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Topic : 09/07 Kids Caught in the Middle

Number of Replies: 88
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Created on : Friday, August 31, 2007, 10:24:49 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Marriage is too often a war zone with innocent kids trapped on the battlefield. Dr. Phil sounds the alarm on parents who use their children as pawns in their relationships. Vangie had a lover, Dave, for 18 years before she married him last year. There was just one small problem -- Vangie was already married! Her daughter, Danell, was forced to lie and cover up the affair, and now she refuses to accept Dave. Should Danell forget the past and make peace with her mother’s new husband, or does she have the right to resent her stepfather? Then, Denise says Bruce, her husband of 22 years, is such a bully that she left him eight months ago. She says that he badmouths her in front of their kids and tries to pit them against her. Their 14-year-old daughter, Lauren, says he’s called her a pig, a slob and a bitch and has left nasty messages on her cell phone. Bruce says he’s not a bully; he’s just preparing his kids for the real world. What’s behind Bruce’s behavior, and will he and Denise be able to salvage their relationship for the sake of the kids? Talk about the show here.

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September 13, 2007, 10:58 pm CDT

I'm real and not fake...

Quote From: ramair

 Funny how so many "born-again Christians" show no evidence of re-birth. The Bible does say that being born again is necessary for salvation. But, the Bible also defines the evidence of this re-birth. I've seen it in many people. Those who usually keep quiet about it. Rather than spouting religious buzz-words every time they're called out on their behavior. I think Vangie is fake. And, doubt she has any idea what being born again really means.
 Please note that wrote a a message on the message board regarding the situation. My faith is my business and you have no right to judge me. My Daughter is having an extramarital affair, is this my fault? and she goes to church...you need my comments on the message boards...You certainly are quick to judge? Sorry I don't meet your standards as a christian, but again you are not god.
 
September 14, 2007, 1:20 pm CDT

Parents

     I know exactly how Dannel feels, and her mom should not expect Dannel to like her husband, who basically broke up their family.  My parents got divorced around 5 years ago becase my mom cheated on my dad.  I was only in 6th grade, and I blamed it all on myself, and I hated my mom's boyfriend.  I still do not like him at all. When my mom and I were watching the show she said that Dannel was a baby and should get over it.  She sounded just like the lady on the show, and she has no idea how it feels. My mom always expects me to like him, and act like a family when he is over.  He is not my family and my mom doesnt understand.  When she says lets eat dinner as a family, I just tell her that were not a family, and that he is not our family.  She just gets mad and yells at me.  Nobody will understand what its like for your parents to get a divorce unless it happens to them.  It was the worst thing that ever happened to me, and I know exactly how Dannel feels, and I feel like she felt when she was a kid.

 

Also, You should not get married unless you know for sure that you will not get divorced, especially if you have kids.  And people that cheat, your pathetic.  Adults who do that kind of stuff to their kids will never understand how it effects there lives.

 
September 14, 2007, 6:08 pm CDT

Vangie & Daughter

This is my first time posting on a message board so bear with me :)

 

The day I watched Vangie and her husband try to justify thier very selfish behavior I felt ill.

There is no excuse or justification for that deffinition of love. When you are a mother you don't lie, and cheet your husband, even if you are not happy in the relationship. This where choices come in, you don't make a fool of anyone, like Vangie made a fool of her husband. If the husband doesn't feel like a fool he should. The daughter must have had a horrible childhood, covering up for her mother all those years. And I do not blame her for not wanting to have anything to do with the new husband. This was the man who for years slithered in and out of the house like a coward. I don't know how Vangie could have been attracted to such a man. Didn't it make her feel ashamed of a man who had so little respect for another mans home?

 

It struck me as odd that Vangie and that weak man, find God when they now have what they wanted all along. Sounds rather convieneint don't you think?

 

I am very glad that Dr Phil told her Daughter that she didn't ever have to have  relationship with him if she didn't want to. This leaves her dignity in tact and brings home the message to Vangie and that man that you can't talk your way out of everything. Had this been a quick fling, I think I wouldn't have felt so strongly about it.

