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Topic : 09/04 Violent Kids

Number of Replies: 265
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Created on : Friday, August 31, 2007, 10:16:52 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Exploding anger, brutal attacks, death threats. Perhaps this sounds like the behavior of a hardened criminal. But what happens when such violent rages come from your own child? Kevin and Jean say their 10-year-old son, Cole, is a ticking time bomb. He yells, hits, screams and turns destructive when he's in a rage, and his out-of-control meltdowns are taking over the household. Jean even fears Cole may kill her in her sleep. What is behind his rages, and how can his parents help him and bring peace to their family? Then, Ryan and Rebecca's 6-year-old son, Sam, has violent temper tantrums that include kicking, hitting and biting his siblings and teachers. He has even threatened to kill his twin brother and burn the house down. Is Sam really dangerous, or just a master manipulator? What does Dr. Phil tell these parents they must do to change Sam's behavior? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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September 1, 2007, 7:00 pm CDT

violent children

Quote From: happybutterfly

Wow, you have never than had a children that you try to spank, take things away, give time outs too and nothing works.

 

Please Do Not put people down unless you have been there yourself!!

 

From A Loving Mother Of 7

I have raised three children all good citizens of my country.  They were not allowed to misbehave. they had bounderies. the mental health of children is that not being disciplined not having bounderies they are lost. wondering around.  they need leadership that comes from parenting discipline teaching them how to do things and making sure they do them. we drug our children today so we dont have to deal with them. I would have loved time outs i had nothing to be taken away we were poor. By the time i chopped firewood for the kitchen stove and the heater and carried it and helped or did the laundry in the wringer washer and hung it on the lines and ironed cleaned house watched my sisters and cooked when mom worked i didnt have time for tantrums or for misbehaviors. i didnt have time to look for trouble. Children today do nothing. play gameboys. talk back. its not adhd it bad manners. its misbehaving children.  i was a strict parent my children didnt dare do the things kids do today. they learned to cook sew iron clean and they played. they are hard working parents.
 
September 1, 2007, 8:00 pm CDT

Violent Kids and RTC

RTC.  Residential Treatment Center.  When it gets that bad, its time to get help! A center that has 24 hour a day qualified, professional staff can treat and help children in these cases.  I'm speaking from personal experience with a child who has multiple-diagnosis.  In these settings, several options are explored, after a battery of tests which can include many tests including psychological, MRI and other tests.  Options can include medications and/or talk therapy on an individual basis and group therapy.  Residential treatment can last as long as ten months and is often covered by insurance depending on individual coverage.  Visitation is encouraged by most centers as long as it is not intrusive.  Adademic education is included as well at most.

 
September 1, 2007, 9:44 pm CDT

09/04 Violent Kids

There are many many reasons for violent tempers and behaviors - yes family disfunction - yes malnutrition - and YES to chemical inbalance.   My son was diagnosed with ADHD at a very young age - then when he turned 13 his ADHD his temper and anger became out of control.  We sought therapy not only for our son but for our family.  Then at Christmas he threatened to kill his family - I called his therapist and psychiatrist that very night and told them we were in crisis.  It turns out that my son is bi-polar.  My family consists of myself, my husband our our wonderful son, now 16.  He has extended family close by and far away.  My husband and I have been married for 18 years.  We attend church on a regular basis.   For the most part, we are a very normal average loving family.  As my son was growing up I always took a deep breath around holidays, big changes like school starting or ending, relatives visiting etc., because our son would just become out of control.  Since his diagnosis, looking back I believe with all my heart that our son has been bi-polar his entire life.  Reading about the behaviors of these children worries me because if they are not in therapy or have not been checked out by their family doctor etc., this could end very tragically - I look forward to tuning in to see what Dr. Phil has to say
 
September 1, 2007, 10:40 pm CDT

there's no excuse for this behaviour!

