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Topic : 12/20 Cranky Kids

Number of Replies: 135
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, September 21, 2007, 12:19:03 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 09/26/07) Do you wish kids came with a manual? Dr. Phil shines the light on the biggest mistakes parents make, and along with Dr. Frank Lawlis, author of Mending the Broken Bond, he tells parents how to calm the atmosphere in their homes. First up, Renee says her 3-year-old son won't behave, unless her husband, Brian, is around. What do they need to do to get his behavior under control? Next, Angie, mother to three kids, says her youngest child's tantrums can last up to 30 minutes. Could Angie's guilt be contributing to her son's behavior? Then, Shannon joins Dr. Phil via Web cam to get help with her 4-year-old son, Branson, who screams, kicks, hits, bites and calls her names. What is the big mistake she makes? And, Michael, is a stay-at-home dad to 3-year-old McKenna, who throws tantrums daily. Could he be to blame for her outbursts? Plus, Suzette and Tony's 5-year-old son, Malachai, has already been kicked out of three preschools, because he hits teachers, throws toys and won't follow the rules. Find out what in-home video cameras caught on tape, and why Malachai's parents say it's "disturbing." And, see what happens when Dr. Lawlis makes a house call to Eve, whose 10-year-old daughter, Julia, tells her, "I wish you were dead." Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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December 20, 2007, 3:06 pm CST

why are parents affraid to correct kids

  I dont understand why parents are affraid to correct their kids, my parents corrected me no matter where we were at, and I follwed in their foorsteps, my son has always known who was in charge.  My son is now 31 years old and everyone has always bragged how well behaved he is,and that makes me feel good.So I guess my problem is parents taht let their kid had tempertantrums,try throwing them in a COLD shower when they do it or get a bottle of dish soap and squirt in their mouth when they talk back or call their parrents names.Also I dont think I mentioned it my son is deaf so when he was young he would fold his arms close his eyes and turn his back.  that was reall frustrating .
 
December 20, 2007, 3:56 pm CST

Love and Nutrition

It seems to me that these kids are growing up in a world in which their parents are completely distracted from them. Modern adults are consumed by the endless need for more money and more material possessions. They spend endless hours communicating to others via one or more means modern technology provides, There seems to be a growing expectation by modern parents, for their kids to constantly find ways to amuse and comfort themselves, while suffering from an obvious lack of love and attention at home. In addition to these truths is the fact that a large percentage of American children are malnourished from a diet of chicken nuggets, pizza, mac n cheese, fast and microwaved food. I was looking over a website called TRUEHOPE dot com It seems that both Adults and Kids who are suffering from a variety of mental health issues are finding real relief from taking a natural product that contains 30 some kinds of all natural vitamins and minerals. Research is proving that half the reason these kids are acting this way is because they are as starved nutritionally as they are emotionally. Dr. Lewis gets kudo's from me too. What an amazing turn around in Eve's relationship with her mother. Love always acheives better results than any kind of physical or verbal abuse, for every generation. God help these poor kids and you Dr. Phil in your efforts to do the same.

 

 
December 20, 2007, 4:58 pm CST

Did anyone else think that 10=year-old was manipulative?

For some reason I felt that little 10-year-old girl was playing the adults for all they were worth.

I'd be interested to know what happened with that situation.
 
December 20, 2007, 6:10 pm CST

12/20 Cranky Kids

Quote From: tashaluv

Has ur son seen his father recently or has it been awhile? My 1st thought  was mabey ur son is acting out because  he misses  his dad and  dosn't know how to tell you,or  he may be sad his dads not spending enoughf time in his eyes. Is dad around,if he is see if he can take son to movie or something and spend 1 on 1 with him,or school so son can show off his dad,or Grandpa's often are good stand in's when dad's not around or other trusted family members.How about letters to dad if he's not around and just sit & talk to your son and let him know it's ok to feel the way he dose & don't worry if he cries it's ok. I say think about how you would feel if it were you and what would you want your mom to say to you & I think you will do fine but if you can't get through to him you can get therapy from school or ask his Dr for suggestions.
    I wish you both well...
He has not seen his dad in 3 months, because he has been in jail that long. He expresses to me how sad and mad he is that his dad is in jail, we actually have good communication. And I do know and understand how he feels with his dad not being in the picture.My parents divorced when I was 12. We lived in Wv, and after the divorce, my mom,brother and I moved to Indiana. My dad chose to forget we existed. So I do know how he feels. I just wish I could take all his fears and pain away for him.  This is his dad's 4th drug offense, so I'm afraid he will be out of his life for a while. How can I get him to understand that I can't explain why his dad choses to get into trouble and leaves him the way he does, knowing that I am here to pick up the pieces and be the only stability Bodhi has?
 
