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Topic : 12/20 Cranky Kids

Number of Replies: 135
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, September 21, 2007, 12:19:03 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 09/26/07) Do you wish kids came with a manual? Dr. Phil shines the light on the biggest mistakes parents make, and along with Dr. Frank Lawlis, author of Mending the Broken Bond, he tells parents how to calm the atmosphere in their homes. First up, Renee says her 3-year-old son won't behave, unless her husband, Brian, is around. What do they need to do to get his behavior under control? Next, Angie, mother to three kids, says her youngest child's tantrums can last up to 30 minutes. Could Angie's guilt be contributing to her son's behavior? Then, Shannon joins Dr. Phil via Web cam to get help with her 4-year-old son, Branson, who screams, kicks, hits, bites and calls her names. What is the big mistake she makes? And, Michael, is a stay-at-home dad to 3-year-old McKenna, who throws tantrums daily. Could he be to blame for her outbursts? Plus, Suzette and Tony's 5-year-old son, Malachai, has already been kicked out of three preschools, because he hits teachers, throws toys and won't follow the rules. Find out what in-home video cameras caught on tape, and why Malachai's parents say it's "disturbing." And, see what happens when Dr. Lawlis makes a house call to Eve, whose 10-year-old daughter, Julia, tells her, "I wish you were dead." Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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September 22, 2007, 5:58 pm CDT

Autism

Quote From: jreiley

I am looking forward to Dr. Phil's next parenting show.  I have watched many of them before, and believe that children do need to be able to predict the consequences of their behavior - something he has stressed in the past.  My situation is difficult, because my son has language problems due to his having Asperger's Syndrome, a mild form of Autism Spectrum Disorder.  If Dr. Phil or any parents have tips on disciplining - behavior modification for kids Aspergers, I would be interested in reading them.   Thanks. 

Hi,

I was watching 20/20 the other night, Jenny McCarthy was a guest.  Her son has Autism, although not Aspergers.  She helped her child achieve many goals by controlling his diet. You'll have to check out 20/20's website for more info.  It was a very interesting!!  Good luck!  Hang in there!!!

 
September 22, 2007, 5:59 pm CDT

Cranky kids

Quote From: lana1meyer

I agree with this message.

A little spank on the behind every now and then works. Plus put them in time out.

You can also expain to them why they got a spanking or put in time out.

Parents need to let the child know they are in charge.

Parents want tobe friends with their child. You can't do that. It doesn't work.

 

Parents need to show tough Love to their kids. I now its hard but it can be done.!!!!

Kids do not need to be spanked, they do need consequences that are age appropriate. They need to be able to trust their parents to provide consistency and a safe, secure environment.  Kids who hit  others and push limits with the adults in their lives are crying out for limits!!  Parenting courses are needed, we dont set out to drive a car without information, why does society think that the ability to procreate = the ability to effectively parent?  Parents need to ask themselves what their role is in their childrens' behaviour.  it is too easy to blame the children!! 
 
September 22, 2007, 8:06 pm CDT

THANK YOU!!

Quote From: karleen345

I don't want to brag, however I raised 4 children by myself. Each one is succesful in their own right. My oldest son is a police officer, my 2nd oldest son is a supervisor for a large contracting business, my daughter is a licensed barber and my youngest son is a firefighter/paramedic.

 

Parents today feel their children should not be hit. I agree with that to a point. . THERE IS A  HUGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DISAPLINNING A CHILD and abusing them!

 

A smack on their behind works wonders! I did not use cruel and unsual punishment with my children, however they knew I meant business and would not stand for talking back, throwing things at me (or anyone for that manner and I would NEVER stand for a child callng me names and/or tellng me what to do!

 

Wake up all you parents out there.....start displinning your children and they will respect your rules!!

 

Thank you for stating the obvious (or common sense – which is what I like to call it).

 

I am a late “Baby Boomer” that has no children.  Since I don’t have kids, everyone tells me that “I don’t understand” because I have never raised a child. 

 

Guess What???  I do understand because I am surrounded with friends that have raised a bunch of spoiled rotten brats.

Examples:  (please let me name a few)

 

We ALL stand in line for 10 minutes while this 3-yr old decides what he wants to eat.  When my mother took me down the cafeteria line it was, “She will have a chicken leg, green beans and corn”

 

While I am trying to go over something important on the phone, the child (who is on the other shoulder) is screaming in the phone receiver because they want something NOW!!