If either one of my boys ever acted this way I would ship them off to military school. No joke. I do not tolerate children who bully their way around the house. At the first signs of this behaviour the parents should have put their foot down and said "no way never again." Why do parents let it get so out of control? Perhaps not all parents have the financial resources to ship their kids off to military school, or  behaviour boot camp etc. But what about calling the police? I would do that if my boys tried to bully me. If my child hit me I would call the police and demand my child spend 72 hours in detention. I don't think that I am being mean by saying that. I do think that if you let your child bully you, then your child will not stop as a child bully, but perhaps will grow up to bully other adults and even their spouse. These types of children learn that if someone will fear them, they can have what ever they want. That is destructive for these children and their futures. imo
 
September 1, 2007, 11:40 pm CDT

Sometimes just listen

These children have had this behavior reinforced by someone. They have discovered that screaming and fighting is getting them attention. My youngest son was 10 when his school insisted that he go on medication for what they (the school) diagnosed as him having ADDHD. They also wanted to place him in a special class for slow kids. I went along with it in the beginning because the only other choice I had was to take him to another school. I started reading all the material I could find on ADDHD. Once I had the right questions to ask the school board I started getting some respect. First I demanded that they test Nathan’s IQ, low and behold my 10 year old was functioning at a 11th grade IQ. I proved to the school board that they were not meeting my son's educational needs and he was simply bored in class and did not know how to express his boredom in any other way then to act out. All the teachers in his grade had already labeled Nathan a problem child, so they had no interest in working with him. However, once they seen his IQ test they changed their tune and started challenging him. He never forgave them for thinking he was stupid. I also had to learn to listen to him. I had to give him the time he needed to express his thoughts..., which ranged from the solar system to his Idea for using the sound barrier as a means of travel though space. He was 10 then, now he is 26. He sticks to himself mostly because not many people talk on his level. I still listen to his Ideas everyday. He never went on drugs for his misdiagnosis of ADDHD thank god! Mothers fight for your children, most behaviors can be cured just by telling your child you want to hear what they have to say. It cannot hurt to try

 
September 2, 2007, 5:58 am CDT

I respectfully disagree with you.

Quote From: jpeals

I have raised three children all good citizens of my country.  They were not allowed to misbehave. they had bounderies. the mental health of children is that not being disciplined not having bounderies they are lost. wondering around.  they need leadership that comes from parenting discipline teaching them how to do things and making sure they do them. we drug our children today so we dont have to deal with them. I would have loved time outs i had nothing to be taken away we were poor. By the time i chopped firewood for the kitchen stove and the heater and carried it and helped or did the laundry in the wringer washer and hung it on the lines and ironed cleaned house watched my sisters and cooked when mom worked i didnt have time for tantrums or for misbehaviors. i didnt have time to look for trouble. Children today do nothing. play gameboys. talk back. its not adhd it bad manners. its misbehaving children.  i was a strict parent my children didnt dare do the things kids do today. they learned to cook sew iron clean and they played. they are hard working parents.
There has to be something more than "bad parenting" going on with the children who are going to be on the show. If a child has a mental ilness or something of that sort, all the discipline in the world is not going to help.
 
September 2, 2007, 6:19 am CDT

Wow!

Quote From: nightangel1282

There were a few negative responses to my first post, and I understand I might sound a little harsh. Now, one of you asked if I have any children, and the answer is a flat out NO. And neither do I WANT any. Not because I don't particularily LIKE children, but because I've watched my sister with her three (not to mention watching her go through the miracle of childbirth), and I just have no interest in having children of my own. However, I have my own experiences growing up, watching my father discipline my siblings (and being on the receiving end of discipline myself), and babysat other people's children and witnessed THEIR idea of discipline to form my own OPINIONS on the issue. These are only OPINIONS and I'm not saying that I'm right and that everyone else is wrong. Everyone has their own personal experiences to fall back on, and I am merely explaining the reasons behind my own personal beliefs and opinions.

 

