Message Boards

Topic : 09/07 Kids Caught in the Middle

Number of Replies: 88
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, August 31, 2007, 10:24:49 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Marriage is too often a war zone with innocent kids trapped on the battlefield. Dr. Phil sounds the alarm on parents who use their children as pawns in their relationships. Vangie had a lover, Dave, for 18 years before she married him last year. There was just one small problem -- Vangie was already married! Her daughter, Danell, was forced to lie and cover up the affair, and now she refuses to accept Dave. Should Danell forget the past and make peace with her mother’s new husband, or does she have the right to resent her stepfather? Then, Denise says Bruce, her husband of 22 years, is such a bully that she left him eight months ago. She says that he badmouths her in front of their kids and tries to pit them against her. Their 14-year-old daughter, Lauren, says he’s called her a pig, a slob and a bitch and has left nasty messages on her cell phone. Bruce says he’s not a bully; he’s just preparing his kids for the real world. What’s behind Bruce’s behavior, and will he and Denise be able to salvage their relationship for the sake of the kids? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

More September 2007 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

September 1, 2007, 1:30 pm CDT

09/07 Kids Caught in the Middle

Quote From: nightangel1282

Um... why would a woman marry a man when she was ALREADY married?! Has she not heard of a divorce? Or maybe living common law? I mean come ON!!!

 

Looks like another good show from DrP!!! Can't wait to see it!

I will go double or nothing she "forgot" ;)  How?  I have no clue.
 
September 2, 2007, 1:20 am CDT

Leave the kids out of your B.S.

Quote From: depot25

 

                      When I see things like this it just makes me so sad, and angry!!  How do these parents think?   Who gave them the right to put themselves frist?  I am remarried to a wonderful man, but my ex is still a big part of our childrens lives.  Does he drive me crazy of course!!!  If he didn't we would still be together!!! Do I personally respect him NO, but he Is the father to our two boys who love him.  I respect that!!!  Yes there are days that we have DISCUSSIONS when the children are not around, if we start to yell we stop and one of us will walk away and we will contiune when we both have cooled off.  NEVER IN THE CHILDRENS  EAR SHOT!!!!! 

      How does Dr. Phill do this?  I watch the show and find myself yelling at the T.V.  As parents we are given a ture gift!!!!  no matter what we do our children love us whole hearted.  I had to go through alot of pain and anger, but the worst was when my children would ask why is daddy gone and they would cry (he had an affair and left when my second child was a week old) was I angry yes, but the children don't need that adult stress.  We did alot of hugging and loving and reassuring it was not thier fault we as mommy and daddy let you down and we are sorry.  The mos important thing my parents taught me was always acknowlege the emotion!!!  I would tell my children Mommy and Daddy love you very much IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.  I know your sad.


All adults going through this-stop thinking of yourself.  This is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life.  GET HELP  it's out there.  Don't even make facial expressions when the children are speaking about your ex the children are always watching and listening.  They need to know they are loved and safe. 

GOD BLESS YOU DR. PHILL I DON'T THINK I COULD DEAL WITH SOME OF YOUR QUEST WITHOUT JUST GIVING THE A V8 SMACK RIGHT IN THE FOREHEAD.

I was divorced several years ago. In order to make it final both of us had to attend a mandatory class.

  The class was 5 hours long (which was fine).  They discussed all the reasons why you should not argue in front of your children. (makes all the sense in the world). However, at the end we filled out a questionier on which we could all leave a comment.

 

I think it should be mandatory to have this class before you get married and have children. It makes the most sense to me. Not sure everyone would follow these suggestions but you can't say you didn't know about it.

 

The couple getting married should also have to pay a small fee to enable the state in which you live to provide the Instructor.       

