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Topic : 09/21 Does Age Matter?

Number of Replies: 733
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Created on : Friday, September 14, 2007, 03:48:41 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Can May-December romances really last? Christopher Knight, famous for his role as Peter on The Brady Bunch, and Adrianne Curry, winner on America's Next Top Model, began their relationship when they starred together on the reality show The Surreal Life 4, and the public watched as they planned their wedding on their own show, My Fair Brady. Now they both say their 24-year age difference is a huge problem in their chaotic marriage. Adrianne says Christopher treats her like an employee, and Christopher says if she worked for him, she would’ve been fired a long time ago. Can these two work out their generational differences? Then, 38-year-old Shelly wants to know if it’s wrong to be in a relationship with an 18-year-old friend of her son. She says he makes her feel beautiful but wonders if she’s causing him or her children harm. Dr. Phil doesn’t mince words when he tells her his opinion. Join the discussion.

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September 17, 2007, 8:27 am CDT

Age is more than just a number....

We've all heard that cliche one time too many I believe.  I know someone who married a woman who was 20 years his senior.  He was very much in love with her and while at first she seemed or belived that she loved him too, she began to listen to the popular opinion of what other had to say... he is too young for you, he looks like a little boy and you like his mother, what kind of a future are you supposed to have together, he doesn't have any children of his own and you are giving him grandkids.. I mean it went on and on.  What ended up happening? He was in the military at the time and away a lot and she found solace in the willing ear of a friend of his, who also happened to be closer to her age and who should have understood her better.  Well, one thing lead to another and she did more that just seek solace or a venting place with the other man- she had an affair and eventually left her husband for this other person (who by the way was also married with children). The couple did divorce and they each went their separate ways. It didn't end pretty, actually it was pretty ugly and messy but it ended- they have never spoken again.  In a way I think it worked out better for him... 2 weeks after the divorce he went out on his first date as a single guy and about a year and a half later married the woman he went out on that date with.  That was almost 9 years ago. He's been married to the second woman for seven of those years and has two beautiful little girls.  How do I know all this... I'm the second wife (lol). Seriously, I know how people talked about the whole relationship and even I couldn't understand it. But there are people who make it work. Now he was 25 and his first wife was 45... I don't think that and 18 year old can handle that much of an age difference and have a relationship pan out well unless he is either REALLY mature or she is really immature, so that they can meet somewhere in the middle emotionally and mentally speaking. If they aren't talking much and just enjoying each other's horizontal company... then it is understandable since they are both at their sexual peak (him at 18 and she close to 40). However, when the flame fizzles out, the light comes on and the bed gets cold... they are going to need to have something to talk about. Other wise, he will end up just like my husband did.
 
September 17, 2007, 8:32 am CDT

Age doesn't matter.

I'm 25 years old. I have recently moved from the north to the south. I came down to the state that I live in under a certain circumstance. I thought someone was in my life that turned out to be a lie from my so called friend. My friend had lied and schemed to get me to move closer to him because he supposedly loved me and wanted be with me. He is 31 and very immature for his age. For him to do something like this is just outrageous. I never thought someone could do that. Then about four months after i moved here thats when he told me the truth. That he was trying to set me up with his doctor but the problem was he is married and 45. He thinks because of the age that we won't get along. Well come to find out the doctor called about a month ago and said that he was unhappy in his marriage and that he wanted out. That he wanted be with someone like me. Someone that was wise enough to know the truth from a lie. And that he saw something in me that he has never seen in someone. He wants to peruse it but is in a current marriage. That was about two weeks ago. I haven't heard back from him since. So I have to say that i am perusing a different path and looking for happiness somewhere that i know will be forever...
 
September 17, 2007, 9:07 am CDT

Age vs Morals

Since when is it OK to sleep with your children?

Any man or woman who sleeps with someone the same age as their child may as well just sleep with their own children.  I have 4 sons ranging in age from 33 to 15.

I could never have a relationship with anyone in that age group because I would feel like I was sleeping with my own child! 

I am 51 years old and many of my sons friends don't believe I am their mother and trust me some of them are very handsome, well built and mature.  

I am sure if you are not a parent you would not understand, but if you are a dad......picture yourself in bed w/ your daughter or a mom, picture yourself in bed with your son...........Doesn't work for me, I would rather be with someone close to my age and not to my childrens age.

My husband is 9 years my senior, so there is an age difference but our childrens ages and our relationship have never been an issue. We have had our differences and our problems but neither of us would date nor marry anyone the age of our children if we were on our own.

I must be old fashion................

 
September 17, 2007, 9:08 am CDT

09/21 Does Age Matter?

