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Topic : How Childhood Abuse Still Affects Me

Number of Replies: 1367
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:00:06 am
Author : dataimport
Are you an abuse survivor? How do you cope? Share your story.

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July 29, 2005, 5:10 pm CDT

what is

Quote From: mjkkas

     I had someone diagnose me with that. As a child and teen years I wondered about it. Not much is really ever said about it or done about it I don't think.

     I agree with you on the Dr. Phil show (hint hint monitors), there needs to be more awareness about mental illness, PTSD, all of that stuff. How to deal and heal if it is possible, or how manageable it can be.

     As far as getting a response from him, it is very hard I have emailed him a couple of times and, because of the volume I guess they get overlooked. I have heard that if you put urgent on it then you have a better chance of getting a response.

     I hope you have a good weekend!

  

DID and MPD?

My daughter s 14 and was sexually abused for 2 years before she told  a therapist. She has been diagnosed first with MDD (major depressive disorder) they put her on zoloft and she went manic so was dx with bipolar disorder. post traumatic stress disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Recently I was told that she has symptoms of borderline personality disorder but cannot be officailly diagnosed as our pdoc doesn't like to diagnose a teen with that because the brain is still developing. Anyways to make a long story short... I wonder how many of these illnesses are actually the effect of abuse? Would she have bipolar had she not been abused?

I am learning everyday about her and what sets her off. What the triggers are. I finally realized after 2 years that rubbing her arm to wake her up sets her off. I figured it out. The abuse took place while she was sleeping, probably started with him caressing her or something anways it is a huge trigger. Now I just poke her. Also wispering to her sets her off, maybe he wispered to her while she was sleeping I am not sure as I do not bring these things up. I just learn from my mistakes and figure out different ways of doing things so nto to trigger her. It is almost liek walking on eggshells because you never know what you say, where you take her, etc will bring back a memory.

I hope to be able to figure this all out and help her become a great individual as she grows up.

Thanks for listening... sorry my question turned into rambling

Tammy

 
July 29, 2005, 5:27 pm CDT

Tammy

Quote From: tammyo1973

DID and MPD?

My daughter s 14 and was sexually abused for 2 years before she told  a therapist. She has been diagnosed first with MDD (major depressive disorder) they put her on zoloft and she went manic so was dx with bipolar disorder. post traumatic stress disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Recently I was told that she has symptoms of borderline personality disorder but cannot be officailly diagnosed as our pdoc doesn't like to diagnose a teen with that because the brain is still developing. Anyways to make a long story short... I wonder how many of these illnesses are actually the effect of abuse? Would she have bipolar had she not been abused?

I am learning everyday about her and what sets her off. What the triggers are. I finally realized after 2 years that rubbing her arm to wake her up sets her off. I figured it out. The abuse took place while she was sleeping, probably started with him caressing her or something anways it is a huge trigger. Now I just poke her. Also wispering to her sets her off, maybe he wispered to her while she was sleeping I am not sure as I do not bring these things up. I just learn from my mistakes and figure out different ways of doing things so nto to trigger her. It is almost liek walking on eggshells because you never know what you say, where you take her, etc will bring back a memory.

I hope to be able to figure this all out and help her become a great individual as she grows up.

Thanks for listening... sorry my question turned into rambling

Tammy

   Bipolar I am not sure if that is hereditary, the other though is a product of the sex abuse. DID Dissociative identity Disorder/MPD Multiple Personality Disorder. I am not a professional just an abuse victim.

   Is your daughter still in counseling? I have a step son who is bipolar and won't take his meds. He is 19 now but i do know how hard it is to live with a child that is suffering. I hope that you are getting some support or counseling too, that could help you.

   It is a shame that people have to deal with abuse for their entire lives, while the abuser can seem to go on like nothing!

   I hope you can find support here, there is a depression board too. I haven't heard to much about the bipolar board, one lady didn't like it so she stays on the depression board.

    Take care of you and your daughter {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}!

 
July 29, 2005, 6:58 pm CDT

ThankYou Very Much!

Quote From: mjkkas

I hope that we all have a great weekend and that we can have peace, We deserve it!
 
July 30, 2005, 5:38 am CDT

thank you

Quote From: mjkkas

   Bipolar I am not sure if that is hereditary, the other though is a product of the sex abuse. DID Dissociative identity Disorder/MPD Multiple Personality Disorder. I am not a professional just an abuse victim.

   Is your daughter still in counseling? I have a step son who is bipolar and won't take his meds. He is 19 now but i do know how hard it is to live with a child that is suffering. I hope that you are getting some support or counseling too, that could help you.

   It is a shame that people have to deal with abuse for their entire lives, while the abuser can seem to go on like nothing!

