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Topic : 09/04 Violent Kids

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Created on : Friday, August 31, 2007, 10:16:52 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Exploding anger, brutal attacks, death threats. Perhaps this sounds like the behavior of a hardened criminal. But what happens when such violent rages come from your own child? Kevin and Jean say their 10-year-old son, Cole, is a ticking time bomb. He yells, hits, screams and turns destructive when he's in a rage, and his out-of-control meltdowns are taking over the household. Jean even fears Cole may kill her in her sleep. What is behind his rages, and how can his parents help him and bring peace to their family? Then, Ryan and Rebecca's 6-year-old son, Sam, has violent temper tantrums that include kicking, hitting and biting his siblings and teachers. He has even threatened to kill his twin brother and burn the house down. Is Sam really dangerous, or just a master manipulator? What does Dr. Phil tell these parents they must do to change Sam's behavior? Talk about the show here.

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September 2, 2007, 6:24 pm CDT

09/04 violent kids

Quote From: cyncritter

Instead of sitting back in our chairs, shaking our heads in dismay, we have to consider HOW our children morphed from (mostly good kids with) a few bad apples in the mid-20th Century ... to a few hundred thousand bad apples in the first decade of the 21st Century. It's SO SIMPLE, most people can't see it because all of you are looking for complex reasons. The Family Unit unravelled.

The mothers went to work. They wanted to have careers to fullfill themselves, AND (quite selfishly) have children to prove they were still feminine!

It's like mixing vinegar and oil.

Divorce became less stigmatized and more attainable, women stopped waiting for the perfect mates and began envitro vertilization to have and raise children with $$$ instead of TLC and being in the home.

Unlike during the 1940s, when fathers had to go to war and mothers were left NO CHOICE but to go to work to support the family in his absence, the more liberated women wanted the best of both worlds. With two incomes, Moms & Dads could pay someone ELSE to raise the children (until they were old enough to become latch-key kids and finish raising themselves) and Moms & Dads could BOTH feel fulfilled.

Well, how's that working for you?

I thought when women like myself were given the freedom to make choices, we would all behave more responsibly. Those of us who DIDN'T want to be housewives and baby factories would choose careers, and those who were inspired to have children would stay home and take care of them.

And with the right to abortion upon demand, there would be fewer unwanted and abused children being raised on Welfare cared for by the County & State; fewer disabled children because they could be aborted prior to being born and becoming burdens on parents and society; and, I thought having access to choices would allow us to figure out who we really are ... a lot sooner than the Trial & Error policies imposed by the older family traditions and the churches bias against womens' independence.

But no ... the Churches stepped in and started saying abortion is MURDER! (Hey, I thought the Soul never dies?!? So, if it's freed from an UNWANTED vessel or a defective vessel, to be recycled into a WANTED and/or BETTER FORMED vessel, what's the big deal?!?)

So the stigma of getting pregnant - even from a rape - wasn't enough to liberate women into becoming all we can be. Husbands still want control, Churches still want control, the families still want control... and when you add all the new pollutants, the stress from having to work twice as hard so the kids can all go to college - whether they're college material or not - things have regressed instead of getting better for everyone. (And... manual labor CANNOT be OUT-SOURCED!!)

Where is it written in STONE that an adult has to have a college education to build houses or repair plumbing and do electrical work to make a good living? Manual labor is not something to be ashamed of; rather, it's a honed SKILL that some can master and others cannot.

Where is it written in stone that unless your household is a clone of all the others on the block (new cars every 3 years, the best of everything all the time, soccer/dance/gymnastics/skating for the kids is a must to have a well-rounded child) you are a failure?

We are now a World of 6.5 BILLION people, and more than 2/3 of us are unhappy. We are breeding children who are unloved and unhappy.

More is NOT better, folks. Why have all this wealth if it cannot provide the things that give us REAL happiness -- creeks and woods and wildlife to stimulate the imaginations of the children we're bringing into this world, and parents who sit down and play with them - parents who insist that the family has meals TOGETHER at least once a day, and vacations where everyone explores a different part of this wonderful world together?

No wonder there are angry children all over the U.S., violence amongst them, and dissatisfaction instead of feelings of love and unity!

In other countries we call them Jihadists; here they are just a natural regression of our own environment that continuously gets SICKER every day because we've lost sight of the true responsibility of parenting -- being there when we're needed, and providing a clean environment for all of us to grow up and grow old in.