A few years ago, I was babysitting a family friends four children, and I had them down in the play area in the basement watching a movie. The oldest was a twelve year old girl, then her eight year old sister, her five year old brother, and then a four year old brother. The eight year old and four year old were sitting beside me on the couch watching the movie happily, and the twelve year old and five year old were behind the couch playing with their toys. In the middle of the movie, I suddenly hear the five year old screaming for her sister to please stop at the top of his lungs, I jumped up and looked over the back of the couch, and saw the oldest child BEATING on her brother with a METAL CHAIR LEG!!! I was over that couch, snatched away the chair leg and was trying to check on the younger of the two while the oldest was screaming at me and trying to get a hold of her brother again. I told her to go to her room and she very defiantly screamed that she didn't have to do what I said because I wasn't her mother. I told the second oldest to stay down there with her brothers and to try and calm her brother down until I got back. I told the oldest to go to her room or I was going to pick her up and haul her there myself, she told me 'NO!!!', so I picked her up and dragged her up the stairs (she was kicking, screaming, biting and calling me every name in the book the entire way), shoved her into her room, and had to hold the door closed as she was banging, clawing and kicking it from the other side, and still cursing a blue streak. After about ten minutes she quieted down, and I ran downstairs again. I checked on the 5 yr old, and found that he only had a few bruises and decided that since the parents were going to be home in less than an hour that I'd wait for them to come home, check over their son (the father is a paramedic), and take care of disciplining their daughter for her borderline psychotic behavior. However, when they got home and I told them what she did to her brother, the mother just went to their daughter and gave her a lecture as if she was telling a toddler why she couldn't have a cookie!!!! "You know, sweetie, you shouldn't do things like that to your brother. You wouldn't want to hurt him, now, would you?" That girl is over eighteen now, is out partying, doing drugs, and the parents suspect she's even prostituting herself!! And they're wondering where they went WRONG!!!!

 

Then on the other side of the coin, my brother was left to take care of me and my sister while my parents were out when we were kids. He was 13, my sister was 9, and I was 8. While my parents were gone, my brother decided he was going to 'play' by taking a butcher knife out of the kitchen drawer, and chasing me and my sister around the house!!!! We locked ourselves in the bathroom and stayed in there until our parents got home (our brother had gotten tired of waiting for us to come out and was watching TV). When our Dad came in, he asked why we were hiding in the bathroom and we told him what our brother had done. My dad's reaction was immediate. He went over, grabbed our brother by the arm, brought him over to me and my sister, backhanded him none to gently, and then forced him to get down on his knees and BEG us for forgiveness. He told him that only psycho's act that way, and he was NOT under any circumstances, put up with ANY of his children behaving in such a way. He's NEVER done anything remotely like that again to ANYONE. Now, did my brother grow up traumitized from this experience? NO!!!! In fact, he's happily and peacefully married, with a child of his own.

 

You may think my father was a little harsh in his punishment, but he raised us with the philosophy of tough love. Extreme behaviors need extreme discipline (my father's philosophy, not mine, so please don't burn me for that one. And if the day ever DOES come that I decide to have chlidren of my own, I have no intentions whatsoever in using the strap like my father used to, although spanking will be a viable option in my books for extreme behavior)

 

And please remember, I did NOT say it is ALWAYS the parents fault. There are other factors that could easily contribute to violent behavior in children. ADHD, along with other chemical imbalances and factors that nobody has any control over.

 

Also, remember, these are only experiences that have helped me form my own OPINION on violent children, and I am by no means saying I am absolutely right, neither am I saying any of you are wrong. We have yet to see the show, after all, so I can make no conclusions about THOSE cases until Tuesday.

 

 

Believe it or not,normal kids do some crazy things sometimes. I guess the key word is "sometimes". (Once in a blue moon, so to speak) I think human nature plays a part in things sometimes. With the kids on the show,evidently this is going on daily. I wanted to tell you that, for me, wanting to have children,was note based on any outside stimuli. I just reached an age when I wanted a child. It came from within me, a deep yearning. I was married and did go on to have and raise 2 children. But I think that I would have had that yearning even if I'd been single. (I don't know that I would have acted on it.) I'm not trying to say anything negative about you not wanting children. I understand that some people don't want kids. On the other subject of kids doing crazy things, in my family, one of my brothers hit the other one in the head with a hoe on one occasion when we were kids. (They were arguing but still....) In my husband's family , one of his brothers hit him in the back of the head with a sharp object when they were kids. When my son was elementary school age, he had a friend over once. I looked outside and they were hurling rocks at each other. I intervened and made them stop. My son said, "Mom, we're not mad at each other. We're just playing." Of course, I made them stop. I explained that someone could get hurt. I think that with the kids who are going to be on the show, this is an everyday (or often) occurence that is interfering with thier lives.
 
