Message Boards

Topic : 09/04 Violent Kids

Number of Replies: 265
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, August 31, 2007, 10:16:52 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Exploding anger, brutal attacks, death threats. Perhaps this sounds like the behavior of a hardened criminal. But what happens when such violent rages come from your own child? Kevin and Jean say their 10-year-old son, Cole, is a ticking time bomb. He yells, hits, screams and turns destructive when he's in a rage, and his out-of-control meltdowns are taking over the household. Jean even fears Cole may kill her in her sleep. What is behind his rages, and how can his parents help him and bring peace to their family? Then, Ryan and Rebecca's 6-year-old son, Sam, has violent temper tantrums that include kicking, hitting and biting his siblings and teachers. He has even threatened to kill his twin brother and burn the house down. Is Sam really dangerous, or just a master manipulator? What does Dr. Phil tell these parents they must do to change Sam's behavior? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

More September 2007 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

August 31, 2007, 10:55 pm CDT

Violent Kids

Hmmm... I don't promote violence at the best of times, especially when it comes to kids, but I think sometimes a kid could really use a good old fashioned spanking... I know I never acted like that when I was a kid, because if I were to, my dad would have had his belt off and I'd be running!!

 

Seriously though... either those kids have something seriously wrong with their upbringing, or they have some sort of mental or behavioral disorder. I was shocked when I saw the previews for this show, and I'm actually not sure if I'm looking forward to watching it or not... but I'll be glued to the TV when it airs!!!!!

 
September 1, 2007, 9:34 am CDT

Behavior and Nutrition

My frustration at seeing and hearing and reading about kids who behave like this or kids who have ADD/ADHD is that these kids are malnourished.  Studies have proved that omega 6 fatty acids are deficient in people who exhibit such behaviors.  We are not getting proper nutrition in today's society.  That means no processed foods, no soda pop, in many cases no dairy especialy the kind that is sold in supermarkets and no fake oils.  If you are in an area that gets less sun than say Florida, and good cod liver oil supplement is a must.  If you don't have access to certified organic produce and good whole food vitamin/mineral supplement is a must.  We should be eating fresh raw produce and grass fed beef and free range poultry and by products from those sources.  Organic extra virgin olive oil and  virgin coconut oil and palm oil.  Those are the nutritous oils we should be consuming.  Soy is not a health food.  It over sexes our girls and under sexes our boys because of the phyto estrogens found in soybeans, and phytochemicals cause us to not absorb vital nutrients.  Over weight people are malnourished people.  Hyper active, violent, depressed, etc people are malnourished people.  We are a people who have been duped by TV, magazine, and newspaper ads that tell us that sugary cereals are a good after school snack.  NOT!!!  I tell you this because I was one of them and I continue to remind myself that I'm fat, I have diabetes, I have psoriasis, I had a heart attack because I drank soda pop and ate Doritos and cream cheese and smoked like a freight train and caused these things to happen by my own stubborness and ignorance.  Now there is a TV ad that tells us Hellman's is real.  It's not real because it's made with soybean oil.  And I realize that we are all individuals by what we "choose" to believe.  That there are no absolutes except for those we allow to reside in our minds.  When people ask me if I believe there is a God of the Bible and my answer is ABSOLUTELY!!  Satan lied to Eve and TV lies to its viewers.  Believe what TV says we should eat or believe what the Bible says we should eat.  Hugs from Florida

 
September 1, 2007, 9:51 am CDT

Quick Help For Violent Kids

I do not have much time to go into detal right now but get your violent children into see a phyciatrist for an eval right away:)

 

Also: Risperdal is wonderful for agressive, exsplosive behavior

 

My son is 12 and has been on this med since he was 7. We tried to wean him off this last year and was reminded of how much it helps!! He used to go towards kids necks to strangle them just becouse they looked at him wrong.

 

Hope this helps

 

A Loving Mother Of 7

 

Any questions parents please email me I am very willing to help out:) emilycribb@comcast.net

 

I have been dealing with theis type of situation since my son was even crawling so I have been there and have tried many things to help the problem and it is not easy....

 
September 1, 2007, 9:54 am CDT

Confuesed? have you raised any children of your own?

Quote From: nightangel1282

Hmmm... I don't promote violence at the best of times, especially when it comes to kids, but I think sometimes a kid could really use a good old fashioned spanking... I know I never acted like that when I was a kid, because if I were to, my dad would have had his belt off and I'd be running!!