Quote From: jessica07_01

I'm 25 years old. I have recently moved from the north to the south. I came down to the state that I live in under a certain circumstance. I thought someone was in my life that turned out to be a lie from my so called friend. My friend had lied and schemed to get me to move closer to him because he supposedly loved me and wanted be with me. He is 31 and very immature for his age. For him to do something like this is just outrageous. I never thought someone could do that. Then about four months after i moved here thats when he told me the truth. That he was trying to set me up with his doctor but the problem was he is married and 45. He thinks because of the age that we won't get along. Well come to find out the doctor called about a month ago and said that he was unhappy in his marriage and that he wanted out. That he wanted be with someone like me. Someone that was wise enough to know the truth from a lie. And that he saw something in me that he has never seen in someone. He wants to peruse it but is in a current marriage. That was about two weeks ago. I haven't heard back from him since. So I have to say that i am perusing a different path and looking for happiness somewhere that i know will be forever...
Warning bells should be going off in your head. This doctor does not in any way, shape or fashion have your best interests in mind. my unsolicited advice for you would be to STAY as far away from him as possible. And another thing your FRIEND ain't no friend.
 
September 17, 2007, 10:23 am CDT

She is wrong.

No age doesn't matter but the circumstances do. If she didn't have any kids and they both were alone and she met him in some club somewhere I wouldn't judge them on giving it a wirl but that just isn't the case. She as the adult needs to make the decision to say this is not right and it will not happen. Of course an 18 year old boy confronted with a much older women, any women really isn't going to turn her away, especially when it comes to sex. She is taking advantage of this boy and not considering his feelings or her own childrens. What's to say they went ahead and continued this and got married? Does her son really want his best fried as his step-daddy? I truly can not comprehend what goes through this women's mind to say this is okay. A relationship would not every be able to come of this. And its not necessarily the age gap it the actual age. At 18 he is just starting his life, possibly going to college. He more than likely enjoys video games and chillin with his buds why would he want to give all that up and settle down and start raising a family at his age. Not only that how much could he really have in common with a 40 year old? I'm sorry the being a mother of a little boy (not a teenager yet) I am appauled at her behavior and it desperatly scares me. What if that is my baby up their being brain washed by some 40 year old women and their was nothing I could do? I really feel for that boys parents whatching their sons dreams and theirs go into a puff of smoke.  Don't get me wrong I don't disagree with the age persay as I do the situation.  My husband and I have a 6 year gap we actually first got together when I was 17 a month prior to my 18th birthday. Was it right? No it may not have been but we had seen each other through mutual friends for a long time just had not gotten together until then. I had our son at age 19 and yes we are still together 7 years later and very happy. But we have and our ups and downs some of it looking back know I think may have had to do with our age. Is it the age gap workable? Of course it is but you have to be an extra strong couple and individual otherwise you will never make it.  On the other note, I would never trade my son for anything but having a child at 19 was kind of rough on me and can still be at times. My husband was 24 at the time, he had had his fun and was it was the right time for settling down, me on the other hand had just begun. Like I said I would never change any of it but I just hate to see this poor boy make some trasic mistake with this 40 year old women that he wont be able to take back. If that grown adult can't grow up and make the right decision maybe we can get him too see how wrong it is.
 
September 17, 2007, 10:52 am CDT

Agree but still Wonder

Quote From: jayane333

get your sone out of this....she is a chid molester.!!!!!.that is just to to much..i am 45 and my son is 20...and how far off is that really....not very.!I have dated men younger than me..but not younger than 8 years..and even there was a difference then..as a matter of fact they are allways a bit younger so i'm trying not to be a hypocrite..she is just sick.and i would take a look at his relationship[ with his mother.

I think her self-esteem my be very low. The feelings she is receiving from this young man lifts her spirits and makes her feel good about herself. So going with a feeling instead of "analizing the situation" can be somewhat dangerous. The only thing she may get from this is "wild sweaty sex" and a boost in her self-esteem. After all is said and done, she may only be left with extreme guilt and quite confused, which lays heavy on the heart, with woman.

 

For myself, I have always felt dating anyone even 7 years greater than myself was too much for me but, I can never judge anyone else for what they feel, think or do.

 

On the other hand, I hear so much about how 45 year old men that are with 20 year old woman and hardly anything negative is said about it. It's as though it's just accepted in our society. This sickens me moreso, just the fact that we can discriminate against one and not the other. And we wonder why our morals have been all shot to hell.....

 
September 17, 2007, 12:37 pm CDT

09/21 Does Age Matter?

