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Topic : Bipolar Disorder

Number of Replies: 6639
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 08:57:16 am
Author : dataimport

Patients suffering from Bipolar disorder face many difficult challenges. Share your story and get support from those who understand.

 

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April 7, 2009, 1:23 pm CDT

hope its not too late

Quote From: charsage

I came here looking for the "panic button" that I remembered Dr. Phil saying he would have on the home page a while back when Dr. Lawliss was on the show, I believe it was a show about anger and parenting. I needed that tonight, and I need some advice. Counting from one to ten has never worked for me- I don't seem to see or feel any signs that I am about to lose it, I just do. I go from zero- full blown 100 mile an hour rage in seconds with my kids when they are fighting. (they are 9 and 8) My husband left 6 months ago, and it worsened a lot since then, and it seems that the pervailing sadness and hopelessness I feel in the back of my mind, all the time, comes out at them and I feel AWFUL afterwards. I don't hit them but I have come awfully close.What I do is SCREAM at them, this is hard to admit, but even right in their faces, and I have grabbed their shoulders and felt so much like throwing them. Of course I know this is SO wrong, and I don't mean to do this to them. I also have bipolar disorder and am taking lithium daily to control it. I have had this rage my entire life and have always felt the need to get it out, either by slamming doors, throwing something, yelling, crying, whatever. I feel like a walking timebomb.

PLEASE help. I am too afraid to seek help from anybody in person as I am sure they will try to take my kids away and I don't think that's what is best for them. I just need some help, and I hate myself for treating them this way.
HI there i know that you posted this a while ago but i just came across it and i wanted to reach out to you because i have been where you are. I too had never hit my children but  i have had my share of screaming at them because of other feelinsg that i was having that i didnt know how to deal with . In 2006 I was diagnoised with bipolar well that explained a little of why i was so rageful but either way i needed to deal with what i was feeling inside before i coudld deal with anything on the outside. I really do hope that you still here i woudl like to know how you turned out best wishes ..bobbie
 
April 7, 2009, 1:30 pm CDT

racing thoughts

Quote From: cmarsh9

I wish that for one moment the racing thoughts would just stop.  I need some peace and quiet.  I was trying to explain it today to my mother and she made me feel like I was a two year old.  Family do not seem to understand what you go through each day.  You can not concentrate on tasks that you want to get done.  I have finally found that music is a good way to cover up the thoughts.  I wish they would find medications that would not take such a toll on the body.

hi there i just came across your message and it really hit home for me also. I have been diagnosed with bipolar almost 3 yrs ago and i still have days that my thoughst my brain just doesnt want to stop. you said that you found that music covers it up, i know its hard but you cant cover it up you have to find a way to slow your thoughts down. a few things that i have done is write what i am feeling, sing what i anm feeling, taking walks really helps sometimes if you physically exhuste your self you can slow down your brain. I also know how you feel about the way the meds make you feel but taht is what takes teh longest. when i first started out on meds i could not do anything without getting tired so i would do a task and then go back to bed and get up adn repeat so finally my doc gave me a med that helped with my engery levels and also reduced some of teh doeses taht iam on i have been on teh max doesages for a while but most of teh time when they lower them i become manic or depressed so i knwo hwo long the road is ...just hang in there

 
April 8, 2009, 8:05 pm CDT

thank you

Quote From: sweetbjc

hi there i just came across your message and it really hit home for me also. I have been diagnosed with bipolar almost 3 yrs ago and i still have days that my thoughst my brain just doesnt want to stop. you said that you found that music covers it up, i know its hard but you cant cover it up you have to find a way to slow your thoughts down. a few things that i have done is write what i am feeling, sing what i anm feeling, taking walks really helps sometimes if you physically exhuste your self you can slow down your brain. I also know how you feel about the way the meds make you feel but taht is what takes teh longest. when i first started out on meds i could not do anything without getting tired so i would do a task and then go back to bed and get up adn repeat so finally my doc gave me a med that helped with my engery levels and also reduced some of teh doeses taht iam on i have been on teh max doesages for a while but most of teh time when they lower them i become manic or depressed so i knwo hwo long the road is ...just hang in there

Thank you for your suggestions. I do write the thoughts down sometimes.  The one med I was on made me feel like a zombie so we decided to go off of it.  Its amazing on what things come into your head when its in full gear.  Not many like to talk about what they go through everyday and I think its very helpful to know or learn on how others deal with it.
 
May 6, 2009, 10:51 pm CDT

Bipolar Disorder

Quote From: mensan

A depression can be particularly bad after a period of mania. The contrast is so awful after you have felt good for so long. I am glad you are seeing a psychiatrist. I also know how hard it is to keep trying meds when it seems that none have worked for you, but meds are the only solution and you must keep trying. I am worried about you and I hope you find the solution soon. Please keep trying and let us know how you are doing. All of us on the board are pulling for you and care for you. Please keep us informed as to how you are doing. 

