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Topic : 09/21 Does Age Matter?

Number of Replies: 733
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Created on : Friday, September 14, 2007, 03:48:41 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Can May-December romances really last? Christopher Knight, famous for his role as Peter on The Brady Bunch, and Adrianne Curry, winner on America's Next Top Model, began their relationship when they starred together on the reality show The Surreal Life 4, and the public watched as they planned their wedding on their own show, My Fair Brady. Now they both say their 24-year age difference is a huge problem in their chaotic marriage. Adrianne says Christopher treats her like an employee, and Christopher says if she worked for him, she would’ve been fired a long time ago. Can these two work out their generational differences? Then, 38-year-old Shelly wants to know if it’s wrong to be in a relationship with an 18-year-old friend of her son. She says he makes her feel beautiful but wonders if she’s causing him or her children harm. Dr. Phil doesn’t mince words when he tells her his opinion. Join the discussion.

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September 19, 2007, 8:11 pm CDT

09/21 Does Age Matter?

Quote From: katnip5573

I have to agree with you.  I have a 22 yr old son with a 39 yr old woman and makes me ill to think about it.  To me she is like a child molester, he had very little experience with women and met her at work when he was 20.

 I get very defensive with these kind of messages,"she's like a child molestor" give me a break and welcome to the 20th century!! You may not accept the situation but that doesn't give you the right  to call her a child molester! It takes two to tango. I was 18 when i met my husband and he was 38 we have now been together for 8 years, are married, and have 2 sensational children!  Age is just a number it is the maturity of the person that really matters!  We have had a great relationship from the begining and were together for 4 years before we got married. My family accepts us and are very happy for me that i found someone to share my life with. If they didn't accept it i would tell them to get over it and just be happy for me that i'm happy! 

 

 I am very happy to hear all the sucess stories on the board!!

 
September 20, 2007, 12:20 am CDT

I am 9 years older than my husband!

I am 47 and my husband is 38 . We have been married for 6 years but we have know each other for

10 before we were married we started out as friends he had his life i had mine we became closer

over the years he became my best friend and still is. We have a wonderful marriage and love each other

very much. at first i worried about the age difference . But not anymore. He has told me several times

that God but us together for the rest of our life. I think that too because we are so great together in every

way. I wish everyone had as wonderful marriage as we do.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

Sherry

 
September 20, 2007, 6:51 am CDT

I knew it was coming!

I remember watching their reality show before they got married and they were always fighting. They went to group consoling and it didn't help at all. It has nothing to do with his age (in my opinion) I could tell from watching them before that he's just really immature and even a little bitter. I was amazed when they actually went through with the marriage, even after all the fights and toxic baggage they were bringing into the relationship; but I'm not at all surprised to see them on Dr. Phil now.

 

I hate to sound evil, but I knew it wasn't going to work out.

 
September 20, 2007, 6:58 am CDT

09/21 Does Age Matter?

Quote From: flcakelady

I watched chris in both his reality shows because I'm so in love with him.  Adrain is a brat and she is immature.  But the age doesn't matter its  having a mutual respect and understanding of each others boundries..If they can't do that,they won't make it!

Chris ! I'm available!

You're right, age has nothing to do with it. But I don't think it's fair to say it's all Adrain's fault. I watched their reality show too and Chris was showing and awful lot of immaturity. He was rude and mean to her on more than one occasion and yes, she did act like an annoying kid a lot, but so did he. He's not the same kid from the Brady Bunch.
 
September 20, 2007, 6:59 am CDT

Me, Too!

Quote From: rh21575

 I get very defensive with these kind of messages,"she's like a child molestor" give me a break and welcome to the 20th century!! You may not accept the situation but that doesn't give you the right  to call her a child molester! It takes two to tango. I was 18 when i met my husband and he was 38 we have now been together for 8 years, are married, and have 2 sensational children!  Age is just a number it is the maturity of the person that really matters!  We have had a great relationship from the begining and were together for 4 years before we got married. My family accepts us and are very happy for me that i found someone to share my life with. If they didn't accept it i would tell them to get over it and just be happy for me that i'm happy! 

 

 I am very happy to hear all the sucess stories on the board!!

IMO, the use of phrases like "child molester," "pedophile," and the like to disparage a 30-something (or older) 's relationship with an 18- or-19-y/o is over the top. As far as the law is concerned, those folks are adults and can enter into whatever relationships (personal or contractual) that they desire. an 18-y/o is not some "innocent baby"!

 

However, does that make such relationships a good thing, sensible? The answer most of the time is NO. As a rule, there is too large a gap in the life experience and maturity areas for that type of relationship to work out in the long term. There are, of course, exceptions, as other posters have pointed out.

__________

 

As far as other issues that a relationship that has a >10 year age gap has to deal with (eg, childbearing, health), yes, the age difference DOES have an impact. However, if the parties are compatible in terms of maturity, the couple finds a workaround or otherwise deals with it. Also, just because there is an age gap does not necessarily mean that the younger partner will be dealing with the hea;th issues, or have to bury, the older one. How many people do we know, or know of, who died of cancer or in a car crash before age 55?