 
September 2, 2007, 6:50 am CDT

kids pay the price

Husband and I have been married for 12 years now and Mom is still angry, bitter and resentful and has become a champ at involving the kids. Thank God we have had custody of his middle daughter for 6 years now. She was "sold" to us for $11,000 in the courtroom hallway after her mother and mom's boyfriend repeatedly physically and emotionally abused her. Mom had been ordered to complete anger abatement and was found to be alienating kids from Dad and involving them in parental conflicts, but was never held to any charges. She wanted $, we wanted the kids safe and emotionally sound. Judge left the other 2 with her - young son was bribed with candy to lie to the judge and older daughter was already alienated and bitterly hateful. Mom dropped daughter off at a gas station with 2 black garbage bags full of old clothes and drove off into the sunset. She has used daughter's residence with us as a means to bully us ever since.

 

Daughter came to us suffering from bi polar disorder, ADHD, parental abuse syndrome, oppositional/defiant disorder, general learning disabilities and lacked basic socialization. She had made several attempts at suicide and was self-mutilating in response to stress. Because she was always a "daddy's girl" she was not allowed to participate in the family activities. She is now 18 and through extensive social counseling and psychiatric treatment we finally got her graduated from high school. Socially she is still maybe 12 or 13, but we're working on it. Counselors and psychiatrists tell us they've never seen a parent this angry and committed to destroying us. Daughter has paid the ultimate price and could write a book with events that would disgust a normal person.

 

Oldest daughter is completely alienated from Dad and bitterly hates him. Younger Son has been alienated as well, but still questions past events and is not as bitter toward Dad. Neither remember any of the abusive events that they complained to us about for years, and instead recite fictional accounts of their father and I abusing them.

 

 
September 2, 2007, 7:13 am CDT

M.I.A

My oldest Children saw their dad in 2004.  Before that he hadn't seen them since 2001 when our 3rd child had just turned 1.   Now my son is 7 he hasn't seen him since.  My 7 year old doesn't even know him.  When my two oldest 15 and 13 saw him in 2004  He came up and gave them a hand shake said hi and walked away.  My brother asked him why haven't you seen the kids.  He said his wife wouldn't allow it,  he married her so he would have a place to stay, and she would put him out if she knew he was over seeing the kids.  He has a daughter he had I think in 1996, and she misses seeing her brothers and sisters.  He has an older daughter, she just turned 18 and he has cut her off.  He didn't even go to her graduation.  She keeps in contact with my kids.  I think it is really pathetic when someone can come along and mess up a relationship between a man and his kids.  She knew when she met him he had kids.  If she couldn't handle it then she should have went on her way.  They were there before her, they are kids.  My children get straight A's in school.  They are active in band.  He is really missing out.  One day he will need them before they need him.  I teach them to keep going and make something of themselves.  Whatever decision you make in the future regarding your relationship with him is up to you.  They are sick of missed birthdays, Christmas, band concerts and even surgeries he didn't even show up for.  My daughter has already received a full scholarship to a University and she is just in the 10th grade.  They see me working hard to support everything they do and take care of their needs.  I am always going to be their positive role model.

 
September 2, 2007, 10:01 am CDT

I often wonder how DrP does it too.

Quote From: depot25

 

                      When I see things like this it just makes me so sad, and angry!!  How do these parents think?   Who gave them the right to put themselves frist?  I am remarried to a wonderful man, but my ex is still a big part of our childrens lives.  Does he drive me crazy of course!!!  If he didn't we would still be together!!! Do I personally respect him NO, but he Is the father to our two boys who love him.  I respect that!!!  Yes there are days that we have DISCUSSIONS when the children are not around, if we start to yell we stop and one of us will walk away and we will contiune when we both have cooled off.  NEVER IN THE CHILDRENS  EAR SHOT!!!!! 

      How does Dr. Phill do this?  I watch the show and find myself yelling at the T.V.  As parents we are given a ture gift!!!!  no matter what we do our children love us whole hearted.  I had to go through alot of pain and anger, but the worst was when my children would ask why is daddy gone and they would cry (he had an affair and left when my second child was a week old) was I angry yes, but the children don't need that adult stress.  We did alot of hugging and loving and reassuring it was not thier fault we as mommy and daddy let you down and we are sorry.  The mos important thing my parents taught me was always acknowlege the emotion!!!  I would tell my children Mommy and Daddy love you very much IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.  I know your sad.


