Topic : Bipolar Disorder

I'm not on my meds due to lack of money. No, meds are not free in Canada. I do have medical coverage, but the way mine works is that you pay first, send in the receipts and then I have one plan that covers 90 percent and another that covers 80 percent. I have two plans because my coverage on one runs out before the end of the year (there is a limit per year of what they will reimburse), and the little left that the plan won't cover I can send to the other. Unfortunately it is still pouring. Feels more like a killer hurricane or tornado or something like that. My roommate is back in town but I haven't seen her, hardly heard from her. No hay yet. Apparently not upset with me at all and says she's not planning to move out and leave me and go to Sudbury. Of course she keeps saying hay is coming too. She's supposed to be here tomorrow morning, and hay too. Of course when I was talking to her I forgot I have a councelling session tomorrow. Also supposed to be going blueberry picking with my friend Shelley in the morning, but she's calling me at 9 to wake up, so I can tell her then. Tonight I had a cop at my house because they wanted my statement about the incident the boys told her about being pushed down the stairs and punched (not sure of the whole truth there). If this goes to court, I may have to testify. Oh, I did say the boys were taken by CAS right. Two in a foster home, the other with his grandfather. Boys couldn't stay here because the one was told to pack because she was taking them to Sudbury for a week. Still sick too. I just want this whole nightmare to end. Many say I'm better if my roommate leaves or I kick her out (not that she's been here), and in some ways they may be right. But on the other hand although at times she hurts me deeply, she can be an absolute sweetheart, takes care of me, tells me she loves me and is supportive. I don't want to be abandoned and have had a hard time in an empty house, mostly due to not knowing what's going on with the hay, with her, or anything else. I don't want the problems back, I just want the support and not to be abandoned. I just want this hellish nightmare to end, and soon. I'm still planning to go back to work beginning of August, but right now all I want to do is curl up in a little ball in my room. Luckily so far I haven't done that and I've gotten some housework done. I'm praying that everyone else is doing well.

I'm so sorry things are not working out with you and Matt. Hang in there.

 

Kalie

LOL. Loved the chil pill. Maybe if I were to enlarge one about 100 times that size, slip enough of it into the food or water of everyone around me (I get the largest portion), then maybe things will improve for me. What do you think?

Just wanted to say hello to everyone I have not spoken to yet. Welcome back to familiar faces, and welcome to the board to newbies. Hopefully things will improve. I take it we have to go to our profile everytime we log on if we want to have a profile pic? Mine didn't even work tonight. At least not from the looks of it. And why is it that every time I post a message, it puts me right back at the beginning again, instead of where I left off reading. It's a pain in the *** and time consuming to get back to the posts that I was reading.

Anyways, it's almost 4 a.m. and I have to get up and 9, so I'm going to go lie in bed and read and hopefully eventually I'll get tired. Right now I feel ready to start the next day, and it's not even hear yet.

Boy I feel like a real whiner and complainer right now. LOL. Guess I'll have to work on that one. Hey, I get a whole hour with my counceller tomorrow I whine bitch and complain. I hate change, and I hate conflict and I hate people hurting. Oh well, guess I've complained enough for one night. LOL. I'll be absolutely shocked if my roommate actually does bring hay tomorrow.

God bless you all and talk to you later.

Kalie

 because I CAN bckspace in the title bar no problem, I HAVE no picture/image, mo matter how hard i try.  By NOT being chronological i mean, if you click on the number 1 you do not get the FIRST PAGE OF POSTS asone would expect, then 2 and 3,  depending on what page you HAVE BEEN ON, the numbers always bring up different pages.  THEN theres this impresive looking bar of (supposed) options on the top of each post, and NONE of them are even options 99% of us would want to use... spell check? numbered lists? red or black ink?  I keep thinking  this is a bad joke...I dont even see how ANYONE would think this is an improvement.  There's a lot of differemt stuff, but most of it is not anything we would use.  AND again. as for chronological, i sign in immediately when i come to the board every time, if i click on my last post at the top right, which is the LEAST confusing, but i dont know if i am missing any replies unless i go through ALL the numbers at the bottom.... anyway, when i click on my post at the top, all posts that have come after my post are on top of it!, so i re-read MY post, athen the answers or whatever are essentially going backwards above it.  Uh-uh, Look, I belong to several message boards, my intelligence level, and hands on computer knowledge of functionality is not impaired.  This "new improved " message board is almost impossible to use and get all the functions of the old one.  I have read Faq and EVEN that does not help.  I know when i was on the old board, when we posted pics, that was ONE of the MAIN causes for us to giggle and forget our stresses, and we cannot do that anymore, we can't find replies with a click of a button, we have to search back through them all and i still dont know if THATS the answer because you end up in a maze of miscellaneous pages, always something differewnt under a different number.  I feel like I am on a game show, TRYING MY LUCK every time i come here.