 

Seriously though... either those kids have something seriously wrong with their upbringing, or they have some sort of mental or behavioral disorder. I was shocked when I saw the previews for this show, and I'm actually not sure if I'm looking forward to watching it or not... but I'll be glued to the TV when it airs!!!!!

Wow, you have never than had a children that you try to spank, take things away, give time outs too and nothing works.

 

Please Do Not put people down unless you have been there yourself!!

 

From A Loving Mother Of 7

 
September 1, 2007, 11:12 am CDT

09/04 Violent Kids

Quote From: nightangel1282

Hmmm... I don't promote violence at the best of times, especially when it comes to kids, but I think sometimes a kid could really use a good old fashioned spanking... I know I never acted like that when I was a kid, because if I were to, my dad would have had his belt off and I'd be running!!

 

Seriously though... either those kids have something seriously wrong with their upbringing, or they have some sort of mental or behavioral disorder. I was shocked when I saw the previews for this show, and I'm actually not sure if I'm looking forward to watching it or not... but I'll be glued to the TV when it airs!!!!!

Of course here we go again, blaming the parents for what is wrong with their children.  I hope when you watch the show you learn something about these children.  This response shows that the stigma and blame for children with mental health issues is alive and well!!  What a shame, when is this going to change.

 
September 1, 2007, 11:41 am CDT

Products of our SICK Environment

Instead of sitting back in our chairs, shaking our heads in dismay, we have to consider HOW our children morphed from (mostly good kids with) a few bad apples in the mid-20th Century ... to a few hundred thousand bad apples in the first decade of the 21st Century. It's SO SIMPLE, most people can't see it because all of you are looking for complex reasons. The Family Unit unravelled.

The mothers went to work. They wanted to have careers to fullfill themselves, AND (quite selfishly) have children to prove they were still feminine!

It's like mixing vinegar and oil.

Divorce became less stigmatized and more attainable, women stopped waiting for the perfect mates and began envitro vertilization to have and raise children with $$$ instead of TLC and being in the home.

Unlike during the 1940s, when fathers had to go to war and mothers were left NO CHOICE but to go to work to support the family in his absence, the more liberated women wanted the best of both worlds. With two incomes, Moms & Dads could pay someone ELSE to raise the children (until they were old enough to become latch-key kids and finish raising themselves) and Moms & Dads could BOTH feel fulfilled.

Well, how's that working for you?

I thought when women like myself were given the freedom to make choices, we would all behave more responsibly. Those of us who DIDN'T want to be housewives and baby factories would choose careers, and those who were inspired to have children would stay home and take care of them.

And with the right to abortion upon demand, there would be fewer unwanted and abused children being raised on Welfare cared for by the County & State; fewer disabled children because they could be aborted prior to being born and becoming burdens on parents and society; and, I thought having access to choices would allow us to figure out who we really are ... a lot sooner than the Trial & Error policies imposed by the older family traditions and the churches bias against womens' independence.

But no ... the Churches stepped in and started saying abortion is MURDER! (Hey, I thought the Soul never dies?!? So, if it's freed from an UNWANTED vessel or a defective vessel, to be recycled into a WANTED and/or BETTER FORMED vessel, what's the big deal?!?)

So the stigma of getting pregnant - even from a rape - wasn't enough to liberate women into becoming all we can be. Husbands still want control, Churches still want control, the families still want control... and when you add all the new pollutants, the stress from having to work twice as hard so the kids can all go to college - whether they're college material or not - things have regressed instead of getting better for everyone. (And... manual labor CANNOT be OUT-SOURCED!!)

Where is it written in STONE that an adult has to have a college education to build houses or repair plumbing and do electrical work to make a good living? Manual labor is not something to be ashamed of; rather, it's a honed SKILL that some can master and others cannot.

Where is it written in stone that unless your household is a clone of all the others on the block (new cars every 3 years, the best of everything all the time, soccer/dance/gymnastics/skating for the kids is a must to have a well-rounded child) you are a failure?

We are now a World of 6.5 BILLION people, and more than 2/3 of us are unhappy. We are breeding children who are unloved and unhappy.

More is NOT better, folks. Why have all this wealth if it cannot provide the things that give us REAL happiness -- creeks and woods and wildlife to stimulate the imaginations of the children we're bringing into this world, and parents who sit down and play with them - parents who insist that the family has meals TOGETHER at least once a day, and vacations where everyone explores a different part of this wonderful world together?