If we don't set a good example, stop chasing our own tails, knuckling under to advertisers whose job it is to SELL PRODUCTS we don't really need, and being led around by false "Family Values" spouters and Churches who care more about their coffers than their flocks, how can we expect anything different? We're reaping what we've been sowing, and it's coming back to bite us in the ass, BIG TIME.


I VERY MUCH AGREE WITH YOU . YOU ARE VERY SMART PERSON ,, BUT , WHEN WE HAD TO GO TO WORK AND LIVE OUR CHILDREN HOME FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO RAISE THEM , THAT WAS THE BEGINING OF OUR DESINTEGRATION OF A UNIFIED FAMILY.

EVERYTHING TAKES TIME FOR IT TO HAPEN, AT FIRST WE DON'T SEE IT BECAUSE IT HAPENS LITTLE BY LITTLE. I WOULD SAY WE ARE IN OUR THIRTH  OR FOURTH GENERATION OF DESINTEGRATION OF FAMILIES . FIRST COMES THE NEED FOR THE MOTHER TO GO TO WORK, THEN PRESURE TO HAVE MORE MATERIAL THINGS AS WE SEE THE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR. WE DON'T HAVE TO HAVE ALL THAT THE MILLIONERS HAVE . VERY MUCH ENFACIS IS NOW PUT IN MATERIAL THINGS. THEN GENERATION OF DRUGS COMES IN TO PLAY AND WE WANT MORE FREEDOM FROM RULES AND REGULATIONS MEANING ,(OUR PARENTS).

AND THAT IS ALRIGHT, BUT WE DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT OUR PARENTS AS THE ENEMY IN THE BATTLE TO BECOME INDEPENDENT. THEN COMES THE WOMEN'S LIBERATION MOVEMENT WHICH IS ALL DISTORTED AS TO WHAT BEING FREE REALY MEANS. AND  BEFORE YOU KNOW IT ,WE HAVE THE DIFICULTY OF CONTROLING OUR CHILDREN . TRUE THAT WE DON'T HAVE TO FOLLOW OUR TRADICIONAL WAY TO CORRECT OUR CHILDREN. THERE  ARE VERY GOOD ADVANCES IN SCIENCE THAT ARE VERY HELPFULL IN TEACHING US HOW TO HANDLE OUR CHILDREN WITH OUT RESORTING TO CORPORAL PANISHMENT.

I WAS RAISED THAT WAY. I MADE MYSELF A PROMISE NOT TO DO THE SAME , SPECIALLY NOT TO CALL MY KIDS BAD NAMES. I AM A MOTHER OF FOUR CHILDREN . I WAS STRICT STAY HOME MOM. TRIED TO NEVER LEAVE THEM ALONE WITH A BABY SITTER. I AM THE BAD MOM WHO WANTED TO KNOW WHERE MY KIDS ARE AT ALL TIMES, DROVE THEM TO ALL EXTRA CARICULUM ACTIVITIES THEY WANTED TO  PARTICIPATE IN. THEN  I NEVER LET THEM YELL AT ME AS I SEE MY GRAND CHILDREN DO TO MY DAUGHTER.

HAVE TO TEACH THEM DISCIPLINE FROM THE TIME THEY ARE 1 , THEY LEARNT GOOD BEHAVIOR. THAT'S WHERE ALL STARTS. I SEE PARENTS NOW DAYS EITHER THEY ARE TOO PERMISIVE OR OF VERY SHORT TEMPER OR BOTH. I FEEL VERY SAD ABOUT IT. MY CHILDREN ARE NOW IN VERY GOOD STAND WITH SOCIETY AND SUCCESSFUL GOOD CITIZENS.

 
September 2, 2007, 6:29 pm CDT

09/04 Violent Kids

Quote From: moopop

I have been there myself . I am the father of 4 kids three Boys . My kids are all grown now with children of there on . When  they were young I used the belt maybe  three times on each one of them . After that did not have to I said behave after that they new i was serious. I know in this time they the law would lock be up . THe juvenile justice system  is  full of kids that there parents did not teach them right from wrong when they were young ,I did They are grown responsible adults today all of them . I have 14 grand children an 2 great grand children . All my family love me me them most of all they respect me an there Mother of 46 yrs
well good for you but not all children are lucky enough to have you as a father. All parents teach their children right from wrong and by the time they re 14 they know right from wrong, how to treat people, have their morals and values within themselves and there is not much at that age we can do.  There are some children that just do not abide by the rules,etc.  You do not know what is going on in the homes and you can't judge the parents you have no idea what it is like .
 