 

Again, it's a maturity issue. Some of the 30-somethings I've seen are less mature than my 11-y/o daughter!

 

 
September 20, 2007, 7:15 am CDT

09/21 Does Age Matter?

Quote From: tishtish77

There are differences between generations; and it does eventually work its way into any relationship if there is an age gap of more than 10 years.  For instance, I am 31.  I love the 80's, and if I were to date a 20 year old, he'd have no clue what the 80's even were.  I for one, personally disagree with it.  Another thing to consider too, is if you were to date someone old enough to be your parent; they are basically saying its ok to engage with a minor...because you were a minor most of their life, and its no different than saying children are 'sexy'.  If you can date your parent's friend, or they can date their child's friend...whats the difference? 

Remember too, that if you are the younger one, and you're dating someone older...they will hit retirement faster than you, maybe die faster than you..and you still have a whole lot of life to live while they are done.

I agree with you that an age/generation gap can cause some rough spots, but I don't agree that two ADULTS with a conspicuous age difference is the same as dating a minor.  I'm 30.  If I met an older man now and started dating him, he would have no history with or knowledge of me as a minor.  He would only know me as an adult.  Yes, some people do look for younger partners primarily because of their youth, and some people are creepy about it, but sometimes people of different ages really do like each other.  (And I probably know more about 1950's and 1960's culture than I do about my own generation's.)

That said, I'm 30, not 18, and if this boy is the woman's son's friend, then she DOES have history with him as a child, and that is creepy.
 
September 20, 2007, 8:01 am CDT

Chris and Adrianne

I watched them in the Surreal Life and again in My Fair Brady, and if they did not see this coming then they are blind. Chris was told by more than one friend not to even let her move in with him let alone marry her. Adrianne needs to grow up and Chris needs to think with the head on his shoulders. What man wouldn't want a beautiful model on his arm, but I am certain that there are plenty of mature beautiful women out there that would make a much better pairing for Chris.

As for the baby thing that you see in the previews for the show. He has consistently told her that he did not want kids. He had even scheduled a vasectomy at one point that he somehow let her talk him out of.

 
September 20, 2007, 8:25 am CDT

09/21 Does Age Matter?

My precious husband, whom I lost 2 years ago to cancer, was 43, I was 25 when we married, and he was the love of my life.  We had stormy periods, like any couple, but for 37 years, we loved each other desperately.  He was 44 when we had our first son, 47 when we had our second son, and a wonderful father who changed as many diapers as I did!  Walt was an extremely active, and "young" man for his age, going on 70-mile bike trips and hiking in the mountains w/a backpack for 8 to 10 hours a day, at the age of 80!    He put me in the shade!  Then, with NO warning, advanced prostate cancer stopped him in his tracks.  We both thought his problems stemmed from an enlarged prostate and arthritis in the spine, seeing as he had  a PSA of .03. The doctors said they had never seen a prostate cancer so virulent and explosive.  He was paralyzed from the waist down the last year of his life, and I was blessed to be able to have his study set up as a hospital room and care for him at home, although there were numerous trips to the hospital, and ER.  We did have a visiting nurse 3 times a week.  My heart will always ache for him.  As one reader posted, "age is not the main factor, the person/who they are, is the determining factor."  I found that to be totally true in my marriage. 
 
September 20, 2007, 11:13 am CDT

AGE DIFFERENCE

I am 14 years younger than my husband. Most people accept it but some don't. We really don't care what people think but if the tables were turned, tongues would be wagging. My brother's wife is five years older than him and people talk, could you imagine the gossip if I were 14 years older than my husband? As much as we have progressed in life the same old adage holds, it's okay for a husband to be older than his wife, but heads should roll if the wife is older than the husband. My husband and I don't have a May to December Romance, ours is more like a May to September Romance. I have an old soul and mind wise, we are equal. Chris (Peter Brady) and his soon to be shold have gone to therapy and done a lot of talking before taking the big step. You know the old saying, Hindsight is Foresight. I met my husband in 1983 and we were married Christmas Eve, 1999. We took our time to make sure we were right for each other. We moved in together in 1995 and lived four years together. We wanted to make sure all our wild oats had been sewn. People get married for all the wrong reasons and I think Chris's was for publicity. Too bad the publicity may last longer than the marriage.


 
September 20, 2007, 1:39 pm CDT

does age matter

I believe that age does matter.  For Shelly please dont't jump in the hot pan before you jump into yourself.  What I am saying is take a good look at your self and find out what is missing.  Sometimes we can fall for anything that makes us feel good, however when the wind is settle we look back and say- How could I have done that.  If you make this discission make sure you will be able to live with it for the rest of your life, alone with all the damages before and after.  That 18 year old child is just that a child.  Ask your self would you want a  older man to date your young daughter.  Good luck, hope Dr.Phil can help you sort yourself out.

God Bless and love yourself, because you are the best person to do that.

Ms. P

 
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