I don't think there's anything wrong at all with being with somebody 10, 20, 30 years different in age from one's own.  I haven't dated anyone significantly older or younger than myself (I'm 30) but I've always gotten along very well with people 10 years older or more and dating one doesn't seem that unrealistic.  Conversely, I've known people my parents' age whom I consider to be too emotionally immature to date.

However, I think that simply applying the tag-line "Age doesn't matter" is an oversimplification, and that's where the trouble starts.  It doesn't really matter if both people involved are reasonably mature (regardless of physical age) and understand that there are going to be times when they're simply at different points in their respective lives and will have to work that out.  That's not at all the same thing as throwing oneself into a relationship with a teenager in an effort to feel younger and patch up one's self-esteem, when one has bigger obligations.

I think personality and expectations matter far more than just age; or maybe *mental* and *emotional* age matter *more* than physical age.
 
September 17, 2007, 1:45 pm CDT

Yes and NO

My husband is 30 years older than I am and we have been married 22 years. I love him dearly and I was old enough to make a reasonable decision when I married him. I was 29 and a nurse, he was 59 and in private security. We did not go into a marriage uneducated, nor half cocked like a couple of young kids. We both had children and knew more were not in the picture.

 

Now 22 years later I wouldn't change a thing, but I would not recommend it to anyone else. I now face the health issues of the caring for the elderly. I have already buried both my parents and realize in the not to distant future I will probably bury my husband. Younger couples don't realize you won't have a Golden wedding anniversary and sometimes even less. Bring that to your viewers attention. Brenda

 
September 17, 2007, 5:46 pm CDT

age difference

Hello, my stepsister who is my age, 32 has been dating a man that is about 16+ years older than her for 6 years now and what has gone through my mind since day one is....is she looking for a father figure because her dad walked out on her, her mom and her sister when they were babies? I find it disturbing that young women can sleep with men that are the age of their fathers, it is disgusting quite frankly!

my step sister has also given up a family, marriage, and a true relationship for this man because 1) he doesn't want to have anymore children, he has a son our age already and has grandkids 2) he has been married before and divorced and 3) he now is a truck driver and is not home all week long, how convenient for him that he has a 32 year old lady at home for him and he gets to do whatever he wants!

so yes, I do feel there is a big issue with age difference, no offence Dr. Phil, but if you were single, I would not be attracted to you because you are above the "age cutoff" for me, which I set at no more than 5 years difference.

as far as the lady dating the 18 year old, good lord, is there really even a question about that? It is her sons friend for goodness sake, gross, gross, gross! she must be a good MILF but if that was her in the picture, I would have to ask what is wrong with the 18 year old that he has to date someone his moms age....is he looking for a mother figure? do we have the Freudian complex, you know the one, that never went away? The mom needs to be an adult and realize that although the boy, and I do mean boy, is of legal age, he still has  A LOT of growing up to do and she apparently needs to take a good look at herself and ask herself why she is interested in her sons friend! If I were her son I would not be friends with that boy anymore, or for that matter, I would think differently about my mother, issues people, issues!

 
September 17, 2007, 9:09 pm CDT

IT REALLY HAPPENED TO ME

Quote From: susielries

i was unhappily married to someone 17 years older than me....my aunt is married to someone 25 years older and they are very happy....my sister is married to a man 17 years younger than her and they are ecstatic....it depends on the person, not the age.  my sister and her husband have very similar views on religion, music, and many other things plus they both think the other is hot stuff!  if you are compatible, you are compatible....i will say 38 with an 18 year old is a little weird..i can't think of a thing i would say to an 18 year old but.....maybe they aren't talking......

When I was 53 years old, a guy who was just 18 developed a very, very big crush on me that

lasted 2 and a half years.  When I noticed how ga-ga he was over me, I began to fall for him,

too.  I have to add that I had not one wrinkle and looked at least 15 yrs younger than my age,

so he thought I was much younger than I really was.  When he found out my true age, he

decided to break it off with me, but had somebody else tell me it was over becuz he knew

he could not face me and not want to still be with me.  We had HUGE chemistry between us

and surprisingly we liked the same type music and movies.  We actually had alot in common.

He was raised by his grandparents and was use to always being around older people, so I

guess it didn't bother him that much.  He gave me gifts and romantic cards.  After the breakup

he still kept his email box open for me to write him for like 4 years.  So, I think he is still sorry

that he had to break it off with me becuz he knows we were like soulmates.  He just could not

stand the criticism of his family and friends concerning us.  He is 25 now and finally married

someone 5 yrs younger than himself.  I don't know how that is working, but hopefully, he is

happy.

 
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