No wonder there are angry children all over the U.S., violence amongst them, and dissatisfaction instead of feelings of love and unity!

In other countries we call them Jihadists; here they are just a natural regression of our own environment that continuously gets SICKER every day because we've lost sight of the true responsibility of parenting -- being there when we're needed, and providing a clean environment for all of us to grow up and grow old in.

If we don't set a good example, stop chasing our own tails, knuckling under to advertisers whose job it is to SELL PRODUCTS we don't really need, and being led around by false "Family Values" spouters and Churches who care more about their coffers than their flocks, how can we expect anything different? We're reaping what we've been sowing, and it's coming back to bite us in the ass, BIG TIME.


 
September 1, 2007, 1:31 pm CDT

ok - not in today's society!

Quote From: nightangel1282

Hmmm... I don't promote violence at the best of times, especially when it comes to kids, but I think sometimes a kid could really use a good old fashioned spanking... I know I never acted like that when I was a kid, because if I were to, my dad would have had his belt off and I'd be running!!

 

Seriously though... either those kids have something seriously wrong with their upbringing, or they have some sort of mental or behavioral disorder. I was shocked when I saw the previews for this show, and I'm actually not sure if I'm looking forward to watching it or not... but I'll be glued to the TV when it airs!!!!!

 Yes, I agree with how we would have behaved as kids.  My middle son, now 14 is very much like this.  I had and still sometimes have a bad temper -people make me so mad sometimes that I could easily punch them and think nothing of it, but somewhere inside me is this thing called rationalism - I forethink the consequences.  I think this is missing from my 14 son - I have written Dr. Phil many times asking for help.  He has been like this since about 2 - we've tried the punishment thing - you could spank him, but you would really have to hurt him to get through.  I was seriously afraid I would because he was not phased and here in my area, Family children services would have a hay day with this - it's not like it was when we were younger.  I was afraid of my dad, we weren't spanked, we were beat - perhaps that is why I would not dare act this way - fear!  But, like I said, you can't do this today or you'll lose your kids and perhaps face jail time and honestly after being raised this way, I could not do that to my son.  We just had an outburst the other day, he threatened to throw a chair at me and the words he yelled - had his father been home, he may have beat him.  He has had these around his dad, but not as severe as with me.   When he was younger I took him to the pediatrician - he told me tie his hands with a soft cloth and hold him through the tantrum, and just repeat "I love you" to him over and over.  I don't know what my son heard but for a while he was real calm.  He would ask me if he was being good, I would tell him yes, he would then ask if I was going to do what the Dr. said to do, I would say no, because I didn't need to just then.  Like I said, that worked for a time, and then he started it up again.  I would put him in his room(sometimes physically had to)  and hold the door, tell him he could calm down and then come out.  Well, now I'm at a loss, he is way stronger than me now.  Look forward to the show.
 
September 1, 2007, 4:44 pm CDT

Allow me to explain my reasoning...

There were a few negative responses to my first post, and I understand I might sound a little harsh. Now, one of you asked if I have any children, and the answer is a flat out NO. And neither do I WANT any. Not because I don't particularily LIKE children, but because I've watched my sister with her three (not to mention watching her go through the miracle of childbirth), and I just have no interest in having children of my own. However, I have my own experiences growing up, watching my father discipline my siblings (and being on the receiving end of discipline myself), and babysat other people's children and witnessed THEIR idea of discipline to form my own OPINIONS on the issue. These are only OPINIONS and I'm not saying that I'm right and that everyone else is wrong. Everyone has their own personal experiences to fall back on, and I am merely explaining the reasons behind my own personal beliefs and opinions.

 

