Topic : 09/25 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp Newlyweds, Part 2

You know my five year old niece heard about this mommy and started crying. When I asked her what was wrong she told me that she was sad. When I asked her why she was sad she replied because that little girls mommy and daddy don't love her. When I asked her why she thought they don't love her she told me because her daddy is mean to her mommy and her mommy only wants to drink and not be a mommy. Now to give you a little history. My five year old niece's father passed away last year from alcoholism. He was abusive and went to rehab several times. In her mind he didn't love her enough to stop drinking and being mean. So when she sees something like this she makes the decision that if that person really loved his/her family then they wouldn't want to drink.

Hi everyone. Okay - I know I will probably be getting a bunch of messages back, but here's the story: I have first hand experience with the alcohol/addiction problem. I AM 14 YEARS CLEAN AND SOBER. I gave custody of my daughter to her father before she was 9 years old so that she could have a better life. I KNEW THAT I HAD A PROBLEM. I have written many times on the "Saboteurs" message board and got a lot of flack - I'm the grandmother whose daughter won't let me see the grandchildren. My daughter is still mad at me because she feels her life is ruined because of how she had to grow up. Please keep in mind - I AM NOT BLAMELESS BY ANY MEANS, but she DID have a "golden life" with her father. He was a great dad to her, wonderful provider, gave her lots of love AND EVERYTHING SHE WANTED. Fast forward to 7 years ago.....things were pretty much OK between me and my daughter. She seemed to have resolved a lot of her anger issues towards me and we got along pretty good. I even took her to the hospital to have her baby while her husband laid in bed sleeping. Not my point though. Fast forward again to 3 years ago. Things were still pretty good. Good relationship, although she was (and always has been) very "privileged" to have a father that was a great provider and she always got anything and everything "materially" that she wanted. 2-1/2 years ago I went into a business relationship with her husband (my son-in-law) and things were OK for about a year. Then some of my daughter's issues began surfacing and we went to counseling together. First she told me what boundaries she needed me to respect and I sat very quietly and listen (and took everything to heart). The 2nd session the therapist asked me how I felt and I confronted my daughter (as she had confronted me previously) but my issues were more toward her abuse (physical, mental and emotional) of her children. Ever since that session our relationship has been EXTREMELY strained. The therapist even stated that my daughter was aware of her abuse issues and that was why she was there. So I felt it was a comfortable place to talk about it. SHE HAS NEVER FORGIVEN ME FOR SOME OF THE THINGS I SAID. I was NOT attacking - more concerned than anything about the children. As the business relationship got worse with my son-in-law, my daughter began to deny me visitation because I started expecting (after 1-1/2 years) my son-in-law to being contributing financially. I had already put out $65,000 from my retirement account and needed to begin keeping an eye on my expenses. In the meantime, my son-in-law got a job as a "financial adviser" and is now making a very good living. Once I got up to $100,000 out of pocket expenses I began to ask my son-in-law to help out by covering some of the expenses on the real estate investments. I was running low on money and I'm on disability with a very limited income. He threw a Temper Tantrum and told me to stop asking him for money (he OWNS 1/2 OF ALL THE REAL ESTATE AND HASN'T PAID A SINGLE PENNY). Yet he takes all of the deductions on his taxes and now that I'm having trouble paying the mortgages (because of vacancies and unable to sell) my daughter and son-in-law will not let me see the children because I am holding him accountable for some of the money. So, the end of July my daughter called me and said "we need to keep these houses out of foreclosure" and said if I would pay July that they would pay for August. So she let me see the children 3 times in early August because they wanted ME to pay all the money. Her birthday was 8/3 and she had no problem telling me where she wanted me to buy her present from, let me see the kids (on her birthday so she could get her gift) and then when the payments began running late again, I was told I WILL NEVER BE ALLOWED TO SEE THE CHILDREN AGAIN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE IF I DIDN'T PAY THE MORTGAGES. (sorry for the long message - but I really need to get this out). The last time I saw the children was the beginning of August and my granddaughter had a Black Eye and wouldn't tell me how she got it. She is turning 7 now and my daughter told my friend that I'd better cherish the pictures I have of them because I would never see the kids again. IS THIS FAIR? I HAVE SEEN HER PHYSICALLY ABUSE THE CHILDREN - lock my grandson in his room screaming and crying and banging on the door so hard that the lock popped open. She has pulled my granddaughter by the arm into her bedroom and smacked her. I AM AFRAID TO CALL SOCIAL SERVICES BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO CHILDREN ONCE THEY GET IN THE SYSTEM - There is just as much, if not more abuse than they are encountering now. Unfortunately, because I am disabled I am not capable of taking care of the kids. I MISS THEM TERRIBLY. My conscience tells me to call Social Services, but I know how I felt when I had to give up my daughter and I don't want my daughter to have to feel that pain - HOWEVER I also don't want my grandchildren to suffer either. SO WHAT DO I DO? I really need someone to tell me HONESTLY (it won't hurt my feelings) What is the best way for me to proceed? I desperately want to see the kids, I'm concerned for their welfare and I want to resolved these issues with my daughter but I don't want to have to feel like I have to BUY visitation and go broke and not be able to support myself. AGAIN I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LONG MESSAGE but I am completely desperate. SOME SUGGESTIONS - PLEASE - HELP ME SORT THIS OUT. I will NOT be offended at anyone's response to this. I just really need to hear other people opinion of what my daughter and son-in-law are doing. I NEVER INTERFERED WITH THEIR PARENTING - maybe that's part of the problem. So I will take whatever suggestions, criticism, helpful hints or whatever you have to say and weigh my options. But I am so very, very sad without my grandchildren (or my daughter) in my life) PLEASE HELP ME with your comments. No comment will be taken offensively (unless it is given that way). I truly need assistance in a how to resolve this situation. I DO BELIEVE that my daughter putting the children in the middle is just wrong - even her husband agrees with me about that - but he says he can't go against her, and I do respect him for standing behind her in that fashion. I promise I will not write a long message like this again. That’s why I’m adding a lot of you to my “friends� list so that I can communicate with you other than the message board.

