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Topic : 09/07 Kids Caught in the Middle

Number of Replies: 88
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Created on : Friday, August 31, 2007, 10:24:49 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Marriage is too often a war zone with innocent kids trapped on the battlefield. Dr. Phil sounds the alarm on parents who use their children as pawns in their relationships. Vangie had a lover, Dave, for 18 years before she married him last year. There was just one small problem -- Vangie was already married! Her daughter, Danell, was forced to lie and cover up the affair, and now she refuses to accept Dave. Should Danell forget the past and make peace with her mother’s new husband, or does she have the right to resent her stepfather? Then, Denise says Bruce, her husband of 22 years, is such a bully that she left him eight months ago. She says that he badmouths her in front of their kids and tries to pit them against her. Their 14-year-old daughter, Lauren, says he’s called her a pig, a slob and a bitch and has left nasty messages on her cell phone. Bruce says he’s not a bully; he’s just preparing his kids for the real world. What’s behind Bruce’s behavior, and will he and Denise be able to salvage their relationship for the sake of the kids? Talk about the show here.

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September 6, 2007, 1:27 pm CDT

09/07 Kids Caught in the Middle

Quote From: alwaysbama

When my husband and I decided to separate and then get a divorce, we both knew we would always be parents to both our children and to any grandchildren we would have in the future.  We talk more now than when we were married and get along just fine.  I travel quite a bit and when I am in town, I go over and cook just so I can spend time with my son and my daughter.  I call my ex-husband if I haven't heard from my children in a few  days and he keeps me informed.  Since we were married and his family was my family and vice versa, we update each other on how other family members are doing.

I wouldn't have it any other way.  Life is too precious and children are a gift to be treasured.  Both of my children understand and have no problem at all with how we have handled this situation.

 

 Dr Phil calls it co-parenting. If he ever reads your post, I'l bet he'd be really proud of you.
 
September 6, 2007, 9:45 pm CDT

09/07 Kids Caught in the Middle

hollywood777, your post cracks me up.   Women are the ones who are permiscuous?  No one seems to get it.  If the woman is, then how about the men she's with?

 

That reminds me of the adultrous woman in the Bible that was hauled out to be stoned because of adultry.  How come the man wasn't hauled out too? 

 

I don't think there's such thing as marriage any more.  I guess I was one of those kids that got caught in the middle of a divorce, and will probably never let a man love me, ever.  Better to stay single than to fall in love and get cheated on.  *sigh*

 

SharkBait


 
September 7, 2007, 5:15 am CDT

I can't believe all the lies

 

The two woman I saw on TV should not be around each other.  Shannon is just feeding the frenzy and is not being honest about things.  Mike I believe that he does have anger problems, but at least he is honest about it.  At least he can admit when he does something and also admits he forgets things as well. When you have anger issues and your in a rage you forget things and sometimes blackout.  Don't get me wrong no man should hit a woman or any children.  That is the ultimate deal breaker.  However the two girls are not all that innocent.  Why would you stay with someone that did things like that. 

Louise you need to keep away from him and get some serious counceling and stop worrying about what other people think you should do,  and do what is right for the baby and yourself.  It is more embarresing to stay with an abuser than to   have a baby out of wedlock.  I do believe there is truth to Shannons story, but how can you believe someone that can't even fight or stick up for her daughter.  You need to stay away from  Shannon   and find a new best friend.  I believe Shannon is jealous of you and what you and Mike have, because of the comment she made on TV about how Mike would give you I think she said a million dollars in child support and he wouldnt give me any.  If you can't see what she is doing than you need to open your eyes.  I bet everytime you get together that your conversations are all about what is going on in your life and Mikes and her own.  A friend is yes someone to talk to but also you can be silly and have fun with. 

Shannon you need to leave Louise alone  and stop talking to her about all of this.  It is not healthy to always talk about things with an ex.  If you really care about Louise you will let her be.  If you had any respect for yourself and your daughter you would go and get her fight for her.  You said she cried and said she  misses you, well that doesnt give you enough reason to go fight for her.  Mike is not stable and neither are you, You ought to think about going to counseling as well.  Don't fight in front of your children and leave them out of the craziness going on.   

Mike go and get help with this you can be a better man.  You seem to be honest stay that way and don't ever hit or call a woman a name.  If you get mad you need to go for a walk or a drive just get out of the situation for a while then come back when your come and sit and talk like adults.  Put it this way, what would you do if another man hit and called Louise a name and put bruises on her body and made her go to the hospital?  How would that make you feel? You would want to hurt anyone that hurt someone you love.  Well buddy that is what you do to her , you ought to beat on yourself for what you did.   Stay away and make yourself better and when you do that you can slowly become a good dad.  Who cares about who Louise may meet or have a relationship with you don't get to choose that you broke the deal when you abuse people. 

You all need to grow up and stay away from each other.  Get some counceling and take care of your children they are what matter.

 
September 7, 2007, 6:54 am CDT

Vandy

Dr. Phil...

I understand that there is resentment toward this new husband bec. of the mother's relationship over the years.  Why, when the mother wanted to go to counseling with her daughter, did you not suggest that at least for the daughter so that she could vent her feelings and hopefully get to the point where she can accept her mother's husband?   This daughter has many years ahead of her, and her children are young.  They won't know why they can't see G'ma & her husband.  There is always a way to work things out...I understand the daughter has some very bad hurt feelings, but hopefully they can work things out for the sake of the family.  FAmily feuds are not good & they will last forever & cause many heartaches if they aren't dealt with.