December 20, 2007, 8:20 pm CST

discipline

Quote From: princess2

I am a strict parent of two girls ages 2 and 3. I use time outs as a form of discipline. The important thing is that your the boss not your kids. I tell my 3 year old: I tell you what to do when to do it and how to do it until your old enough to be your own boss. i use the counting methond 1 2 and when I get to three its timeout no warnings. Yesterday she was throwing a tantrum because she couldnt have an apple. I grabed her by the hand not saying a word and went to the car I have already finished shopping.when we got home she was sent to her room very boring no toys.You as the parent always need to be in control do not let your kids control you. Dont be afaird to be a parent. discipline with love my phislophy.

I agree that. this works at 2 and 3...but just wait a few years.  My Daughter was a gem at 2 and 3.  Her behavior did not start going downhill until about 6 and went on a major landslide at 8.  Your Daughters are at a delightful age...hopfully they never have behavior issues, but if they do, realize that you have loved them and have not failed them.

Being strict is not alwyas the best way..and time outs and counting only last for so long...eventually you too will learn the gift of negotiation as I have.  Many of my friends are also using this negotiation process with their tweens....Thanks Dr. Phil and Dr. Lawlis!

 
December 20, 2007, 8:43 pm CST

Amen!

Quote From: karleen345

I don't want to brag, however I raised 4 children by myself. Each one is succesful in their own right. My oldest son is a police officer, my 2nd oldest son is a supervisor for a large contracting business, my daughter is a licensed barber and my youngest son is a firefighter/paramedic.

 

Parents today feel their children should not be hit. I agree with that to a point. . THERE IS A  HUGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DISAPLINNING A CHILD and abusing them!

 

A smack on their behind works wonders! I did not use cruel and unsual punishment with my children, however they knew I meant business and would not stand for talking back, throwing things at me (or anyone for that manner and I would NEVER stand for a child callng me names and/or tellng me what to do!

 

Wake up all you parents out there.....start displinning your children and they will respect your rules!!

I am not tolerant of parents who refuse to discipline their children.  I have three  young teens right now and I am amazed when we go out to dinner and it's ruined by unruly children around us.  I agree with you -a good smack on the rear would do wonders.  I blame the parents and not the children.  Many times did I leave the resturant and go out to the car for a little" meeting of the minds" when my children were young and misbehaving. 

I tell my girls they can go find all the friends they want in this world.  I am not their friend at this point in their life.  I am their mother- they only have one mom.   Honestly,  I love my kids too much to see them turn into selfish, controlling, and rude human beings.  It takes more time and effort to parent than not to parent but it's worth the effort. 

My motto-----------Bring the child up to the standard-don't lower the standard to the child.  Pretty simple really.

 
December 20, 2007, 8:52 pm CST

Time

Quote From: beckyknapp

Oh, puh-leeeez.
We're not five minutes into this show and I'm already soured on Dr. Lawlis. "Get a chart of facial expressions and ask him to  identify  how he's feeling." ("He" is THREE!!!) "Explain to him that if he will cooperate with his sister, he'll get more." (When he's in the middle of a screaming tantrum -- and he's THREE YEARS OLD! -- "cooperating" is not the objective here.
(I KNOW ... I RAISED one of these.)
Here's the bottom line: Who's the child and who's the parent?
What I see in ALL of these children is a serious bid for ATTENTION -- even NEGATIVE attention is ATTENTION.
I found with my son, the more interaction and involvement I had with him -- engaging him, talking to him, listening to him, spending time together with him, reading to him, building blocks with him, showing interest in HIS interests -- we didn't have tantrums and upheaval.
People have children and then want to put them on the floor and walk away to pursue their OWN interests: watching their TV programs, talking on the phone, visiting with the neighbors, spending hours on the computer.
The crux of the issue is -- kids are a LOT of work. And not just physical work -- feeding them, dressing them, bathing them, taking them to doctors when they're sick, keeping them out of the street -- but EMOTIONAL work. It requires round-the-clock commitment when children are very young.
If you don't want to put in the TIME -- don't have children!

