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Topic : 09/21 Does Age Matter?

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Created on : Friday, September 14, 2007, 03:48:41 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Can May-December romances really last? Christopher Knight, famous for his role as Peter on The Brady Bunch, and Adrianne Curry, winner on America's Next Top Model, began their relationship when they starred together on the reality show The Surreal Life 4, and the public watched as they planned their wedding on their own show, My Fair Brady. Now they both say their 24-year age difference is a huge problem in their chaotic marriage. Adrianne says Christopher treats her like an employee, and Christopher says if she worked for him, she would’ve been fired a long time ago. Can these two work out their generational differences? Then, 38-year-old Shelly wants to know if it’s wrong to be in a relationship with an 18-year-old friend of her son. She says he makes her feel beautiful but wonders if she’s causing him or her children harm. Dr. Phil doesn’t mince words when he tells her his opinion. Join the discussion.

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September 23, 2007, 9:31 am CDT

09/21 Does Age Matter?

Quote From: BrianX29

     Heres one thing to think about with an age difference. I'll use 15 years for example. Suppose a 40 year old man and a 25 year old woman. This is pretty common. They both get married perhaps even have children. The man may be the financial provider also known as a BREAD WINNER. What happens when the husband dies? He will leave behind a wife with a big age difference and any children. How will they consider that on a legal aspect. What if the woman can't support her children after he dies. That could create a big problem for the wife and hard working taxpayers. Should it be against the law to marry with this kind of an age difference........
OK, let's make it illegal to marry soldiers or anyone else in a dangerous job who could get killed.

Let's make it illegal to marry anyone with a life threatening disorder.

It might be a lot more fun to make it illegal to have an incredibly sexist viewpoint such as yours, that considers the man to be the provider.

Putting the boot on the other foot, is it ok in your opinion then for an older woman to be with a younger man, being that women typically die 7 years later than men do? Seeing as the man should be deemed the provider, you should have no problem with the worthless, non contributing older wife dropping dead before the BREAD WINNER.
 
September 23, 2007, 9:43 am CDT

Don't Make Assumptions

Quote From: BrianX29

     Heres one thing to think about with an age difference. I'll use 15 years for example. Suppose a 40 year old man and a 25 year old woman. This is pretty common. They both get married perhaps even have children. The man may be the financial provider also known as a BREAD WINNER. What happens when the husband dies? He will leave behind a wife with a big age difference and any children. How will they consider that on a legal aspect. What if the woman can't support her children after he dies. That could create a big problem for the wife and hard working taxpayers. Should it be against the law to marry with this kind of an age difference........

Your description 40 year old man and 25 year old woman sounded like me and my husband until I got to the bread winner part.  Turns out that my "older husband" got to retire early because of my sucess and drive in my career.  He is a stay-at-home dad for our two sons.  And, I work full-time.  So if anything happened to my husband, I would lose my primary care giver for my children.  That would have a huge emotional impact on them.  But financially, nothing will change for us.  But since my husband has had a lowered stress life for the last 8 years as a stay-at-home dad, we are hoping to get many more miles out of him!  At times we laugh that with my high stress job, I may be the first to go!  :) 

 

My point?  Just don't assume when you see an older man with a younger woman that HE is the bread winner.  Because once again, people are labeling and stereo typing people and it is not always the case.

 
September 23, 2007, 9:54 am CDT

Another Response...

Yannikins- You said to me-

 

Just based on your age difference, I don't see you making it, especially when you hit the 24 to 28 yr. old mark. You're going to look back on your twenties and realize that you've continued to be someone's lil' girl, not his wife. By that time, he'll be fifty! .... Noop! You're not going to last long. The first time a young buff guy enters the picture and winks at you ... you're going to fall all over yourself. I'm certain that stability and financial security played a huge role in your decision to marry him (that seems to be a common thing happening with this younger generation). From your family nest into another's; now you're playing house! You'll eventually mature and wise up.