 
September 7, 2007, 7:49 am CDT

KIDS cAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

Unfortunately my sister and I lived through the same types of situations as the guests on today's show have. The worst part of it all is that we are still living it. I blew up at our mother last week after listening to her demean my sister and I about wanting our father's home (our childhood home), if and when the point came that the home would be sold. Then she proceeds to say to me that I never stop by to see her. I was so fed up with her constant negativitly, I blew up at her telling her she has no right to speak to her children that way and hung up. I called back after I calmed down and apologized, asking her that I would be more inclined to want to visit her if she would just say she misses us and would like us to stop by. But she just doesn't seem to get it. She wanted to argue with me, but I told her that's all I wanted to say and she's told me don't worry, I won't be calling you.

 

My sister and I are in our mid-forties and have tried so hard to get our mother to understand that by attempting to "guilt" us into visiting her, it makes us not want to see her even more. It would be much more pleasant if she made the effort not to be so negative about what we say or do and quit bring up the past about what our father did and didn't do. They both made pawns of my sister and I in the divorce and as a result, I don't have a close relationship with either of them. I rarely talk to my father. After I graduated from high school, I saw him 4 times in 20 years and only because I went to see him. When my sister graduated from college, he came for her graduation, but said he would never come to Florida again because it was too hot! That's as lame as an excuse as it's gets. My father's wife always mentions to me that I should call and I've wanted to tell her why???, when I do I rarely get to speak with my father and he has nothing to say when I do talk to him.  Both my mother and father are older and not in good health. I would like to make amends with them, but things always revert back to the same old things. I spent several years with an excellent therapist who help me to understand that I can't change them, but I'm tired of not saying anything and biting my tongue everytime. I've even told my husband that if we could move far away, I would, just to have an excuse not to see my mother and stepdad!  I'm just at a loss at how to handle this...I have even thought to myself what a relief it will be when they pass away so I don't have to deal with it anymore! That's pretty sad and pathetic that I feel that way!  I've even wrote them letters (never to be sent) explaining the hurt and pain they have caused in our lives and continue to cause. It helps for a short time, until my mother starts in again with the negative comments.  Thanks for letting me vent, Dr. Phil!

 
September 7, 2007, 9:10 am CDT

09/07 Kids Caught in the Middle

What I feel about this is that I believe that Vangie doesn't know who to love, as I can understand that people like her are torn up between two people of who she loves. Anyone would wonder why she couldn't make that choice for the past 18 years. Anyway, her daughter needs to forgive & forget about this & move on; she shouldn't have to keep dealing with this issue (I know it's hard, but she should definitely let this all go). Men come & go, but relationships with your parents last forever.

 

As for Bruce, he seriously needs to get a grip. He's verbally abusing the children, which isn't good at all. Calling mean spirited names; leaving nasty messages on his daughter's cell phone? What is up with that? and he's saying that he's "Preparing them for the real world". Well, news flash! No one is going to be friends with someone who are rude, impolite, & treats others like crap. I know I won't!

 
September 7, 2007, 9:55 am CDT

how dumb can you be??

how can you use your children like that i find that very dispicable and disgusting that you would put your children in that position. your children are not your pawn or your seceret keeper they are just that children you are supposed to be the adult act like it. oh and what are you teaching your children by doing that you disgust me no woder so many kids have some of the problems they have its bacause of parents like that. i cant believe you especially as a mothe it is our job to watch care for and protect our kids not do what you did. i cant believe you would even consider yourself a mother.
 
September 7, 2007, 12:08 pm CDT

vangie is a piece of work

it is interesting that after all that Vangie did, everything she put her kids through that she thinks that somehow now that she married her boyfriend that the slate is wiped clean. she clearly does not get how what she did was abusive and cruel. she seems to be very selfish, self centered and immature using religion as a sheild for accepting responsibility for her bad behaviour. i wouldn't want either the mom or step dad around my kids.
 
September 7, 2007, 12:11 pm CDT

My daughter won't let me see my grandchildren

I wrote this the other day.  I wanted to watch the show today, but didn't realize that it was going to air on the east coast at 10:00 a.m, so unfortunately I missed the show - BUT I have set my TIVO to record it on a rerun from another channel on Friday, 9/14.  However, below is a message I posted earlier this week which I hope will get some attention.  I'm sure there must be other grandparents out there whose children are denying them visitation - if so, please read what I posted the other day:
  "My daughter and son-in-law will not let me see my grandchildren BECAUSE THEY ARE MADE AT ME OVER A MONEY/BUSINESS SITUATION.  I totally feel this is ABUSE of the children.  The last time I did see my granddaughter, she wanted me to stay longer (I was babysitting for a little while - they let me see the kids because they thought I would pay out some money).  My daughter said "NO, SHE HAS TO LEAVE NOW" and my granddaughter started crying and hanging onto me, so I just picked up my things and told my granddaughter that she should just think of me every night before she goes to sleep and imagine me giving her big hugs every night - then I just left her there crying.  How can they do this????????  Besides the fact that she is not letting me see them, there is evidence of physical abuse.  WHAT CAN I DO?  Do grandparents have rights for visitation?"

 

I miss my granddaughter and grandson terribly, especially with this Sunday (September 9th) being "Grandparents Day" - Is there anything I can do to stop this abuse?

 
September 7, 2007, 1:18 pm CDT

This is neither here nor there.......

I have to say that I cannot believe that a married woman carried on an affair for 18 years under her husband's nose and he didn't know about it. I SAID this is neither here nor there!
 
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