon your child or children. I do feel however that she was making alot of excuses. Savannah doesn't need excuses! Stop being a coward and give her the truth! As for George, I understand how you feel. It's not always easy accepting it, but after 15 years I have accepted it. I was angry for a long time that my mom, among others, kept this from me. My bio/ father died of heart disease and that's about all I know. I hope you find your father and that everything works out well.
 
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