All adults going through this-stop thinking of yourself.  This is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life.  GET HELP  it's out there.  Don't even make facial expressions when the children are speaking about your ex the children are always watching and listening.  They need to know they are loved and safe. 

GOD BLESS YOU DR. PHILL I DON'T THINK I COULD DEAL WITH SOME OF YOUR QUEST WITHOUT JUST GIVING THE A V8 SMACK RIGHT IN THE FOREHEAD.
I think he must find satisfaction in knowing that he is indeed helping not only the ones on the show, but lots of others watching the show. And I mean this in a good way, the big bucks probably don't hurt anything! Of course, he is in control of the situation also. He's not going to let anyone get by with any b.s. while he's interviewing them. But seriously sometimes he must feel like jerking a knot in some of thier butts!
 
September 2, 2007, 10:32 am CDT

children

Quote From: depot25

 

                      When I see things like this it just makes me so sad, and angry!!  How do these parents think?   Who gave them the right to put themselves frist?  I am remarried to a wonderful man, but my ex is still a big part of our childrens lives.  Does he drive me crazy of course!!!  If he didn't we would still be together!!! Do I personally respect him NO, but he Is the father to our two boys who love him.  I respect that!!!  Yes there are days that we have DISCUSSIONS when the children are not around, if we start to yell we stop and one of us will walk away and we will contiune when we both have cooled off.  NEVER IN THE CHILDRENS  EAR SHOT!!!!! 

      How does Dr. Phill do this?  I watch the show and find myself yelling at the T.V.  As parents we are given a ture gift!!!!  no matter what we do our children love us whole hearted.  I had to go through alot of pain and anger, but the worst was when my children would ask why is daddy gone and they would cry (he had an affair and left when my second child was a week old) was I angry yes, but the children don't need that adult stress.  We did alot of hugging and loving and reassuring it was not thier fault we as mommy and daddy let you down and we are sorry.  The mos important thing my parents taught me was always acknowlege the emotion!!!  I would tell my children Mommy and Daddy love you very much IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.  I know your sad.


All adults going through this-stop thinking of yourself.  This is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life.  GET HELP  it's out there.  Don't even make facial expressions when the children are speaking about your ex the children are always watching and listening.  They need to know they are loved and safe. 

GOD BLESS YOU DR. PHILL I DON'T THINK I COULD DEAL WITH SOME OF YOUR QUEST WITHOUT JUST GIVING THE A V8 SMACK RIGHT IN THE FOREHEAD.
 
September 2, 2007, 1:03 pm CDT

No Matter what age!!!!

 I must say no matter what age, do not let the kids get caught in the middle. My Daughter is 25. My Husband, her Dad, cheated on me after 27 years of being together. He could not talk to her enough as to not be the bad guy, an make it my fault. It's all ok.  I did not go that way, as my daughter called and said, "What did you do to Dad now". I refused to put her in the middle especially since she felt it was my fault. I felt no need to explain, nor involve her. She has heard all her life what her Dad called me, C word, MF, B, you name it, but she seems to forget. I need not remind her either, just to make my point. We need to keep them out of our mess.. though my X did not think so, needed to make me a reason for the season. I wil not talk badly about her Father to her. I refused to talk and she said then she will just have to listen an believe Daddy. O Well!!!!! I will not drag her into this, nor talk to her about why what nor if only. I did not deserve to be treated that way by my Husband nor anyone for that matter, So I got a lawyer and got out. I took care of my family, was the accountant, child bearer, sitter, as all women do w/o pay do for our families. I  raised my Daughter, must say i did a great job, or did I? I thought she respected me, but when divorce was here I thought she would put her Dad in his place, without a word from me, but I will not disrepect her by speaking badly and telling all as to Why nor What Dad did ? So I let it be, when she wants to believe her Dad, I must step aside, let her grow up but what she doesn't see for herself, not I, should put it in her mind. She has a Father an Mother for life, we are only two parents , though separate lives now.  I pray all in good timing she will come around. She parrots her Dad, a mimic, cause she heard it lived with it, left it. I just hope all woman remember to put themselves first, then other's. Cause in the end, I am without, I just hope my Daughter doesn't choose a man like her Dad. But it's her choice to believe him and treat me as she wants. If you love them let them go, hopefully she will come back. A MOM with a child in the middle.