 

I would like to make a point in saying... I'm not stupid. I know how old my husband is and how old he will be when I'm in my 20's and 30's and so on. I took the steps to make sure that this was right for me. I went away to a home for girls for a few weeks and spent enough time there watching them swoon over the hunks and the younger men. It did nothing for me. I was in misery being there because I knew those girls would do what you said... fall for a man that winked at them. Every man, then have sex with each one, get pregnant, never know who the father is, live the life of a party, and so on. I didn't and don't want that. I went there to make absolute sure this is what was right for me and today I couldn't be any happier. I only lasted a few weeks at that girls home before I wanted out and wanted a real man back. If I wanted more material things I would have stayed with mommy and daddy. I didn't marry my husband for money or anything materialistic. I don't want to lead the life of falling for a guy that winks at you... If I turned on my husband for every guy that winked or looked at me I wouldn't have even step foot into the church to get married. If what I'm doing is playing house then I'll play it my entire life! I am deeply in love with my husband and the marriage isn't stopping me from anything I want to persue. I had to wise up to get where I am today. I've been with the popular men, the outkasts, the wealthy men, and the poor. None of that matters to me just as age doesn't with my husband. And it shouldn't matter to anyone. If we are happy, what does anyone else care?

 

 

I also love what Yvette16 said. Later on down the line when I'm 35 and my husband is 59... that won't sound as bad will it? The whole topic makes me sick, how people can be so judgemental of others, expecially of whom they don't even know. I see people talking about the brady couple. What about Ashton Kutcher and his wife who is older and already had children? Is that demented, or is that just okay with society because they are "stars".

 

 

To those who shared pictures... AWESOME! Here are some of me and my hubby!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All of that being said. I fully support Shelly and Mark once Shelly decides whether or not to drop the husband she already has. That is the only thing I see wrong with their relationship. If it's built on cheating, who's to say they won't cheat on eachother later down the line? Keep Strong!

 
September 23, 2007, 10:01 am CDT

Unfair

Dr Phil I think you were really unfair on this episode. I don't see you as a sexist guy so I'm guessing it was the celeb/non celeb factor.

When you asked Peter Brady his reason for marrying Adrienne he got the perverted grin on his face  and you let it slide.  You then told A she had some developmental stunting r/t drug use, and then before commercial said that the next guests were worse b/c of not just chronological age, but developmental... and you said it didn't apply to Chris and Adrienne! Anyone who watched Americas Next Top Model when Adrienne was on can tell you she is most definitely immature!

That poor woman with the 18 year old.. ok I too was creeped out by his really, really boyish looks, but obviously that woman is a self-esteem-less woman trying to get a boost and have some fun.. she's not talking marriage or children with him and he gets to live in her pretty nice looking house and have sex with a woman in her sexual prime.. there are benefits for both of them or Hugh Hefner would be sleeping alone too. All she could do was blink and swallow, she was so embarassed by your adjectives like demented and perverted.

Both "couples" gave me the creeps but I think you were far too easy on the celebs. I get that they are already married so it is too late to deter them from making that leap but come on. They're no better than the woman and the 18yo.



 
September 23, 2007, 10:13 am CDT

Smart Thinking

Quote From: diva_75

I watched the Surreal Life Season 4, and saw the train-wreck of a relationship between Adrienne & Chris Knight unfold in front of my television set.

 

It was more like, if you have a woman who is constantly seducing you, pressuring you to marry her...is it difficult to say no?

 

I believe so.  Adrienne is in need of serious life choices...no home training (I also watched ANTM)...crude, and immature.

 

While Chris is not completely without fault...what ever happened to pre-marriage counseling? To make sure that you're right for one another?  And what happened to courting? Or an "Engagement period"?  I've been engaged for 2 years, and wouldn't DREAM about walking down the aisle until I am 100% sure that it will be right.

 This response is refreshing to hear.  If more people would evaluate relashionships more carefully, there would be fewer broken hearts and homes.  Our society should not condone living together before marriage, this seems to only encourage marriage with relationships that probably would not happen if there was a courtship.  The courtship process is a vital part of a relationship and skipping this process can be very harmful to any relationship.  Not to mention, the statitscs show a very very high divorce rate for those  who lived together before marriage.
 
September 23, 2007, 11:21 am CDT

To Shelley and Mark!!!

Quote From: shellyandmark

 Thank you for sharing your story. This is Shelly from the show. Congradulations on your 26th anniversary. I really thank you. I did not take Dr.Phil's advice.  We are still loving each other everyday. I will not give up just because people are uncomfortable with my situation. My relationship with Mark has been so fullfilling. I could not imagine him not in my life. I am not going to harm him as some people have said on their message boards. Bless you. Thank you for speaking up. I want you to know....I am not a bad person. Nor am I crazy.