September 2, 2007, 7:49 pm CDT

i'm not a bad mother and my son is healthy...

my son is not malnurish  and i am a stay at home mother of 2 kids...our son is 10 and is very violent,  he has kicked me in the stomach  when i was pregnant just because he got mad because he couldnt get his way, he has threaten me right infront of my daughter, and called me names, told me to shut up atleast 100 times, he has adhd/odd,  i think bi polor, has Rad issues due to his physical abusive biological mother i'm his step mom but i have put in 100% into him as a mother and his only mother due to his mom not in the picture,  he is also on 3 different meds including respirdal  however you spell it,  anyways  i just wanted to say its not the parents....  my hubby is a good father and i'm a good mother to both kids  and its not malnurishment... our son eats good and healthy...   there is not many answers and for anyone to blame food our parents is beyond me... its time to start making these kids  to start taking responsibility for their bad choices and behaviors and stop blaming us parents for our kids actions.  we have tried EVERYTHING to get thru to him he cannot act that way and get to get away with it that there are severe consequences to all his actions...  anyways  i guess i will go for now...i will for sure be watching DR. Phil tuesday..bye bye for now
 
September 2, 2007, 8:02 pm CDT

troubled kids

   you can not really tell, every child is different, there life styles are different, yea adhd/add kids can be hard on you sometimes,  you feel as if everything that you try just doesn't get through, your about at your wit ends,  just think how it is effecting your kid.  check into to their  habbits, what they do in their spare  time, they are trying to tell you but are to confused, scared cause they are always in trouble, always doing the wrong thing, feel as if their the outsider.  LISTEN to them, talk everything out calmly, it may hurt what you hear, you may even get down out pissey, but you have to stay CALM!!!!!! don't rush into things keep your wits  don't give up cause as soon as they see or feel that your giving up then they are gonna give up and things wiil get worse and can distroy your family, or make the kid fall hard down the wrong path, you can get through it, worh together as a family, get the proper counceling, always reassure them we wiil work things out, love them and  I WIIL NOT GIVE UP ON YOU !!!!!!    you may think i'm crazy and i don't know what i'm talking about, well i do

            my son was diagonased with adhd at 4 years old, he got so out of control, mean hateful,violent, abusive to himself & others, in family and out, very distructive, forget school, that was a joke, bad grades, always in trouble some way,  suspended to many times, he even ended up  on the wrong side of the law, in an out of juvy, in an out of court.

            he is now 16, we went through the toughest years of our  life,   we made the hardest decissions we never thought we would have  to make, or was afraid to make.   he ended up spending  just 3 days short of 10 months in a behaveral treatment center, he attempted suicide a couple times, got to the point to if he didn't  smarten up the next step was doby, a prison for juveniles. he is now diagonesed with ADHD--BIPOLAR--& POST TRAMATIC SINDROME

           he was released from treatment  it will be a mounth the 13th, an i couldn't be  PROUDER OF HIM !!!!!!!!     we talk about everthing,  we are still till this day an do not plan on stopping  in  counseling.  he is in 10th grade, working on getting his sertifation while in high school to be a mechanic, trying to find a job, studing to get his licence, and rebuilding a car from front to end including engine, plus tending to his at home chores an time.  

           yea we have our times where its tough still but we are both learning how to help each other.  we  keep showing each other that we are not gonna give up on each other, an our love will never shrink only grow, talk everything out calmly.  HAVE TRUST & FAITH  an things will work out.     NEVER GIVE UP

   

 
September 2, 2007, 8:53 pm CDT

09/04 Violent Kids

Quote From: blondie_46

my kids play video games.......only sports......my kids watch tv only sports and ESPN if they watched and played violent things that would be one thing they don't so for some kids it may be those things but in my experience with my kids nope not that.

That's why I don't blame the media, not completly anyway, hell for some kids a Hockey game getting rough can make them act out, its not as simple as blame the TV, who controls the remote anyway ? 

Again, the debate about working Moms vs Stay home Moms, I have known very successful working parents, and Daycare is NOT an evil thing, or a loving relative.  I've done both and I admit as much as I love them, I am much happier working even part time (my husband and I work opposite shifts so one of us is always around ), and you know I have NEVER missed a sporting event, school play or concert, takes being organized for sure, but it can be done (BOTH were in school before I went to work), so again NOT that simple.  Why are women so hard on each other anyway ?