 
September 2, 2007, 4:02 pm CDT

My daughter won't let me see my grandchildren

My daughter and son-in-law will not let me see my grandchildren BECAUSE THEY ARE MADE AT ME OVER A MONEY/BUSINESS SITUATION.  I totally feel this is ABUSE of the children.  The last time I did see my granddaughter, she wanted me to stay longer (I was babysitting for a little while - they let me see the kids because they thought I would pay out some money).  My daughter said "NO, SHE HAS TO LEAVE NOW" and my granddaughter started crying and hanging onto me, so I just picked up my things and told my granddaughter that she should just think of me every night before she goes to sleep and imagine me giving her big hugs every night - then I just left her there crying.  How can they do this????????  Besides the fact that she is not letting me see them, there is evidence of physical abuse.  WHAT CAN I DO?  Do grandparents have rights for visitation?
 
September 2, 2007, 6:11 pm CDT

Living It 24/7

The latter of these two topics sounds like my everyday life.  My son's father and I split in November of 2006.  He sold my car, had me served at work with court papers, and started acting irrational.  He was ordered out of the house.  I  ultimately had until the end of January to leave the home, which he had refinanced without my knowledge and spent all the equity from the home which was over $35,000.  We are a common law couple of 15 years.  Everything was in his name.  On Christmas day he decided that he didn't want me out of his life after all and began a mission of damage control.  He moved back into the home in mid January, against my wishes.  Again, this is what he wanted, so nothing else mattered.  That very week, my 12 year old son started having severe panic attacks and was out of school from mid January until the end of the school year, which ended May 25.  I lost my job January 17 leaving me unable to move into the apartment that I had found.  My son now suffers from the bullshit that we have put him through because we can't get along.  The new school year started at the end of July and my son cannot go back to school without me being there with him.  I sat with my son through four weeks of summer school, to try to get him caught up from missing so much school time.  Now, my days are spent volunteering at the school because he cannot go without me being there.  He has been in therapy since January and has come along way but still has a long way to go.  I feel so trapped in this hell, I wonder sometimes if I will live to endure it.  I pray every day that God will give me the strength that I need to make it through another day.  We continue to exist under the same roof, but you cannot say that any of us is really living.  The tension is so thick at times that it seems unbearable.  You may ask yourself why I stay.  I stay for my son.  Until I feel like he is strong enough to handle me leaving, I won't risk it.  But I wonder every day, how long will I have to live in this hell on earth.  I have now run out of unemployment and cannot afford to keep my son in therapy.  His dad and I do not "share" our monies.  He says that he is broke.  I don't know what we will do.  If you read this message, send up a prayer for us, WE NEED IT.  I've made so many mistakes with my children because of this relationship, I doubt that I will ever forgive myself.  If your in a bad relationship and can get out, don't wait.  The more the children see and hear, the more they suffer.  My child is paying the ultimate price.    
 
September 2, 2007, 9:18 pm CDT

09/07 Kids Caught in the Middle

What in the world kind of upbringing does one have to have to be able to JUSTIFY calling your kids nams to "Toughen them up ", I wonder if maybe I was raised wrong, or I'm raising my kids wrong, I mean seriously, I think MOST of us can get through the day without even THINKING those things about others (well, okay I admit when I was working in retail, there were days I was glad that there were no mind readers around).

And then to FORCE a child to cover up for you and lie for you, how much lower can you possibly sink, MOM, YOU broke up her home and family, YOU are the ONE PERSON in this world she should be able to depend on for STABILITY, YOU BLEW IT !

But it is easier for her to resent the interloper, you see he is nothing to her really, she wants her MOTHER, and she dosen't want to betray her father as YOU did, what a wonderful gift you gave her, the ability to lie.

Wait and see I suppose.

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Next | Last