Ok, you say, then quit bit##@ing and dont USE the board.  I realize i musst sound lhorribly rude, and awful and i guess thats the way this board makes me feel, foul and angry.   I wont come back so nobody has to hear my complaints, but if anyone paid attention, they ALL make sense.

Beka

 I have gone to my profile, thanks Kalie I think to rearrange at least the order the posts are in.  So now i have read them all like 38 times.  So that is better.  YES< CATHY I had to change my user namebecause at the time the board first came up no matter what i did i could not use my old name, i followed all instructions until i finally just got a new name.

KATHYDREAM its great to see you, how are things with you and your husband?  I have left mine, well we were not married, just share a toddler together, and it is difficult at best,  but in the long run i have hopes to be loved again, by a man that doesnt shudder to have sex with me or hang out with a movie or something homey instead of begging to go to a pool hall or something wild like that.  He was/is a good guy, but we are not compatible.  I became an entirely different person when i had a baby and he stayed the same.  We just dont complement each other anymore, we are like oil and water.  Its very very sad, because i have invested the best parts of my life in trying to stay together.  I lost.

NEW posters, welcome.
im outta here.

I am going to re-read the FAQ's and see if i can feel any less like an animal in a bear trap on this board.

Ill let you all know. or i wont come back.

beka

Hello……I know I’ve read all the mssgs on the board (some of them over & over) LOL but I'm having so much trouble concentrating these days I can't remember names or their stories. When my head clears I'll go back & read them. Please forgive me, I do care.

My husband has moved back home & we’re trying to work on things as best as 2 married bps can. My problems seem so silly in the scheme of things when you consider what some of our fellow posters are going through.

 

I’m just so frustrated that I don’t feel better than I do @ 49 since I take a pile of meds & numerous vitamins each day. Very frustrating & the physical pain never goes away.

I’m being treated by 4 different doctors & a therapist.

 

Pdoc (Lithium & Gabitril for b/p)    Primary doc (meds for hyperthyroidism & high cholesterol)

 

Neurologist (Lortab, Soma, & Lamictal prescribed for fibromyaligia, lumbar disc disease & alternating pain in my left calf & lower back.

 

Ob/Gyn (Incontinence problem) Due to my morbid obesity she has referred me to another doc appox 1½ hrs away.        Blood work shows normal hormone levels for post menopause.      I’ve had additional blood work by the others but haven’t heard anything from them.

 

Losing weight seems to be THE answer suggested by each & every one of them. My husband is behind me 100% & we’ve bought a stationary bike but it hasn’t arrived yet. Since the first of the year I’ve been working on the other steps in Dr Phil’s book & now I’m ready for intentional exercise. I’ve been fooling myself that I’m afraid to exercise b/c I fear it will kill me but I can no longer take the quality of my daily life.

 

 

 I feel more comfortable on this board talking with other bp.

 

 

God bless you all,

Kathy

This is Kathy's post:

 

My husband has moved back home & we’re trying to work on things as best as 2 married bps can. My problems seem so silly in the scheme of things when you consider what some of our fellow posters are going through.

 

 

 

I’m just so frustrated that I don’t feel better than I do @ 49 since I take a pile of meds & numerous vitamins each day. Very frustrating & the physical pain never goes away.

 

I’m being treated by 4 different doctors & a therapist.