 

Thanks Dr Phil

 
September 15, 2007, 4:31 pm CDT

PLEASE HELP ME.....Someone! My daughter denying me visitation of my grandchildren to punish me because of her anger!

PLEASE - If anyone can help me - give me advice - OR HELP ME GET THROUGH TO DR. PHIL & ROBIN - I'M DESPERATE. 

 

I just sent another message to Dr. Phil & Robin begging for help - PLEASE FEEL FREE TO READ MY "SHARED DIARY" under the topic - "I know life isn't fair....BUT HELP STOP THIS FAMILY FEUD".  I also posted a message on the Message Board of "Get Over Yourself" which is a copy of what I wrote in my diary entry of 9-15-07 "PLEASE HELP ME" and a copy of what I emailed to Dr. Phil & Robin.

 

I am in desperate need of help - I just don't know what else to do.  My daughter won't let me see my grandchildren and I am right on the edge - severely depressed and  missing the children - My daughter NEEDS TO GET OVER HERSELF and deal with her anger issues toward me.  She is holding the children hostage and using them as a pawn to punish me.  I wrote an email to my son-in-law telling him that what they are doing is not only Unethical and Immoral, but EMOTION ABUSE OF THE CHILDREN.  When, in fact, she is also emotionally abusing me also.  I have written this story so many times now.  If you are truly interested in helping me (because I still cannot seem to get a response from Dr. Phil) PLEASE READ MY SHARED DIARIES and post a message to me.  I just don't know what else to do.

 

A Heartbroken Mother & Grandmother

 
September 18, 2007, 3:03 pm CDT

MORE HOPEFUL

Feeling more hopeful

I am really shocked, and I'm sure you will be if you read some of the other diaries I have written "Shared Diary - "I know life isn't fair....BUT HELP STOP THIS FAMILY FEUD" - but this is what happened today:

 

My best friend, who is also friends with my daughter, called my daughter to see if she could possibly work out some sort of way for me to see my grandchildren.  I was NOT optimistic at first, but after my friend called me, I was very proud of my daughter.  She ADMITTED THAT MY GRANDCHILDREN NEED TO SEE ME.  She has ALSO spoken to her husband and got a list of approved doctors so she can start counseling again.  She said she is not ready to see me yet - she is still too angry and she needs more time, that the therapy will be only for her to help repair things with my granddaughter.  She is now admitting that she has been abusing her daughter - at least emotionally and verbally abused her (she has not yet come out and told my friend, other than that one time, that she physically abusing her), BUT AT LEAST SHE IS WILLING TO GET HELP NOW.  She said that she needs to repair her relationship with her daughter before she repairs her relationship with me.  I, personally, think that is backwards, BUT WHATEVER WORKS FOR HER - I WILL TAKE ANYTHING I CAN GET RIGHT NOW. 

 

So it may still be a while before I see my grandchildren, but at least there is hope.  We will start out slow - she will drop off the kids at my friends' house for a play group (she and her husband can have a "date night") and I will be able to go over there an play with them.  Then I will leave and she will call them to come back.  IT'S A START - I don't know when - but I can be patient.  I've been patient. but as you can read from my diaries my patience was wearing very, very thin. 

 

Although I did call Social Services last night "anonymously" BUT I SAID I WOULD NOT FILE A REPORT ON HER.  I know what it is like to lose a child and I would not do that to her, but I DO KNOW that her abuse issues need to be addressed, which NOW she is admitting to.  If nothing changes, I may have to get someone to intervene to make sure the children are OK - BECAUSE THEIR WELFARE IS MORE IMPORTANT.   THANK GOD.  My poor granddaughter and grandson.  It really breaks my heart knowing that they are taking the brunt of my daughter's anger at her life.  As I said before, I AM NOT BLAMELESS, but I am also NOT A WHIPPING POST and will not allow my daughter to continue to blame me for everything that is wrong in her life. 

 

So, it may still be a while yet, but I am hopeful that I WILL BE SEEING MY GRANDCHILDREN SOMETIME SOON.  I may be a month or so (my granddaughter's birthday is 10/22) but in time I am hopeful it WILL HAPPEN.  I wish only the best for my daughter that she lets go of this pain that she is in and if there is anything I can do to help her along I will - SHE IS MY DAUGHTER AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER (except put MY future in jeopardy). 