 

We are in a store and because said parent will not buy the $200 pair of sandals that would last one day on the playground, we have a 10 minute screaming tantrum the entire store hears.  Let’s by all means stand there for 15 minutes and try to reason with this 7 yr old, that $200 is a lot of money to pay for a pair of shoes, which is more than Mommy spends on hers.  AUGHHH……….    And we do that because if she doesn’t like them then she won’t wear them. (I bet she would if she was told to wear them.)

 

My point to my examples is that – have parents lost their minds?? My mother helped me select my clothes until I could afford to buy them myself, told me that she was on the phone on an important phone call and would be with me when she could, and did not make a cafeteria line back up out the door while I decided if I wanted corn or mashed potatoes.  When I misbehaved, I was taken to the car or bathroom until I decided that it was more fun to be a part of the group then look at the four walls of a drab bathroom.  If I that was not a part of my reasoning skills, then a firm hand was applied to my bare bottom until I came to my senses.  It worked wonders!!

 

 I think I grew up pretty good.  I learned to respect my parents and elders; I am considerate of others and have pretty good manners. I realize that I am not the only person on the planet, nor was I put on this earth so that everything I wanted would be mine.  I had to earn my allowance for extras (getting 10 cents per paper bag full of weeds), was allowed in one sport or activity at a time, and was told to get off the phone and get in bed by 10pm on a school night. If I didn’t, then the phone was taken out of my hand and hung up for me.  There was NO DOUBT in my mind who the parent was or that I was a child until I could support myself.

 

We are raising a group of very self-absorbed children and that goes along with the parents that are raising them.  They want to be their best friend, not the parent.  A child has the right to be anywhere you are, and if they scream for two hours straight, then tough. You better like it and get over it.  It doesn’t matter if it is on an airplane, bus, car or restaurant.  If they want to kick your seat or hang over it and slobber on your head, then you better think that it is cute or get "the look".  There are no rules or boundaries or even reasoning skills. Everything is supposed to be "cute".  Well, guess what?? It is not - nor will it ever be.

 

That could be why I have followed a few of their parents to a grave yard to bury them.

Since the advice was coming from their "best friend" rather than as a parent with consequences, the opinion that it wasn't safe to drive that car around a curve at 100 miles/per hour or after consuming a few gallons of beer was not taken seriously. Or that staying out till 2am on a date wasn't too smart and produced a child at age 17 because "my mother was so strict on me, and I just don't want to be like that to my daughter."

 

It is sad. It is not only unfair to the child, but to the rest of the population that has to try and teach them, hire them, and reason with them.  Nothing in this life is free - we all pay the price for our actions, one way or the other. Because we are all so worried about making the child's life better than ours - we ourselves have lost our sense of reasoning and common sense.

 

 
September 22, 2007, 9:30 pm CDT

Baby Boomer

I am a baby boomer and my parents did not have to whipp me. They would if I needed it but all my Dad had to do is look at me and I knew I was in trouble.  Mom would say wait until your Father gets home.  I was taught respect for my parents and I still hate to hear a child back talk any elder. There is no respect for the teachers or Police officers and in my day they were number 1 .  Things have got to change they are not getting any better. With more and more divorces and children in the middle of a constant battle is not helping either. My Xdaughter-in-law uses my grandson to hurt me and my son all of the time and I know she is not by herself.  She does not think about how much she is hurting him.  I hope you can help Dr. Phil. Stjo
 
