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Topic : 09/21 Does Age Matter?

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Created on : Friday, September 14, 2007, 03:48:41 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Can May-December romances really last? Christopher Knight, famous for his role as Peter on The Brady Bunch, and Adrianne Curry, winner on America's Next Top Model, began their relationship when they starred together on the reality show The Surreal Life 4, and the public watched as they planned their wedding on their own show, My Fair Brady. Now they both say their 24-year age difference is a huge problem in their chaotic marriage. Adrianne says Christopher treats her like an employee, and Christopher says if she worked for him, she would’ve been fired a long time ago. Can these two work out their generational differences? Then, 38-year-old Shelly wants to know if it’s wrong to be in a relationship with an 18-year-old friend of her son. She says he makes her feel beautiful but wonders if she’s causing him or her children harm. Dr. Phil doesn’t mince words when he tells her his opinion. Join the discussion.

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September 21, 2007, 4:58 pm CDT

Bent out of shape

Quote From: shellyandmark

 Thank you.....This is Shelly from the show....so many people are really bent out of shape because of this....
 Shelly,
Search your heart and intuition. Something deep must tell you this may not be right or you wouldn't have gone on the show.  Yes, I agree age shouldn't matter if you are both in it for the right reasons.  I had an intimate relationship with a younger man. I was 32 and he was 22. Before that  I was married to an older man when I was 20, which ended in divorce after 4 years.  Personally, for me I was not mature enough to enter marriage and was still not emotionally mature enough when I decided to have a relationship with the 22 year old. Like you said on the show it felt good and I had fun BUT when I look back on it now that I am 47 I know it was to feel that I am still attractive and get attention. It was all about me. I don't think what your doing is apalling. It's a cry for help and self awarness when you are having this relationship for the wrongs reasons. My father did not show or tell me that he loved me when I was growing up and I reapeatedly attracted the wrong type of man to me. Sounds like he is also having parent issues. RED FLAG. I only say this to help and maybe I am off base, and if so good luck to you.
 
September 21, 2007, 4:59 pm CDT

YOu didn't come close to clear on WHY, Dr. Phil

I so don't get the whys of why this relationship is wrong. You just said it's plain wrong. Says who? Society?

I was in this same age spread relationship at this boys age. It was supportive and nuturing  I was probably replacing my father. ANd then we both moved on. Not the end of the world and not so "wrong". How can you be so judgemental and speak with such conviction on a matter of opinion?

 
September 21, 2007, 5:01 pm CDT

24 Year Age Difference

I feel the need to write about this subject. The show just went to commercial after Dr. Phil was saying there was a woman who was going to talk about age difference in relationships. That she had a strong opinion. Well I am writing with mine and it's the opposite. I am 19 years old and my husband is 43. We will have been married a year come November. Dr. Phil, I have always agreed with you and I love your show. But who are you or anyone else to judge us? We are normal people too. I love my husband very very much and it makes me sick when you can stand there and say that everybody thinks it's wrong and everybody thinks it's sick and demented. What you just said is sick. I know what people think and I get the looks, stares, and comments. It used to bother me but I don't let it anymore because it's not worth it. Stares don't hurt me anymore and neither do comments until someone like you who thinks they know it all can say that I and or my husband am demented. Does that mean the family members who support us are demented also? The woman on your show went many steps above illegal. She did and is still committing adultery, she is married! My husband and I never broke the law, we fell IN LOVE. Before I began dating my husband I was asked by my counselor at the time if I was interested in him because my parents were freaking out that I was talking to him. My reply was "gross". But now I'm here and I can't believe I ever said that. I am upset at myself for ever thinking that way. Now I think, who was I to say that about him, or any other couples in this world who have an age difference. You know, I see it from the other view and if my child were in this position I wold be very leery too. But, after being in the situation myself, I sure wouldn't judge the person because of their age. I would sit and talk to them, I would invite them over for dinner, not shun my child and leave him/her out of my life like my parents did to me. They never gave my husband a chance, and I haven't spoken with them in months. I try and they refuse. I reach out to nothing. That hurts to lose your family, but I wasn't going to give up the one that was meant for me. I'm not trying change the world, I am just asking to not be judged. I'm just asking to be looked at equally. What happened to not being criticized on race, religion, sex, age, and everything else?   Age shouldn't be a factor in anything, now when you come to legal matters, and breaking the ten commandments I believe that is a different story, 100%. God didn't create age. This world did to keep track of time. Nowhere in the Bible is age a factor of limitation. It was actually common for men to give up their 13 year old daughters to a man at least 30 because of their wisdom. I'm a human too and I deserve to be treated with respect and some dignity. I'm not a loner, I just choose to stand out and be one in a million. I choose not to hide my truth because I'm not embarrassed. I'm proud to be married to my husband and I wouldn't trade him for anything. People who don't give it a chance and instantly judge people in relationships like me, just make it worse. One of my favorite lyrics from Ozzy Osbourne is "When you choose to criticize, you choose your enemies". I find this to be true it the fullest.   Thanks
 