September 2, 2007, 8:39 am CDT

What is wrong with kids these day's

 I  am very tired of people talking about violent kids.Just where did these kids come from any why?????????????? I have never in my 59 years of living heard of so many kids with problem

We line in a modern time and we have progress to a time and place that kids are doing drugs,dress to express themselves with all the body expose, drive cars at 14 and have everything hand to them. You have parent that lost control of  their kids the day they give birth to them.They have never told them as babies or toddler when they where bad "CAUSE IT funny what they say or do." Have you ever thought that one day these people will have to leave home and live,work with other people and it will not be funny!!!!!!!!!!. You all make up excuse for what your kids do.I was in a park yesterday and saw a kid 3 or 4 through rocks at his Mother and all she did was say I am going to put you in time out.Wrong bring him home and put him in time out why talk about it.    

 
September 2, 2007, 9:34 am CDT

09/04 Violent Kids

I have been working with children like this for the past two years, and yes the environment and support systems for both the children and their families DO play a pivital role in how these children grow up and develope.

Judgements from others (just spank the kid, show him whose boss or when they are sent to a group home situation "oh sure the going got tough so you threw him away ) DO NOT, i repeat DO NOT help these kids, and an already confused parent (belive it or not most of the ones I work with come from loving stable homes), or distraught parent will wonder what's wrong with them, why is my child not like his siblings or neighbor's kids.  Parents, I say "To Hell" with what others think, they don't live with this look people are going to talk no matter WHAT you do.

The boy I work most closely with has a host of disorders going on, Autism (high functioning) ADHD, Schizophrenia (? spelling) , a Mother who abandoned him and his sibs for a man, no father to speak of (all of them have different fathers anyway) and surprise surprise all three are angry, but the eldest boy with his other problems can be violent, and threatening, thankfully his grandparents REFUSE to give up, he's in counselling and they are providing all three children with the structred loving home they need (even when Mom was there it was chaos, and she wouldn't regularly give him his Meds, imagine the fun those days were).

We'll see Tuesday.  I don't blame the Media per say, simply because if that were the case well all of us would be running around causing chaos, however violent TV shows and video games are not helping.  Working Parents (knew this debate would rear its ugly head), sorry but I've known some excellent ones and how many times have women stayed in less than loving relationships because they have neither the skills or resources to get out ? Divorce, I do belive it depends on whether or not the couple can behave more maturly than their children.

I suppose as human beings we need to find a REASON for EVERYTHING, "sigh" if only it were that easy, but it never is.

But I will say, that you shouldn't really judge these kids and parents, wait and see, there might be more to it than what we may see as obvious reasons.

 
September 2, 2007, 10:26 am CDT

Violent Kids

Quote From: arm521

What are the kids watching/playing? I know, first hand, how infuential tv can be...

When I noticed I could watch, without visceral response, a child be "assaulted" on fictional program, but that I cringe and look away when an animal gets hurt, I realized I had become callused to violence on tv and in movies.

How much more influential must the mesmerizing video games be, with their battles, and guns, and shoot 'em up themes?

I am not a parent, but as a teacher I see the changes in childeren in my classes.

Parents, open your eyes and BE PARENTS.

I'm only 25 year olds, i was raised watching alot of stuff most shouldn't ever watch. I wasn't a out of control child. But I cant watch a child be assaulted and not get mass amount of angry at those people that are hurting a child. I can sit and watch a horror movie, but I feel stuff all through it. I grow up on playing doom, at the age of 9, never made me think violence wasn't real or made me callused to that fact. I am a NRA member and carry a weapon with me, I have been shooting since I was 7 years old. I didn't start taking martial arts until I was an adult, but I plan to put my son in it as soon as they allow it. I don't believe TV is the problem, if anything is the problem is not talking to your child about the programs they watch. My mother always talked to me about a movie or a show that she might of felt needed to be explained.

 

My niece was one of those out of control children, starting at the age of about 2, you know what music, tv, movies, and games had nothing to do with it. She had a mental problem which now at 10 years old, she is on controlled drugs for it, she is happy and doesn't like to cause people pain. And you know what my sister would spank her and that didnt help my niece would even laugh and runaway and hit someone seconds later. Parents with these "out of control" children are at the wits end and they fear the problem isn't the child but themself. My sister blamed herself and it took my mother telling her get your daughter into the doctors something is really wrong this isn't normal. Sometimes it is the parents fault, but its not always the parents fault. I cant say about this family, for I havent watched anything really about it yet, but I will be back one it airs.

 
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