 

 

 

Pdoc (Lithium & Gabitril for b/p)    Primary doc (meds for hyperthyroidism & high cholesterol)

 

 

 

Neurologist (Lortab, Soma, & Lamictal prescribed for fibromyaligia, lumbar disc disease & alternating pain in my left calf & lower back.

 

 

 

Ob/Gyn (Incontinence problem) Due to my morbid obesity she has referred me to another doc appox 1½ hrs away.        Blood work shows normal hormone levels for post menopause.      I’ve had additional blood work by the others but haven’t heard anything from them.

 

 

 

Losing weight seems to be THE answer suggested by each & every one of them. My husband is behind me 100% & we’ve bought a stationary bike but it hasn’t arrived yet. Since the first of the year I’ve been working on the other steps in Dr Phil’s book & now I’m ready for intentional exercise. I’ve been fooling myself that I’m afraid to exercise b/c I fear it will kill me but I can no longer take the quality of my daily life.

 

 

 

 

 

 I feel more comfortable on this board talking with other bp.

 

 

 

 

 

God bless you all,

 

 

Kathy

Hi, everyone new and old. I see that some people's  panties are still in a wad. (just kidding) I have read all of the posts and can feel the frustration oozing out of some. Me, I am going to sit back and see what happens when the kinks are ironed out. I KNOW change is good. I myself love to rearrange furniture ALL of the time.......then there are some things better left unchanged....like Beka said "if it ain't broke....don't fix it". So I will see where this goes....most of us all IM or email each other anyway. We can always open our own chat on yahoo groups. I liked our family feeling on the previous board too.

 

 

Anyway, Tammy...what are you talkin about with your llama????

 

 

I have tons to do before class tomorrow night, and we are going to Thoms dads 60th surprise birthday party today.

 

Lately, my best times have been 1st thing in the am and in the evenings. I had to start taking my evening dose of Trileptal an hour earlier because it was taking me too long to wind down before bed.

 

 

So, I'll check back later...Everyone have a good day (or try to).

 

 

Jen

What I hate is the fact that other people who have not experienced any kind of mental health problems do not understand people like me who do not handle every day stress.  I get so stressed out that I will cry all day think about suicide as a way out from feeling so stressed.  I become unfunctional.  That is why I have had so many jobs and landed in the hospital.  And I get the attitude from some people that I can control my bipolar. Well I can take medication, which I do, but when my life starts to get out off balance that is just like throwing fuel on a fire and not expect it to to flame up!  It upsets me that everyday stress affects me this way, but how do you keep it from happening. Med's help to a certain point, but what to due when the meds dont help? Ya they say exercise, but when you feel so depressed you cant get out of bed, how are you suppose to put workout clothes on and go for a walk or whatever.  And when I have gone for a walk to get my mind off things I think more about them walking. What is there to do when you walk but think! Then I have to pretend Im find around people because they wont understand. Then my husband who is a long haul trucker and only home 4 days a month;I cannt tell him all the time how I feel because it scares him and makes him feel crappy because he cant be here with me.  So Im alone in my depression, since there is no support groups in this crappy town I live in.  So Im trying the best I can do but sometimes it is not good enough.

Most people with bipolar need to have medication as well as talk therapy.

My daughter has done very well with cognitive behavioral therapy.

Unfortunately most people who are "normal" do not understand mental illness. All we can do is try and educate. My daughter learned the hard way of trying to be "ok or fine" around people when she wasn't. It doesn't work sometimes make things worse. You should not have to hide who you are. Be yourself. I have taught my daughter to surround herself with positive people. If negavtive people are around you will most likely be more negative and all that will do is play on your already fragile self-esteem. At one point in my daughters newly diagnosed illness we have had to stop speaking to my parents because they refused to "get it". She lalso quit speaking to her dad (who had only been around for a few months) because he was in denial and was very negative regarding medications. She couldn't handle trying to be someone she wasn't while with him. It was more stressful for her and wore her out emotionally and mentally. I do not have answers but just want you to know your not alone.

If you need to talk please email me

Tam