September 22, 2007, 10:07 pm CDT

Too much judgment

 I've read down through these posts, and it seems the larger number of these support the idea that it is the parent's fault if a child is acting out.  I have a child with serious issues and she rages.  She has a "mild" form of attachment disorder.  When she first arrived, she would throw tantrums that lasted up to 4 hours.  It hasn't been easy, but over the years we have gotten her down to where most of the time she will just stomp a little.  It has taken a variety of techniques. 
  I'm not anywhere near the perfect parent, but I can say that any kid can loose it, particularly tired, crankly kids.  I agree some parents don't always deal with their kids' tantrums appropriatly, but just because a kid throws a tantrum doesn't mean it is the result of bad parenting.  I've had my child throw terrible tantrums in public.  We have a plan for handling them, and sometimes the public gets to watch us put the plan into motion.  What doesn't help is that well meaning person who thinks they know how to better parent my child than I do, the one who tells me what to do, or loudly insinuates that I'm doing it wrong.  Not only is that counter productive, but it gives my tantruming child more attention for the negative behavior, which is just what she is looking for. 
  I think one thing that amazes me is how quick we are to judge these parents, any parents.  A long time ago I used to live in an area where people would actually come up to me in stores when my toddler threw a tantrum and speak rudely.  I hated going anywhere, particularly the grocery store.  Then we moved to our current home.  My child was demanding candy in the check out lane, I was telling him no (btw, he didn't get what he wanted) and he was starting in with the toddler tantrum and this kind gentleman put his hand on my shoulder and said, "We've all been there and he will grow out of it."  That was so much more helpful than all the judgement in the world.  Being a parent of an unpredictable child (who can be an angel until something sets her off), I know that sometimes it isn't bad parenting, it is just the result of a particular set of circumstances.  If we are smart we can avoid the circumstances that set our children off, but sometimes we cannot.  If we want to help these mom's we need to let them know that we support them without judgement.  Perhaps then they might ask for some of that wisdom we have gleaned from raising our kids. 
 
September 23, 2007, 10:44 am CDT

I need this help!!

I am SO excited to see this Dr. Phil episode.  My husband and I are just dealing with our daughter (6) and her behaviors since starting school full time.  She has become extremely sassy, not listening and talking back.  In the past a time out would work wonders, or counting to 3, but now she is extremely defiant and difficult.  We have not spanked in the past, but did yesterday, as she was out of control!  Now our son (4) is picking up on her actions as well.  We were both raised to respect and want our children to do the same.
 
September 23, 2007, 6:18 pm CDT

Cranky Kids

Quote From: dglana

 I've read down through these posts, and it seems the larger number of these support the idea that it is the parent's fault if a child is acting out.  I have a child with serious issues and she rages.  She has a "mild" form of attachment disorder.  When she first arrived, she would throw tantrums that lasted up to 4 hours.  It hasn't been easy, but over the years we have gotten her down to where most of the time she will just stomp a little.  It has taken a variety of techniques. 
  I'm not anywhere near the perfect parent, but I can say that any kid can loose it, particularly tired, crankly kids.  I agree some parents don't always deal with their kids' tantrums appropriatly, but just because a kid throws a tantrum doesn't mean it is the result of bad parenting.  I've had my child throw terrible tantrums in public.  We have a plan for handling them, and sometimes the public gets to watch us put the plan into motion.  What doesn't help is that well meaning person who thinks they know how to better parent my child than I do, the one who tells me what to do, or loudly insinuates that I'm doing it wrong.  Not only is that counter productive, but it gives my tantruming child more attention for the negative behavior, which is just what she is looking for. 
  I think one thing that amazes me is how quick we are to judge these parents, any parents.  A long time ago I used to live in an area where people would actually come up to me in stores when my toddler threw a tantrum and speak rudely.  I hated going anywhere, particularly the grocery store.  Then we moved to our current home.  My child was demanding candy in the check out lane, I was telling him no (btw, he didn't get what he wanted) and he was starting in with the toddler tantrum and this kind gentleman put his hand on my shoulder and said, "We've all been there and he will grow out of it."  That was so much more helpful than all the judgement in the world.  Being a parent of an unpredictable child (who can be an angel until something sets her off), I know that sometimes it isn't bad parenting, it is just the result of a particular set of circumstances.  If we are smart we can avoid the circumstances that set our children off, but sometimes we cannot.  If we want to help these mom's we need to let them know that we support them without judgement.  Perhaps then they might ask for some of that wisdom we have gleaned from raising our kids. 
Finally someone that knows whats really going on. So happy to read your post. I have a 8 month that loves to scream and hear is own voice, or my favorite cry and I have pulled his hand away from something he isn't allowed to have. I have had people give me looks, never said anything to me more then "Oh sounds like little one is CRANKY" sometimes he is he cranky sometimes he just likes to be loud. I'm scared to go into the toddler years I saw my niece and nephew and know how much hell they would put my sister through "in public" they never really seemed to act that way at home, funny how that works. I bet some of these other people forgot that at the age of 3 they cried over not getting something, alot of people cant remember there whole childhood. I remember crying over not getting the Ice Cream I wanted, in my head it was a big deal but then to a 4 year old that is a big deal, I wasn't trying to make my mother feel bad I was just upset cause I wanted a cup not a cone (I know silly). I couldn't image spanking my child over something that little, and my mother took me into her arms to calm me down, asked what was wrong, and then said "Next time we will get the cup okay, how about you finish the ice cream you have there" I was happy she was happy, and I never felt fear from her. I came to her through out my teenager years with questions and advice, I never smoked, never did illegal drugs, I did drink a few times, and even got wasted when I was 16 didn't touch a drink again until I was 18. There were things I knew not to do not because I was going to get punished but cause it would of worried or hurt my parents, and the last thing I ever and still never want to do is make them worry or hurt them. I think that is a big important factor respect not fear, and understanding that we all have our breakdowns. JMO
 