 

I GUESS MAYBE MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN WORKING.  I have been praying every day "Lord, I love you and I need you, come into my heart, and bless me, my family, my home, and my friends, in GOD's name. Amen

 

 
September 19, 2007, 8:18 pm CDT

about this story

Quote From: alwaysbama

When my husband and I decided to separate and then get a divorce, we both knew we would always be parents to both our children and to any grandchildren we would have in the future.  We talk more now than when we were married and get along just fine.  I travel quite a bit and when I am in town, I go over and cook just so I can spend time with my son and my daughter.  I call my ex-husband if I haven't heard from my children in a few  days and he keeps me informed.  Since we were married and his family was my family and vice versa, we update each other on how other family members are doing.

I wouldn't have it any other way.  Life is too precious and children are a gift to be treasured.  Both of my children understand and have no problem at all with how we have handled this situation.

 

 

i am sory that you had that done to you that was wrong of that to happened to you i hope the best for you take care

 
September 25, 2007, 1:02 pm CDT

its hard

its hard not to my husband oputs them in the middle all the time them i try to pull them out then he does soemthing to piss me off i fly off at the mouth about him and not mean too. we are all human each other does it to us. but when what i have a problem with is when they tell the other to call the other parent foul names or to mis behave i get that alot or that they dont half to mind the step parent. before anyone can say a word you need to live in that person shoes on this one. its hard to be seperated and its hard to have kids in the whole mess trust me i know. i am going through alot.i cant get give advise i cant understand my horable life i dont think dr phil can help. no one can. my life suck him and his wife loves to make my life and my kids and my husband life hell because he dont want them and he dont want to support them but he can degrade me
 
October 4, 2007, 8:33 pm CDT

09/07 Kids Caught in the Middle

Quote From: depot25

 

                      When I see things like this it just makes me so sad, and angry!!  How do these parents think?   Who gave them the right to put themselves frist?  I am remarried to a wonderful man, but my ex is still a big part of our childrens lives.  Does he drive me crazy of course!!!  If he didn't we would still be together!!! Do I personally respect him NO, but he Is the father to our two boys who love him.  I respect that!!!  Yes there are days that we have DISCUSSIONS when the children are not around, if we start to yell we stop and one of us will walk away and we will contiune when we both have cooled off.  NEVER IN THE CHILDRENS  EAR SHOT!!!!! 

      How does Dr. Phill do this?  I watch the show and find myself yelling at the T.V.  As parents we are given a ture gift!!!!  no matter what we do our children love us whole hearted.  I had to go through alot of pain and anger, but the worst was when my children would ask why is daddy gone and they would cry (he had an affair and left when my second child was a week old) was I angry yes, but the children don't need that adult stress.  We did alot of hugging and loving and reassuring it was not thier fault we as mommy and daddy let you down and we are sorry.  The mos important thing my parents taught me was always acknowlege the emotion!!!  I would tell my children Mommy and Daddy love you very much IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.  I know your sad.


All adults going through this-stop thinking of yourself.  This is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life.  GET HELP  it's out there.  Don't even make facial expressions when the children are speaking about your ex the children are always watching and listening.  They need to know they are loved and safe. 

GOD BLESS YOU DR. PHILL I DON'T THINK I COULD DEAL WITH SOME OF YOUR QUEST WITHOUT JUST GIVING THE A V8 SMACK RIGHT IN THE FOREHEAD.

I totally agree.  Parents that use their children as pawns and as a way of punishing their ex obviously aren't in the right state of mind.  I have a step daughter and her mother uses her to try to punish my husband, but she's actually only hurting their daughter.  And Dr. Phil is right, it will only come back to bite her in the ass because when my step daughter is old enough to realize that she missed out on a great relationship with her father because of her mother was being selfish and unreasonable, then she'll only despise her mother.

 

Parents need to put their children first and think of what's best for them. You wouldn't have wanted your child hood ruined because your parents were crazy and if you did grow up with parents like that why would you ever put your own children through that.  It's sad how immature parents are these days and I only hope these kids grow up to be responsible adults.

 
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