Topic : Staying Sick or Exaggerating for the Payoff?

My problem is that I lost my job last year in March because I was mentally unable to do my job anymore. I worked there 8 years and the last two years I was written up three times for not following proper procedures and my annual evals took a big hit, which meant my salary did too. But not just work was affected. Every aspect of my life was. I am fighting the bipolar monster along with hallucinations, insomnia, poor memory and many other things not the least of which is OCD and panic disorder which really play havoc with my day. Now I applied for SSI last July and of course I was denied, so I have appealed and my doctor advised me to 'dress it up' a little, meaning the applications. I did NOT lie, but may have exaggerated some. Was that so wrong? I don't know what else to do. I cannot work at all right now. I think I will again someday, in the near future, but right now I have days where just brushing my teeth is such an overwhelming task, I just can't do it.

Just want to say to you, just take things one day at a time and see how things go and here is a (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((BIG BIG HUG TO YOU))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))). 

 

TAKE CARE. LOVE KELLY. 

A relative of mine who is very close to me exaggerates her illnesses.  While she does have health problems, she gets thrilled to tell me and all of her friends and family of each health problem she has, and she announces each doctor visit to everyone like it's something that truly excites her.  I get so frustrated with her.  Once she really did have a heart attack and I thought she was fine while I was sitting with her in the Emergency Room because she was just thrilled about the attention she was receiving.  Who knows that maybe this was her way of lightening up the situation, but even the doctors had a hard time dealing with her because she was too overjoyed about all the attention she was receiving from family and the doctors.  I never really know if she is faking it or not.  She has admitted to complaining about being sick a lot when she was not, just so she could be babied as well as not have to work.  Now she's going on disability and all of a sudden she cannot even walk.  I find this hard to believe because if I had some delicious desert on the table she would get up in a heart beat.  For her it is a very selective disability.  I'm frustrated because I have fibromyalgia, with lots of pains, yet I do not sit on my rump all day long like she does.  I hate to say it that way, but it really bothers me that she does not try to even get her weight down, and now she uses her health as an excuse to not exercise.  Another thing that truly bothers me is she loves getting surgeries after surgeries.  Or at least it appears that way the excited way she talks about it.  I just do not know how to deal with all of this.  She is a joke of the family, and I know people are rolling their eyes when they hear of each weekly news update, as she emails all her friends and family on each doctor visit she has.  They would need a semi to transfer all her medical records to one hospital.  Now she irritates the heck out of me because the doctor has given her some pain meds that make her high all the time as well as tired.  Her behavior is irratic, and she rarely thinks about consequences of things.  I find it really hard to understand why someone would exaggerate their medical status to get attention.  People with fibromyalgia are often accused of this unjustly, and although she does not have fibromyalgia, she says at times she thinks she does.  This irritates me more because I have fibromyalgia, and her symptoms are not like mine.  And, it is because of these type of attention seekers that doctors have a hard time finding out what is real and what is not.  It just makes it harder for those with invisible illnesses, who have REAL symptoms.  I wish I knew better how to not get mad at her for her behaviors.  Sometimes I say some mean things to her because I'm frustrated with her attention seeking behaviors.  Typically I am very understanding and loving, but I have caught myself saying some pretty judgmental things out of frustration.  I do love her very much and I wish I could understand her more as well as be able to not get mad and say the wrong things to her.  Has anyone experienced this with a friend, significant other, and/or relative?  I'd like to know how you cope with the person if you have. 

  

Kristie 

fyte4acure : ) 

I had a good talk with the relative.  I told her how I felt, and did not get all upset at her and allowed her to vent.  Although I do have to bite my lip from saying harsh things because I get frustrated with the way she does things, I must remember that I love her, and that telling her I am really concerned with her, and hope she gets better is what she truly needs.  I suppose some need the extra love and attention when they aren't getting it elsewheres, or maybe they are depressed.  She told me she is depressed, without my even asking.  She felt good to vent to me, even though it was hard to bite my lip.  But I am glad I could be there for her.  I just wish I could help her by listening to her, and it's hard to when exaggeration comes into play.  I did tell her that I truly feel the meds are making her into someone else, and she agreed which was a surprise to me.  She thanks me for my concern, and she knows why I'm upset.  It was nice to use this site as a sound board.  After I wrote this posting I thought more and more about the options I had and it came clear to me that I should just try to talk to her.  Luckily she wasn't defensive this time, and luckily I bit my lip and listened. 

  

Posting to myself since no one responded... but might be reading this... 

  

Kristie : ) 

i understand what u are going thru... i haven't worked since 3/04 because of depression ,Fibromyglia,& ect that goes with this....hope things get better for you very soon 

take care,Reece 

 This is my mother-in-law.  Some people live to serve; this lady lives to suffer.  She seeks out pity and sympathy.  She has been living with us for the last six years.  She has no responsibilities; financial or otherwise.  Any restrictions are met with resentment.  Not only is her glass half empty, but she measures it constantly.  She chatters incessantly about nothing.  I feel like I am being stoned to death with popcorn.