OK...

Lets see.

Julia gets up at 6:00

Leaves on the bus at 7:10

HMMM together for about an hour or so...we talk, we laugh, we eat, we get ready for the day.

 

Julia gets to the rec center where I work at 3:30

She particiaptes in whatever recreation activity she wants to until 5:30

 

5:30-7:00  Swim Team

(at this time I finish work and wait for her to get done)

 

7:00-9:00 Julia time

Dinner, homework, games

 

I guess I am putting in time....Don't asume that I don't think that raising a child is a lot of work.  Every minute awake is Julia time.  After she goes to bed is my time.

 

I spent 10 hours with Dr. Lawlis and he helped me to understand what I was doing "wrong" - and how Julia and I could negotiate to make both of our lives easier.

 
December 20, 2007, 8:52 pm CST

Negotiation?

Quote From: evora_anne

I agree that. this works at 2 and 3...but just wait a few years.  My Daughter was a gem at 2 and 3.  Her behavior did not start going downhill until about 6 and went on a major landslide at 8.  Your Daughters are at a delightful age...hopfully they never have behavior issues, but if they do, realize that you have loved them and have not failed them.

Being strict is not alwyas the best way..and time outs and counting only last for so long...eventually you too will learn the gift of negotiation as I have.  Many of my friends are also using this negotiation process with their tweens....Thanks Dr. Phil and Dr. Lawlis!

I have three children ages 12,13, and 15.  I don't negotiate with my children.  I have rules and expectations from my children based on standards and principles.  There's not room for negotiation.
 
December 20, 2007, 9:06 pm CST

She's sorry

Quote From: tina2010

For a 10 year old who wishes her my mom was dead. Ihave something to say I lost my mom  so you  need to know you have only one mother and respect her because she brought you into this world  and you never know how much time you have left with her I know it is frustrating because I was 10 So please appreciate her while she is her and because she pays for food and clothes she works hard for you and she is prparing you for life the real worl
Idon't think that she really means it when she says it..I think that that was all she could think of to say at the time.  She was reaching out for help.  Generally she is trying to tell me something when she says this.  We are still working on the communication..Thank you for your concern.  She knows that she would be lost without me as I would be without her...we are a great team.
 
December 20, 2007, 9:14 pm CST

12/20 Cranky Kids

Quote From: evora_anne

I agree that. this works at 2 and 3...but just wait a few years.  My Daughter was a gem at 2 and 3.  Her behavior did not start going downhill until about 6 and went on a major landslide at 8.  Your Daughters are at a delightful age...hopfully they never have behavior issues, but if they do, realize that you have loved them and have not failed them.

Being strict is not alwyas the best way..and time outs and counting only last for so long...eventually you too will learn the gift of negotiation as I have.  Many of my friends are also using this negotiation process with their tweens....Thanks Dr. Phil and Dr. Lawlis!

     As your daughter grows up, she becomes less dependent upon you.  At 2 and 3, you were the sun and the moon.   It was simple to make you happy.  When she was 6 and 7, she ventured out in the world.  She found out you didn't make the sun come up.  Now, the job of parent gets a little tougher. 

     Get into the habit of talking with her.  Ask her opinion about things.  Listen to those opinions.  Give her feedback without having your own meltdown--a parental fit doesn't help her at all..  "Do you think a digital clock would help you get ready for school?  How long does it take for you to dress?  Do you  want to get into the habit of picking out your school clothes before bedtime, so you have everything you need?  Can you have breakfast at school?  There are many direct questions that a six year old can answer.    

 
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