I don't get the whole "he just needs a spanking ", you have an already ANGRY, VIOLENT KID, and so you are going to further encourage the violence and anger ?  Just a thought, but has there been any research done into the state of mind Mom was in during pregnancy maybe have something to do with it ?  I would be interested in a study or article on that.

Asessment is DEFINITLY needed, and knowing the Doc he will make sure they get it, after all it is much better to get it done NOW before he becomes an angry young man, and the prisons are overflowing with them now.

Why is our society becoming an angry one ?  It's hard to say, but I don't think there is one single factor (seems to me even adults are more angry today, not just the kids).

 
September 3, 2007, 3:50 am CDT

Violent Kids

I believe that this type of behavior started at a very young age by not letting the child know that this is unacceptable behavior which starts as an infant with temper tantrums, and to many warnings for bad behavior with a lack of action. I wish these people a lot of luck in correcting the behavior the children have learned that they can get away with.
 
September 3, 2007, 8:32 am CDT

Wisdom should come with age.

Quote From: moopop

I have been there myself . I am the father of 4 kids three Boys . My kids are all grown now with children of there on . When  they were young I used the belt maybe  three times on each one of them . After that did not have to I said behave after that they new i was serious. I know in this time they the law would lock be up . THe juvenile justice system  is  full of kids that there parents did not teach them right from wrong when they were young ,I did They are grown responsible adults today all of them . I have 14 grand children an 2 great grand children . All my family love me me them most of all they respect me an there Mother of 46 yrs
Judging from your post, you probably have a little age on ya. You surely are wise enough to know that it's not that simple with everyone else. I'm glad things worked out well for you. Things have worked out well for me also,(minus the belt) But I am old enough and wise enough to know that life is not that simple for everyone else.
 
September 3, 2007, 8:45 am CDT

Violence? or Attention?

I am divorced. I was in an abusive (physical/mental) marriage. When the divorce/seperation began my son was three years old. He became almost intollerable. I could not control him. I could not even let the child have color pencils. He would say things and do things that were absolutely outrageous. I kept my patience and realized that this was his way of getting out his anger from the divorce.
He is four, and everything is fine. He went from the child who would try to stab me with a color pencil, to the child who quietly sits and colors.
It scared me for a long time. I did not know what to do, but patience worked.
I think a lot of kids feed off of the stress levels of their parents. I believe that it could be some of the problems for these kids.....
 
September 3, 2007, 9:46 am CDT

Violent Kids

Quote From: sandbee22

I am divorced. I was in an abusive (physical/mental) marriage. When the divorce/seperation began my son was three years old. He became almost intollerable. I could not control him. I could not even let the child have color pencils. He would say things and do things that were absolutely outrageous. I kept my patience and realized that this was his way of getting out his anger from the divorce.
He is four, and everything is fine. He went from the child who would try to stab me with a color pencil, to the child who quietly sits and colors.
It scared me for a long time. I did not know what to do, but patience worked.
I think a lot of kids feed off of the stress levels of their parents. I believe that it could be some of the problems for these kids.....

I agree with you, when they are babies they are connected to us emotional, so why should that change just cause they are 3 or 4 or even 10. I think most forget that children have feelings too and get more confussed then us, which causes them to be angry. I know I would get angry when I was a child if things felt they were going out of control. And just sometimes kids want it there way and don't understand why they cant have it there way. When I was very young, I was sick all the time, I never had appetite so my mother was always shoving food down my mouth, and it wasn't pretty I would spit the food in her face, I would scream and yell, in my head at the time I thought she was just being mean and I was angry she was forceing me to do something that seemed to hurt. As an adult I know she had to do that and lucky she holds no anger at my many years of this behavior. But I can image these kids are angry and not even sure how else to express what is going on in there head, when they don't even totally understand it themselves.

 

There more to bad behavior then bad parents, TV, or games. Its something more serious and its good some parents are willing to figure that out. Those are good parents not bad parents, even if they don't know the best way to go about this atleast they try.

 
September 3, 2007, 11:15 am CDT

see this alot, not surprising at all

I see alot of this during our era.  Its horrible. but when you have both parents who are working til 6pm every night (since career is more important than a child) the child runs amuck.   Parents today will get what they give to their children, so this behavior should not shock anyone,  

keep it up and enjoy what you plant

 
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