 I also have bi-polar depression 2.  I have an analytical job which makes it very difficult to concentrate with the racing throughts and such. I am finally on a regimen that works for me most of the time. However, there are weeks at a time that all I can do it think of how lucky people are who get to die. Then a few days later, I feel on top of the world. It is when we are in that ditch that we can't seem to express ourselves the best. Your family needs to keep a close eye on you for when you go off like that. i feel like my family doesn't really nderstand and I am a embarassed to talk about it for fear that they will dismiss me. My husband just says we need to fix it, but there is no fixing this,. it is a constant battle. i just try to make the best of my high time and then struggle through the down time. i actually take medication for ADD, and that helps me focus at work. Antidepressives, mood swing meds, anxiety medication also help keep my moods on an even keel. But, I know when I am not on the right mix of them, I totally feel flat. You start questioning the reality of everything. I am lucky that I do not have any addictions to go along with my illness. But, I think someday when the depression gets really bad, I'll just up and leave and live under a bridge somewhere.

 

Not quite motivatinal, but I needed to vent. thank

 
May 6, 2009, 10:55 pm CDT

Bipolar Disorder

Quote From: cmarsh9

Thank you for your suggestions. I do write the thoughts down sometimes.  The one med I was on made me feel like a zombie so we decided to go off of it.  Its amazing on what things come into your head when its in full gear.  Not many like to talk about what they go through everyday and I think its very helpful to know or learn on how others deal with it.
I have the problem with the racing thoughts constantly, they never stop, I call them the bouncy ball in my head. What I have found works, is swimming. You have so many things you have to think about to keep your body in motion that it is a ilberating feeling. After your swim, just float in the water and concentrate on how it feels weightless and free.  That is my savings grace when I feel my mindis out of control
 
May 6, 2009, 11:03 pm CDT

Bipolar Disorder

Quote From: donohue1

I spend so much time hiding whats really going on inside, sometimes I wonder whom I'm trying to fool. My Self, or them. I watch how my depressions and or mania effect my wife and 4 small children. I sometimes believe they would be better off without me, as it is getting harder each day to cope with this disorder.

It will be my 3rd year this may since I was diagnosed with this curse.  Hard to explain it but its like everything works but me, my mind is my greatest foe, I can not run hide or escape it. They try to pump me up full of the meds, and only makes it worse.  Which leaves me no where to turn.

I feel for those whom are seeing a loved one go through this mess, as it seems to just get easier not better. Any of the old crew still posting, or reading if so God Bless and take care


The Boy
I know exactly how you feel. I recently quit my job because it was to stressful and I couldn't concentrate on the tasks. I had to take 2 leave of absences during my 8 years with the company. Bi--polar disorder is something i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. People that don't know about my illness don't understand why my confidence level is low at work. It's because I can't remember things regarding work because I have to much gobbldegoop in my mind. I am very capable of doing my jobs, I get rewards and have upper level degrees, but I think I could do much better if only i didn't have these mood issues and distractions running through my head all the time. I know what it means to just need some quiet. I have come to the decision to go back to work and am on some medication that will make me concentrate better, so hopefully I will be able to be successful.  Good luck to you and just know you are not the only one out there. And when you get the right meds you will feel alot better.
 
May 6, 2009, 11:14 pm CDT

Bipolar Disorder

Quote From: 2happy2sad

Sorry to hear that you feel alone and lost.   I think bipolar can be a lonely illness because only "we" know how it feels.  Has your wife ever gone to any therapy appointments with you?  Maybe if she is part of the treatment she will stick with you.  Also encourage her to read up on the illness, the more we all learn about this illness the easier it is to cope with it.

 

Maybe someone else will jump in with words of wisdom.  :)

 

I wish I had words of wisdom, but I only know what I go through.  Bi-polar has been very lonely for me too. I have 4 children and I try to spend as much time with them as I can, but wih the thoughts racing, I have to take frequent breaks that they don't understand. I do think that if your significant other goes to treatment with you, theymay understand more. However, i haven't been able to find a therapist in years that has helped me. I read alot about what the illness entails and try to get some kind of control over it. But, the only thing we can really do is find something that relaxes you (swimming), take your medication, and if you have to excuse yourself from the room for some quiet time, then do that too. I am lucky that i can tell when I am irritated and tend to isolate myself during those times, which doesn't do anyone any good, exept that I am not causing any havic.

 

Just keep working on being healthy, that's all we can do.

 
May 7, 2009, 6:10 pm CDT

My son: Bipolar Schizo ?

