Quote From: lashawnnaGood Morning all, and I welcome you Ladidi100.
Even though I don't suffer from RA, there are a few here on this board that suffer with that disease, that could be very helpful to you if no more than to lend you an ear from time to time. You seem to be a very loving wife, and mother that has suffered a great deal from daily bouts of pain. My prayers are with you from this day forward, hoping that each of your days will be as pain-free as possible.
Prof, I haven't heard from you in a few days, I hope that everything your way is alright. Just know that you are in my thoughts today.
Becky I am anxious to hear how the CPAPA has done for you in the last few days.
Simone- I am was hoping to have seen a message from you today also my dear. Just know that I am thinking of you too, wishing and praying that your day is going well.
I was telling Grandmother Morgan earlier that it is getting rather difficult to keep up with the demands of the grandchildren. I have to keep a fair amount of nomalcy in their lives, and keep them from getting too bored. I since signed them up at a local library here for "story telling', each Monday and Thursday of the week.
For the days that I feel too bad to get up out of bed, I have to find the strength in me to at least get up to fed them, and get them ready for the days events.
If I find myself being in so much pain that it's just too unbearable to deal with, then I have to rely on my dear husband if he is in from work to assist with something. My youngest daughter is here from college but will be returning back at the end of next month, so I'll be here most of the time alone after she leaves going almost 4 hours away from home.
I have decided to go back to work part-time. It will be too demanding to try and work full-time, and then return home and take care of the children. It would be just too much.
I haven't heard anything more from the children' mother, my daughter for a few days, and I must admit that I am a bit worried. I have thought endlessly that she'll one day return back home, yet pregnant again!! Even though she's married now, I am unsure if she has made her new husband aware of her illness, and that worries me too.
The mother in me wants to hold her close, and let her know that everything will work for the good of The Lord at times, then there's those times that I want to sit her down and scold her.
I am left feeling a bit angry that she has left her children behind feeling that she needs this time to get herself together. I have raised my children, and I am stressed because at this point, my life has to change to give the grandchildren the structure and normalcy that they need to be productive.
I have pain everyday, but for the days that I have pain so unbearable, I am still left to do what is needed for them.
We all have good days, but we all have those days that you just want to throw the covers over your head and let the world pass you by for a day or two.
Now I feel that when my daughter does return back here, she'll have yet another someone that I'll have to grin and pretend to accept! This man is no good for anyone. He has been a throne in my side for some time now, and I feel that he has taken full advantage of my daughter.
But I can't exclude my daughter's behavior even if I wanted to. She's a grown woman with two precious children, and she should know better than to just up and leave with only a note left on my dining room table explaining her intentions.
She knows full well my situation, she knows that for some time now, I've been debating if and when I should stop working for the good of my health, but she leaves me with the biggest job of all, taking care of the children. A very SELFISH act indeed.
My marraige has suffered behind this. My husband loves me, but does he want to confine himself in raising children for another 15 to 16 years of his life just because he is here with me? And how would I feel if the shoes was on the other foot?
I know that some may say that we both married each other, and that we took vows to love each other through the pain, happiness, and in between battles but, I am afraid that he is not so ready to accept this new way of living.
We've had numerous discussions about raising the grandchildren, and he always says: Well LaShawnna, I have only six years left before I retire, I had planned to do some traveling, and for us to do some things that we couldn't begin to dream of doing at this point, are we going to have to postponed doing these things, knowing full well that you may not be healthy enough to do anything within the next few years?
I have no doubt that even if my husband does decide to walk away from this that I'll have both of my grandchildren right there beside me for the length of time that they'll need me, but it does get scary to know that I could lose my marriage, the marraige that I have given 110% to.
My first marriage to my children's father didn't work out, and I was a single mother for years. And now that I can finally start enjoying my life, yet something else has slapped me in the face once more.
So it makes me feel that I am left to chose, my husband, or my grandchildren. The bible tells us to forsake all others, but I am so sorry God that I cannot turn my back on my grandchildren, the chilren that you've blessed us as a family with. And all I can do now is to continue to pray that God gives my husband the strength and love for the kids that he will do what is right for us as family.
I had such a wonderful day on yesterday. But as my husband left for work this am, he told me that he didn't know just how he could raise the kids, that he loves the kids but, he is not ready to give up what it would entail to raise the children.
I am very unhealthy at this point in my life, and what would I do if he decides to walk away? I could continue to work but the kids would basically be raised up in daycare because I would have to work at least two jobs to keep the household funtioning properly. My love for my husband is the most concerning if he walks away because I can do the employment, but I love my husband with everything I have in me.
One day he tells me that he feels comfortable with the idea of raising the kids, then a few days later, he'll say the complete opposite.
Some say that 'time heals', and that may be true for certain circumstances, but sometimes, 'time' can also leave one bitter, and resentful. So if my husband being here with me will make him grow resentful, and bitter, yes I'd prefer that he walks away. I would never ever want to be accused of making someone's life unfulfilling. I do feel at times that he resents the fact that I am not as 'healthy' as he once thought, that it has taken him some time to grow accustomed, but in my heart and mind, I would like to say that if he truly loves me, then he would walk beside me as he once promised.
Ok my friends, I have vented for the day, and I do appreciate that you have read this in it's entirety, I must go now and get my babies ready for the day. Please keep me in your prayers daily as I will do the same for you in return. Loving you all soooo much for just being here.
Love,
Lashy
Ps. Please excuse any typo's.
Dear friend of mine, wish i could hug you.
You are so brave, a fighter, but that you already know from me,don't you
That was a long post, only Prof can do better, even in double(hihi),hey prof, joking!
Lashy, you worrie to much, yhe baby's are with you, that is a fact.
Your husband loves you, that is also a fact.
He can not vent here, so he vents on you, normal rreaction, would i say.
We here have saying, : "You vent and fight (Quarel*) with the people you love the most!" And is A fact.
So let him vent on you, i know that with you hurting a lot and the baby's, your work, it is not easy, but take his growing and venting as a surplus*.He will not vent with your neighbour, no it is you,
SO, that means he cares a lot about you and the children.
What you said about your daughter that she most prove to you that she is a fit mother, don't hope for too much, my girl, i don't want to disapoint* you. You know, i always say what is in my heart to you and sometimes itis hard. But you know why: BECAUSE WHEN SHE CALLED, SHE DID'NT
EVEN ASK FOR THEM!!!! NOT TALK TO THEM? NOT EVEN ASK HOW THEY ARE. HAVE THEY BEEN SICK, NOT A D....N THING!!!! She does not disurve you or her children.....
She may be your own fles and blood, but how far will you let her ruïne* your hapiness,your life!!!
Think about it, my Lashy, you have rights to and so does your husband and SO DO YOU,my sweet Lashy.
I don't want to hurt you, you know that, but please, concentrate on your husband and the children, be thankfull that they are negative,visit your son, and give hope to your other daughter. Can she help a bit with you now, untill you are better recovered, and spend some time with your husband,if you can without discussing, just enjoy each other. It will make you more secure* and he will not feel like the fifth wheel on a wagon. Because i think that that is the reason, he is acting that way. You know as well as i that men can be like children sometimes, who need some attention from time to time. Think about it. Love you, Lashy, simonE
