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Topic : 09/21 Does Age Matter?

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Created on : Friday, September 14, 2007, 03:48:41 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Can May-December romances really last? Christopher Knight, famous for his role as Peter on The Brady Bunch, and Adrianne Curry, winner on America's Next Top Model, began their relationship when they starred together on the reality show The Surreal Life 4, and the public watched as they planned their wedding on their own show, My Fair Brady. Now they both say their 24-year age difference is a huge problem in their chaotic marriage. Adrianne says Christopher treats her like an employee, and Christopher says if she worked for him, she would’ve been fired a long time ago. Can these two work out their generational differences? Then, 38-year-old Shelly wants to know if it’s wrong to be in a relationship with an 18-year-old friend of her son. She says he makes her feel beautiful but wonders if she’s causing him or her children harm. Dr. Phil doesn’t mince words when he tells her his opinion. Join the discussion.

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September 21, 2007, 10:15 am CDT

09/21 Does Age Matter?

Quote From: sweet_honeydew

I was really surprised that Dr. Phil said the things that he did . I married a man who was twenty at then time and I was fortysix it has been 16 years and we are still together and my younges is two years older than he is . I do not think that this is a bad thing as it would be though of in a differant light if it was turned the other way . I hope that Dr. Phil reads this as I really think his atitude sucks big time and it makes him sound like a opinionated boar.

Just because you did it, and have remained married this long, does not mean it was an emotionally healthy, responsible thing to do.    I'm sure if your family background and upbringing were investigated by a professional there would be an explanation for why you made the choices you did - and it would most likely stem from some dysfunction somewhere.   

 

There are exceptions to every rule, but most 20 year olds are still more boy than man.

 
September 21, 2007, 10:18 am CDT

09/21 Does Age Matter?

My father jst retired from a teaching position of 30 years on the college level. He is highly looked upon by his college students!! But one problem.....He was also messing around with a few of his students. I am 35 and it has been going on since I was a young boy. It ruined my parents marriage and it also ruined my fathers second marriage. When he was caught by his second wife, he had been seeing a student that was only  26. ( he had been seeing her at the age of 21.) Like I said.....im 35 and she is now 32, my father is 62. Pretty strange when yr dad G-frriend is sitting at the kiddie table @ Christmas dinner!! LoL I wish Dr. Phil would have touched base more on what it does to the parents kids and their relationships with there kids. My sister told him that is was sick and wrong for what he has done and hasen't spoke to him in over 10 years. Maybe someday you can look further into this and why young girls feel they need to be with such older men.

Thanks,

Scotty

 
September 21, 2007, 10:22 am CDT

due to the nature of the show

Dr.Phil would not be inclined to show may/december relationships that are working, healthy, and functional.

However, that does not mean that they do not exist.

I was 26 and my husband was 51 when we first met and began a relationship. We have been together for 12 years now and are happy and content with our life.

It really is not so much about the age but the person as an individual and what they are bringing to the relationship.

There are some may/december relationships that you can look at and just know, OMG that is so not right, not because of the age so much but because of the maturity level of both partners.

However, there are some may/december relationships that are just right, again due to the maturity level of each partner.

When my hubby and I commited each other to a life long relationship there was a lot of reactions some of them blatenlty offensive,some of them simply subtley snide, but we endured.

We were and are not interested in living some one elses life, we simply wanted to live out lives..together.

Would i have perfered my husband to be closer in age to me? Heck yes, all the more chance that we will be able to spend a lot more years together, than is now potentially possible.

But, he can not turn back the clock, and I can not forward it so we move forward together, knowing that what ever time we do have together, it will have to be enough, eventhough my heart is going to say it wasn't.

The couples on the Dr.Phil show are blatanlty imature, so yea they may be represenatives of may/december relationships that do not work, but they definatly do not represent the ones that do.

Me and my husband we follow our hearts, but our brains are leading the way lol.