September 21, 2007, 5:02 pm CDT

09/21 Does Age Matter?

Quote From: bwillis10167

i am a 40 yr old lady that has raised 7 children and i can't stand the thought of dating my son's friends to me  that seems like molestation  to me because being the same age as my son.

 yes iam married to 63 yr old but the way i look at it is that he is a very good man and father .  Yes he is 23yrs older than i am but you can't ask for a better person or daddy he is just too good,

 

 

 

                                                                                                                                thanks

                                                                                                                                                   BWillis

It's interesting how it's "gross" and would be like child molestation if you dated someone your sons age, but it was fine for your husband to date and marry someone he could have fathered?
 
September 21, 2007, 5:03 pm CDT

09/21 Does Age Matter?

Quote From: csd55yahoo

I so don't get the whys of why this relationship is wrong. You just said it's plain wrong. Says who? Society?

I was in this same age spread relationship at this boys age. It was supportive and nuturing  I was probably replacing my father. ANd then we both moved on. Not the end of the world and not so "wrong". How can you be so judgemental and speak with such conviction on a matter of opinion?

Good point! I would like to know what his reasoning is and not just hear one word.
 
September 21, 2007, 5:04 pm CDT

38-18

How long does a "relationship" last for an 18 yr old?  Not very long..and usually it is about sleeping with as many other 18 or younger girls as possible.  These two people were very kind to each other.  Their relationship appeared much healthier than the old man and young girl.  The woman respected that the boy has a only pizza delivery job and was encouraging him to go to college.  I did not see any exploitation where the young man was being used to gratify her needs at the expense of his own.  While it may not be the American ideal, the American ideal may be a myth.  They seem to be helping each other through a difficult phase of their lives.  She needs more self esteem and he has similar issues.  We should all be lucky eoungh to find people to be kind to us as we transition through difficult periods of our lives.  1.  I think Dr. P should have directed them to deal with the underlying issues before dismissing the value of their connection completely.  2.  The 12 and 7 year old children need to be directed to other environments while the 38 and 18 yo resolve their issues.  3.  If anything happens to lovely Robin, please call.
 
September 21, 2007, 5:04 pm CDT

09/21 Does Age Matter?

Quote From: debrasatt

People who marry some one who is so much younger or older then  they are are stupid especialy if they have kids.I know I married a man who was one of those kids.He is so messed up it aint funny.He thinks a good dad sits and complains.He feels sorry for himself all the time cause his dad died when he was very young and his mom though she loved him let him raise himself and handed everthing he want to him cause his dad died. So what  his dad was a old man she sould have thought of that before she married him and had a kid In those times people didn't live much past 60 years any way.I have no sympathy for him or anyone else who marry a old man or woman and has kids  or not what do they expect them to live as long as someone threr own age or close to it.You get what you deserve in that case.bed pans nuseing homes and hospitals.I told my kids if they marry someone who is more then four urears older then they are they deserve what they have made for themselve I wont suport them.