Maybe it is time for you two to have a real pop-corn fight.  Okay, I'm nutty to suggest this, but it might release some of her tensions and yours... at least until you get some pop-corn in her eye and cause her eye to go blind, ha ha!  Or maybe she coughs on a kernel and ends up "nearly choking herself to death," and demands you take her to the emergency room so she can be attended to by only the professionals... ha ha!  and is talking the whole time she is apparently choking... ha ha!  Okay, this never happened, but to them it could.  Seems like both your mother-in-law and my relative have much to fear.  Maybe they fear someone might not pay attention to them when they really get ill.  I think this is what my relative fears. 

  

How old is your mother-in-law? 

  

Kristie : ) 

fyte4acure 

I've been battling my empathy self and it's gotten really crazy.   I never really understood how my empathy worked against me until my sister/friend came into my life more and more this year.   

  

She's a lover of pain and illness.  She deliberately resists going to the doctor so she can get better.  In fact, she's done it for so long that she now has a short time to live.  She has 2 different breathing dis-eases, she's had the fatty meat on both feet removed and goes to have her bones grinded down every 2-3 months; she smokes, and can talk herself into being sick in a heart beat. 

  

Because I've done Self Matters in my own life, I've been figuring out other people's triggers so that I don't fall victim anymore and wrote down how my friend/sister was going to be sick and she was and still is.  Today, she's supposed to call her doctor to get drugs to break the sinus attack that has kept her bed bound for the last 2 weeks.    

  

It all started with her THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END self-talk cause she didn't have money for cigerettes.  Her source of money has returned to work and her spirits are already rising. 

  

It really bought home how I do the same and so do so many others.   The Payoff is unbelieveable. 

  

My sinus attack was bought on by something - I'm not sure what.  It started Friday night and is still bringing me grief.  However, I'm not allowing it to bring me down -- I'm going to do whatever it takes to make it thru this week. 

  

I really think that it's happening so that I have an excuse for not doing Thanksgiving meal at my home. I've never done it before.  I'm 53 years old and never ever prepared thanksgiving .... always went to family for it.  Last year it was my nephew's.  This year, my brother and sister/friend is coming over to my home - cause my brother's wheelchair cannot make it into my nephew's house.   

  

I know I'll be okay and I'll work this out!  It's fear and it's not nice. 

Hi there, this is my first time on the message board so I am new at this, my brothers and sister and I grew up believing that my sister had cancer when she was 11 years old, we all remember my sister going through cemo, and her throwing up and being very sick, just recently my brithers and sister and I found out that she has lied to all of us for 19 years, she has admitted to drugging my sister and taking her to sit doctors offices waiting rooms so she would think she getting tests, she convinced my dad and the church and family and friends. 

My mother has a long history of illnesses her self including cancer ,pancreas problems and more, there is a long history of alchol and mental and physical abuse expecially with my sister and I. 

We now have discovered that she faked several of her own illnesses and may still be doing so. 

This has torn my family apart and since I am the big sister and pretty much raised them since I was 17 they turn to me for help, my brothers dont want to deal with it and my sister wont have anything to do with her, my mother calls me daily and tries to manipulate and controll me to keep me on her side, I actually agreed to work on Thanksgiving so I wouldnt have to deal with her. 

I am disgusted and sick over what my mother has done but of course I still love her and dont know what to do! I cant afford counseling for her or myself and she is a caregiver to an elderly woman and I am very worried she might hurt her for attention, if anyone has any advice I would greatly appreciate the advice Thanks! 

Hi all,  

  

Im a lady in Australia currently suffering from Vestibular Neuronitis.  I have been off work since feb 2004.  I have manage to get back to work in August 2005 but now Im back with issues of ill health and viability of continueing work.   

  

Vestibular Neuronitis is where you have constant vertigo.  You move slower to minimise the spinning, sometimes you fall over, you sometimes have brain fog and unable to think quickly.  All though we look normal our inside world is a spinning mess!!!   Its not something you die from but it does disrupt our lives.  Im worried I will get the sack from too many miss days at work.  Its hard to go catch the bus when your world is spinning and you feel like your drunk 24/7.  I should state I don't drink alcohol and I don't take drugs.   There is not much the doctors can do for it and apparently your own body gets used to it or something.   

  

I had a friend who loved being in hospital gaining attention and doing stupid things to get herself in hospital.   Thankfully she has stopped this, but I think it stems from something missing in her own life that she feels/felt the need to do it.   

  

Im just here to let you know that going through a chronic illness and that from the outsider we all look normal.  Doesn't mean something is not happening.    

  

My spinning life is hell.   Work, income, friends, family are all an issue.   

  

Take Care 

Blessed Be 

Emuposs.