September 26, 2007, 4:05 am CDT

ETHNICITY

Reading the comments from ggalactica and swemex49, I am not ashamed to be referred to as an Indian. Find an Anthropologist to explain the word 'CAUCASIAN' . Hiding behind labels will not make you anything but what God intended you to be, even if the label seem to fit, which in your case I do not think it does.
 
September 26, 2007, 10:58 am CDT

Guess you reap what you sew

It amazes me that these parents are surprised by their children's behavior especially the name calling and such. I just don't get the use of foul language around young children. Why wouldn't their vocabulary include profanity if their primary caregiver and roll model uses it in their everyday interactions. There is a time and a place for blue language and I'm no saint and will lace my conversations with a few choice words when I'm with my peers, not around my children nor any other adult that I respect. This includes my mother, father, in-laws, neighbors, and anyone else that I want to consider me a respectble, decent individual. And even though my children are in their 20's and we hang out and have fun I don't talk to them like I would my social peers. It's not necessary. I guess this just comes from the way I was raised. I never heard my mother utter a foul word around my siblings and I and my father only did occassionally when we were old enough to know when and where it was acceptable. I don't want to appear to be a prude but I just think it's foul and makes the person using it seem ignorant and uneducated with a very limited vocabulary. As for the tantrums, my children always seemed to know when their father and I said something we meant it. If they behaved they were rewarded with things that didn't cost money but with our time and praise. No, we weren't perfect but it seemed to work out. We took the time to be involved in their lives and interests yet we both worked outside the home. They've both made commments as children and adults about being out in public and seeing unruly, spoiled children with such a sense of entitlement that they wouldn't want to be around them. Guess I consider myself among the fortunate that we truly got back exactly what we put into it.....very nice, responsible young adults.
 