Well, I have to say, I wasn't surprised at how many viewers were so judgemental!! I have myself been consumed at one time with alcoholism. I do know from personal experience that this is definitely something you can move on from, as well as repairing and healing a marriage. I also had violence in my marriage that I believe to this day had to do with the vicious circle with my alcohol abuse. It all goes hand in hand. I can proudly say today, that my marriage is violence free, and my life free of alcohol. THERE IS HOPE......to all others, you have your faults, don't kid yourself.

Good for you. If you read the message just above yours (mpc333 writes - First hand experience - in various ways) I'm sure you will relate. PLEASE post a BLOG so I can add you to my friends list. Thank you. One ex-drinker to another.

God Bless you....keep praying for strength to endure.

Point well taken.....please be careful about judging those people who are being judgmental.

Keep in mind that they had allready been on the show when you met Jon. Maybe they are on the right track now and they are getting the help they need. I believe in them and I believe that God has his hands on those little girls. I believe they went on Dr. Phil for a reason. I also believe that if you know Karla like I know Karla then once she really sets her mind to something you can consider it done. I believe in her because I know she comes from a strong family that has a lot of faith that has been instilled in her since the day she was born and she will find her way back to that. I too believe that Kays death has a lot to do with Karlas drinking and I believe that will be dealt with. Round here we like to say dont count your chickens before they hatch. You yourself said when you saw them they seemed good, isnt it possible that they really are. Before all of you people with negative quotes attack me, think about this...If you dont think any of these people who go on Dr. Phil really do recieve the help they need, why keep watching? They go there on national television and risk losing everything and you dont think it is serious? I wish them all the best and so should you. Tearing them apart only makes them lose hope and you become more bitter. Lets build each other up for a change.....God Bless

Honey what you have done in the past can not be changed. It sounds to me like you did what you thought was right and who can blame you for that. Heres my opinion on your situation. You have to stop beating yourself up about your past. If you know that your grandchildren are in a bad situation, you have every right to step in and do something. Just because you did things you wish you could change does not mean you should sit back and watch something bad to happen. Everyone makes mistakes, its time to move on and do something positive for those babies. There are good foster homes in the system too. Make sure that you are not over reacting. Abuse is a strong alligation and if its happening it needs to be stopped. You are obligated to protect those kids if it is happening. Best of luck!

i have to say after watching the show today, it really made me appreciate my own marriage! i hope these couples get the SERIOUS help they need...and fast!

Hi Karla, My name is Robbie, and I am an alcoholic. I want you to know that there is hope. My life was, in many ways, similar to yours; in many ways much worse, and it was due to alcohol. I did not find the help I needed in time, and I lost my family, my job and my self-esteem. I now live a life of such joy as I have never known, even as a child. I found, like so many others, that through the belief in a power greater than ourselves, and the fellowship of men and women who suffered like I did, that I could learn to live life, without alcohol. You said during the broadcast that Dr. Phil (and presumably others) should not judge you until they walked a mile in your shoes. I have walked a thousand miles in your shoes, down a dark and lonely road of self destruction, and I do not judge you. In this fellowship of men and women, you will find many others who will not judge you; their only goal is to help you. Please have Dr. Phil or his counsellors put you in touch with these people, they will know who we are. We are anonymous, but we are everywhere. If not, please contact me directly, and I will help you in any way I can(robbie_mac_leod@hotmail.com). And please rememeber: There is hope. Robbie