My husb and never knew his dad his sisblings from his dads first marriage our older ;then my parents.his brother from his moms first marage is dead and his only full brother I seen maybe three times in our marrage.I do know both my parents they are close the the same age and my silbing We grew up in the same house at the same time and are only just two years apart. I like that and very much enjoyed growing up in the same house. My husband on the other hand his dad was born I think in 1899 maried in his twenties to his first wife had kids his mom was born in 1920 had kids then both divorced and then married each other in 45 then had a kids then in 1959 had my husband then his dad died.What a mess.My own kids have asked him what was the atraction between his parents then tell him what a gross thing it was for her to marry a man old enough to be her grandpa what was it money or was she looking for a dad.That makes him mad.I really don't care if it does it is his mess not mine.So you see age does matter it screws everything up.

First of all, thank you. I gladly accept the responsability of caring for my husband when he will need it.  I can't believe you are married to the man you speak of. You have no care, compassion in your words. You only seem to have disgust. I am sure you kids will appreciate in knowing that as long as they do your will for their lifetime that you will love them. Stupid me, I thought that was unconditional. You have no problem with your own kids talking down to their father. That just blows my mind. Do you actually care for your husband or would you be one of those that wouldn't want to be bothered by simple things like caring for someone you love. I would hope that you would care for your husband if he needed you but by your tone it doesn't sound promising.
 
September 21, 2007, 5:08 pm CDT

09/21 Does Age Matter?

Quote From: heavensent2u

Does this mean if he was 20 and she was 40 it would be all cool?   
That's an insane double standard.

Age is a number.  Souls are eternal and so is love.  What matters is do they have about the same maturity, values, desires in life, agree on how to live life, respect, iq, have a ton of stuff in common, such as hobbies for their spare time, find all the same things funny, like the same movies and TV shows.  Understand what life ahead holds for both of them.

I am in a wierd position as I did not attend school in the united states, so my values and views are really conservative.  I've never done drugs or anything illegal.  I love to donate money to charity, so I will never be rich and need a mate that feels simular.   I already posted my experience.

For mom's I stress staying close to the son/daughter.  Don't condemn the relationship.  If you don't like it, simply bite your tongue and have NO OPINION.  Be civil to everyone.  That way you save the love of your son.. he won't hate you for hurting him... same with daughters. 

Also remember that if 18 is old enough to die for your country.  It's old enough to have any relationshipo they desire.
I have kids that age now.. and that's how I would approach it.

Hope it helps.
Heaven

You know if every 18 year old thought the same then your statement would make sense. But that is not the case so just because some 18 year olds are old enough to fight for their country..ALL ARE NOT!!. You can look at that boy and tell that he was not confident about the choice he had made. That woman gives the name pedophile a new meaning. Okay that may be a little too strong of word but you get the drift. Momma is trying to relive something she hasnt been getting in her marriage that is why she is separated. Baby boy is missing a relationship with his mom.  Im 51 and a couple years back I dated a man 23. While he was very attentive and sweet, the gap was there and it doesnt go away. We lasted all of 5 months but the difference between me and momma is I dont have a spouse, ex or otherwise, and he lived on his own and gets along fine with his mother. I would like to find all the traits that were in that man of 23 in a man of 43 or 53...but momma and baby boy are doomed. She knows its not right or she wouldnt have wrote Dr. Phil. She was secretly hoping he would condone it

 
September 21, 2007, 5:09 pm CDT

Does Age Matter?

 Why is it that it was improper for the 38 year old woman to have an 18 year old boyfriend when the 47 year old Chris could date the 22 year old woman and that was ok?  Seems like a double standard.  BTW, Cindy on the phone never did say what her objections were...just can't stand the double standard and here it is 2007 not 1950.

And no, I'm not in this situation.
 
September 21, 2007, 5:09 pm CDT

09/21 Does Age Matter?

Quote From: gallspa2001


Amen.  I agree totally with you. 
I totally agree with you - not because you are totally gorgeous and not a bit like the average 50 year old.  Obviously this 38 year old could not hold a candle to you.  Nevertheless, she is not some ancient old crone who should be ashamed of being attracted to this adorable 18 year old who finds her beautiful.  It has nothing to do with how wonderfully one is defying their age, and I am sure you were not implying any such thing.
 
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