To those in healthy may/december relationships follow your hearts but let your brains lead the way lol, for those that are not ready for a life long comitment to any one..experience life as it was ment to be experienced, one day at a time, and eventually you will find your own personal road to travel and who ever you find to travel that road with you, you will just know in your heart, mind and soul that it is right, irregardless of age.

Honestly I would not mind seeing a show with good solid, healthy relationships that are may/december because they are things one has to consider before making that commitment, and it would be nice to see how other couples came to their conclusions and commitments and how they handle things that are due to significant age differences.

Tammy

 

 

 

 

 

 
September 21, 2007, 10:26 am CDT

gender problem

I am not saying I agree with a 38 year old women with an 18 year old boy, however if the tables were turned and a man was involved with an 18 year old and he was 38 would you say that was wrong. After all, Chris Knight is 24 years older than his wife and you seemed to have no problem with that at all. I just think that for some reason society feels its okay for an older man to be with a much younger woman, but when the tables are turned people freak out. This, I don' t understand the logic or the reasoning that society places on this fact, that it is okay for older men to be with younger women, but god forbid if it's the other way around.
 
September 21, 2007, 10:31 am CDT

Poetmom

Quote From: poetmom

My husband is 18 years older than I am, so we fall into this category. Broad generalizations like yours are truly offensive to me. We are VERY happy together, and have found true love with one another. Both of his children (who are 15 and 16 yrs younger than me) say that they've never seen him as happy as he has been in the last eight years....and my three children also say that I have never been happier. Sometimes we get second glances from people when we're walking through the mall hand in hand, but you know what? We don't care!   :)

I had to chuckle when you mentioned the hand holding.

It reminded me of when my husband and I first got together.

The first time we held hands in public a young man proceeded to give my wonderful and loving husband a ear full! We were both shocked, speachless.

After that he was reluctant to hold my hand in public, however, I told him who's life are you living that young mans with his beliefs and values or your own?

Well after that he would grab my hand in public all the time lol.

We too are happy, and are happy to hear that your marriage is a happy one as well, there are far to many unhappy marriages, so it really lightens my heart when I hear about happy marriages, of any age.

Tammy

 
September 21, 2007, 10:40 am CDT

I don't see anything wrong with Mark and the older woman

Older men suck, they are lazy, mean, drink and stare at the TV and don't talk. I heard no concrete reasons why this woman should not date this grown man. He can go to war, he can vote, he can make his own decisions. If he commits a crime he can go to prison and be raped. With the divorce rate what it is and the difficulty in finding decent people, these two may have a chance at it. Who is society to say it's wrong. She can fulfil what his mother didn't and she can be treated with love and respect. I disagree with Dr. Phil and everyone else who says it is wrong. Remember the movie, Harold and Maude. It is what it is and they are both happy. It's legal. So everyone needs to butt out, in my opinion.
 
September 21, 2007, 10:41 am CDT

I agree he showed his double standard mentality

Quote From: cissie88

Sorry didn't see this post before. I see you two are exactly the same in age difference. Glad that it worked out for you. But my guess is had you been the couple on his show asking for his opinion you would have heard the same. Not saying that's how I feel, but I've seen enough of DrPhil to pretty much guess what he'll have to say.
What's good for the goose IS good for the gander.
 
September 21, 2007, 10:43 am CDT

09/21 Does Age Matter?

Quote From: myownself2

Dr. Phil proved today that the double standard is still prevailing today and he blatantly exhibited it. He was polite to Peter Brady and his wife. She was barely into her 20's when they  first got together and he was well into his 40's but to the woman on next he made her out to be demented and sick and those were his words. The woman on the webcam was bent out of shape because her 20 year old stepson was in love with a 39 year old woman and that was also in the demented and sick catagory. I was 39 and my husband was 20 when we first got together and we've had 31 beautiful years together and we're still going strong in all ways. We were accepted as a great couple by our family and friends and have never had a problem with it. Our internal ages meet.  We are not sick oe demented,  just a happily married couple. I love Dr. Phil but not today.  I was very disappointed in the way he handled it. Even if he disapproved, and she did ask for his opinion, he didn't have to handle it the way he did. And if he's so against it why didn't he treat Peter Brady the same way!!!!!

