Topic : Difficulty Forming Friendships

Yes, I get you, I too am a loyal friend and my best friend of two years decided it was best that she and I not be friends anymore.  In fact she decided that because of her husbands behavior over an incident that she shouldn't be friends with any of the wives of the other men who worked with her husband.  This all happened 6 months ago and I was so hurt.  This was someone I talked too almost every day, we were together sometimes 3 times a week.  There is more to the story of course, her husband is very controlling according to her and I voiced my opinion about that.  This may have been a factor in all this I don't know because I get different stories from my husband who talked with her husband about it.  The fact is, it hurt and it hurt a lot.  It had been years! since I had a best friend like that.  I have always been there for her, she thought she had cancer at one point and I sent her a card every day for 2 weeks.  I was told I had suspicious spots on my thyroid which her husband knew about and she never called me.  I cried for days, I really needed her.  I am now facing thyroid surgery and I'l get through it but it sure would be nice to have a good friend.   

Hi ,

I so get what you are talking about. It has taken me a while to figure this out. But it seems as we get older, people just have more of a chip on their shoulder. You can barely say anything that people take it the wrong way. No matter how much you do for someone, they always seem to think they put out more effort on the the friendship. When we were young, how different the friendships were, we were not judged so quickly.

I too had a best friend for 25 years, she and her family moved across town, and went to work, and then no more time left. After making all the effort first always, it gets a little old. So in time the friendship just dissolves. Then when you look back there, that person had a few chips on the shoulder too. But you believed in the friendship so you overlooked them. It is not easy to find real friends the older you get. Heck  one true friend is hard much less more than one !!!!

If you would like to talk about your fears on your surgery, I'm here to listen.

Linda

I've noticed that no matter where you come from family is one thing we all have in common. Some familys stink and some are wonderful. I am happy that mine is wonderful. I love to take my kids out and play (when Im not completely worn out) and my husband and I spend each night wrapped in each others arms. I have come to understand that nothing in life matters much if you dont have the love of your family. I cannot imagine my babies ever being 27 years old and having lives of their own it is rather daunting to think that the time will pass quickly. It is also nice I cant wait to have my husband all to myself. Someday I hope we will get a chance to see the whole world together but even if we dont I know we will be happy.

I muse over my relashionship alot, expecially when I think of my mom. She has been married many times and is currently dateing a married man. She doesn't love or respect herself enough to relise that she deserves better then the life she has. I wish i could help but know that there is nothing I can do about it. How did I become so blessed?

I know how you feel on social occasions I often feel the same. I have discovered though that if you act like you dont care about what others think you can easily become the belle of the ball and soon you start to like being there and being who you are. You have alot of time between kids  it must be hard.

TTYL

Holly

No i have not found it hard as it was almost like having an only child each time. My eldest daughter went to live with her dad when she was 11 and that was hard as her father said some not very nice things to her about me and it wasn't until she was 16 that she worked them out for herself. i had never to this day said anything to my girls about there dad. My eldest daughter and i have only just started getting close over the past 18 months. Because i didn't see her i focused all my attention on my other daughter as we were on our own for the best part of three years and was very close we went every where together and still to this day we are very close. When she was 3 we met my husband now and about 4 months after we had met my daughter said would you come and live with us and be my real dad. We were all very close like the three musateers everyone would say we would hardly move without the other one being close beside the other. Then when she was 10 we decided to get married and my daughter was right there beside us. Two years later we had our little girl and while in the very begining we all focused on the new baby we still all were very close. it was funny because we were both worried that we would leave out our daughter while attending to the baby, that when she was about two years old our other daughter said i am sorry mum i think i have left you both out because i have been focusing my little sister. Even though my daughter is at uni she is still close to her little sister and in the holidays will have her stay over a night or two. i have been very particular about my family and making sure that we have a good close relationship because i have come from not a very nice past, my mother was not a very nice person i too would like to help her but i don't even think Dr Phil could do that one. have a look at my other posts. Anyway will talk soon take care. Tracie

Hi i live in Australia, my husband doesn't go out with his friends he only works and comes home, i wish he did go out on occassions as i know how much he enjoys himself when he has time with his friends. i wish too for someone to get me, maybe i have been hurt to many times to trust anyone. My girlfriend that moved away understood how i felt and it would be nice to have someone to share a coffee with or to go shopping with on occassions. I wish i knew the answer. Where do you live. Tracie

Hi Linda,

 