   I hope you can find support here, there is a depression board too. I haven't heard to much about the bipolar board, one lady didn't like it so she stays on the depression board.

    Take care of you and your daughter HUGS!

Sorry about your son. My daughter takes her meds because her docotr told her she would be worse if she didn't and thankfully I have never had a problem. I wa sin counseling and now only go when I need to. The bipolar board USED to be great. I won't go into details but I was involved in the bipolar board until last week.

I was just "surfing" and saw your post and thought I would ask what the others are.


Our pdoc told us that even though bipolar is hereditary, it can lay dormant. He said it was most likely triggered by the abuse. 

 

On top of the abuse she has a father who she never knew until she was 9. He was around for 3 months left stopped calling. He started coming around again this last year dec. 04 and stopped calling in feb 05. SHe had just gone back to school and was really stressing out and he was so selfish, she finally told him that she had to concentrate on school and couldn't see him every weekend. She was going to his house and holding it all together and then coming home and raging on me for hours. She finally told em she couldn't handle it anymore so we had told him instead of friday-sunday she could come over friday night and come hoem saturday. He didn't like that so she told him she didn't want togo at all and he looked her in the face and said is school more important tome? I was floored. Here she is so afraid of school, threw herself down 16 stairs so she didn't have to go to school, spent a week in a hospital and another 3 weeks ina partial hos prgram and he basically asks her to choose.  Needless to say that was Feb. She talked to him once on the phone in June and all he said to her was your sister misses you, maybe you can come up here next week to see her dance recital. Never said he missed her or loved her etc. Her next venture to try was sending a fathers day card and 2 sheets of photos from wallmart, I sent some wallets and 2 five by sevens so he could have one and give one to his mom. He never called her to say thank you and the 2 times she tried on fathers day the phone was busy and she gave up I think. I think not calling her to thank her for the fathers day card and pictures was the icing on the cake.

I do not understand why he can't see how much heh hurts her. Even more so becuase with the bipolar her emotions are hypersensitive. Anyways I didn't mean to come here and ramble.

I just think she has been abused by 2 men. Both were suppose to be her dads. Her and my now husband have a funny relationship. SOme days she won't talk to him at all and others she needs the affection and hugs from him. TO knwo he loves her. He is used to it now and goes with her flow.

 

Her bio-dad publically (I say that meaningin front of her) let me knwo he didn't agree with medicating her and he didn't thin she has bipolar (he told me I am the "crazy" one) this is comign from someone who has only spent 6 months total with his child. He never did understand why she wouldn't show her true self to him. She was scared if she wasn't perfect eh would leave her again. I think that created more of a problem with shcool, because now she feels if she woudl have just doen bette in school he woudl not have left.

 

Well I have said enough to bore the whole board so will close. Thank you for the answers to my questions

Tammy

 
July 30, 2005, 7:17 am CDT

Please help!

 I am not sure if I am doing this right. This is alot different from the other message board. I have a problem and would like some feed back if anyone will, please do.

I'll start with on 1-1-05. My husband of 10 yrs. died. Within days my two sons broke up with their wives. One of them who is 38 yrs. old. called me and asked if he can stay with me a while untill he can get a job and get a place of his own. I said yes, thinking it might be good to have him here and maybe he could help me with some things I need done. Well, it's going on 6 months now. He has helped out very little though. He has talked me out of about $900.00 little by little. Hasn't kept a job. Always complaining and acting hateful to me most of the time. When I try to tell him I can't handle this and he needs to get out of my house. He can visit me but not live here. He gets mad and says he don't have any place to go.

My older son, stays away. The only time I see him is if I'm lucky enough to catch him to come over for dinner. He blaims me (I fell) for the way his brother is. I am a mother and I know I'm an easy mark, but this is very rough on me and also it could cost me my job. I have a real hard time of kicking anyone out in the street even an animal. So, I hope there is someone who can give me ideas that won't start world war three. Also I want to be able to live with my concsious. Than you. ratsy

 
July 30, 2005, 9:45 am CDT

Tammyo1973

    It sounds like you had quite a day on the depression boards, sometimes it can get a little heated, or exciting. When things get like that I like to focus on another board, hate confrontations. But I can get mad myself, I hope you have a great day!
 
July 30, 2005, 12:12 pm CDT

Depression Board

Quote From: mjkkas

    It sounds like you had quite a day on the depression boards, sometimes it can get a little heated, or exciting. When things get like that I like to focus on another board, hate confrontations. But I can get mad myself, I hope you have a great day!

I stated my point and sucked it up. I think my last post ended it. I took the high road and just smothered a little niceness into it because I do not like when each reply is another dig at this or that.

 

I wasn't meaning to hurt anyones feelings with the pics. I know how fun that can be when a pick me up is needed. I just think some things need to be held in check because we do not know who is looking. I know I wouldn't want my daughter to see certain things, regardless of joking or not.