I 100% AGREE!!!

 
September 21, 2007, 11:03 am CDT

I'm so sorry

Quote From: katnip5573

My son is 22 and his female boss at work came onto him.  Now 2 years later they live together which makes me ill.  She has a son 1 yr younger than my son and just had her first grandbaby.  More than anything it is embarrassing to me as a parent that he has chosen this woman.  Before this he was in college and lived off campus with his girlfriend who dumped him when she graduated.  He left college, came home, got a job and was vunerable to her sexual advances.  He says he feels sorry for her, they really have nothing in common accept his paycheck.  She has serious past history of money woes, bankruptcy and 3 ex husbands. They fight continuely and he has moved out several times.  This last time he didn't take anything but his clothes back with him.  She has him so woven in her web  he will not listen to us so we have just thrown up our hands as parents, my husband says one day he will come to his senses and wonder " what was I thinking."   

 

I am so sorry for what is happening with your son.  It must be very heartbreaking to watch. I can understand why you are embarassed and by a grandmother on top of it all. Keep staying strong with your husband and take care of your marriage.   

 

How dare these older women manipulate a young man like that.  I am an attractive 38 yr old wife who stayed home with the kids.  My youngest is now 15 so I work part-time in the building supplies industry.  (I love renovations).  I am flirted with, daily, by men of all ages. I was kind of shocked to find a lot of young guys sure seem interested - maybe because of the whole M.I.L.F. thing... since American Pie - I don't know. I'm married (17 years - together 20), and happily I might add, to a guy 10 months older..... BUT If I was single I would NEVER EVER consider such a young person.  How disgusting. We are the adults here and we know better. Its basically abuse, to me.  Now as a person matures and gets older, age differences aren't such a big deal, but not when you are still a teenager/early 20's and a young adult.  HOW SICK. And it is up to the adult to put a stop to it - stop being so selfish and think about the consequences LONG TERM for the "child" you are messing with.

 
September 21, 2007, 11:10 am CDT

09/21 Does Age Matter?

Society has accepted age gap relationships when the man is older and the woman is younger for a longer period of time.  But when they first started out, society made many of the same remarks as was made in regards to an age gap relationship where the women is older then the man.  Society doesn't like

'things' that out of the norm.  However, I ask each of you to think for a moment about why you feel it is so wrong if the woman is older then the male? 

 

Grumpysgirl, belongs to the same website that I do, where thousands of us are involved in relationships with men that are younger then ourselves.  The biggest misconception is that the women pursue this younger men - that is so not true.  Most often the younger man pursues the older female.  These men have to be very persistent in most cases before the woman is able to accept that this is a viable relationship.  I know most of you think because the 'hollywood types' are in these type of relationships that the general public is following along.  Again not true, our website has been a long standing place where people of either gender with a age gap relationship can come and talk to couples that have endured the test of time.

 

To think that any woman or man gets involved in an age gap relationship without thinking it through, again is just not the norm of how it works.  We are aware of the issues that have to be talked about regarding the age gap.  What we find on our site is that 99% of the time, if a couple is having issues, it does NOT have to do with the age gap.  It usually falls under the same category that non age gap couples have issues about.

 

Age gap relationships are not for the faint of heart.  Mainly because currently in our society, people think they can say anything mean or hurtful to you that pops into your brains.  We have to be thick skinned enough to let these mean message go, and stay true to what our relationships are really like.  They are not just about sex.  We have to discuss bills being paid, etc. just as in any other relationship. 

 

I am 51, my husband is 37.  We have been together for 4 1/2 years, married for just a little under 2 years.

 

Could our relationship end?  Of course, just like any relationship could.  It would not however be due to the age gap, it would be for the same reasons other relationships break up.  With the divorce rate over 50% it would appear that same age relationships fail.

 

Give the thousands of us currently in this type of relationship some credit, both people in the relationship know what they are doing.   

 
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