September 26, 2007, 1:52 pm CDT

LOOKING FOR ADVISE ASAP

I AM CURRENTLY IN MY 2ND MARRIAGE OF 4 YEARS. MY FIRST ENDED WHEN I DECIDED I HAD ENOUGH OF THE VERBAL, SOMETIMES PHYSICAL AND MENTAL ABUSE FROM THE 1ST HUSBAND. I IMMEDIATELY STARTING DATING MY 2ND HUSBAND WHO WAS EVERYTHING THAT THE 1ST WAS NOT. WE DATED FOR 2 1/2 YEARS BEFORE GETTING MARRIED. WITHIN THE 1ST YEAR HE CHEATED ON ME WITH A MUCH YOUNGER GIRL. (HE IS NOW 30 I AM 36). THIS WAS 3 YRS AGO. WHEN I FOUND OUT HE WAS CHEATING, I WAS DEVASTATED. WE HAD JUST GONE THROUGH THE INVITRO PROCESS TO HAVE A BABY AND JUST FOUND OUT WE WERE PREGNANT WITH TWINS. WE DID EVERYTHING TOGETHER, THEN THINGS STARTED TO SLOWLY CHANGE. HE SUDDENLY WANTED TO WORK NIGHTS AND STAYED OUT LATE AFTER WORK. THE AFFAIR STARTED SOMEWHERE IN JULY 2004 AND ENDED SOMEWHERE BY THE TIME THE TWINS WERE BORN IN JANUARY 2005. OF COURSE HAVING TWO BABIES WAS NOT EASY. WE DEFINITELY HAD OUR UPS AND DOWNS BUT SEEMED TO BE DOING OK. WE DID GO TO ABOUT 6 WEEKS OF MARRIAGE COUNSELING UP UNTIL THE WEEK THE TWINS WERE BORN. I NEVER FOUND OUT THE REASON THAT HE CHEATED BUT REALIZED THAT MONEY AND COMMUNICATION WERE BIG ISSUES. OF COURSE BEING INVOLVED IN THE EVERYDAY LIVES THAT WE HAVE OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS PUT ON THE BACK BURNER ALONG WITH OUR ISSUES. OFF AND ON THINGS SEEM REALLY GOOD BETWEEN US AND THEN HE SUDDENLY SHUTS DOWN. I NEVER KNOW THE REASON WHY AT THAT MOMENT IN TIME. ONLY TO FIND OUT AFTER THE SHUTTING DOWN OR FIGHT THAT THE PROBLEM IS THOSE SAME ISSUES. ABOUT A MONTH AGO HE SHUT DOWN AND STARTED HANGING OUT WITH GUY FRIENDS AT WORK, STAYING OUT ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT, DRINKING. HE STOPPED WEARING HIS WEDDING RING AGAIN. WHEN I SAY THAT IT'S BECAUSE MOST OF THE SIGNS THAT I SEE HAPPENING NOW HAPPENED WITH HIS AFFAIR. WE HAVE WRITTEN LETTER BACK AND FORTH AND HE STATES HE IS NOT COMMITTED TO US LIKE HE SHOULD BE. HE DOES NOT WANT TO HURT ME ANYMORE. HE HAS DONE THE HURTFUL THINGS . I HAVE SAID THE HURTFUL THINGS ONLY BECAUSE I DO NOT KNOW WHAT HE IS UP TO WHEN HE IS OUT AND LEAVES ME TO CARE FOR THE KIDS , THE HOUSE AND ANY OTHER ISSUES THAT ARISE. HE ALSO COMPLAINS THAT WHEN HE IS HOME I TEND TO FALL ASLEEP AND LEAVE HIM DRINKING IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER. USUALLY THAT'S BECAUSE I AM EXHAUSTED FROM THE KIDS, MY JOB, KEEPING UP WITH THE HOUSEHOLD CHORES. I HAVE NEVER BEEN THE ONE TO GIVE UP ON THIS RELATIONSHIP. ESPECIALLY NOW WITH THE KIDS. I LONG FOR THE HAPPY FAMILY AND COUPLE THAT WE ONCE WERE. HE SAYS HE SEES ME AS A GREAT FRIEND. I HAVE A HARD TIME WITH THIS BECAUSE YOU WOULD NOT DO THINGS LIKE THIS TO YOUR BEST FRIEND, ESPECIALLY YOUR WIFE AND KIDS. OVER THE PAST MONTH HE SLEEPS ON THE COUCH, IN OUR CAMPER, TALKS TO WHOMEVER ON HIS CELL PHONE (THAT'S A BIG SECRET). HIS LATEST COMMENT IS WE NEED TIME APART TO SORT THINGS OUT OR JUST THROW IN THE TOWEL. WE ARE GREAT FIRENDS AND WE SUCK AS A COUPLE. IS THERE ANY SAVING "US". I WANT TO STAY MARRIED AND KEEP OUR FAMILY TOGETHER. I DO LOVE HIM AND HE IS A GREAT HUSBAND WHEN HE IS NOT IN HIS MOODS. RIGHT NOW I SEE HIM AS BEING VERY SELFISH WITH HIS TIME AND ONLY THINKING OF HIS WANTS. HE MAKES ME FEEL GUILTY IF I ASK HIM TO LEAVE THE HOUSE WHEN THINGS ARE GETTING OUT OF CONTROL. ANY FIGHTING IS USUALLY BECAUSE HE HAS BEEN OUT ALL NIGHT AND I AM UP WORRYING WHERE HE IS IF HE'S BEEN IN AN ACCIDENT, IF HE'S HAVING ANOTHER AFFAIR (HE SAYS HE IS NOT). DO I NEED TO BACK OFF AND BE WALKED ALL OVER, DO I KICK HIM OUT UNTIL HE DECIDES WHAT HE WANTS. I HAVE ASKED HIM FOR A DECISION OF WHETHER HE IS GOING TO BE HERE FOR HIS FAMILY 100 % OR NOT. HIS RESPONSE IS IF YOU WANT AN ANSWER RIGHT NOW I WILL PROBABLY SAY NO. HE SAYS HE IS NOT HAPPY WITH US BUT KEEPS ME HANGING. CAN ANYONE MAKE ANY SUGGESTIONS? THANKS
 
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