 

Anyhow I can usually handle a little debate here or there :)

 

I am a likeable person and just have my own opinion. I don't take too much to heart with people on the boards because they do not know me. It is hard to read typewritten letters. There is no emotion, so it is hard to "read' whether I am being yelled or at teased etc.

 

Have a great day Tammy

 
July 30, 2005, 3:05 pm CDT

tammy

Quote From: tammyo1973

I stated my point and sucked it up. I think my last post ended it. I took the high road and just smothered a little niceness into it because I do not like when each reply is another dig at this or that.

 

I wasn't meaning to hurt anyones feelings with the pics. I know how fun that can be when a pick me up is needed. I just think some things need to be held in check because we do not know who is looking. I know I wouldn't want my daughter to see certain things, regardless of joking or not.

 

Anyhow I can usually handle a little debate here or there :)

 

I am a likeable person and just have my own opinion. I don't take too much to heart with people on the boards because they do not know me. It is hard to read typewritten letters. There is no emotion, so it is hard to "read' whether I am being yelled or at teased etc.

 

Have a great day Tammy

I CAME OVER TO THE ABUSE BOARD TO READ SOME POSTS AND I HAVE TO SAY HOW SORRY I AM FOR WHAT YOUR DAUGHTER IS GOING THROUGH.THIS IS FROM MY HEART TAMMY,BECAUSE MY 15 YEAR OLD IS SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION TOO.NOT BIPOLAR  THOUGH.I HAVE POSTS ON THE OLD DEPRESSION BOARDS THAT ARE ARCHIVED THERE.IT MUST HAVE BEEN HORRIBLE TO HAVE TO ENDURE WHAT SHE HAS.AND I KNOW ALSO THINGS SETTING THEM OFF TOO.ALTHOUGH MY DAUGHTER WAS NEVER ABUSED SHE IS AFRAID OF DEATH AND SHE BECAME AFRAID WHEN HER GRANDMOTHER PASSED AWAY LAST OCT NOT QUITE A YEAR.AND IT IS STILL HARD FOR HER TO GET OVER WHICH IT WILL FOR AWHILE TOO .SHE HAS JOINED A GRIEF SUPPORT GROUP AND GOES TO COUNCILING ONCE A MONTH NOW ,IT WAS ONCE A WEEK .ANYHOW TO SEE HER SUFFER SO BAD THAT SHE WANTED TO TRY SUICIDE WELL THAT JUST BLEW ME AWAY.THEN IT WAS OUT OF SCHOOL BECAUSE SHE FELT LIKE SHE WAS BING MADE FUN OF .WELL I BETTER NOT TAKE UP THIS BOARD.ITS IN THE ARCHIVES IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED IT WAS POSTED JULY 21 ST I BELIEVE.I AM SO SORRY THAT HAPPENED AND SHE IS LUCKY TO HAVE A MOM LIKE YOU.I TRULY BELIEVE THAT.EVEN IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT .ITS OK .LOTS OF LUV .CATHYblue blob
 
July 30, 2005, 4:01 pm CDT

Cathy

The saddest thing in the world is when you realize you cannot make your children better.

My daughter tried suicide once that I know of. She was a self mutilater. She is still into self harm, but not by cutting. She threw herself down the stairson my home on Jan 3rd of this year because school had gotten so hard for her. She tries to be "normal" and it wears her out mentally. She has attacked me on several occasions. I have had the police to my home dozen times because of her rage and for refusal to go to school. Luckily the sherriffs are great here and usually just calm her down. They have forced me to take her to the ER when she is suicidal. It is very hard to see your child hurting so much.

She is 14 years old.

She has gone through more than most people twice her age.

 

She is learning every day how to cope with rejection and abandonment. I hate all people who abuse children, I am sure you can understand why.

 

As for me I lost my parents due to all of this. They for some reason are in denial over the whole thing. THey do not believe she is sick. They think  I am awful for putting her in a psych hospital. They did not even want me to report the abuse. THey went as far as to ask me to have the police not arrest my X at work so he wouldn't be embarrassed. I didn't talk to my mom or dad for over a year. Our relationship has always been strained.


I am the product of emotional, physical, and verbal abuse. I have been punched by my dad, he has called me names you would not believe.

 

He is a major control freak and cannto stand my wonderful husband because my hubby taught me how to stand up for myself and not be controlled or not be played with mind games. My hubby is the best he works his butt off so I do not have to. he provides me with all my needs as well as my wants. He is supportive of my daughter and our daughter who is 3yr.

 

I could go on but I don't want to bore you with my life history. I just felt like sharing a little about myself.

 

Godspeed... Tammy

 
July 30, 2005, 4:24 pm CDT

TAMMY

Quote From: tammyo1973

The saddest thing in the world is when you realize you cannot make your children better.