Dear Shelley and Mark,

 

I am glad you saw my response to the show.  Gayle and I wish you the BEST!!!  It is not impossible for your relationship to survive.   There will be people along the way to discourage you, as you already know.  I do not have a relationship with my mom and dad but it is not because of my wife.  It is because they are miserable, mean spirited people who are jealous of my relationship because we love each other and get along as well as we do.  They fight constantly and their age difference..........he is 14 MONTHS older than her.   GO FOR IT!!!!!!! ENJOY LIFE!!!!!!! MAY GOD BLESS YOU EACH AND EVERY DAY!!!!

 

Joe

 
September 23, 2007, 11:23 am CDT

Age Does Not matter

Quote From: katchaleensway

Hello all,

 

Boy I must say if some older woman came to my door to pick up one of my son's for a date,  that would be his last trip outside for a very long time.

 

Think about the families and all of the people effected by such a huge age gap and then concider your own children in this type of romance, I think most would agree this is not what you would want for your children.

 

 

Katchaleensway

Age does not matter. It is the maturity of the people involved. My son is married to a woman who is at least 10 years older than him. They are very happy and get along great. We all get along good.

My other son is married to someone who is only 6 months younger than him and they fight constantly and have for several years. We dont get along at all, none of us.

So in my opinion I would rather my son's be with someone who is older and more mature. Makes life easier and happier too it seems.

 
September 23, 2007, 12:12 pm CDT

What?

Quote From: BrianX29

     Heres one thing to think about with an age difference. I'll use 15 years for example. Suppose a 40 year old man and a 25 year old woman. This is pretty common. They both get married perhaps even have children. The man may be the financial provider also known as a BREAD WINNER. What happens when the husband dies? He will leave behind a wife with a big age difference and any children. How will they consider that on a legal aspect. What if the woman can't support her children after he dies. That could create a big problem for the wife and hard working taxpayers. Should it be against the law to marry with this kind of an age difference........
There isn't much logic here. These are problems with a simple solution... plan ahead! Wills and life insurance, for a start. Just common sense.  As for making a law! Don't get me started. I might point out that sometimes 25 year olds die too and leave families behind. Would you make a law against fire fighters getting married for these same reasons? Come on....
 
September 23, 2007, 12:43 pm CDT

Clear Thinking

Quote From: cespinoza

I completely agree with you. Mark is still a child and incapable of making informed decisions. He's responding to his harmones. Shelly obviously has low self esteem. If she wrote to Dr. Phil its not because she doesn't know any better, quite the contrary actually. She's playing with this little boy. He's simply filling a void for her. This is not long term for her, she made that very clear, no plans of marriage or a family so why waste this boy's time, he can be with someone whom he can one day have a family with. I think Shelly is selfish, otherwise she would think about Mark's well being and future and not her own needs. She can destroy him or he her. In the long run she'll be insecure and old, probably "fat" in her eyes as oppose to the rest of the women Mark will encounter in his daily life. Shelly needs to think about this, since Mark isn't capable of it right now. She needs to step up and "be the adult" exercise a little basic moral principle here.
How very nice to hear the opinion of someone else who also sees the bigger picture. You have  hit the bullseye with your observation of her toying with this young one's feelings. She is damaging him on many levels. I'm hoping Dr. Phil will offer Mark help. As for Shelly, she has to acknowledge her responsibility and if you have seen her remarks here; she clearly doesn't believe she is doing anything wrong. Thanks for the input.
 
September 23, 2007, 1:42 pm CDT

09/21 Does Age Matter?

This isn't the first time that Dr. Phil made a double standard this way. Remember Jacqueline & Sanjay? They were on a episode called "Cougars & Sugar Daddies" (That was shown on November 8th last year, & was also shown again on March 29th earlier this year). Sanjay was 40 & Jacqueline was 18. Dr. Phil got hard on Jacqueline too much, but never got on the age difference between her & Sanjay, as he thought that it's okay other than that. So, Older Men/Younger Women would always be accepted, unlike Older Women/Younger Men. It's always a double standard this way.
 
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