Topic : Difficulty Forming Friendships

I feel like I don't have any friends besides my boyfriend.  I'm in college.  I have a couple "good" friends from high school that still go to school with me now.  We used to hang out all the time in college.  We did everything together.  Over the few years we've been in school, they've all kinda stopped hanging out with me.  Now, they hardly ever even make an effort to talk to me.  One friend joined a frat.  I try to keep in touch with him by leaving messages sometimes when he's not around.  He never gets back to me though.  He still calls my old roommate from last year (she used to blame all her problems on me and my friends, she tried to kill herself, and she wrote hate letters in her journals about me for everyone to read.)  She doesn't seem like the most friendly, positive person.  One of my friends is now my boyfriend's roommate.  You would think he would at least talk to me, but he rarely does.  If he's there when I'm there, he will say hi.  He's the only friend that makes any effort and I know he's busy a lot.  I go to events with my third friend.  When we are there, she always tries to push me into groups with strangers so I can "meet people." All the strangers in the group already know each other and have a long history together.  It's really hard to get involved in conversations and get to know people when they are talking about how funny it was when Tina tripped down the stairs last Saturday when they all hung out, for example.  I go to dinner with my friend and a bunch of people sometimes.  I usually just end up sitting there while they talk about other times they've all hung out.  Even my friend from high school doesn't try to get me involved.  I've always been a good friend to them.  I've always tried to be there for them.  Now I'm struggling and really stressed out and I feel like I have no one to turn to.  If they can't even be there to say hi once in a while, how am I supposed to be able to talk to them when I'm feeling bad or go to them when I need a shoulder to cry on.  I feel bad because I go to my boyfriend all the time when I need to cry or talk.  He's been really good but I know he doesn't like how I have to depend on him so much.  He goes out with his friends and I sit alone in my room and cry usually.  Nobody wants to hang out with me.  I don't even want to try to make my old friends into better friends.  I don't see why they turned so bad to begin with.

Hi Linda,

We are home from New Mexico, how was your week?  We had a great time.  My husband's sister-in-law is so much fun to be around, what a shame we live so many states away from each other.  I'm sure she and I would become fast friends if we lived close to each other.  It was only the second the time I was ever around her and it was like we had been friends for EVER!  She was calling me "girlfriend" by he third day we were all out together.  How nice that felt.  I felt so sad as I had to let that go.  About the surgery, I'm not sure if I ever told you when I was having this done.  The surgery will take place on  Nov. 1st.  I am feeling a bit  of anxiety.  I'm sure this is natural but just the same its there.  How's it going in the friendship area?  I was curious if you were close to Austin area?  I am, this is why I'm asking.  This is the time when a good friend would really be nice, I feel so alone.  I have friends or associates one might call them but that is about it.  I miss having that friend I could call especially during this time in my life.  Deb 

Hi

I just turned 25 and have no 'friends'. Two years ago, I had a best friend, we were more like sisters, we finished each others sentences, lived out of each others pockets. Since losing our friendship, I've managed to get my life togethor, for the better, lost 20pounds, joined the Army Reserves, finally getting my career on track, so on.... but the only thing i'm having trouble with now is making friends, I wonder if i'll ever have a friend like that, who just knows the right time to ring up, coz they 'know' somethings wrong, that, and I dont drink at all, most people my age wanna hang out at the pug, where do u make friends who know u can have fun in life without involving alcohol?

Cheers,

Debs

Hi Deb,

That's wonderful about you and your sister-n-law, it will make family gatherings so much more fun. It bites being a few states apart, but maybe in time they will settle in Texas.

I was reading one of your earlier posts about how you try hard to make friends, but it just doesn't happen. Me too !!!!!! I have finally come to the realization that maybe it's a time for my hubby and I to get closer. He is not one for close friends (it's taken me 20 years to see it too). I had friends though our marriage, and they come and go. But not my hubby, says he is content with his life, doesn't need friends !!!!! So I'm thinking that this is another door opening in my life of self discovery. That no real friend is coming my way. Always a reason for everything just don't know at the moment.

I'm about 125 miles south of Austin. I'm a SAHM, do you work outside of the home? At least the weather today seems to make you want to do something.  I'm at a point of little motivation, or I could be a little lazy, never did like that word!!!! I love the fall weather but it seems to be a lonely time too. Got to go make myself do something !!!! Even if it is alone. Touch base soon.

Linda

Hi,

I just moved to a new city and started graduate school. I've been out of school for awhile and was surprised to learn that all my classmates are fresh out of college (21,22.) I'm 26, I've worked full-time, I work full time now as well as go to school full time and it seems like no one I've met can relate to me at all. These people don't work, they're parents pay thier bills, which is all fine and good, but when I come to class straight from work everyone looks at me weird for being "dressed up."(I go to a very arty school) No one will talk to me. I've tried saying hello and smiling at some of them, but they look at me like I'm crazy for attempting. I'm a very shy person by nature so this has pretty much destroyed any ability to try again.

Where I work, everyone seems to already have thier own lives and thier own friends. No one has asked me to have lunch with them or have a drink with them after work and I'm afraid to ask. I try to be nice, I smile when people walk in and say hello (I'm the receptionist) but they don't seem to care. And being in a new city, I don't know anyone here so it's not like I can go out on a Friday night. 