My daughter tried suicide once that I know of. She was a self mutilater. She is still into self harm, but not by cutting. She threw herself down the stairson my home on Jan 3rd of this year because school had gotten so hard for her. She tries to be "normal" and it wears her out mentally. She has attacked me on several occasions. I have had the police to my home dozen times because of her rage and for refusal to go to school. Luckily the sherriffs are great here and usually just calm her down. They have forced me to take her to the ER when she is suicidal. It is very hard to see your child hurting so much.

She is 14 years old.

She has gone through more than most people twice her age.

 

She is learning every day how to cope with rejection and abandonment. I hate all people who abuse children, I am sure you can understand why.

 

As for me I lost my parents due to all of this. They for some reason are in denial over the whole thing. THey do not believe she is sick. They think  I am awful for putting her in a psych hospital. They did not even want me to report the abuse. THey went as far as to ask me to have the police not arrest my X at work so he wouldn't be embarrassed. I didn't talk to my mom or dad for over a year. Our relationship has always been strained.


I am the product of emotional, physical, and verbal abuse. I have been punched by my dad, he has called me names you would not believe.

 

He is a major control freak and cannto stand my wonderful husband because my hubby taught me how to stand up for myself and not be controlled or not be played with mind games. My hubby is the best he works his butt off so I do not have to. he provides me with all my needs as well as my wants. He is supportive of my daughter and our daughter who is 3yr.

 

I could go on but I don't want to bore you with my life history. I just felt like sharing a little about myself.

 

Godspeed... Tammy

HI TAM ,I  AM IN TEARS NOW.I KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO HAVE TO WATCH YOUR CHILD GO THROUGH SOME OF WHAT YOUR POOR SWEET GIRL DOES.I TO TOOK MINE TO THE ER.FOR AN EVALUATION TOO BECAUSE OF THE SUICIDE RISK .I DON'T KNOW TAMMY IF YOU FOUND MY POSTS OVER ON THE DEPRESSION BOARDS OR EVEN ON THE OLD ARCHIVE BULLY BOARDS ALSO BUT I CAN RELATE WITH NOT GOING TO SCHOOL .MY DAUGHTER WOULD GET SO PHYSICALLY SICK THAT SHE JUST COULD NOT FUNCTION .TO SEE HER GO THROUGH WHAT SHE HAS THESE LAST FEW MONTHS IS UNREAL ,AND LIKE YOU SAY THEY GO THROUGH SO MUCH MORE THAN AN ADULT DOES.I TELL MY DAUGHTERS STORY EVEN TO FAMILY AND THEY CAN'T UNDERSTAND HOW SHE GOES THROUGH IT.SHE GOES THROUGH IT BECAUSE OF THE WAY SHE FEELS THATS HOW.MY FAMILY IS SUPPORTIVE THOUGH.MY DAUGHTER HAS BEEN EVEN SEEING IMAGES OF HER GRANDMOTHER DYING AND SHE GOES RIGHT OUT OF HER MIND WHEN SHE DOES.ITS LIKE A SOLDIER THATS AT WAR AND ALL THEY SEE IS FLASHBACKS .WELL SHE DOESN'T SEE JUST FLASHBACKES SHE GOES RIGHT BACK TO THE DAY HER GRANDMOTHER DIED AND SHE IS IN THE HOSPITAL AND SEES HER GRANDMOTHER BLEED TO DEATH AND SHE IS TRYING TO COME OUT OF THE IMAGE BUT CAN'T SO SHE TURNS HER HEAD AWAY FROM WHAT SHE SEES AND WHEN SHE LOOKS BACK ITS STILL THERE.IT TRAUMATIZED HER SO MUCH AND NOW SHE HAS A HIGH ANXIETY ATTACKS.THE IMAGES DURING THE DAY AND NIGHTMARES DURING THE NIGHT SO THEN AT THE END OF IT SHE WOULDN'T CLOSE HER EYES.WE FINAALY TURNED A CORNER AND SHE HAS BEEN TO COUNCILING AND NOW A SUPPORT GROUP FOR TEENS WHO SUFFER LOSTS IN THEIR FAMILIES.DO YOU A HAVE A SUPPORT GROUP AROUND THAT YOUR DAUGHTER CAN ATTEND FOR ABUSE?IT WOULD BE GREAT IF SHE DID.WELL TAMMY THATS SOME OF WHAT I DEAL WITH ON A DAILY BASIS .BESIDES TRYING TO KEEP MYSELF SANE TOO .LOL TAKE CARE FOR NOW AND I WILL PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER TOO GOD BLESS .CATHY

GUESS I'LL CHECK BACK IN AT DEPRESSION BOARDS .LOL LATER CATHY

 
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