Topic : 09/04 Violent Kids

Unfortunatly, its painfully obvious this won't change anytime soon.

Funny thing is, we are so sympathetic to adults who suffer from bi-polar disorder, depression, or Schizophrenia etc. but all a kid needs is a spanking or privillages taken away from them, its the fault of the parents etc.  Kids today are spoiled, blah, there are as many opinions as there are people.

Until people are willing to acknowledge that children can and DO suffer from Mental illnesses, and until our governments are willing to fund more programs to help both children and families in crisis, and UNTIL we train teachers and caregivers to recognize symptoms of different disorders that affect children and effective ways to deal with it (many children have benifitted from early interventions), then we will still be blaming the parents.

There is NO ONE simple solution to these problems, some older people may forget that there were violent kids they grew up with, I knew there were a few in my High School, a good whipping, I had a couple growing up, only fuels anger and violent tendencies, you CANNOT BEAT IT OUT OF THEM.

To the poster who said Abortion was the answer for disabled children being a burden on their parents and society, how do you predict a Mental illness or something like Autism, they don't show up on a sonogram, so what does a parent do then ?

And the same people that scream about women being outside the home, well does a widow with young children go on Welfare or a woman who has had to fight to get out of an abusive relationship ?  Aren't these the same people who SCREAM for women to escape an abuser ? Or SCREAM at the rate of welfare recipients out there ?  Same people who SCREAM about children living in Poverty.

Theories abound, but there are no simple answers in these situations.

I think all parents have heard our three year old, and sixteen year old say "I hate you, "  "you're Mean", "I'm never talking to you again", "I'm going to run away " whatever, few of us get death threats loged against us by our own children.  The above statements are normal (I swear if I don't hear one of the above once a week, I feel like I'm failing them somehow ).

"I want to die", "I'm going to F****** kill you ", NOT NORMAL, these are not the normal cries of a kid angry with his/her parents, teachers, friends or siblings.

I agree, but for the grace of God (and I'm agnostic, go figure) go I, both of my sons were diagnosed with ADHD and my youngest has it coupled with other learning problems, the boy I work closely with at the school has a whole host of disorders, along with parental rejection and he has threatened to kill his Mother's boyfriend for splitting the family, not to mention the violent outburst that had him almost expelled from school, why ? He almost throttled another child for "Looking at him".

We'll see tommorrow, but I am willing to bet my rent, that these children feel terrible and guilty for these outbursts, could be wrong, but the kids I know (and they are all different, I know ) have the ability to KNOW what they do is upsetting and hurts others, but when it happens, that part of their brain seems to switch off momentarily, this is what makes them a danger to themselves and others, in the heat of the moment they don't seem capable of turning off the rage, and sometimes by the time they do, its too late, someone gets hurt, and then the other centres kick in and so does the guilt.

The Doc will get them the help they need, and I do hope these parents know that they will be getting a gift, their child with intensive treatment will probably be able to have a healthy life, free of the rage that binds him.  See in these cases I am an optimist, I can never see a child as a lost cause.

Come on, is this from experience saying  ADD-ADHD children are malnourished? Well let me educate you. My child was healthy all his life had all the tests performed such as  EEG's labs and so on. No chemical imbalances. By the way, I could not qualify for government help with WIC (food program years ago) because he was too healthy. Weight was good all his tests they did showed he was very healthy.  But my son was off the chain with hyperactivity.

By the way I am a nurse. So I may educate you on this subject. Not all hyperactive/attention deficiet children are malnourished. I have researched this subject on more than one occasion.

My son did at one time become angry  and I had problems with him. But it was not  a malnourish problem. He blamed me for a divorce. When we stopped and spoke to him the problem was resolved.

To this day my son still exhibits some of the ADHD behavior and he is 30 years old. My son is far from malnourished so please speak on what you know not what you think.

I can't believe Dr Phil didnt say anything about ODD ( Oppositional Defiant Disorder)

You know, I had problems getting help for my daughter and I heard some of the same BS that I am reading here. "It's the way she was raised", or " She's just a BAD kid". "You should take a belt to her"..This coming from other parents as well as her school. NOBODY would help me. (I too wrote Dr Phil) Out of desperation I started searching the net for a summer camp for kids with behavioral problems, hoping this would help.   While I was searching I  found a web site on ODD. The signs and symptoms of this disorder fit my daughter to a T.  During her freshman yr of High School, I finally found a principal who listened to me. I gave him the print-outs I had on ODD and he researched it on his own. FINALLY I found someone to help me and my daughter. My child is a totally differenty person now. 

Dr Phil , this little boy acts like a child with ODD. If not treated the behavior becomes worse. I wouldn't dare claim to be smarter than you, BUT I AM a mom who has been there done that.

Google it folks.

I know this is about young children, however my child did not become explosive and  violent until he was 18.  Now at 32+, married with 2 children, he still has an explosive temper, and though I do not know for sure if he is violent now, he was when he still lived at home.  There have been times that he has exploded at me for simply having a  conversation with his wife over the phone.  He told me  never to call his house again and "talk about him" to his wife.  He has told me that just because I am his mother, that is no reason that he has to respect me.

I am a nice person, or so I have been told by  others.  I have done nothing to provoke these attacks, it is the way he feels at times.  I feel like I have to chose my words carefully, and walk on eggshells so I don't do anything to set him off, whatever that may be, I don't know it could be anything at any time.  As a mother, I do feel so guilty, that somehow I am to blame, but logically I know that not to be true, emotionally is a different story.   I have had talks with him in which I have tried to find out why he is so angry, and if he ever thought he might want someone to talk to or help him with his outbursts.  His reply was, "I am who I am, and if people do not like that, tough

snot..or use any other word there.

I am grateful that these issues are being addressed for children now, as there really was no real help around when he was at an age earlier in his life where things might be different now.

My husband is a 7th grade teacher, and there have been times I have thougt of buying him a bullet proof vest.

All you  parents out there, please embrace help and guidence.  Things can work out.  People really can change.

We always want to blame the parents, but maybe children's behavior in this day and age is different because the CHILDREN are different.  When Dr. Phil talks about heavy metals, brain inflammation... good Lord, I would think kids with inflamed brains would act a little crazy!  Where are all these metals coming from?  Can that brain inflammation cause permanent brain damage?  How is this happening; can we prevent it?

And allergies... holy moly.  When I was a kid, I knew only one other kid with allergies, and that was some mild hayfever.  Now there are 10 kids with peanut allergy in a nearby school, 2 of them so severe that using a water fountain after a kid who had PBJ for lunch might cause a life-threatening reaction.  Come on!  That's not normal!  1 in 150 kids has autism?  It was 1 in 10,000 a few decades ago!  What has happened?

No, children today are not healthy.  They may be at a healthy weight, munching from all their food groups, but if they are allergic to it, or metals are keeping their bodies from digesting it properly, then they will be malnourished, and their parents may not even realize.

So enough with the "monster parents" theory.  What if something else is making these kids "bad?"  Why is every kid allergic to something?  Where are babies being exposed to these allergens, in serious enough concentrations that their first whiff of peanut butter at age 1 1/2 sends them into shock?  Why is there a line at the school nurse's office for not only Ritalin, but also the asthma inhalers?  Or is the asthmatic child also suffering from a lack of parental discipline?

Dr. Phil, where are all these heavy metals coming from, and how are they getting into our children's bodies and brains?  Shouldn't someone be finding out??? Shouldn't we be doing something about it???