First of all, thank you so much for replying to my post.  I also agree with you about people taking things wrong at times.  I have to be careful what I say, my ADD disorder can cause me to blurt out anything before I catch it.  I try to choose my words carefully and this seems to help.  I'm sorry about your friend of 25 yrs. its hard to believe that after all that time she wouldn't make more of an effort, why do you think this is?  Before getting to the surgery part I wanted to ask, am I just weird or what, how long before this hurt goes away over this friendship.  The holidays remind me of her, we always shopped during this time, its real hard on me.  I lost my best friend and I'm not sure why, doens't matter now but it still hurts a lot. Even though mine was only 2 years I felt so close to her.  I'm not even sure if we should seen a Christmas card or not at this point.  Now, concerning the surgery, I'm having this on Nov. 1st.  They are removing 1/2 my thyroid on the right side due to the goiter there.  They are most concerned about it for good reason. If it shows cancer then they will have to go back in and take the entire thyroid out leaving me to take medicine for the rest of my life.  I hate that because this medication will cause me to gain weight from what I hear.  The best thing about it all is I know my surgeon and trust him, he operated on my sinuses last year and did an excellent job! It's out-patient surgery so maybe it won't be too bad. Recovery is a week.  Respond when you have time. Deb:)   

Hi Deb

With me and a friendship it took a long time. Of course when I called she was very friendly, she just didn't make any effort. It was could you come over here, instead of back and forth. I believe now, that there was more jealousy to her than I thought. But that is her choice to be jealous. And when it comes to husbands, I too believe her husband played a big part, he really didn't have any friends,  her and I were so close. Oh when it comes down to it, they live with the hubby, and the friendship is here and there times together. With time all things seem to change, you get busy with other things, so your time of remembering the friendship will fade some. It sounds like the holidays were a fun time for you and her shopping.

With me and my friend, it was having coffee together every morning after the guys got off to work and the kids in school. But that was about 20 years ago now. The next friend was hard to want to trust, but I let that 6th sense kick in, and I'm glad too. The friendship was good for a time.

I know of 4 people that take thyroid medicine for life and one that had to have them removed. And also on medicine, and none have gained any weight. It really helped all of them to feel so much better. When their thyroid was unbalanced, it made their life upside down. I have only heard good about the surgery and the medicine. And you can't beat knowing the doctor well, that's a big plus. When is your surgery planned? Well write when you can.

Linda

 

 

Hi,

 

Yep, sometimes the other mate can be a factor.  In the case in my friend, she would tell me stories of what her husband would do and say that just raised the hair on my head.  My husband and I have a mutual respect and he has never spoken to me with harsh words or negative feedback and I have never done this to him.  This is something I know many women and men contend with.  I felt sorry for her. My opinion was simply for her to stand up for herself and demand respect.   I believe I said too much and that is usually a big problem, voicing my opinion.  So I do know where I might have been at fault in ending this relationship.  I apologized to her and offered to apologize to her husband because he got wind of what I felt through a male co-worker who was at my home one day, caught me being mad at the wrong time.  She didn't want me to do it so I didn't.  Anyway, its over so I am trying to move on.  Hey, where in Texas do you live? I also live in Texas. How about that, maybe we are neighbors? Ha.  Thanks for the reflection on the thyroid, I believe things will go okay.  My thyroid is functioning fine so thats not the problem, its the goiters inside it so its a little different. But I hope the rest of it won't have to come out.  I really do appreciate that comments on NOT gaining weight on the med's.  WOW that was a bigger concern than anything if you can believe that. ha I have battled with my weight for years.  I'm a carb addict. :( I do good for awhile then gain.  What a ficious cycle.  Well good luck on the friend search, I hope you meet someone who will be a great and loving friend to you.  I'm leaving for New Mexico on Wednesday for a week so I won't be checking emails until I get back.  I may look for a reply before I leave. :) but then I'll close it down.  My house will still be full. ha Take care. Deb     

I think its great you and your younger children are so close although it must stink not to have that same relationship with your oldest. My boys are very sweet but it is hard for me to connect to them individually and to have that only child feel. It is easier now that my older son is in school most of the day now for me to bond with the younger but some times I have a guilty feeling that the older is being left out.

I know how nasty childhoods go because I had one too. I know hunger, physical abuse, emotional neglect and yet I still wish that someone could reach out and fix those who hurt me and make them better and happier people. I'll read you other posts and next time I log on we'll chat and share experances

Holly

i look forward to hearing from you about your past and sharing experience, i read that you are having your third baby i hope all is working out well for you now.

 

tracie