I havent visited here in a while but I am back looking for help.  I posted a message about my son whom is 13 years old now. He has been diagnosed with Bipolar disorderat the age of 7.  He has been seeing a doctor since and his meds have been changed Lord knows how many times.  He has not been better at all for the past 6 years.  He seems to also be getting worse the older he gets.  He hears voices constantly he says that they are low all the time and if he gets upset they get LOUD.  When they get loud he will either beat on his head telling them to stop or pace the floor with his eyes open wide as if he is just panicking.  I dont know what to do when this starts to happen.  I try to calm him down but he tells me in a panicky voice that they wont stop and he doesnt want to do what they are saying.  He asks me to please get him out of the house because he doesnt want to hurt the family that he loves.  He sometimes cries at the time also.  He gets angry really easy also and when he does then I know the voices are gonna get worse.  He is depressed alot.  He is never happy.  Our life is a living hell everyday because he just makes everyone in the house fight all the time.  He is a really negative person. No matter what we try to do as a family he doesnt enjoy it.  He has had 9 short term mental hospitalizations already and I havent seen an improvement with any one.  He has had three already this year.  He is on 180 milligrams of Geodon and it seems to sedate him more than anything.  i sent him to school yesterday two days after being discharged and I had to go pick him up because he was sleeping on the floor in the office.  His doctor I believe doesnt know what to do anymore and I dont either.  The hospitals just tell me that they are only allowed to keep him for 7 to 10 days until he is not suicidal anymore (which I forgot to mention, he does talk about suicide also) and he is stable then he comes back home.  I think that it messed up because it never fails after he is back home the hallucinations start again.  When they start it involves me going to the nearest E.R. and sitting there for hours and hours while they try to find him a bed.  This is a process that is wearing me down.  I have two other children whom do not have this problem.  He is from a previous relationship and his birth father also has Bipolar so Im assuming his problem is haretetary.  We are all scared to sleep with him in the house because when he says he hears the voices he says that they are stronger than him and sometimes tell him to kill one of us.  We sleep with our doors locked just in case.  This is no way to live.  I just want him to get the help that he needs.  I dont know what else to do so I am sending this hoping that someone can relate and maybe give me some answers or options, anything I am desperate.  This has been a long journey and we cannot take anymore. Doctors are not helping any.  Someone please HELP!
Thank you
 
May 7, 2009, 6:13 pm CDT

Also

I forgot to mention about him seeing a woman that is not there.  The last time that he saw her she had a long robe on and was spraying holy water but the water was red not clear. He charges at the woman and curses at her.  He also has seen like ants crawling all over.  And there was no such thing.  He also does weird things like that and then swears later that he must have blacked out because he has no memory of these things happening.  He talks about blackouts alot. 
 
May 20, 2009, 4:39 pm CDT

Bipolar Disorder

Quote From: laurie20023

I havent visited here in a while but I am back looking for help.  I posted a message about my son whom is 13 years old now. He has been diagnosed with Bipolar disorderat the age of 7.  He has been seeing a doctor since and his meds have been changed Lord knows how many times.  He has not been better at all for the past 6 years.  He seems to also be getting worse the older he gets.  He hears voices constantly he says that they are low all the time and if he gets upset they get LOUD.  When they get loud he will either beat on his head telling them to stop or pace the floor with his eyes open wide as if he is just panicking.  I dont know what to do when this starts to happen.  I try to calm him down but he tells me in a panicky voice that they wont stop and he doesnt want to do what they are saying.  He asks me to please get him out of the house because he doesnt want to hurt the family that he loves.  He sometimes cries at the time also.  He gets angry really easy also and when he does then I know the voices are gonna get worse.  He is depressed alot.  He is never happy.  Our life is a living hell everyday because he just makes everyone in the house fight all the time.  He is a really negative person. No matter what we try to do as a family he doesnt enjoy it.  He has had 9 short term mental hospitalizations already and I havent seen an improvement with any one.  He has had three already this year.  He is on 180 milligrams of Geodon and it seems to sedate him more than anything.  i sent him to school yesterday two days after being discharged and I had to go pick him up because he was sleeping on the floor in the office.  His doctor I believe doesnt know what to do anymore and I dont either.  The hospitals just tell me that they are only allowed to keep him for 7 to 10 days until he is not suicidal anymore (which I forgot to mention, he does talk about suicide also) and he is stable then he comes back home.  I think that it messed up because it never fails after he is back home the hallucinations start again.  When they start it involves me going to the nearest E.R. and sitting there for hours and hours while they try to find him a bed.  This is a process that is wearing me down.  I have two other children whom do not have this problem.  He is from a previous relationship and his birth father also has Bipolar so Im assuming his problem is haretetary.  We are all scared to sleep with him in the house because when he says he hears the voices he says that they are stronger than him and sometimes tell him to kill one of us.  We sleep with our doors locked just in case.  This is no way to live.  I just want him to get the help that he needs.  I dont know what else to do so I am sending this hoping that someone can relate and maybe give me some answers or options, anything I am desperate.  This has been a long journey and we cannot take anymore. Doctors are not helping any.  Someone please HELP!
Thank you
He likely has schizophrenia and I know from my experience with this illness that Geodon doesn't work for schizophrenia (just by what others said in the hospital when I was hospitalized), but doctors likely don't want to diagnosis him with that.  I have schizophrenia and take 20 mgs. of Abilify and am doing fine, fully sane (with meds of course), and able to participate in life fully.  Risperidal is also heavily prescribed for sz., but that causes weight gain, I gained 50 lbs in 6 months when I took it.  So I asked to change meds, relasped and eventually got the right dose and stopped hearing voices.  My voices weren't about killing people, that's got to be frightening.  Take him to a psychologist, I went to the University Hospital before I was fixed.  Good luck to you.  
 
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