A few years ago, I was babysitting a family friends four children, and I had them down in the play area in the basement watching a movie. The oldest was a twelve year old girl, then her eight year old sister, her five year old brother, and then a four year old brother. The eight year old and four year old were sitting beside me on the couch watching the movie happily, and the twelve year old and five year old were behind the couch playing with their toys. In the middle of the movie, I suddenly hear the five year old screaming for her sister to please stop at the top of his lungs, I jumped up and looked over the back of the couch, and saw the oldest child BEATING on her brother with a METAL CHAIR LEG!!! I was over that couch, snatched away the chair leg and was trying to check on the younger of the two while the oldest was screaming at me and trying to get a hold of her brother again. I told her to go to her room and she very defiantly screamed that she didn't have to do what I said because I wasn't her mother. I told the second oldest to stay down there with her brothers and to try and calm her brother down until I got back. I told the oldest to go to her room or I was going to pick her up and haul her there myself, she told me 'NO!!!', so I picked her up and dragged her up the stairs (she was kicking, screaming, biting and calling me every name in the book the entire way), shoved her into her room, and had to hold the door closed as she was banging, clawing and kicking it from the other side, and still cursing a blue streak. After about ten minutes she quieted down, and I ran downstairs again. I checked on the 5 yr old, and found that he only had a few bruises and decided that since the parents were going to be home in less than an hour that I'd wait for them to come home, check over their son (the father is a paramedic), and take care of disciplining their daughter for her borderline psychotic behavior. However, when they got home and I told them what she did to her brother, the mother just went to their daughter and gave her a lecture as if she was telling a toddler why she couldn't have a cookie!!!! "You know, sweetie, you shouldn't do things like that to your brother. You wouldn't want to hurt him, now, would you?" That girl is over eighteen now, is out partying, doing drugs, and the parents suspect she's even prostituting herself!! And they're wondering where they went WRONG!!!!

 

Then on the other side of the coin, my brother was left to take care of me and my sister while my parents were out when we were kids. He was 13, my sister was 9, and I was 8. While my parents were gone, my brother decided he was going to 'play' by taking a butcher knife out of the kitchen drawer, and chasing me and my sister around the house!!!! We locked ourselves in the bathroom and stayed in there until our parents got home (our brother had gotten tired of waiting for us to come out and was watching TV). When our Dad came in, he asked why we were hiding in the bathroom and we told him what our brother had done. My dad's reaction was immediate. He went over, grabbed our brother by the arm, brought him over to me and my sister, backhanded him none to gently, and then forced him to get down on his knees and BEG us for forgiveness. He told him that only psycho's act that way, and he was NOT under any circumstances, put up with ANY of his children behaving in such a way. He's NEVER done anything remotely like that again to ANYONE. Now, did my brother grow up traumitized from this experience? NO!!!! In fact, he's happily and peacefully married, with a child of his own.

 

You may think my father was a little harsh in his punishment, but he raised us with the philosophy of tough love. Extreme behaviors need extreme discipline (my father's philosophy, not mine, so please don't burn me for that one. And if the day ever DOES come that I decide to have chlidren of my own, I have no intentions whatsoever in using the strap like my father used to, although spanking will be a viable option in my books for extreme behavior)

 

And please remember, I did NOT say it is ALWAYS the parents fault. There are other factors that could easily contribute to violent behavior in children. ADHD, along with other chemical imbalances and factors that nobody has any control over.

 

Also, remember, these are only experiences that have helped me form my own OPINION on violent children, and I am by no means saying I am absolutely right, neither am I saying any of you are wrong. We have yet to see the show, after all, so I can make no conclusions about THOSE cases until Tuesday.

 

 

 
September 1, 2007, 6:00 pm CDT

violent kids?

What are the kids watching/playing? I know, first hand, how infuential tv can be...

When I noticed I could watch, without visceral response, a child be "assaulted" on fictional program, but that I cringe and look away when an animal gets hurt, I realized I had become callused to violence on tv and in movies.

How much more influential must the mesmerizing video games be, with their battles, and guns, and shoot 'em up themes?

I am not a parent, but as a teacher I see the changes in childeren in my classes.

Parents, open your eyes and BE PARENTS.
 
September 1, 2007, 6:54 pm CDT

Violent children

I think regardless of Dr. Spock or Dr. Phil's philosphy we are seeing today the product of no spanking no discipline in our society  and in our families.  Children arent made to do chores in a lot of homes in fear its child abuse so the children have no way to get their feelings worked out they have no way to learn pride and do anything other than sitting and being a fat couch potato.  A good old fashioned spanking wasnt something i looked forward too. i prayed many times that mom would forget to tell dad when he got home but i got it anyway. but i did my chores even in the dark if i was lazy playing during the day and i grew up to be a good mother and grandmother and hard working person. obeying the laws of the land. But i was also raised in church and that is the biggest difference from today. if they went to church they would know the Bible said to not spare the rod. but our jails and prisons are overflowing with young and old who didnt mind their parents or the laws of the land.  its a shame when a parent sits and allows a child to do the controlling. i just want to know who the parent is in this family. they gave the child life but they arent the parent.
 
First Page | Previous Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Next | Last