I don't know of any clubs or anything I could try joining to meet people with my same interests, does anyone have any ideas? The school I go to doesn't have a lot of clubs for graduate students, so that's not really an option. Is there a place online that lists clubs or places to go in different US cities? It would be really nice to have a cup of coffee with someone and have a conversation with another person. I spend all my time alone and I'm starting to get depressed.

Thanks in advance,

Sev 

Hi There,

WOW 125 miles from Austin, not too far, do you ever to go San Marcos outlet Mall? That about a 45 min drive for me what about you?  My husband has always been there for me, hes a great guy but he isn't a girlfriend, that is just different. I want a real friend and you seem to be a very attentive friend and I appreciate that  very much. It seems I always meet nice people in chat rooms such as this one and they live to far away from me, thats bad but nothing says we cann't find a 1/2 point one day.  How old are your children?  Mine are grown already, I still have one at home in college, she's 22.  My son lives in Ohio was 5 children,  busy guy he is. :) I had him at a very young age so I knew I would be a grandmother young.  I still feel like I'm 28 but I'm not.  Most of my friends have been much younger than me and lately they have been older.  I have associates at church, thats about all really. How about you?  Do you attend church?  Its a great way to meet people too.  So I take it SAHM means stay at home Mom, correct? I figured that one out because I was for a few years too but I went to school also.  I love the fall weather too in fact my birthday was Oct. 14th. It was very nice. Keep in touch. Deb 

Hi Deb,

Belated Happy Birthday !!!!!!! Mine is coming up Nov.12. I'm going to be 53, and you are ?   

Yes you are right what SAHM means, I have a child at home, in junior high, he's 13 and a daughter 30, little bit of spacing, ya say. But out on her own, enjoying life.

I would say I'm about 1 and 1/2 hours away from the mall. Been there long time ago, just not much of a mall shopper. Now places like Pottery Ridge Barn, I can stay a while in.

I too love the fall weather, just wished we had some of the scenery like the New England states. I used to really decorate for the fall around and in the house, this year it seems it came too fast and the interest is just not there this year ( it's probably a sign of old age, ya think). Maybe I'll jump ahead for Christmas.

 Have thought too about going back to work, but being in a small town, it is very limited. Oh well, talk to you later.

Linda

My husband's job transferred us to the McHenry County  Illinois area one year ago. (This is in the far NW suburbs of Chicagoland area). We are childless...I'm 40, he's 36. I am feeling like a newbie, a fish out of water, isolated and lonely....a stranger in a strange place

I used to be very outgoing, and had a very active social life and lots of friends back home. Now they're all about 6 hours away...and in the year we've been here, I've not met anyone here that I consider a friend...I work part time and do not wish to socialize with my co-workers outside of the office. Living in a very small town is new to me -- my old city was about 250,000 people. Now we live in a village of about 1500 people, nestled in between two towns of about 20,000 people and lots of corn fields. What a difference!   From central KY to the midwest---change in time zone, temperatures (much colder here!) and wayyyy different attitudes...

I thought I'd take a class, or join something -- that would lead me to new friends. Since the towns are so small , the offerings locally are very limited and scarce. I do not wish to commute to downtown Chicago -- the traffic and drivers here are horrendous to me. I prefer to stay out here in the 'burbs... Therefore, I've not had any luck finding activities or friends.....

I don't mean to be rude - but I have also found that a lot of the people I've met through work and some of the people I've come in contact with in my neighborhood seem to be quite predjudiced, and kind of rough.... I am caucasian but I embrace diversity - I feel all people are equal , unique, talented and beautiful in their own way. I respect all people as long as they respect me...I do not tolerate racism well....so the attitudes I've seen around here have bothered me and hindered my ability to find a like-minded friend. I'm a friendly, easy going, respectful, kind hearted person who tries to find the good in people....

Are there any ladies out there in the McHenry IL area who are kind, compassionate, funny, outgoing, open minded, 30-40ish yrs old, who would like to make a new platonic friend?

(No guys please....no weirdos...) If so, post on this board and perhaps we can chat.......(I am new to the Dr. Phil boards---but watch the show all the time....Not sure about putting an email addr in this post - so post back and let me know how we can chat).

Thanks!

Angela

I'll try to make this brief. I am new to this message board, but I've been watching the show for years. 7 years ago my husband died suddenly and I had to give up my stressful job and decided

to open up my own housecleaning business. Many of my friends were at my place of work, and

so I rarely see them (only one once in awhile). Over the years most of my friends and I drifted apart (except for the perfunctory, yet well-received Christmas card) because of their family demands and distance from each other. I decided not to have children, but I adore kids.  I have moved around alot, and seem to make friends easily when I do meet like-minded individuals.

The problem is that most of my customers are elderly, and though I have befriended a couple,

it is not the same as having women my age to share with (I am 47). My job keeps me busy during most days, but there are times I could do lunch or get together over coffee.  I would just like to meet healthy-minded individuals who have a positive, progressive view on life in the

Kingston, NY area. I am currently re-married (1 yr.) and very happy, so no men, please.

And I do plan on heading back into a more people-oriented profession next spring, so if no one in my area responds, no harm.

Peace to all,

Thanks for reading!

I put all my efforts into the relationship.  It didn't work out.  I lost contact with all my friends.  Any good places, besides bars, to meet friends?

I am considering a volunteering organization and wonder if any of you folks went this route to meet people.

I am also wondering if there is a NAAFA type group for singles or a group that accepts people of size.