I'm trying to understand Social Anxiety Disorder more. I've read about them, and when I do I think "hey that sounds like me" but then, again I'm told that when people study psychology they often do that. So I'm not sure if I'm imagining it or if maybe I do have a generalized social anxiety. Even if it's in my head, I think one of my friends does have this.
Can anyone explain to me what the symptoms are? (In common lingo...I hate the psychology jargon in the textbooks). Sometimes textbooks are vague too.
The reason I wonder if I have Social Anxiety is because a lot of the time when friends or family ask me to do stuff with them, I feel a knot in my stomach and I just want to say no. I say yes anyways and usually end up having fun but I tend to feel anxious for a couple hours into whatever activity we're doing. It takes me that long to relax.
I've always been a worrier, and when i was in 2nd year University I felt like I was going to fail. I went through a stage where I was terrified I would fail. I was taking Statistics (mandatory) and I wasn't good at it. People kept telling me to work hard and I would pass, but it wasn't working. I could not understand the computer programs and most of my class was failing. I started out with a 100% in that class and it dropped in three weeks down to a 75%. It was the trend in my class. I was freaking out. I could get the assignments with relative understanding so I focussed my energy on that, staying up until 3 or 4am finishing them, working all week on them, getting only 2 hours a sleep a night. My parents kept telling me to relax but I couldn't and they were getting worried. Came the end of the semester, the mid term exams and I nearly had a breakdown. Anyone would with little sleep over 3 months. But my friend surprised me at my door one night, in the midst of her breakdown. that's when I said no more and I just stopped worrying like that about my schoolwork. Of course I barely passed the class but I felt much better.
The thing is, after that stressful semester, my parents would always tell me to relax and not to worry. I wasn't but they kept saying it, all the way up until I graduated a year and a half later. Now, strangely enough, when they say that about something, it makes me anxious. Go figure.
I don't get 'shy' as one of the descriptions said was a symptom, but I do get anxious. With my old job, I had to answer phones sometimes. Every time the phone rang I felt sick to my stomach and my heart would race. The feeling never went away. I also had a job that liked to point out how quiet I was (I am more introverted and reserved but not shy). When he'd point this out I felt like I was doing something wrong and my heart would start to race and I'd get what you'd call a hot flash. I would feel immediately warm and my boss pointed out that I was blushing.
I think this got worse over the last few years because I'm wanting to go out less and less; but, because I know this is all irrational, i force myself to get out anyways.
One of the things I noticed now that I'm in the work force is that every job is geared towards extroverts. They want people to be not only smiling and content (which I usually am...when I'm not answering phones), but outgoing. Talking to a couple people here and there throughout the day isn't enough. You have to be 'talkative' and sometimes even entertaining. The thought of that makes me anxious. When it comes to work habits I'm definitely Introverted because I like to just sit down, do the work and go home. My last job my boss pointed out that I didn't talk but I did, just not to him (because obviously I wasn't a fan of his). I know this wasn't proper work etiquette but I couldn't seem to get myself to relax enough to be myself. So, I just end up acting like a stereotypical librarian. Anyone who knows me knows this is only a small part of me.
What may be contradictory is the fact that I can at parties, or with random strangers, strike up a conversation with anyone. Though of course, in the party situation I'll feel nervous the entire night.
So yeah, I'm not sure if I do have a social anxiety disorder but I suspect it. ANytime I mention this to anyone they simply say I'm just not 'used to the situation' and that I'll get better at it with time which is a complete load of....well you know. I remember this was commonly told to me when I was in high school.
I was great at covering up my anxiety. I used to have horrible stage fright when giving presentations/speeches but everyone, including the teacher would say I looked calm and collected. I think at our school we had about 3 (20-75 minute) presentations per class, per semester of school, then i went onto University and had a few 75 minute presentations. It's never gotten better and once in University (Ironically it was while I was doing a presentation about phobias in my abnormal psychology class) I had a major anxiety attack. It passed minutes before my presentation, and I was fine.
I had a panic attack once a couple years ago, on the bus. It came out of nowhere and even though I had no one near me, I felt claustrophobic there. My mouth became dry and I felt like i was choking. I had to get off the bus and once I was off I immediately felt fine.
It's strange because I've never had anxiety or panic attacks since, and my doctor doesn't seem to think it's anything. But then again, from what I've read, this is under-diagnosed.
I don't talk about this with family because they don't quite understand. My mother's a nurse but she would, like my sister, say it's just because I'm not a social butterfly. That I simply need to go to more parties, and do more activities and then I'd be fine. What they don't understand is that the feeling doesn't decrease unless the activity is with people I've been friends with longer than 5 years. My father has what I would guess is the typical North American's attituded of Anxiety disorders are real but everyone can conquer it by being strong. So, whether he would admit it or not, he would see this as a weakness.
So, I'm hoping you all can help me out and provide me with a site I could go to that has a detailed questionnaire or symptoms so that I can figure out if I have certain anxieties according to particular situations of if it's an actual Anxiety disorder.
I know these are just handfuls of examples and over a few years they could mean nothing but I want to know what you think. Anyone who has Social Anxiety out there? What's your opinion?
